Season Preview: Cobra Kai
Strike Hard, Strike First!
Color: Camouflage/White
Year Founded: 2006
2010 Regular Season Finish: 8-8 (3rd, Donohue Division; 12th overall)
2010 Playoff Result: Lost to Corlears Hookers in round of 16
Conference: Schumacher
Division: Donohue
2010 Leading Scorer: Mark Talercio, 9 goals
Team Song: Bananarama – Cruel Summer
Key Additions: Anita Khar (Rehabs), Chris “Big Sexy” Shumaker (Sky Fighters)
Key Losses: Ara “6-1-9!” Arnn
Cobra Kai underwent a major overhaul in the offseason preceding the 2010 season. Following a disappointing finish the previous year, when the team was forced to use a platoon of goalies that included Paul “P.J.” Lopez, “Minkus,” and Kevin Au, the team finally regained some stability between the pipes in rookie Peter Lang. Although he and the Dojo defense struggled at times, yielding the third most goals in BTSH (56), the offense tallied 48 goals, tops in the Donohue Division. The team improved dramatically from a record of 5-13-1-2 in 2009 to 8-8 in 2010.
Unfortunately for captains Greg “Lysol” Altman and Enayet “Retail” Rasul, Lang was one of the few pre-season additions they could rely on. In fact, of six key free agents the captains added in 2010, Lang is the only one still on the team today. As a result, Lysol and Retail hit the free agent pool midway through the season and came up big. They added two of the league’s best female players in the speedy Luisa Mirarchi and All-Rookie defender Kristen Wise.
Now, with a more reliable core of players in tow, the team is looking to continue improving. Despite the loss of team veteran Ara “6-1-9!” Arnn, the Dojo made a huge splash this offseason with the additions of Chris “Big Sexy” Shumaker and Anita Khar. Shumaker, who is unofficially known as the sexiest player in BTSH, brings undying enthusiasm and playoff experience from his days as a Sky Fighter. Khar, a 2010 all-star, will treat the team to several long weekends at her beach house on the Connecticut shoreline. Together, the duo promises to be one of most unpredictable lines in the league.
Entity They Resemble, According to Rich Glanzer: Ajax from The Warriors (Actor James Remar). Ajax was the feisty one from the greatest guy movie of all time, The Warriors. He was strong and powerful, but also spotty on the brain side and impulsive. In the end, he got busted for trying to force himself on a female cop. Much like Ajax, Cobra Kai has tremendous talent, and can be a force, but they need to become more like Swan (the Warriors’ leader) than Ajax if they are to advance past .500 and the first round of the playoffs.
Fast Fact: Rem “Canadian Strongman” Garavito has never ridden on the Times Square shuttle and refuses to do so, citing personal reasons.
ROSTER
Gregory “Lysol” Altman (C)
Heather Aspergen
Marc Beland
Ray “Domino” Chan
David Cicirelli
Morgan “The Secretary of Defense” Doninger
Rem “Canadian Strongman” Garavito
Adam Jacque
Anita Khar
Will Kuhns
Sarab Lalri
Peter Lang
Luisa Mirarchi
J.J. Murphy
Rebecca Pear
Enayet “Retail” Rasul (C)
Chris “Big Sexy” Shumaker
Meredith Sladek
Mark Talercio
Christina “Mojito” Verigan
Fay Wells
Kristen Wise