Lysol Has His Hands Full

Color: Camouflage
Year Founded: 2006
2008 Regular Season Finish: 5-10-1-1 (14th place)
2008 Playoff Result: Lost to Corlears Hookers in first round
Division: Rubens
2009 Marketing Slogan: “Fear does not exist on this team.”
Key Additions: Tom Chirico, Margaret Duggan, Tim Kirkby and Joe Smith (All Free Agents)
Key Losses: Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta (What The Puck), Peter “Ski” Oblamski

Last season, Cobra Kai was in full transition mode.  After two and a half years of dedicated service, Peter “Ski” Oblamski relinquised his post as team captain over the summer break.  In his wake, team veterans Greg “Lysol” Altman and Enayet “Retail” Rasul have taken over this leadership role.

Altman and Rasul’s major challenge will be to replace the scoring punch of forward Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta, who signed with What The Puck in the offseason.  In 2008, his lone season with The Dojo, Bratta led the league with 23 goals, which also accounted for 46% of Cobra Kai’s scoring.  In addition, the co-captains will have to deal with the loss of Oblamski himself.  This seasoned defenseman was known as the “heart and soul” of Cobra Kai, and he could frequently be seen prowling the sidelines and whipping his teammates into a frenzy.

To counteract these critical departures, the team has added a handful of free agents.  However, with none of these new players having any BTSH experience, little is known about what they will bring to the table.  Certainly, this rookie class will have some big shoes to fill, but Altman and Rasul remain optimistic.  Rasul mysteriously adds, “The league should know that there is a new dojo philosophy with Cobra Kai now.”

Duly noted.

Food They Closely Resemble: Lucky Charms. There’s a very solid foundation here that could be a great start for anyone.  However, there’s still a lot of fluff as well that—while fun—prevents them from being anything of too much substance.
Fast Fact: In an ironic twist, Rem “Canadian Strongman” Garavito has never actually seen The Karate Kid. 

ROSTER
Greg “Lysol” Altman (C)
Ara “6-1-9!” Arnn
Erica Bader
Laurie Chakel
Ray “Domino” Chan
Tom Chirico
Dave Cicirelli
Morgan “Secretary of Defense” Doninger
Margaret Duggan
Rem “Canadian Strongman” Garavito
Tim Kirkby
Paul “P.J.” Lopez
Ted McKenna
Brian “The Flashlight” Morrison
Mariko Nakatani
Rebecca Pear
Enayet “Retail” Rasul (C)
Joe Smith
Christina “Mojito” Verigan