Georgine Won’t Be Smiling When She Sees The Team Song

Color: Maroon/Turquoise
Year Founded: 2010
2010 Regular Season Finish: 4-8-0-4 (4th, Donohue Division; 18th overall)
2010 Playoff Result: Lost to Corlears Hookers in semifinals
Conference: Schumacher
Division: Donohue
2010 Leading Scorer: Ben Bloom, 10 goals
Team Song: Huey Lewis & The News – Power of Love
Key Additions: Chris DiMotta (Gut Rot)
Key Losses: Bryn Starbird

The Butchers finished their inaugural regular season with a 4-8-0-4 record, tied for the fewest wins in BTSH.  However, their fortunes turned dramatically during the playoffs.  In the opening round, they dispatched of the Mathematics with a 4-0 shutout.  The following week, they faced a stiffer challenge in the second-seeded, Hackett Division champion Rehabs.  Although the Rehabs defeated the Butchers in the regular season, the Butchers managed to force a shootout where alternate captain “The Charismatic Enigma” Arthur Revechkis scored the lone goal.

The upset advanced the Butchers to the quarterfinals to face the top-seeded Denim Demons, who had defeated them convincingly in the regular season, 5-1.  This time, however, goaltender Eric Ramirez and the Butchers’ defense shut down the Rubens Division champion’s third-ranked offense for a 2-0 win.  Unfortunately, the clock finally struck midnight on the Cinderella-like playoff run in the semifinals when the Corlears Hookers defeated the Butchers 3-1, creating a final featuring two teams with limited fan appeal.

Captain Ben Bloom assessed the 2010 season, “Our performance last year was pretty spectacular, and we played some hockey too.”  With most of their key players returning and the addition of former Gut Rot star Chris DiMotta, the Butchers are eager for the 2011 season to begin.  Bloom predicts, “BUTCHERPOCALYPSE TWENTY ELEVEN,” and who are we to disagree?

Entity They Resemble, According to Rich Glanzer: Bon Jovi (2011 version). Those of us who weren’t playing with blocks in the mid-80s remember how disrespected Jovi [Ed: “Jovi?”  Really?] was. They were a glorified hair band. But now, Jovi is considered rock & roll elite. The Butchers 2010 regular season was nothing to be proud of, but their playoff run was. Expect a much better regular season out of these guys.
Fast Fact: Gary Cohen doesn’t always drink beer, but when he does, he prefers Dos Equis.

ROSTER
Ben Bloom (C)
Beth Bruder
Gary Cohen
C.C. Deville
Chris DiMotta
Brian Friedman
Jason Greenberg
Rachel “A-Korn” Greene (A)
Jeff “Hawk” Hawkins
Amanda Jenkins
Jesse Kalb
Aynsley Kirshenbaum
Randy Locklair
Ellen Marth
“The Masterpiece” Ashley McMasters
Mike Mincieli
William Murderface
Rob Neilson
Georgine “Mulva” Paulin
Eric Ramirez
“The Charismatic Enigma” Arthur Revechkis (A)
Arnold Sanchez