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Recap of the PBR Cup Final

Congratulations to the Rehabs on their 2016 PBR Cup Championship! Ā Our sideline reporter, Dana, has the scoop on the action from the day. Ā This is her story.

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2016 PBR Cup Champs!

ItĀ was a chilly day at Tompkins, we knew it was chilly because Rosie had broken out his Baja and appeared to be hiding inside it, like some kind of magical creature from The Hobbit. A motley group of playoff losers (i.e. everyone not on Rehabs or LBS, Inc.) lined the sidelines, ready for some action.

Not among those losers were Rachel Greene and Meredith Danberg-Ficarelli. Both of whom were stuck in traffic. I sent them the following texts during the game to keep them up to speed. This is an actually transcript of our texts. In cases where they names have been left out it is because I donā€™t know them.

Mdf: Dana, whatā€™s the score?!
Me: 1-0 LBS!
Mdf: Go LBS!
Me: But Rehabs are dominating
MDF: NOOOO
Me: They just arenā€™t scoring. Emotions are running high. Water break. (was that a haiku??)
RG: In traffic, be there in 45.

Me: Rehbas just tried to score a goal with their body. Itā€™s a goal but the guy is thrown out for running the goalie.
MDF: Running the goalie, I donā€™t even know what that is?
Me: Itā€™s like, the guy is inside the whole net, and Tim is also in thereā€¦ somewhere
RG: Ugh
Me: Tim might be hurt. Ok, heā€™s shaking it off, back in the net.

Sorry kid, but running over a goalie is two thumbs down.

Sorry kid, but running over a goalie is two thumbs down.

Me: Holy crap, LBS just scored again and it was pretty. Cherie got it!
MDF: go LBS!!!!!
Me: Even Eric looks impressed.

Me: Oh god, Rehabs just scored again.
MDF: Who scored?
Me: Ryann.
RG: Mixed feelings on that, love her.

These boobs were made for walk'n.

These boobs were made for walk’n.

Me: Worky just walked onto the court with Laura on his shoulders, Eli just told him to get the F off the courts. It was very authoritative. Despite the fact that he couldnā€™t stop smiling.

Me: One of the guys from LBS is wearing a Blink 182 tank top. This does not bode well.

MDF: DANA WHAT IS HAPPENEING?
RG: YES DANA WHAT IS HAPPENING?
Me: Everyoneā€™s drinking. Oh, you mean in the game ā€“ itā€™s half time.

Me: The guy from Rehabs who tried to run over Tim is back.
Me: Now heā€™s limping off, I think he hurt his knee. Karmaā€™s a bitch.
RG: Did you just Chadwick a bitch??

Champion.

Champion.

Me: Oh no, stupid shorts scored.
Me: Bryan just called the sun vicious. The Rehabs are playing against both LBS and mother nature. AND THEY ARE WINNING.
MDF: F*cking traffic.

Me: omg, another Rehab just tried to score with their body. They forgot the ball this time. YOU CANā€™T SCORE WITH JUST YOUR BODY REHBAS! You need the BAAAALLLL
MDF: Whatā€™s the score now, 4-2?
Me: Rehabs just cheered their own water breakā€¦.
MDF: Uhh, what?

Me: the asshole chants have begun. Also, the heckle wall is screaming ā€œheckleā€ which seems lazy to me? JSB thinks itā€™s post modern. Iā€™m not sure I agree.

Me: Now Bryan is narrating things that are not happening, such as ā€œItā€™s a goal!ā€ (no one scored)

Meredith: Daaaannnaaaa whatā€™s happening???
Me: Rehabs won.
RG: Letā€™s go drink.

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