(Editor’s Note – with more correspondents than meaningful games this week, we’ve asked our writers to do a classic point-counterpoint for the matchups. No one wanted to write about the Hookers-Demons game so we exercised our editorial authority and made everyone comment on it. Sadly, even then Jason Eitel couldn’t get a shoutout. Sorry, J)
#8 La Famiglia at #2 What The Puck
12:00 pm, Tompkins Square East
At first, this matchup has a David versus Goliath vibe to it. With a renewed vigor stemming from kids, engagements and heartwarming nuptials, the Orange Armada has solidified themselves as the class of the Brown Division. On the other side of the court, Famiglia endured a rough opening month before finding their offensive and defensive groove, making them more battle hardened than the Tangerine Terrors. BTSH pundits may automatically view the Pucksters as an easy favorite, but consider this. The teams split their season series, have each scored 3 goals against each other and both have a team name that doubles as an outside reference to a famous restaurant chain. Both teams can score, defend and tend the net, so this pick comes down to pure gut instinct. Famiglia has endured more ups and downs than What The Puck, and grit is what matters in these long October evenings. The Family by the slimmest of margins in what could be the quarter final’s biggest upset.
Bill you ignorant slut. Unlike Larry’s beloved Mets, WTP are no strangers to post season play. It took a hot dog that walked like Suz to distract Romeo long enough for the Kills to steal the championship last year. But Larry has ensured that won’t happen again. In addition to bribing former WTP-er Adriano Bratta to schedule the game before Halloween this year, he’s also had Tony Romy staring at a fridgeful of condiments all week. Meanwhile, La Famiglia have won exactly one playoff game in their team history. Sure Shafiq and Dennis are arguably the best 1-2 combo in the league. And Dr. Alfred Liu has the technical knowhow to alter the local laws of physics around Tompkins Square Park. But even warping the space-time continuum is not going to stop Mike Woodsworth from showing his kids that “Daddy likes to step it up in the playoffs.” 3-1 to the Orange Obliterators.
#7 LBS, Inc. at #3 Poutine Machine
1:00 pm, Tompkins Square West
Since the Elves are gone, I told Jo-Ann that I would wear her Provencher jersey if Poutine makes it to the finals. Ever since I first played Poutine in 2010 (Pre-Tim Brown) I thought this team was spirited and what BTSH is about. Timmay just makes it even more BTSH worthy. The Lbs. are no slouches and I think they realize they may not have too many more opportunities at winning it all…with FK, the Hookers and many other teams improving each season, while they keep growing older. Kinda the opposite of Matthew McConaughey’s good fortune in Dazed and Confused. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7n06Pn5ZNc
On paper, this game is really close. I think Poutine and the Lbs. are really close girl-wise. Karen Erickson and Chelsea Amsterdam are probably the best for their teams. Scoring forwards the Lbs. have the edge, but Poutine plays hard and wont let any player run them over. And of course Tim Brown is the to balls what Jack Bauer is to terrorists. Not sure what that means either, I just like Tim Brown a lot, but love Jack Bauer.
Did you ever notice how humble Jack was when he saved America those six seasons, and the world two times? I’d probably update my Facebook profile more than Jack did. Oh…sorry, I just miss 24 a lot.
But Poutine wont miss their shot to go to the semis. Their team-style defense will be all over the Sky Fighters, and when they do break their defenses Brown will bail them out. Poutine 4- Lbs. 0.
Now I’m going to swing it over to Monica who surely will be unbiased since she’s not married to anyone on one of these teams. Be sure to take a picture with Sven’s Green Card.
Wait…no one told me that we were just allowed to talk about TV shows that I really like. I feel like my writing-season has been a waste! Because I can totally do that. Lbs. vs: Poutine is a classic Breaking Bad scenario (why not?). You’ve got Carsten and Ken, the two snipers that are just like those creepy-ass twins always on WW’s jock. You’ve got Sven, the classy BTSH vet leading his gang in a way that would make Mike Ehrmantraut (holy fuck, I had to Google the spelling of that name twice) proud. Sascha Owen–sweetness and light off the court, but on the court, SHE IS THE ONE WHO KNOCKS. But let any of them just try to get past the league’s most badass netminder, Timmy “You Can Ring My Bell” Brown.
Ok, sorry. I’ve said nothing about the game. I’d like to see Poutine win, just because they’re a little newer to the league and haven’t been to a final game before. My apologies for the writeup. I just like Breaking Bad a lot. So sue me. If anyone needs Filthy, we’ll be over here.
#6 Butchers at #5 Fresh Kills
1:00 pm, Tompkins Square East
Sure, Zach Norris of the Mathematics has been the most visible rookie this season and may just walk away with rookie of the year honors, and the recent surge by the Denim Demons has thrown the rookie spotlight on Norris’ fellow Midwesterner, Lee Reiners. But the best of the 2012 rookie class might just be Gabe Chenard of Fresh Kills. Chenard, a subtle yet very astute, early-season addition by captain David Sokolyansky to his already stacked roster, has proceeded to lead the team in goals, knocking such luminaries as Nick Hobbs and Justin “The Boss” Ross to the curb. In fact, according to Sokolyansky, Chenard has scored at least one goal in every game he has played, and his contributions have helped lead the defending champs to the league’s second ranked offense. The Butchers, however, are not cowering at the mere mention of Chenard’s exploits or the potency of Fresh Kills’ attack. They have been through playoff battles before where the opposition possessed dynamic offensive talent, only to smother those players with suffocating defense. Most notably, they knocked off the top-seeded Denim Demons in the 2010 quarterfinals by focusing on containing Mike Pereira. This overall defensive mindset, along with stellar goaltending throughout the season from Eric Ramirez, led to the Butchers finishing with the fewest goals allowed in the regular season. The Butchers did beat Fresh Kills earlier this season, winning a one-goal game during a period of “rain fears” in Week 14, a loss that still irks Sokolyansky and his teammates.
Abby’s Take (well actually Patrick’s)
(Since Abby is once again receiving an incomplete on this assignment, Patrick is filling in for her.)
I could make this one of those sweetness and love Meisterman posts. You know, “the Kills are good people, Ben Bloom is dreamy, link to ‘80’s movie”. But I’m in a fighting mood.
Why? Because Gabe Chenard wears a Nordiques hat every game, claims to be French Canadian and isn’t playing for Poutine Machine. Last I checked, they don’t speak Russian in la Belle Province, Monsieur Chenard.
Yes, the Kills are stacked. And they’ve won two championships in three years. But if there’s a team that can stop them it’s the Butchers. The Misfits live for defense and they’ll be doing their best impression of ’95 New Jersey Devils this Sunday.
In the end, this one may come down to who wants it less. Dave Sokol will be shipping folks off to the Gulag if his team doesn’t win this one. But if the Butchers lose they’ll probably just head to the bar. That relaxed attitude to playing may serve them well in the nerve wracking round that is the quarterfinals. Do you believe in miracles? Maybe.
#14 Denim Demons at #1 Corlears Hookers
12:00 pm, Tompkins Square East
Congrats on coming in first again Hookers! Now play another low-ranked team that struggled through the regular season only to find themselves peaking at the perfect time. Though the Demons are surging, I gotta go with the Hookers on this one. I see it as 3-1 with an empty netter to make it 4-1. It would not shock me however if the Demons won.
The best thing about the Hookers/Demons match is that at least ensures that we don’t have to watch a Hookers/Demons final game. I’ll go with Demons on this one.
Adam’s Upstarts versus the Purple People Eaters? While I love what the Demons have done given their unusually low seed, I can’t see them overwhelming a fully stocked Hookers squad. It all depends on who shows up, but if both rosters are full, I have to give the victory to Olsen’s Assassins.
Are the Denim Demons really this year’s Cinderella team? As the last double-digit seed left in the playoffs, they just might be, as the task put in front of the Fightin’ Rubens this Sunday sure is a tall one. The Corlears Hookers finished the regular season with the best record in the league, largest goal differential, most goals scored, and second fewest goals allowed. Last Sunday, the Hookers imposed their will on the Rehabs in the round of 16 to the tune of a convincing 6-0 win. The Demons did hand the Hookers one of their three regular season losses this season, though, and are playing their best hockey of the season. They have won seven consecutive games and eliminated the Glanzer Division champion Gouging Anklebiters in the round of 16 last week. However, history is not on the side of the Demons. The Hookers have advanced to the semifinals four times in the past five seasons, while the Demons, despite reaching the quarterfinals every season since 2006, have yet to advance to the semifinals.
Like a Lifetime movie this one is all about the women. The Hookers have some of the top female talent in the league and while the Lady Demons are a passionate lot, their skill level doesn’t quite compare. Look for Tiffany-Sarah, Noelle or Anjou to net a game winner. That being said, spare a kind word for the poor saps who have to ref this game. It’s going to be the toughest $3 they’ve ever earned.
We’re sure it would have been something diplomatic. Because Abby’s like that. You know … classy.