Filthy Plans To Be A Thorn In The Anklebiters’ Side

#5 Filthy Gorgeous (15-5-1) vs. #12 Gouging Anklebiters (8-11-2)
Location: Tompkins West, 2:30 PM
All-Time Series: Filthy Gorgeous leads 5-2
2009 Result: Week 11 – Filthy Gorgeous 5, Gouging Anklebiters 3
Game Notes: Although Filthy Gorgeous enters this game with the league’s second ranked offense, Gouging Anklebiter forward and notorious trash talker, Charles DeFranco, is not scared.  He had the following to say about his opponents:

Chris can’t bake, Ali smells, Joe E. stinks, Fran has no business on a hockey court, Jean is French-Canadian, Dana dates a foot, Homin needs to shave, Suvin cheats, Ashley is ashy, Sunny is kind of a downer, Lindsay is unrecognizable, Becky caters to the fans too much, Matt N. does not cater to the fans enough, Dan has no goals this season, James is ungentlemanly, Joe P. leaves much to be desired, Jon lives in North Carolina, Monica uses too much profanity, Liza smiles too much, and Matt W. looks down on others…but Paul is okay in my book.

When reached for comment, a seething Monica Russo snapped, “Fuck him!  We’re going to light up that motherfucking scoreboard!” [citation needed]

Eli’s Pick: Filthy Gorgeous.  Them’s fightin’ words.
Derek’s Pick: Filthy Gorgeous.  I make this pick reluctantly as Anklebiter Zack “Cryme Tyme” Weiner is now on a goal-scoring streak.
Watchability: 3.5 League Degenerates

No, That Is Not Dee Brown On Fresh Kills

#6 Dark Rainbows (14-6-0-1) vs. #11 Fresh Kills (9-10-1-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 3:30 PM
All-Time Series: Dark Rainbows lead 6-2
2009 Result: Week 8 – Fresh Kills 5, Dark Rainbows 4 (OT)
Game Notes: Former champions collide in this first round matchup, as the 2007 champion Dark Rainbows face the defending champion Fresh Kills.  The Rainbows are red hot right now, having scored 21 goals in their last two games.  Veteran forward and noted singer P.T. Walkley has come alive with hat tricks in each of these two games.  His linemate, John Nielsen, leads the team with 20 goals on the season, including three against Fresh Kills in week 9.  Although Fresh Kills enters the playoffs as just the 11 seed, the team has thrived on being the underdog in the past.  Last season, as the 10 seed, Fresh Kills rattled off four straight upsets en route to the championship.  Despite the team’s mediocre stats during the regular season, ranking just 11th in offense and 7th in defense, Fresh Kills proved it can still win in big games.  The team has claimed wins from LBS, Inc., the Corlears Hookers, and this weekend’s opponent, the Dark Rainbows.
Eli’s Pick: Fresh Kills.  Until someone sends them packing, they are still the defending champs.
Derek’s Pick: Dark Rainbows. They are too hot to lose in the opening round.
Watchability: 4.5 Townsends.  This could be the best game of the weekend.

Vicky’s Sister Says Hello

#7 Sky Fighters (14-7) vs. #10 Unicorns (10-11)
Location: Tompkins West, 3:30 PM
All-Time Series: Unicorns lead 5-4-1
2009 Result: Week 22 – Sky Fighters 5, Unicorns 1
Game Notes: If this matchup seems familiar, it’s because these two teams played last week.  Although the Sky Fighters won this game by a comfortable margin, they appeared lost at the onset without the presence of captains Dan Hopper and Amy Lott.  As a result, the Unicorns took an early 1-0 lead.  However, the Sky Fighters’ spirits lifted once leading scorer Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka arrived several minutes into the game.  While the Unicorns kept the flamboyant superstar off the board, his leadership and general good looks buoyed his team to the win.  The Unicorns hope to avoid a similar fate in the playoffs.
Eli’s Pick: Sky Fighters.  If they run Martin’s play, they can’t lose.
Derek’s Pick: Sky Fighters.  I don’t see this resulting much differently from last week.
Watchability: 3 Czech Republics

Will The Elves Black Out The Rehabs?

#8 Rehabs (11-6-1-3) vs. #9 Happy Little Elves (10-10-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 12:00 PM
All-Time Series: Happy Little Elves lead 2-1
2009 Result: Week 8 – Happy Little Elves 3, Rehabs 2; Week 22 – Happy Little Elves 2, Rehabs 1
Game Notes: For the third straight season, the Rehabs enter the playoffs as the 8 seed.  This season, they will face their friendly Rubens Division rival in the Happy Little Elves.  While relations between these two teams are generally good-natured, they took a decidedly nasty turn this week when Happy Little Elf Rich Glanzer called for a “boycott” of the Rehabs.  Elves captain Ben Chadwick enthusiastically agreed to the proposal, despite its lack of clarity and direction.  Unsurprsingly, the Rehabs do not seem to be too upset with this.  Current Rehab and former teacher, Stacy Kehoe, noted, “My elementary school students have a better understanding of the English language than Glanzer and Chadwick.”  Of course, these comments never reached the Elves due to the boycott.
Eli’s Pick: Rehabs.  $howT!m3’s unretirement should give them a boost.
Derek’s Pick: Rehabs.  Ben specifically told me not to pick the Elves.
Watchability: 4 Muggeos