What The Puck’s Opponent Can’t Stop What They Can’t See

#1 What The Puck (13-3-0-1) vs. Mexican Standoff/Happy Little Elves/Bad Touch
Location: Corlears North, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: What The Puck leads Mexican Standoff 6-0, What The Puck leads Happy Little Elves 1-0, What The Puck leads Bad Touch 9-2
2008 Result: Week 2 – What The Puck 9, Mexican Standoff 2; Week 15 – What The Puck 3, Happy Little Elves 2; Week 1 – What The Puck 6, Bad Touch 2
Game Notes: In addition to finishing first in the overall league standings, What The Puck also boasts BTSH’s highest scoring offense.  The team combined for seventy-five total goals, with three of their players finishing in the top ten: Mike “The X-Factor” Woodsworth (18), Corey “Chongo” Winters (15), and Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer (14).  Renowned as one of the craftier captains in the league for his exhaustive game-planning and film study, Zimmer will have to devise three separate strategies for What The Puck’s unknown opponent.  Regardless of who it is, What The Puck will be heavily favored.
Eli’s Pick: What The Puck. The regular season champion has never lost in the opening round.
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck.  They have a small team, but everyone on it is good.

LBS, Inc. Looks To The Playoffs

#2 LBS, Inc. (13-3-1) vs. Gouging Anklebiters/Mexican Standoff/Happy Little Elves
Location: Corlears South, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: LBS, Inc. leads Gouging Anklebiters 8-1; LBS, Inc. leads Mexican Standoff 5-0; LBS, Inc. leads Happy Little Elves 1-0
2008 Result: Week 3 – LBS, Inc. 5, Gouging Anklebiters 3; Week 10 – LBS, Inc. 6, Mexican Standoff 5 (OT-SO); Week 9 – LBS, Inc. 7, Happy Little Elves 3
Game Notes: Although second-seeded LBS, Inc. should be poised to make a deep playoff run, their focus is far from BTSH at the moment.  As Wall Street continues to topple, the corporation is heavily immersed in damage control.  In fact, majority shareholder Ken “The Alpha Male” Poulin (who is referred by that nickname on all corporate documents) has already released a statement that he will be absent from the game as he continues to reassure the Board of Trustees.  It reads, “Although I will be unable to attend this week’s game due to circumstances beyond my control, I am confident that our CEO Sascha Puritz, CFO Brian “Grandmaster B” Barrett, Compliance Officer Karsten Pichon, and the rest of our exceptionally talented staff will deliver a decisive victory.”
Eli’s Pick: LBS, Inc.  If they win by more than five goals, Poulin’s stock goes up a full two points.
Derek’s Pick: LBS, Inc.  It’s tough to imagine LBS, Inc. losing to a team that’s playing its second game of the day.

It’s Fake Dutch Vs. Fake Ski

#3 Corlears Hookers (13-4) vs. #14 Cobra Kai (5-10-1-1)
Location: Corlears North, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Corlears Hookers lead 2-0
2008 Result: Week 11 – Corlears Hookers 3, Cobra Kai 1
Game Notes: After a blistering start, attendance issues have plagued the Hookers in the latter part of the season.  Leading scorer Jason Eitel has missed the team’s last four games with a back injury, although he is determined to be ready for this opening round playoff contest.  Fan favorite Brendan “Dutch” Kearney has also been sidelined for the second half of the season with an apparent “wrist injury”, though many on the team believe he has refused to play until the Hookers re-institute the “Dutch Ratio” that they had last season.  Cobra Kai marches into this game with the best record and highest playoff seed in team history.  Although there have been many ups and downs for The Dojo this season, they will be a dangerous adversary as long as BTSH leading scorer Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta is playing.  In addition to leading the league with twenty-three goals, Bratta has also outscored the entire Happy Little Elves team.  If Cobra Kai catches the Hookers off-guard, Bratta may be able to propel his team to the upset. 
Eli’s Pick: Corlears Hookers.  It should be close, but Cobra Kai will have to wait another year for their first playoff win.
Derek’s Pick: Corlears Hookers.  Their problems with attendance may catch up with them eventually, but raw talent should carry the Hookers into the second round.

You Call That A Knife, This Is A Knife

#4 Filthy Gorgeous (12-4-1) vs. #13 Mathematics (6-11)
Location: Moffo, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Mathematics lead 2-1
2008 Result: Week 13 – Filthy Gorgeous 8, Mathematics 3
Game Notes: Filthy Gorgeous captain Monica Russo has been extremely loquacious in the days leading up to this game, making the following statement about the Mathematics: “Jeff C. is complete garbage, Jeff H. smells like bird droppings, I don’t even know who Adam is, Andrew L. wears a silly hat, Andy P. needs a haircut, Brad plays like a girl, Mark stinks, Harmon is not charmin’, Amy plays like a girl, Laura is loud, Sheena has a palindromic last name, Georgine is from the Midwest, Sarah T. hangs out with the Elves, Kate is injured, Coombs thinks too many things are awesome, Noam is in the Land of Make-Believe, Sharif should really put on a shirt, Eli always pesters me for game notes, and Derek has stupid goal celebrations.”  When reached for comment, Mathematics captain Derek Tagliarino replied, “They’re nothing without Paul ‘Ashy Larry’ Vernon.”