The 2019 BTSH playoffs are right around the corner and there are an abundant of intriguing match-ups.  Our writers got together to discuss some of the match-ups that they’d like to see.  Enjoy!

Hookers vs Biters III

The other trilogy.

This game would feature two of the top four teams, so in all reality this could end up being one of the semi final matchups. Both teams have top 5 defenses. The Biters boast the #1 offense, while the Hookers have the #9 offense.

Going back to 2017, the Hookers are 4-1 against the Biters (5-1 if you count the playoffs), taking both of the teams matchups this season (going back to last season the Hookers have actually won 3 in a row against the Biters). Those two losses ended up being the only two regulation losses of the season for the Biters. Can the Hookers make it 4 straight wins against their division rival or would this be the game the Biters finally get over the Hookers hump?

Fresh Kills vs LBS, Inc.

When they last played in the playoffs, the Lbs. “tied” the game late on a ball that clearly hit the crossbar. The play isn’t as infamous as the, “No Goal” for Math vs. Hookers, but it should be. Besides the video proof the ball never went in, all the Lbs. players admit it didn’t. They would go on to win in OT, before shamefully losing to the Rehabs in the 2016 finals.

What’s at Stake? It all depends on when this game would actually happen. The Lbs. will finish first or second, and who knows where Fresh Kills will finish? Assuming they win their play-in game, they may face the Lbs. as early as the Round of 16. If they play this early, the Lbs. will be trying to avoid Tampa Bay Lightning’s fate…an amazing regular season followed by a humiliating early exit. Meanwhile, Fresh Kills will try to salvage a terribly disappointing and underachieving 2019.

Fighting for History. There is more on the line than just 2019 glory. According to the new PBR Cup that Sarah T. and her husband created (after LJ lost it), Fresh Kills has 4 rings, while the Lbs. and Rehabs have 3. Karstan and maybe Sasha or someone else could tie some of the FK old timers for most championships (if you wanted me to just say ships’ Jess should have written this) ever. Meanwhile a FK championship would pretty much close the door on anyone catching them in our BTSH lifetime. 

Prediction: Let’s assume they each have all their playoff eligible guys. I would assume Luke will get in his fifth game but Jake will not for the Lbs. I will also assume Tom has five for Fresh Kills. The Lbs. clearly have the edge in perception. They are in first, and Fresh Kills is bad this season. But the problem with BTSH, is the regular season is like Cat’s third star, total trash. Thankfully, the BTSH God (Christo, the Hawk ) has never allowed a team that blew off the regular season to win since at least the Modern Era (2008-2015). But Christo will be severely tested with Ariel, Gabe, Nate, Meg, Roxy, Barch etc. The Lbs. can match those players but I’d actually bet on Fresh Kills to bring a more skilled lineup, since Luke is always a concert away from missing a game.All this said, I think it would be super close, really tight and Cro will be super happy to hear this, all goals would matter. 2-1 with the Lbs. winning it late. Fresh Kills will be fire next year though. 

Rehabs vs What the Puck

This would be such an interesting game to watch. WTP is coming off of an on fire 11 game win streak and a fairly high place in the rankings, despite just moving into the 3rd division this year. The Rehabs have an arguably harder schedule and are far more formidable in reputation alone. The defensive juggernauts may fall back on their heels against the offensive firepower of the Pucks.

If the WTP who beat Fresh Kills shows up, it’s going to be a tight game for the ‘habs. If the WTP who beat the Rainbows in a shootout shows up, well, *insert overused Simpon’s stop stop he’s already dead meme*. One things for sure, the biggest mistake the Rehabs could make going into this game would be to underestimate their opponent. 

Hookers vs Denim Demons

Honestly, I know both teams have very nice people on it BUT it would be The Assholes vs The Dicks and it would be PANDIMONIUM. It would be a tight game at first, but all hockey aside just seeing how feisty both teams get with each other would be nothing short of fantastic reality television drama. Plus a loss for the demons is a victory for literally anybody else in the league. BUT a loss for the hookers would mean UPSET CITY and if you can’t tell by my LIBERAL USE OF CAPS this is Jess and I live for a good upset/drama.

Fart Bowl – Butchers vs Dark Rainbows

For the record, I absolutely love both of these teams as they feature several people I consider to be ‘friends.’

Having said that, getting a rematch of last year’s opening game when the upstart Rainbows vanquished the ‘Fart’ in their name by knocking out the Butchers, would be must-see-BTSH. 

Since that game, the Butchers have improved their squad by adding leading scorer Jake T and getting others healthy.  Despite the underutilization of Pete D’s offensive talents they have earned quality wins against league powerhouses Rehabs, Mega Touch, Fuzz, and Cobra Kai.  A chance at cleansing the stench of last year’s embarrassment would be a fitting triumph. 

The Rainbows on the other hand, have been a bit of a disappointment this season.  Before the season started they were considered to be the breakout team in 2019 and a contender for a division title.  But things haven’t exactly played out that way as they have only defeated one team outside of their division (Cobra Kai) and failed to exceed their win total from 2018.  Needless to say this squad hasn’t been passing the smell test and an opening round exit would be the ubiquitous flatulence sensed around the league.  #Nooffense.

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