By Richiehero

Not Third Star

Gouging Anklebiters

Underdogs no more.

Welcome to the League of Assholes, gentlemen. While most of our league filled with you dullards will root and cheer for the underdog Anklebiters, just realize they beat Fuzz, the Rehabs, Fresh Kills and even Instant Karma, who no doubt used ringers from all those teams as they often do. Their only two losses are in OT/SO. In other words, much like the slime over at Cobra Kai, you’re not fooling me. You guys are not Cinderella even if Schuey dresses like her on Tuesday nights.

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By Richiehero

Third Star

Roberts from LBS, Inc.

Here’s some inside media baseball. 

There were two good suggestions, and a plethora of terrible suggestions. Here are some of the plethora for third star.

Kate for scoring a shootout goal from Filthier. Kate is great…but this is why we fired Cat.

SBJ for shadowing and reffing for the first time. He’s still yet to make his first call.Steve for shutting out Mega on zero shots. Hell, Alexa made a good pass lets give it to her!

No. Yes Roberts got a star last week but he scored the GWG this week when hardly anyone else did anything. Plus he can deadlift more than you (unless you’re Hicks and 2015 Richie)

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Biters put the league on notice with their win over the Rehabs.

The Ladies of Karma propelled them to a win over Mega Touch.

Fuzz won the Money In The Bank match against Math.

The Riots nearly pulled off the upset against Poutine.

The Demons righted the ship against the Sky Fighters.

Goalie Becca strapped on the league pads for her Gut Rot and only gave up two goalies, however, Jamie gave up zero for his Gremlins.

Fresh Kills found their mojo at the expense of the Hookers.

LBS needed the late heroics from hungry man Roberts to snatch the W from the Butchers.

Filthier got revenge on Cobra Kai by taking them out in an LOL shootout.

The Pucks and Rainbows played the most entertaining game of the day that featured several lead changes and a crazy shootout with the Pucks taking the two points.

Breaking news!  The DNC came across a very well-read website and started asking: what is this league and why is their media so much better than CNN and MSNBC’s, being able to draw at least 100 article views per story?  By their own bylaws, the DNC had to disclose to each of the 2020 Democratic Presidential candidates of their inquiry into BTSH.org’s media strategy and viewership. And, within 7-8 minutes, the BTSH Media’s inboxes were swamped by every candidate’s team wrangling for endorsements.

By Sam N0rr!s

Bill de Blasio’s Rehabs v Gouging Anklebiters endorsed by Amy Klobuchar

1:00 pm EAST

“Hi, I’m Bill de Blasio, and nobody really likes me.  People always say, just drop out of the race and leave us all alone, like the team I endorsed, but look what I’ve done to NYC’s scene.  I’ve pissed off the police, act as a democrat, but use developers to build up areas of Brooklyn that are perfectly fine, so that we can continue making more parts of NYC unaffordable.  But you know who’s really killing the American Dream? Amy Klobuchar. She looks like one of those disgruntled PTA mothers saying that they can’t afford to keep sending her kids on the MTA to host bake sales for their public school teachers’ supplies because we keep raising the subway fares.  It’s Cuomo who’s at fault with all of this, not me! Not me! If I see that bitch on the courts, I’m going to ram my team’s hockey sticks down her throat so far, she’s going to wish she had Beto O’Rourke’s neck to stomach the blows. Then I’ll pee in her eyes like I do to the poor of this city.”

“I am Amy Klobuchar and a representative of the Biters, and I take offense at Bill’s words.  You may not know me, but I take pride in looking like a PTA mother, which is why I endorsed the Anklebiters.  They have so many strong mothers on their team that are going to rip Bill de Blasio’s band of boners through and through.  And that Probie guy. And that Andy guy. And that Phil guy, and, ohh… Derho guy… My little PTA buns tremble when I see that Derho guy… We’re probably of the same nationality because no one knows how to say either of our names.  He can call me ‘Klo’ and I’ll call him ‘ho’, and we’ll be doing the Minnesotan Twirl before… [inaudibly, jubilant murmurs]… Well, I lose track of what I was going to say because I am not really qualified to run either, but looking to get a seat somewhere in the White House or the social committee.”

Klobuchar starts off strong, going a few percentage points up between the polls, but the NYC Developers fight back, tie it up, and this race goes into a shootout!  Bill de Blasio and the Rehabs win because Craig sucks a fat one.

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By Jess and The Meatbox

Third Star

Nicole and Chadwick from Instant Karma – The Trivia Connection

A very much missed Nicole was just what Karma needed to get the W over the Rainbows when her and a hungover Chadwick connected for the game winner. Some chalk it up to friendship, others chalk it up to a deeply engrained trivia connection. Win off the court at bar trivia win on the court at hockey as I always say.

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