For Gil’s son’s dad’s day we offered up a little treat from the jersey shore tournament. Please find the lost box scores from Fuzz’s title win. Sorry Rich, for never getting you the actual gamesheet. Eli said it should go in the BTSH Hall of Fame someday. Not you, but the gamesheet from the finals. Now I’m going to blame 40 people for losing this inanimate object, when really, it was me who was responsible for it going missing. (Sound familiar? It should, it’s an over used – lost trophy – reference, like every other reference in these posts).

On to the final playoff box scores from 2018…(what a father’s day gift, sports scores….goooo sports!!!)

PBR Cup Semi Final 2 v 3 matchup

Pounds 0 @ Fuzz 3

Goalie Loss – Sizzled (2-1, GAA 1.68)

Fuzz – Ryann x2 (2), Teets McGee (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Goalie Coach (3-0, GAA 1.00)

Game Notes: After handing the choice of gametime/court to the 3 seed (the f*ck is the point of the seed anyways), Pounds completely blew it, falling victim to weak link sport theorem, in which a sexist Fuzz team only covered the males on the team.

More Game Notes: The “gamesheet” transmitted over email reads “Fuzz home team refs are Alex Zed and Alex Eben Meyer“. I’m so glad they didn’t cover up the fact that the ref scheduler picked the referees for their playoff game(s). Yes punctuation is important, but taking it away doesn’t lead to any inaccuracies in this case.

(Good thing we have a rule for that now)

PBR Cup Semi Finals 1v4 matchup

….wait the top 4 seeds ended up in the semis? How boring. Bring back completely wild and random playoff round winners like the 2019 stanley cup playoffs, please! Or like when the Elves won, or the year the Rehabs made the finals and then got slaughtered worse than SeaShell Harambae did by a Shorti in OC (2017 or 2018, take your pick, Rich) by Filthy/Filthy Gourgeous/Filthier (I’m not that much of a sicko, I can’t know which edition of your team won…wait it would have been Filthier in 2015…Rehabs ended up winning when they moved up to D2…. in 2016…….Fuzz obliterated everyone in their first division 2 appearance – relevant – which was in 2016 as in 2017 they got stymied by D1….Fuzz and therefore Karma were teams by then – 2015 – , I think. And Elves and La Familia were no longer. Sicko mantle reclaimed!)

(…But now I just read a write up that mentioned Karma beat Elves, so I really have no clue anymore.)

Yeah I should have just looked here instead, but I was right, like always. (this is my best walker impression/joke for this post….ha!)

Filthier 0 @ Cobra Kai 3

Goalie Loss – Tim K (2-1, GAA 1.68)

Cobra Kai – Olive (1), Liam (2), Eff Gill Ween (2)

Goalie Shutout Win – Campbell #NotMyROY2017 #NotYourTendy2019 (3-0, GAA 0.33)

Game Notes: Having the mule, suvin, denis, mclellan, delia, or literally ANYONE else for I don’t know, the semis and finals might have helped. Filthier were really short and it showed by the fact that OP James had fewer passes than faceoff wins in this game. The Evil Dojo didn’t even need to bring any playoff approved ringers for this one.

Ann, James and Sunny are one of the top lines in league…just I dunno, bring a supporting cast for playoff games?

More Game Notes: With CK up a couple goals in the second half, alumni association ambassador Altman showed up (to ref a schlitz cup game – whoah, who knew those things would play into the PBR cup storylines) and then CK had a goal waved off…was it a sign of things to come on this day?

More More More Game Notes: Olivier nearly matched his season scoring total in this game.

“Biggest BTSH FA bust ever” – Rich (yes, I caught that in one of your three star posts from 2018, you sicko)

PBR Cup Finals 1v2 matchup

…wow the top two seeds made it to the finals. see comments above.

Fuzz 3 @ Cobra Kai 1

Fuzz – Alyssa (1), Jeff x2 (4)

Goalie Win – Goalie Coach (4-0, GAA 1.00)

Evil Dojo – JJ Murph (1)

Goalie Loss – Campbell #NotMyROY2017 #NotYourTendy2019 (3-1, GAA 1.00)

Game Notes: When you are dubbed the EviL DoJo, eventually the protagonist will triumph. And for the first time in 2018, a regulation Loss Just happened; a season that will forever fall short of Ariel’s numerous shootout winners in an undefeated Fresh Kills season in 2017.

Wait, the “Final Girl” Goal(!!!) was actually Alyssa. Walker, you were wrong (someone else already blew the cover on your jedi master handle anyways, but I’m coming for your other ones, hockeyfannumbernumbernumbernumberinteger).

More More Game Notes: This is where we write something about a foot in the crease or a restart shot in from their own goal line (yes, everyone forgets the one where Olivier scored off a goalie ball) that had no effect on the outcome of this game. Damn those power hungry referees! Who assigns and/or manages these people!!!!!

You done f*cked up A-Aron, oh wow, look at that trap door, bottom crease, stage left. Still though, does no one remember how bad a goal it would have been? A backhand roller on the ground from Russ of all people. What a rotten, smelly goal by Jimmy Howard levels.

Happy father’s day to Gil, Gil’s son’s dad, Gil’s son, Gil’s nephew’s uncle, and all the other father’s out there in BTSH land, wherever you are this weekend. This post was for you and your apparent new found interest in the box score writeups.

BTSH Playoff Finals Scoring

T1 – Jeff x4

T1- Sean the Mule x4

T2 – Lots of way tie with a few who managed to grab a brace over the playoff weekends…Liam, Will, Ryann, Alex WM, Sam, Jake from (and banished back to) the Q/E/W, and Tom Rush (how nice of him to score a couple and eliminate my team before going back to retirement).

BTSH Playoff Goalie Leaders

1 – Craig LaC – 0.00 GAA and 1-0-0-1 record; 100% save percentage but for in shootouts

2 – Coach – 1.00 GAA and 4-0-0-0 record

3 – Campbell – 1.00 GAA and 3-1-0-0 record (loss in finals was the first game all season giving up a third goal in regulation)

Oh, and here are the Schlitz cup recaps to skim through too…

Schlitz Cup Round 3

Dank Bows 6 @ Rout Rot 5

Bows – Josh Wags (1), Dan C (3), Wes (1), Ryan (1), Yetter x2 (3)

Goalie Win – Greenwald (3-0, GAA 2.33)

“Gut Rot” – Schmorg (1), Al x2 via Karma, Danilo via Hookers, Jo-Ann via Machine

Goalie Loss – Peter “Not Ed” Parker

Lol: No wonder it was a close game. Look at who subbed!

Mega 4 @ Riots 1

Mega – Julie x2 (2), Joe (1), Alok (1)

Goalie Win – Jeff H (2-1, GAA 1.00)

Riots – Margot (1)

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR (1-2)

Schlitz Cup Final Worst 1 Seed vs Worst 2 Seed

Dank Bows 0 @ Mega Touch 2

Goalie Loss – Greenwald (1-3, GAA 2.25)

Mega – Julie (3), Eric D (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Jeff H (3-1, GAA 0.75)

Schlitz Cup Scoring Leaders

1 – Julie “MVG” x3

1 – Dan “not Creed” C x3

1 – Yetter x3

2 – Suz x2

2 – Wes x2

Schlitz Cup Goalie Leaders

1 – Jeff “MVP” H – 0.75 GAA and 3-1-0-0 record

2 – Greenwald – 2.25 GAA and 3-1-0-0 record

By The Dragon

The All Star Game – Through the bleary eyes of an All Star

In the Black Top Street Hockey League, being an All Star is considered especially honorable. In New York City, the dedicated athletes who strive for this great athletic prowess are members of an elite squad known as the BTSH All Stars. This is one of their stories.

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Week 8 brought us interdivisional play that featured multiple OT victories, shutouts, and blowouts (not including what they called game 6 of the Stanley cup finals)….on to the box scores.

GANK 5 @ Rainbows 2

GANK – Ben “not Bob” Probert (5), Jared P (6), Shannon S (1), Jeremy Shoey/Schuie/ShoeShoe (2), Jason Bourne (3)

Goalie Win – Craiggers (4-1, GAA 1.00)

Dank Bows – Bryan L (2), Tarnado (2)

Goalie Loss – Greenwald (2-5)

DenDems 2 @ Hookers 3 F/SO

Demons – Jake R (2), Brian M (1)

Goalie SOL – Zak C (1-0-1, GAA 1.90)

Hookers – CJ (3), Eleni T (2)

Goalie Win – Dustin O #notyourallstargoalie2019 (5-0, GAA 0.77)

Shootout Winner – Danilo (and Not the Running Back Anderson with the clincher)

Evil Dojo 0 @ Mega Clutch Touch 2

Goalie Loss – Ryan M (0-2, GAA 3.00)

Mega – Eric D (1), Devin via FA

Goalie Shutout Win – Jeff H (1-0, 1 Shutout, GAA 0.00)

Game Notes: In what will sure be a top nomination for moment of saddening for 2019, Jeff shuts out Cobra Kai in his BTSH send-off game.

Advncd Anlytcs: CK’s replacement goalie for Campbell has a GAA higher than the most goals CK let in last year, not including the finals (not because Sig was in the crease on the third Fuzz goal, this is just to illustrate the punch line), which was only a brace (2) on many weeks in 2018. Is it time to go back to the Brooklyn ice hockey drawing board? Instagram polls? The dog park? Do they have those in Brooklyn? It does seem like a cliquey activity…

Rut Rot 2 @ Math 4

Gut Rot – Mark C (1), Tommy C (1)

Goalie Loss – Sam (0-5)

Math – Jack McG (4), Jon M x2 (5), Jeff S (2)

Goalie Win – David L (3-3, GAA 2.62)

Game Notes: I’m waiting one more week before censoring that goalie record. Oof. #RoadToMinus70

Rehabs 4 @ Gremlins 1

Habs – Dave R x2 (2), Mo R (2), Bryan M (2)

Goalie Win – Eric R (1-1, GAA 2.50)

Gremlins – Carcella “I might have had one too many” Molson(s) (1)

Goalie Loss – Sam “first and last” Goalie Game (0-1)

Game Notes: Rehabs are now recruiting Br/i/y/ans ad nausea. Bryan M has been credited with the opening goal against Rainbows in Week 6.

Instant Karma 1 @ Filthier 5

IK – Derek Zed (6)

Goalie Loss – Steve F (but totally down to give it to Sizzler and ruin his goalie stats since he subbed in late in this game in relief)

Filthier – Sunny M (5), Thomas W (2), OP James x2 (5), Sean the Mule (1)

Goalie Win – Tim K (5-1, GAA 1.48)

Hope you are feeling better, Steve!

Fuzz 1 @ Poos 0 F/OT

Fuzz – Sig (4)

Goalie Shutout Win – Tim Bwn (3-2, GAA 1.37)

Goalie Loss – RJ F (2-2, GAA 1.95)

Game Notes: Nico did knock down Walsh. But I totally didn’t see it happen, while totally not reffing, and totally called it a penalty.

Advncd Anlytcs: Sig now has more goals than alleged knock downs. Goon!!!

DaPucks 3 @ Pounds 4

WTP – Paul P (2), Hanif P (1), Hoggystyle* (4)

Goalie Loss – Ed P (2-3-2, GAA 2.64)

Pounds – Jason B (3), B Wayne (3), Mike “obscure reference Allyn McCauley” McVillainy via WTP, Amitai via FA

Goalie Win – Sizzler (6-0, GAA 1.83)

Game Notes: *unassisted, kind of (McCauley will set me up in a future game I’m sure**)

Trade Block: **After only appearing for 1 game through Week 8, WTP are trying to ship off Capalbo to Poundtown, because ScottyKthe2nd likes saying [reverse] 69 more than the Hamilton/toe Provider. In return they’ll hopefully receive something more than TML box score references in Mike “spelt like Allyn” McCauley. Okay, this is now getting too long and I’m not putting together a yetter like presser article here.

Wait, that’s not how “reverse” works, is it???

Butchers 4 @ Riots 5 F/OT

Pig Knife O Fence – Jake T x2 (4), Cheeky (1), Super and Fast Dave (2)

Goalie OTLoss – Tim Brk (1-2, GAA 2.68)

Riots – Kevin Zed (1), Vanck (1), Margot (1), Dan G x2 (2)

Goalie Win – Dave GdR (2-3)

Game Notes: A lot of rioter red picked an ideal time to start scoring some goals – everyone who scored in this game had firsts on the season, with Dan’s second being the difference in OT. I totally told Jake they’d win a game this season. Oh no wait, that was me talking to Rob from Gut Rot….the box scores never lie.

FK 6 @ SKY 0

FK – Gabe x4 (5), Rachel (1), Sheena (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Barch Pile (2-3, GAA 1.76)

Goalie Loss – Peter “White, Black and Red All Over” Parker via Spiderman Newspaper Photos

Game Notes: With Gabe only at 1 goal heading into Week 8 and some sky fighting horseshoe/poo luck from week 7’s game, mean reversion is a b*tch, Pete.

Gabe on your average sub goalie Sunday.

By Richieohero

Third Star

Happy Little Elves!!

The last two times the Elves played were not good. In 2015 Ben Chadwick eliminated what he loved most in life, by beating them 3-0 in the play-in game, and 3-0 in the overall Karma vs. Elves series. The Elves then disbanded and became the evil Fuzz. The Elves returned for one game against Gut Rot, and proceeded to do what they did best. Lose in humiliating fashion.

On Sunday Sarah T. and Chadwick proudly wore their Elves shirts in the ASG, and both scored a goal.* (*= I seriously doubt either scored a goal)

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Dark Rainbows gave the Biters a run for their beer, but a late surge pushed the Biters to victory.

The Hookers rode the Demons for another impressive win. Keeping them in the race for the division crown.

Fresh Kills bounced back from last week’s hiccup by swatting aside those pesky Sky Fighters (who are a lot more talented than some writers are giving them credit for).

Zach and Math won the Couch Bowl over Diane and Gut Rot. Now that’s where he’ll be spending his nights for the foreseeable future.

Stupid Cobra Kai knocked Ryann out of Survivor Pool Part Deux by losing to Mega Touch. Great play in net Jeff!

Rehabs continued their dominance over the Jamie-less Gremlins. Welcome back Ramirez!

Steven and Instant Karma owned the first half against Filthier, but then Ann, James and Sunny did their thing. Sigh.

LBS came back against the Pucks to steal a win in regulation thanks to the defensive heroics of Hilldawg and Alex.

The Fuzz and Poutine brawl went extra innings with old man Walsh getting body slammed into the pavement by Nicorette, but Fuzz laughed last. Fun fact about Rich, he is the proud owner of a Ronkonkoma condo’s.

The Riots shocked the league by upending the heavily favored Butchers. Nice win today Dave GDR!