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Meet the Rookies: Jimmy Kinney of the Butchers

By The Lovely Ladies of the BTSH Media

"I can't believe I got hooked/held/shoved/slashed by fuzz again."

“I can’t believe I got hooked/held/shoved/slashed by fuzz again.”

1. Where are you from?
I’m from Glen Rock, NJ.
(ed note: weird, we were sure you were from heaven.)

Looks lovely.

Looks lovely.

2. How did you find out about BTSH?
Through Ben Probert of the Gouging Anklebiters.
(ed note: funny coincidence, I found out about Ben through my face.)

3. How much did you pay Ben to let you into BTSH?
Well, Ben actually paid me.
(ed note: swagger. Noted.)

4. If you have $10 to take a lovely lady out on a date, what’s your move?
Have her pay. If she won’t, how lovely can she be?
(ed note: you must get more ass than a Soul Cycle bike.) 

5. Are you nervous that people like Drake (the super talented top 10 scoring ladyfriend you brought to the Butchers with you) more than they like you?
Not nervous at all, it’s already true.

Jimmy with the Drake.

Jimmy with the Drake.

6. Complete this sentence, “Before I die, I really need to go to _________ and ___________.”
Italy and Rockies.
(ed note: not gonna lie, we were seeking a verb for that second blank.

7. What is your favorite Julia Roberts Movie? 
Ocean’s 13 (Julia Roberts is overrated). 

YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

8. What literary masterpiece did your super-bright friend (and lead league goal scorer) Ben think was a movie first?
Not many people know this, but Ben can’t actually read. Also, league-leading goal scorer? I’ll have to start shooting. 

9. Who is your favorite BTSH pup?
Not Drake.

10. Who would you want to play you in a movie?
Matt Damon, I need people remembering me with a Boston accent. Probably biggest regret.
(ed note: your biggest regret is not having a Boston accent? Clearly you’re not old enough to have worn jeans in the 80’s.

11. What’s an obsession of yours that you would be embarrassed to make public (we will make it public)?
I think I’ve seen Marley and Me maybe 17 times if that counts.
(ed note: Diana has never seen it. Time for a $10 date night. She’s paying.)

12. On any given work day, what annoys you the most? 
If and when Ben Probert ever crosses my mind.
(ed note: samesies.) 

13. Say you’re going to the electric chair tomorrow, what’s your last meal?
Probably steak or something.
(ed note: vague.)

14. If you could have a super power what would it be? Why?
Definitely teleportation, if you say flying you just haven’t thought it through.
(ed note: you better be really, really careful with that.) 
(additional ed note: ‘accio’ my beer.)

Well if 'accio' doesn't work ladies I'm sure you can pull this off.

Well if ‘accio’ doesn’t work ladies I’m sure you can pull this off.

15. When you were a little kid, what did you think you were going to be when you grew up
Much cooler than I am now.

16. Is there one word you hate?
“Moist.”
(ed note: preach.)

17. Who was your first famous person crush? 
Heidi Klum, Guinness Book of World Records ‘001, Heavenly Star Bra (had to look that up). GOAT.
(ed note: K.)

Tim Brown and I accept your submission.

Tim Brown and I accept your submission.

18. Who’s your favorite X-Man?
Gotta go with Jean Grey. She’s the most powerful and Famke Janssen is a babe.
(ed note: you know what Jean Grey does to people who aren’t careful???  Kills them, obviously.)

For Part 1 of the series, click here.

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