By The Lovely Ladies of the BTSH Media

Welcome to the first in a possibly very short series we’ve called “Meet the Rookie.” The lovely ladies of the media (picture us with pencils behind our ears and runs in our stockings, furiously scribbling on steno pads) sat down with their first (and possibly last) rookie from the Entry Class of 2016. Without further ado, we bring you the rookie, Daniel P. Perko…

(What does the P stand for? Is there actually a P, or did we just make that up? The truth will never be discovered.)

1. Where are you from?
I’m from Broadview Heights, Ohio, which is about 20 minutes south of Cleveland.

2. How did you find out about BTSH?
Working with Zach Norris at Zenith Media.

3. How much did you pay Zach to let you into BTSH?
You honestly don’t want to know. But seriously, so grateful to join such an amazing league with so many awesome people!
(ed note: blatant attempt at flattery.)
(further ed note: it’s working)

4. Did Zach banish you to Gut Rot because you just aren’t Norris enough (or too much Y chromosome)?
A bit of both, but mostly because I enjoy an adult beverage on occasion, which is typically any day that ends in ‘y.’
(ed note: atta boy)

5. What do you think is the best k-pop comparison for gut rot?
Well, considering our fierceness, grit, and penchant for rocking real hard, I’d say Baby Metal. Look them up…
(ed note: oh we did…here you are BTSH…you are welcome)

6. Who is your favorite spice girl?
Obviously Posh.
(ed note: whatcha really really want)

7. What is your favorite Julia Roberts Movie?
Not the biggest Julia Roberts fan, but did like watching her crushing corporate America in Erin Brockovich.
(ed note: you are hereby sentenced to a viewing of Pretty Woman and the Pelican Brief) 

8. What do you think about Diana’s cheekbones?
Fairly sure she’s related to Deanerys Targaryen, the Unburt, Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar, and the First Men, Queen of Meereeen, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons
(ed note: really workin’ that flattery thing)

9. Who is your favorite BTSH pup?
Haven’t been around long enough to meet a lot of them, but if they have floppy ears, wiggly lil tails, or dumb lil faces, I’m all there. (Also, Cherie and Michelle’s dogs are super awesome.)

10. Who would you want to play you in a movie?
This is a tough one… More realistic? Definitely Chris Farley. More practical? Christian Bale, because, you know, blond hair.
(ed note: those two are similar)

11. What’s an obsession of yours that you would be embarrassed to make public (we will make it public)? 
I’ve gone to symposiums on public transit, MTA subway map design, watched countless hours of videos about the subway, and read up on the general history if NYC’s subways. :/
(ed note: sorry, nodded off. What was that?)

12. On any given work day, what annoys you the most?
Tourists. But watching them go ape shit over the World Trade Center will never get old.

13. Say you’re going to the electric chair tomorrow, what’s your last meal?
Toss up between a whole hog roast with sauerkraut and dumplings or fried chicken and waffles with hot sauce and honey. Most likely the later for the pun effect, so I can say “flip the switch boys and fry me up like the chicky that’s in my belly!”
(ed note: Perko has dark side)

14. If you could have a superpower what would it be? Why?
Power to change probability. For example, what’s the probability I’ll never shit my pants, at this time, without the power, is fairly low. However, with the power I’d like to make 100% sure it will never happen again.
(ed note: okay that was really funny)

15. When you were a little kid, what did you think you were going to be when you grew up?
….A garbage man.

16. Is there one word you hate?
I love all words, a bit of a word-smith, so my favorite right now is ‘quixotic.’

17. Who was your first famous person crush?
Always and forever Natalie Portman.
(ed note: <3 <3 <3)