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Making Gut Rot Look Good: A Dark Rainbows Tell-All

By Cat

To quote Brett Hiker: “We ended the season 0 and 20, but we played like a 5 and 15 team.”

‘We played like a 5 and 15 team.’

2017 could be charitably described as a “rebuilding year” for the Rainbows. They called us the Fart Rainbows. Fair.

But in the team photo on the last game, which we lost 2-3, it is ear-to-ear smiles, and sincere satisfaction with a game well played.  (Is this the same game where I showed up without shoes? Maybe. Preparation does not equal enthusiasm.)

Fart Rainbows 2017

We had a lot to be happy about. To start, while Josh Wilson and Bernstein have passed the baton since the photo was taken, we were also and will continue to be captained by Tia. The whole league benefits from Tia, and not just because she arrives with orange slices – as part of my research I came across her described by BTSH media as “Everybody’s favorite nondescript bird.”

We also had learned to play as a team. Sure, it literally took the entire season, but I’m focusing on the positives here! Our transitions up the court were executed not just effectively, but on occasion even stylishly. Newcomer Wes made such strides over the course of the season he snagged a nomination for Best Defense, and oldcomer Josh was nommed for Most Underrated, which should be no surprise the way he is able to activate other players and get the ball to the net. I also want to s/o to another newcomer, Karl, who plays hard and with a smile, always down for a post-game beer.

Not to mention, the Rainbows lost with fucking dignity. In the 2017 season, we were one of only two teams that did not receive a single penalty from the refs OR incite an opposing team to receive a penalty.

2017 Player Infractions by Team

Between seasons, much of the bench will be shifting part time – Baby Bernstein is on the way, Abby & Rem have a wedding to plan – so the Rainbows will continue to walk uphill on the long road of redemption – but fans have so much to look forward to:

  • New captains joining Tia (with new nondescript animal masks)
  • Probably more extremely flashy socks and eye-bleedingly bright jerseys.
  • Classy fucking sportsmanship.
  • My boss Larry. Great guy. Can totally hang. Wants to make my whole department go on a BTSH outing.
  • We are usually good for bringing in the occasional doggo.
  • An epic redemption story that ya’ll haven’t seen since… Gut Rot eight months ago.
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