by Mia

Since the season started, people have been buzzing about the Sky Fighters’ new talent. Yeah, we’ve added a few new players… or, a lot a new players. But that happens when a team has been around since at least the early 2000s (winning the championship in 2008, I’ve been told). So, BTSH, please give a warm welcome to Emily, Aliza, Katie and Carlin, Matt, Christian, Young James, Sean, David and Joseph! Here are a few things you should know about the 2018 Sky Fighters:

We Are Smart
Four of us are currently at Columbia University:

• Carlin: Master of Arts, Oral History
• Avs Cap Sean: Dual degree in Urban Planning and International Affairs
• Homepage Katie: Masters, International Affairs
• Aliza: Third year Law, muthaf*ckas

We Continue To Attract Canadians
Aliza is from Vancouver and used to favor The Canucks like OG James. Then she started using her attorney skills to question why, why? Now she’s undecided. David is from Toronto. He’s a Maple Leafs fan like Emily and Co-Captain Greg.

(Side Note: Greg was the subject of a “Know Your Neighbor” article some years back. He shot to fame like Kim Kardashian circa the sex tape, receiving marriage proposals, endorsement deals… the fame went straight to his head.)

Our Goalie Is Fertile and Wise
“Always refer to rule #1 ‘Don’t be a Dick!’
When the opposition’s captain offers you a post-game beer, drink it.
When the captain of the opposing team that lights you up for 9 goals
offers you a post-game beer, DRINK ALL THEIR GODAMMED BEERS!”
-OG James, father of 4

We Are Tall (And Small)
Six team members are over 6 feet tall: Matt “Yellow Shorts”, Christian, Joseph, Greg, OG James and Jake.
(MattYS is 6’ 4” or the height of Mia on Emily’s shoulders)

We Are Resourceful: Hockey Life Hacks
Emily suggests using a hockey stick to get things off the top of the refrigerator.
Katie puts a winter boot on her stick to kill bugs from a respectful distance.
Carlin once leveled a bed by placing it on hockey pucks.
Mia uses hockey tape to block computer cameras and to wrap frayed iPhone charging cables.
Co-Captain Caroline tagged her blue Frontier stick with a label maker so people wouldn’t mistaken her stick for theirs, yet it still gets stolen from the bar!

We Are Romantic
Both Joseph and Jake are engaged! Neither of their fiancées is in the league, but Bob W’s wife plays for The Tompkins Square Riots.

We Are Folk Poke Woke
Jake has been folk poked by a Butcher who tattooed a prize ribbon and a sunset on his ankle, machine-free. Emily is scared of needles.

We Are One – “23 and Mia”
I broke it down with 23-year-olds Carlin (from New Hampshire) and Young James (from upstate New York) to unscientifically unveil their connections to the world.

How did you start playing hockey?
Carlin: I’ve been playing organized hockey since 5th grade. I grew up skating since I was two because my mom grew up playing hockey (and still plays).
Young James: I think I only started playing when I was 7 or 8 and it was actually my younger brother who started first. After I went to his first practice, I knew I had to play.

What’s your favorite stretch?
Carlin: The pigeon.
Young James: I’m not much of a stretcher (Editor’s Note: Just you wait.)

True or False: There was a killer who chopped up his roommate, turned her in to soup, then served her to homeless people in Tompkins Square Park.
Carlin: False
Young James: True

(Author’s Note: Both are correct. There was a killer in the late ‘80s called the Butcher of Tompkins Square Park who chopped up his roommate over an apartment squabble. He reportedly ate a bit of her brain, but officials are not sure that he served her to the homeless. Let’s just say he did.)

What do you typically eat before BTSH?
Carlin: Just about anything.
James: PB&J crackers and milk.

And Lastly, We Are Enthusiastic
“BTSH is a great community even though I’m still getting used to the intricate rules.” – David & Aliza who pretty much said the same thing

“I smile while playing cuz I’m probably thinking about grasping a frosted can of Labatt Blue, the cold aluminum sending tingles to my palm like angel kisses or a low-five.” – Avs Cap Sean

“I love seeing all the gloves doubling as beer koozies! Everyone has been great to us rookies. It’s been a blast playing with and against everyone—looking forward to summers full of ball hockey for years to come!” – MattYS