by Sam 

The BTSH Media is bringing you the first ever Post Season Installment of Know Your Neighbor, featuring the Fresh Kills, Rehabs, Pounds, and Filthier. “Why?” you ask… Because outside of a few players on the Pounds, these teams are known for coming to the courts, kicking your ass, then leaving to update their stock market portfolios based on after-hour trading during the weekend for Monday morning.

Rehabs

Favorite NHL team: “In two years, the Rehabs will be in the NHL. We’ve been so successful at poaching some of the best players in the league, we’re getting bored of it and setting our sights on poaching some Rangers players because they’re so sick of losing in the playoffs.”

Favorite BTSH team: “Reeeeehaaaaaabbbbssss!”

When you kill Rich Glanzer, how will you do it: “I thought everybody already knew! Rich’s biggest weak spot is his speed. He’s never sprinted for more than 5 yards in his life, so I figured if I could piss him off enough, he’d chase me at breakneck speed and try to shove me into a fence. My taunts worked and he ran the fastest of all time. I thought he would have died from a heart attack, but it turns out he has no heart…”

Bleu cheese or Ranch: “Neither, we put our team on a diet after losing one game.”

Mets or Yankees: “Reeeeehaaaaaabbbbssss!”

Fresh Kills

How did you find out about BTSH: “A bunch of my boys and I were tired of winning the Moffo championship year after year, so we decided we needed to win a bunch more in another league to keep things interesting. We also realized it’s more fun to beat a faceless enemy, so that’s why we don’t like to hang out and meet people or ref. It’s good to be the king!”

If you were given $200 gift card to a bar, what bar would you get drinks at: “Probably ACE bar. We’ve never been there before.”

Bleu cheese or Ranch: “Bleu cheese, we wear blue jerseys. Right, that’s a good response?”

If a $20 bill dropped out of someone’s pocket on Fuzz, would you return it: “Was it Glanzer’s? Probably not.”

If you make it to the BTSH Championship, The PBR Cup, what team would you want to play: “It honestly doesn’t matter to us.”

Filthier

Are you excited to have your team featured in this installment of Know Your Neighbor: [Filthier] “I guess so. What is it?” [Editor] “It’s BTSH’s spotlight for getting to better know you or your team and we feature it on our website, BTSH.org” [Filthier] “We have a website? Who knew?!”

Favorite NHL team: “Islanders—they’re the best team there ever was and ever will be. People think the Pens are good, but have they ever won 4 Stanley Cups in a row?! No, and they’re not going to.”

What will the BTSH media will begin to overhype you about: “We’re the best looking team!”

What is your take on the Citizens’ United ruling: “Our team does whatever advantages our clients at work, so we’re huge fans, but Bernie was so trendy last year, I would wear one of his shirts.”

If you make it to the BTSH Championship, The PBR Cup, what team would you want to play: “It depends whether we have Suvin and Dennis. With them, any team. Without them, I hope Tim K has a great game.”

LBS, Inc.

If you were given $200 gift card to a bar, what bar would you get drinks at: “Manitoba’s for sure—the plebe teams of the league leave us alone there. We used to go to ACE bar, and then we realized it was a BTSH bar…”

What is your take on the Citizens’ United ruling: “As you know, we’re the corporate team. We love our women in skirts and our boys in white polos. Huge fans of the corporate machine.”

If BTSH voted on Brexit today, do you think you would stay or leave: “Our team is split. We’ve got a lot of new blood that thinks they can do anything—and they have—yet our older players are waiting on their BTSH pensions, namely the hall of fame, so they don’t want to do anything to screw that up.”

Are you on an Ocean City team yet this year: “LEEEETTTTT’S GOOOO!!!!”