Debauchery Expected

Written by Hugh G. Rection

If you pass Rivington at Essex Street this Sunday, be sure to hide the kids and cover their ears.

Why? Because this Sunday, the BTSH community will once again be welcomed to the Johnsons for the fourth Johnsons Olympiad, officially dubbed “A Return to Glory (hole)”. 

After a year’s hiatus, emcee Craig LaCombe will host the league’s most notorious party.  When asked about the reasoning behind the Olympics’ return, LaCombe explained, “Your mother said she’d allow me to perform ‘dog in a bath’ if we did it this year.”

Added bartender Brent Smith, “I wanted to once again explore cupcake body art.  Only the Johnsons Olympics offers that.”

The day will feature a series of highly competitive events and showcase talents in the areas of love poem composition, arm wrestling, food consumption, pool, flip cup and, of course, the world-famous hot legs competition.  Plus, there will be the addition of a charity-based “slap & pour” event that organizers are keeping a mystery.

Defending “bar napkin love poem” champion Amy Lott expects to be ready to take home the crown again.  Explaining the basis for her latest work, she says, “It’s not exactly about sucking a golf ball through a hose…it’s more of a meditation on the human condition.”

The day will start with a series of playful events and food at Corlears Hook Park, spearheaded by courtside mastermind, Jeff “Peaches” Hendricks and will end with another rousing hot legs competition. 

“Expect surprises at the courts, and a hell of a night to follow,” said Hendricks.  “I’m calling out sick Monday.”

The Johnsons Olympics starts following the completion of games this Sunday.