In this BTSH Father’s Day segment, 23 and Mia
honors four fellas experiencing this Sunday as first time fathers.
Maybe it’s competition that turns them on. Or maybe it’s the lure of so much spandex. Whatever the reason, this squad got busy with their league partners and recently created tiny humans: Schuie from the Ankle Biters, Gut Rot’s Dave W, Creamy from the Butchers and Math’s James B.
What is the name of your baby and when were they born?
Baby girl Schuie aka Willa, May 15th, 2018
Baby girl Dave aka Evelyn, July 22, 2017
Baby boy Creamy aka Oscar, April 9th, 2018
Baby boy James aka Murray, January 16th, 2018
Changing on the Fly takes on a whole new meaning when you have a newborn. What has been your most difficult diaper change?
Schuie: When we had to pull off a highway —and into a mall parking lot— to change Willa in the back of an SUV after a ginormous poop! (Editor’s note: Try coordinating bathroom stops for the Ocean City Worky McParty Van!)
Dave: All diaper changes are challenging now since Evie likes to flip over (she thinks it’s funny). Sometimes, she will reach down and touch her poop.
Creamy: The very first one…who knew babies pooped tar.
James: Halfway through a long car trip in Scotland, kid literally exploded. After wiping him down at a service station from shoulders to toes, he then peed on me in celebration. When I laughed at him, he started crying!
Which team best represents your kid’s sleep habits?
A) Fresh Kills “Reliable”
B) Corlears Hookers “Good, but inconsistent”
C) Gut Rot, bitches! “Who needs sleep?! Show me the bottle!”
Schuie: Got Rot…no question. Every hour on the boob, day or night, left or right.
Dave: Gut Rot — we keep thinking she will sleep through the night, but she continues to wake up wanting a bottle.
Creamy: He’s definitely a Fresh Kills kinda baby.
James: I’d say he’s Math’s 2018 Offence: fast asleep. (Editor’s Note: Oh, snap!)
The number one rule of BTSH is “Don’t be a dick.” The same can pretty much be said for fatherhood; but, what do you just know you’re gonna be a dick about to your kid?
Schuie: If Willa plays for the Fuzz, I’m disowning her.
Dave: Can’t think of any reason to be a dick… Evies still so tiny and cute!
Creamy: I’ll ground Oscar for life if he ever joins a Rich Glnzr team.
James: Let’s just say it will be challenging if Murray’s not into sports.
Your partner is in the league. What is your best assist on Team Baby?
Schuie with Dana for the win: A combination handoff where I swaddle and get Willa to sleep after she eats. I cook the meals and feed Dana, then Dana feeds Willa. Then Willa poops it out on the side of a highway… repeat.
Dave with Mary for the win: Evie is currently in a mommy phase, so I am assisting by cleaning, organizing, picking up toys, etc. so things run smoothly. There’s no one big thing, just constant small things.
Creamy with Diana for the win: Changing Oscar out of his Butchers’ onesie and into his Biters’ onesie before the puck drops.
James with Rebecca for the win: Cutting the cord and passing him up for his first skin-to-skin with mum will forever be my greatest assist. (That, and not pulling out.)
There you have it, the highlight reel from Hockey Dad Year One. HAPPY FIRST FATHER’S DAY to these fine four! And to all who didn’t pull out, hats off to you, too!