The following views do not necessarily represent those of the editors or of BTSH. They do, however, represent those of Rich Glanzer.

As the winner of Survivor 2, I am entrusted to write an article.  My initial plan was to write a 1,000 word soliloquy about why I hate Derek and Eli.  498 words were going to be devoted to Derek, 502 to Eli.  But my therapist (Abby from the Demons) says I should be nice and talk about what I love about BTSH…or just ream the Rehabs.*

So I’ve decided to take Abby’s initial advice and give props to why I drive 1 hour and 20 minutes each way from Ronkonkoma to play in this league.  Here is what makes the league so fun for me to play in.**

Demons: Steve’s Jersey dress code and his thought provoking FB discussions.

WTP: Watching Adriano play amazing defense during the All-Star Game.***

LBS: The warm secret hug Ken and my new BFF Karsten give to me before every game.  Karsten has also taught me how to be a real man.

Hookers: The way my face feels after I ram it into Noelle’s elbow.

Filthy: It’s a tossup between attacking Dan in the All-Star Game or having Ashley steal my dollar that MDF (Meredith Danberg-Ficarelli) just gave me.

Rainbows: Having John Meyer wait to accept my Facebook friendship until the Elves won a game…then do it in front of me.

Sky: Watching Derek and Eli’s man-crush on Martin.

Rehabs: So much to choose from here.  But by far my favorite Rehab memory is the touching farewell and retirement of $howT!m3.  We’ll miss you, and though I know, much like Brett Favre, you’re gone for good, one day I hope you come back!

Unicorns: Cutting Vicky in line for the bathroom.  Always a good sport about it.  Always a dirty look afterwards.

Fresh Kills: Getting yelled at by Bob for coming in to ref exactly at 11 after being stuck in traffic for an hour and forty minutes.  It felt good!

Biters: Getting yelled at by Schuie for being born.

Tuques: Yelling at Brian Ferry after he beat us.  He knows me…I can be a poor sport in front of him.

Cobra Kai: Making fun of them for always staying in the back of the EVT.  This week, the back was taken so they moved to the outside.  Every once in awhile Will or Becky will try to mingle and go to the middle of the bar but I always try to send them back.

Squirrels: Watching Rachel Greene check 10 guys **** and then complain to me that I didn’t call a stick check.

Math: NOTHING!!!  I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT THE MATHEMATICS!!!!!*****

Mega: Watching Alex freak when I made a lefty joke.  (I’m a lefty in most sports including hockey, so I thought I could poke fun…but probably not the best idea going forward)

Standoff: Ending each argument with Ellery about how great Jack Bauer is.

Elves: The Unicorn game, watching Ben and Melanie cover their point men, the Moffo Miracle******, secretly ogling Shoshanna Rudnick, and overall having the most awesome 10-11-1 season a team can have.

*Did not really say that
**It is not Derek or Eli
***Please denote high level of sarcasm
****She didn’t really check anyone in game I reffed of her, but I’ve seen her do it so many times and would totally let her get away with it
*****Mulva please don’t beat me up for that.  I actually like you.  And I hate myself for saying this, but Derek has grown on me.  Eli not yet.
******I can’t believe you all fell for this.  WTP killed us 9-0!