The following views do not necessarily represent those of the editors or of BTSH.  They do, however, represent those of Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens.

It occurred to me that many of the story lines in club soccer are similar to those happening in BTSH.  With that, I’ll now try to give each team in our league its club soccer counterpart:

Mathematics: Valencia – A solid core surrounds one incredible talent.  When playing against Valencia, you know that David Villa is going to get the ball, and he’s probably going to do some amazing things whether you like it or not.  The same can be said for Mathematics, with Andy Pratt playing the hero role.
 
Happy Little Elves: Wigan Athletic – After arriving in the league for the first time seemingly out of nowhere, both these upstarts are carving their place in the league and look to improve on their performance from last year.  It’s unlikely that either will make a title run, but achieving a .500 record would give a lot of hope for the future.
 
Cobra Kai: West Ham United – Despite toiling away in the lower half of the table much of the time, they were able to sign an incredible goal scoring talent in Adriano Bratta, similar to how West Ham got Carlos Tevez…only to lose him at year’s end.
 
What The Puck: Manchester United – Despite having an all-star lineup that’s capable of dismantling any team out there, they saw fit to poach some of the top free agents in the league.  This, of course, makes them an even better team, but also raises the ire of all whom they play against.

Sky Fighters: Juventus – At one time, they were at the top of their respective leagues, and all was good.  Then scandal broke out and caused the former to leave the league and the latter to be relegated. But both are now back, looking strong, and should be considered a threat to anybody they play.
 
Filthy Gorgeous: Everton – Kind of a new player in the upper echelons of club soccer, but their spot amongst the big boys is well deserved.  Both teams feature a balanced attack, stout defending with an amazing keeper in back, and blue shirts.
 
Denim Demons: Liverpool – Each team boasts having a player who is in the debate for the most talented player around, but neither has put together the pieces for a championship season.  Is it too much tinkering from the coach (Ed: Yes!), lack of a killer instinct, or just plain bad luck along with the color red that holds them back?
 
Mega Touch: Seattle Sounders FC – While it may look like these guys are new kids on the block, they’ve been around for a long time now.  While the deck may be stacked against them, getting off on the right foot may be all that’s needed to propel them to the top.
 
Corlears Hookers: Chelsea – The team you love to hate.  Clearly, there’s a lot of skill, and their results show this, but something about the way the teams were composed rubs people the wrong way.  Peter Putka may not be a Russian oil billionaire, but he was able to assemble a team of some of the best players regardless.
 
LBS, Inc.: Real Madrid – If it’s possible for a team that has won it all before to fly under the radar, these guys succeed.  It’s no surprise that you’ll see some of the prettiest passing and teamwork while wearing white here, as the core has been together awhile now and are quite comfortable with each other.
 
Dark Rainbows: Columbus Crew – Sometimes a championship run can be made on the back of one player who raises the level of his team so high, that no one can touch them. Guillermo Barros Schelotto must have watched tapes of Trevor Tyrrell’s incredible playoff run a few years ago as inspiration.
 
Mexican Standoff: Pachuca – I realize that while there are probably only a handful of people who are familiar enough with European & American soccer and BTSH to understand my references, there are probably less who  follow Mexican soccer.  So I’ll just say that Pachuca is probably the most entertaining Mexican team to watch in their league, and Standoff is the most entertaining Mexican team in our league.
 
Fresh Kills: Blackburn Rovers – The only teams to have won the English Premiership are Arsenal, Man U, Chelsea, and Blackburn.  The first three are powerhouses, finishing at the top of the table year in and year out, while the fourth had one incredible season that people look back on a few years after and wonder how it happened.  Welcome to your destiny, Fresh Kills.
 
Mighty Squirrels: Montreal Impact – During the first stages of the year, these two teams were turning everybody’s heads with result after result.  Then all of a sudden things went to hell.  The Impact conceded four second half goals in their Champions League quarterfinal match to lose 5-4, and the Squirrels lost their final seven games after going undefeated in their first ten.
 
Unicorns: Los Angeles Galaxy – One player on each team is far and away the most visible in their respective leagues.  But strangely enough, neither are currently with their teams, and it remains unclear when they’ll be back, leaving everybody wondering “I wonder what they’ll be like without the megastar.”
 
Gouging Anklebiters: Sporting Portugal – Both teams were happy to get into the playoffs last year and were a year removed from nearly shocking the world with an incredible upset.  But the joke was on them as an epic collapse followed, which only led to heavy drinking and longing for the next year to start.
 
Rehabs: New York Red Bulls – If at first you don’t succeed, get a bunch of new players.  After not succeeding to the level that they had wanted in the past year, both the Red Bulls and Rehabs brought a bunch of new players in that will hopefully be the ticket to a dream run to the championship.
 
Tuques: Eintracht Frankfurt – While both teams have been around for awhile, they are shrouded in mystery.  Each has a few visible players that fans of the league can name, but for the most part, teams that want a leg up on these guys had better employ a few scouts.