Saving the best-named division for last. Last season, Math won the Glanzer Division, and this year they are taking the name with them. In a division with Derk, Elly and $h0wT!m3, and written by me…there is not one wrestling joke. Rachel Greene we are really trying here.
Without further ado….
Butchers
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Strengths: Rachel Greene and Georgine are hot.
OK, so they’re not as hot as these two, but they are as close as it gets.
SoĀ guy free agentsĀ who are really good are going to flock to them. Which is good because…
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Weaknesses: They are also the only players currently on their roster.
Additional Weakness: Neither of them showed to the free agent scrimmage!Ā
Waldo was easier to find than Rachel and Georgine yesterday.
Fun Fact: Georgine once scored a natural hat trick. (With the stick I gave her)
Not so Fun Fact: In the last two seasons, I have two goals. Both came in 2012. She beat me in one half. Damn you Georgine!
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Gremlins
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Strengths: Tim from the Tuques is generally considered the most underrated goalie but I think everyone knows who he is now. That in itself isn’t really a strength of the Gremlins…and it probably should go in the Tuques preview.
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Weaknesses: There isn’t a lot of scoring in Gremlins land. They also don’t go to the bar nearly enough.Ā
Worst…Superhero…Ever!
Fun Fact: Oh yeah…I remember what I was trying to say in their strength column.Ā JamieĀ is mad good in net, yo. So underrated. But his shorts are way too tight he needs to eat a Snickers, his personality is really bad and on Wednesdays, he can be found playing the “Knockout Game” on old ladies. But my God is he a good goalie.
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Reeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaabbbbsss
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Strengths: Team speed. I mean with $h0wt!m3, $h0wJew and that other guy who claims to look like the Rock, they have three minorities that are really fast. #NotRacist because it’s a compliment.
With dolls selection like this, its no wonder $h0wt!m3 found sports at such a young age.
Weaknesses: Derk…an old school media member says those three bring no grit because of their ethnicity issues. #Racist.
Derk: “Now there’s a man with some grit!”
Also Kehoe is gone and we love Kehoe. She’s a Hall of Famer for Christ sakes…show some respect!
Even Romeo couldn’t save Kehoe from leaving BTSH and moving to Pittsburgh. 34.
Fun Fact: $h0wTim3 has retired and unretired twice since I started writing the Rehabs preview.
The prick also keeps his retirement presents we get him. #$h0wT!m!nG
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Poutine Machine
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Strengths: While there have been other babies, there is only one First Baby of BTSH and its Sven’s and Monica’s beautiful baby girl Talia.
Talia has already declared her independence from her American mommy and Canadian daddy.
Though Monica insists Talia will play for Filthy, no one believes her.
I mean even the toilet paper is Poutine Blue.
Another strength is Jerome. He can score and during the free agent scrimmage was interviewed aboutĀ young Japanese students of English. It was pretty cool. Also, the addition of Brian Ferry gives them a veteran D-man who is solid. (Don’t listen to Brian’s complaints when he wants to play forward, Sven…keep him at D!)
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Weaknesses: Sven has tried to do a PlayHer interview with Talia, but she just poops whenever he asks. Also, they no longer have a goalie because LBS, Inc. stole Tim, but Tim asked me not to mention this.
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Fun Fact: Jo-Ann and Tracey both won the coed championships in Ocean City last year. Jo-Ann even almost scored in the championship game.
Weird Fact: With Jerome and Brian, and Charles Kane as a backup goalie, they actually have the same amount of Original Elves as the Elves have. (Ben, Rich, and Shosh as a sub)
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Mathematics
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Strengths: The reigning Glanzer Division Champions are a hungry bunch. After losing to WTP, Math is primed to make a playoff run this year. They have a lot of tools to do it.Ā They got team spirit, they got team speed, they got really good girls, they got Norrises…what more do you need?
The Norris brothers still won’t let Becky take a picture with them.
Weaknesses: The answer to that question is a pure goal scorer and a stellar defensemen,
something Math is desperately lacking. I’m not sure you can beat FK or the Hookers in the playoffs without those two things. Also, their goalie is unknown so maybe he’s a plus, maybe he’s a weakness. But if they are to make a run, (and I hope they do) he needs to be really good.
Fun Fact: Since the Norrises are BTSH’s First Family, Zach Norris has sent me several emails complaining that Talia Russo Larsen shouldn’t be BTSH’s First Baby. Rebecca and Sam have told Zach to chill out, its just a joke, but the Bieber Haired Mathlete is seriously pissed.
