Former Elf Garrett C. once said, “Winning wouldn’t feel so good, if losing didn’t suck so much.” While we heaped praise on the many winners this past Sunday, unfortunately there was a lot of losing going on. So much, that we had to forgo the 3-Not-Stars and turn it into the “Five Failures.”
5. Sam N. Ref Manager. A ref manager should keep his composure and not yell at other refs during the game he is playing. Especially when the ref is right and the Ref Manager is wrong. BTSH Rules.
4. Six weeks or so ago, Fresh Kills were drinking on the losers of BTSH’s tab. Conquered opponent after conquered opponent were forced to clean their garbage, and pay their bar tab. But no more! After Fresh Kill’s disgraceful loss in OT to Math, the league sat by and jubilantly watched Fresh Kills clean the whole courts. Somewhere Heather is smiling.
3. Cat T. Perhaps the only non-hockey title more important than the Rookie of the Year is the female Olympic Arm Wrestling champion. Some of the past winners are on a trajectory to be possible, maybe future BTSH HOFers (Amy B/D, Cherie, Liz) But unfortunately for Cat, she not only didn’t win, she didn’t last 3 seconds as Nicole beat her in the first round. Tough loss but it wasn’t a total loss for her. Cat along with her sister Liz (both on Instant Karma) did gain momentum in Best Duo and their Female ROY chances. I promise next year to give you a first round match vs. Charlotte. (No offense, Charlotte.)
2. Cheeky. During the hot legs competition, Zach F. and Greenwald were going leg to leg, in an epic battle. For some reason that I’ll never be quite sure of, both took off their pants and shirts and decided to give Cheeky a lap dance. Cheeky did her best to inch her chair away from Zach and Greenwald but the bullies behind her, or as I like to refer to them as, Heroes, pushed Cheeky’s chair back into the line of fire. Thankfully, Cheeky will have regrets for what happened next. Mercifully, Phil D. has a no picture policy and you were either there to see it or you weren’t. Don’t ask, because we won’t tell.
1. Jess(ica) Is there anything Jess doesn’t lose at? We can move on from her two-race loss to Bryan, as this past Sunday she also lost in arm wrestling, 2 girls one cup, flip cup, and love poem on a napkin, and of course her Dark Rainbows game. The only thing she claims she didn’t lose, is allegedly her virginity…(disbelieving eye emoji). (Footage of future Jess(ica) and Tia before Jess’ big day https://getyarn.io/yarn-
If Jess was a soldier in WW2 we’d probably all be talking German, and have a President who thinks white supremacists are good people.