The 2017 season is in the books and we’re ready to gently ease into the off-season. But before we do let’s take a moment to reflect on the season by taking a quick survey.
1.What is your take on the 2017 BTSH season in 140 characters or less?
Sam (Math): A lot of new faces this year and last year. It’s nice seeing people come out of the woodwork this year to continue making the league fun, as well as to some helping run the league.
Rich (Fuzz): Welch, fence, slump, Sultan, cursed shirts, blue shirts, winning, fun, shootout in Moffo, Tia the Ruiner, cursed shirts again, Alex May fence, losing, funding Romeo’s babies. (Ed. note: pretty sure that’s more than 140 characters.)
Rachel (Butchers): Rain fears.
Probie (Biters): A huge jump in skill level and team disparity from when I started a few years ago but also a rise in alcoholic debauchery that makes me smile.
Chadwick (Karma): Our beer league has developed a serious hockey problem.
MDF (Butchers): I’m old, broken, covered in bruises, and feel serious FOMO that people continue to have fun at BTSH even when I can’t be there.
Alex (LBS): Lots of transition, alcoholism and a Sultan, but no one died so that’s a win.
JW (Gremlins): It was fun, as always, but also disappointing that a lot of decisions are being made by small committees of people, seemingly without much input from the rest of the league and through non-democratic means.
Cat (Dark Rainbows): So it was a bit of a rebuilding year for the Rainbows.
2. What is your favorite moment from the season?
Sam: Watching Gut Rot beat Fuzz. That was fun—everyone loves an underdog.
Rich: Ocean City, winning a World Championship with Cecil(e) Harambe.
Rachel: Being on the Butchers. All of it.
Probie: Though Fuzz has grown on me a bit, Gut Rot pulling that upset followed by a Peaches’ “celebration” was quite the moment.
Chadwick: When the media came back.
MDF: Any time Rachel, Dana, or Georgine scored a goal.
Alex: Karsten playing a BTSH less than 48 hours after his mother passed away, showing up in the middle of the second half because he had the game time wrong, and proceeding to pick up a hat trick in that brief time, the final goal being scored as time expired and the LBS rushing the court to mob him. Truly what this league is all about.
JW: Gut Rot upsetting the fake Elves. And 80s Prom.
Cat: I don’t think I thanked Charlotte enough for lending me sneakers when I showed up to my final game in Chelsea boots. Thank you Charlotte!
Isaac: Rebel Scum!
3. What is your least favorite moment from the season?
Sam: Living in a Trump presidency. Then, receiving a very Trumpian Sultan, who deflects all responsibility for any management issues and thinks his job is to only post messages on Facebook.
Rich: The game against the Shortis.
Rachel: Playing _____ and ______.
Probie: The Glanzer/Welch fight followed by the subsequent laughing off of the whole situation. Went against everything I’ve been told about what this league is/stands for. Still love you both but c’mon.
Chadwick: When the media came back.
MDF: That time I played in the All Star game and it happened so late that all my friends left and I didn’t know anyone and felt old and alone.
Alex: The fact that between August 21 and November 11, we have played only one regular season game, two full playoff rounds and a play-in. Walker Tournament was fantastic (and not just because his name is affixed to it despite his opposition to the draft) but need to improve upon scheduling next season. Or elect a Sultan who can control the weather.
JW: When my tournament idea got hijacked by people who wanted to do a draft.
Cat: Um… let’s just move on.
4. This past season we had the Olympics, All-Star game and an 80’s themed effing Prom. What would you like to see the Social Committee do next?
Sam: Bring back Crab Fest, baby!!! Also, I’ve never seen Jerome Hornswoggle in a tricycle race, so let’s make that happen.
Rich: Olympics should be a standard bearer. I think we should go back to Ace. No bar is perfect but they love us there, it has a lot of space, games, Skee*T*ball, trivia, darts, pool, cheap beer and it’s not Hi-Fi.
Rachel: Pizza? I miss free pizza. Or you know, keep throwing us awesome parties. Either way. Wait was there pizza at one of these parties and I missed it? Oh wait. There was. Never mind, I think I’m just hungry. Keep it up, guys!
Probie: Progressive bar crawl or skills competition (with mostly stupid shit instead of actual skills stuff). Let Sam open the wacky box for the skills competition.
Chadwick: Trump impeachment proceedings. I will provide the champagne.
MDF: Have these parties on days when I can attend, rather than only setting party dates at times when my brother Tarzan can attend.
Alex: Golf pros and tennis hoes party off the table? Ok, let’s make next year a 90’s Prom (apologies to JW). And in general, let’s build off this year and keep throwing great social events to maintain high level of engagement.
JW: An 80s themed rollerskating party. Just everything 80s themed, all the time.
Cat: Rich’s Bar Mitzfah!
5. What rule do you think needs to be discussed or revised in the offseason?
Sam: There were some key revisions this year and last year that kept the game safe, like the “at the knee” wind-up rule for slap shots. I think probations should start being handed out as liberally as this league is politically minded. It’s not fair for 95% of BTSH league members to be pushed around by 5%. Know the rules of the league and respect the opposing team’s players or GTFO and play elsewhere.
Rich: The Commissioner’s job is just too much to ask one person to do. I have half the responsibilities that a Commissioner did, which is why I’m a Sultan and it’s still overwhelming at times. There is a reason Tim Brown hasn’t smiled in 5 years. Also, the rules really need to be checked by a committee (me and Walker) and we should make suggestions. We should do this via email by mid-January and send it out for a vote. We should not be allowed to grab the ball out of the air anymore because too many people are running with it and the refs don’t usually call it. We also should find a way to keep track of attendance.
Rachel: I’ll let JW tackle that one. I don’t have the words or the energy.
Probie: Repercussions for people who get into fights during a game. From what I hear about the way the league used to work, people would get suspended for the season/thrown out of the league. There should be a 0 tolerance policy and people should know that there’s a difference between MOFO and BTSH.
Chadwick: Strict enforcement of Rule #1!
MDF: Eh, we’ve got enough rules.
Alex: I think the high-ball rule has outlived its usefulness. Keep it on inbounds, but eliminate from general gameplay.
JW: I think the high ball penalty should be a delayed call. I know others who agree. I actually think every penalty should be a delayed call.
Cat: Can we all just informally agree to call fewer high sticks, my ears are still ringing.
6. After the family of birds living in Hicks’ beard moves out, what should he do next with it?
Sam: A few buddies back home do Civil War Reenactments. They really just do them to camp out for the weekend and drink coffee and whiskey with large sides of thick slab bacon, while occasionally entertaining each other by firing blanks from their rifles for a crowd. We should create a BTSH battalion and Hicks can be our leader. BTSH softball teams are fun, but Civil War reenactment battalions are likely more fun. Ariel and Sizzler could be our drummer boys, and I’m sure Liz would want to play nurse, while Mike D just rides around on a horse the whole time like Kevin Costner in the beginning of Dances with Wolves. We can put Rich in a cow costume with a bell around his neck. Also, someone please tell Cronauer that Pennsylvania fought for the Union.
Rich: Use it as a Karma/Mega Touch scrimmage.
Rachel: Hide additional smiles. Share them with the sky-fighters.
Probie: Make a scarf or a Fuzz-themed Christmas sweater.
Chadwick: I cannot parse this sentence, so my answer is flügelhorn.
MDF: Braid it into a curtain for the Women’s restroom so the stalls can have a bit more privacy.
Alex: Donate it to Glanzer’s head.
Cat: I have no joke for this because I genuinely like beards! Hicks don’t listen to the haters!
Isaac: Treat himself. Then donate to some kid in the league, like Roberts (LBS) or Matt (Karma), that can’t grow their own.
7. What are you looking forward to most in the offseason?
Sam: Maybe going down to Panama and getting my first PADI certification for scuba diving on the cheap. You know what’s probably cooler than BTSH Civil War reenactment battalions? Probably BTSH scuba diving trips over long holiday weekends in LATAM. Who’s game?!
Rich: I’ll let Hicks answer this. “It to be over so Fuzz can begin our three-peat.”
Rachel: Football Sundays.
Probie: Waking up Monday mornings not feeling like complete shit.
Chadwick: Though I never volunteered for anything, I was put on every committee. I was getting 900 e-mails a day. I’m looking forward to being on no committees, and getting no e-mails a day.
MDF: Not feeling like I’m missing out on BTSH stuff.
Alex: Giving my liver a few Sundays off. She’s earned it.
JW: Cleaning my apartment, like, ever. Because if that shit doesn’t happen on a Sunday…..it doesn’t happen.
Cat: Stars Wars! And scrimmages.
Thank you all for another great BTSH season! Stay drunk and we’ll see everyone in a couple months!