By The Meatbox and Richiepoothang

Hicks:  In honor of debate season kicking off, it only seems appropriate to revisit one of the pivotal movements of our time. A movement that is undoubtedly the cornerstone upon which the 2020 election shall be built.

It was Spring a few years ago. I’d try to get the actual date, but people aren’t answering my texts.

Glanzer: People are jerks.

Hicks: Some more that others for sure. You know who nobody thinks is a jerk? Probie. I think it’s because he scores a lot of goals. So much so that in spring a few years ago it caught the eye of a new guy in town who had just moved to the big city from Boise, Idaho. I’ll give you one guess who this is.

Glanzer: Is Idaho another word for Iowa? Because I’m going to guess Sarah T. if it is.

Hicks: Well, you got the first letter right. But no, Idaho is its own state.

Glanzer: You sure seem to know a lot about stuff you normally don’t know a lot about. Is this Walker?

Hicks: “Ha.” Apparently they don’t even have ball hockey there which I guess explains some things. But in this story, our protagonist is none other than Lee Becker. Young Lee was looking for some ball hockey to play. One day he stumbled upon Tompkins Square Park and he witnessed Ben Probert doing Probert things (ie scoring multiple goals to the point his own team boos him).

Glanzer: Did Lee go up to Probie and ask for his autograph?

Hicks: He asked to be a part of Probie’s team. He didn’t care if he was a benchwarmer or a glue guy, he just wanted to be included. And Probie completely shot him down because whether people believe it or not, #ProbieCares when it comes to adult rec league sports and he wants to win.

Glanzer: Are you sure you’re not talking about Ariel? Anyways, where did Lee end up going? Probably Gut Rot, or the Rainbows when Abby was running them?

Hicks: All Lee wanted was to be included. In a competitive league like BTSH that is completely dominated by new school players, it seemed unfair to exclude Lee. And just like that a movement was born… the #leetoo movement.

From within the walls of a wine store across the street, an American heard the cries of injustice. And out of the shadows, a tad belligerent, a hero emerged. One who supports Open Borders and allowing anyone onto their team. No it wasn’t George Soros, it was Cro. Cro saw the injustice that Probie had served to sweet, innocent Lee and without even asking if Lee owned a hockey stick, gave him a spot on the Hookers (I want to reiterate this has nothing to do with Cro’s level of sobriety at the time and was completely done because Cro felt it the socially just thing to do).

Glanzer: Wow…Cro is a hero. And I rarely if ever use that word.

Hicks: Yeah, it’s truly quite the touching story. Anyways I guess we have to predict a game or something.

Glanzer: Well I’m going to be in Calgary coaching my friend Brianna for her wrestling tournament. She’s trying to make the Olympics. And then I’m going to Vegas to play in the Mini Main Event in the World Series of Poker. First prize in the World Series of Poker is a million bucks. Does it have my name on it? I don’t know, but I’m gonna find out.

Also, Hookers 2, Biters 1. This Probie sounds like a jerk. He probably dates girls for one thing and one thing only. Their hockey talent. I loathe jerks like him.

Hicks: I too think that Cro’s good SJW ways get him some good karma in the Lee/Probie grudge match. Hookers 4, Biters 2. A win for America.

Hicks & Glanzer: USA!! USA!!

-30-