It is finally here.  After months of waiting, the 2018 BTSH season begins in just a couple days.  Because hype and excitement are at an all-time high we’ve decided that the moment calls for an entrance survey.  The media’s most devoted BTSHers (well, mostly) discuss their expectations, advice for rookies, futures of Gabe and Ariel, and the agave shortage.

Q: What are you looking forward to most this season?

Walker (Gremlins): As much playing time as possible.

Cheeky (Butchers): Chilling at the greatest blacktop beach I know, playing some puck (or, I guess ball?), drinking some brews, poking fun at Glanzer, and watching the Rehabs fail to win another Championship.

Chadwick (Instant Karma): Impeachment proceedings. 

Probie (Gouging Anklebiters): Heckling Walker about his plus-minus, Monday hangovers, Ocean City tournament.

Cat (Dark Rainbows): Rainbows redemption tour – if UMBC can screw up my bracket, then why not.

Isaac (Instant Karma): Schlitz Cup!

Q: What are you looking forward to least this season?

Walker: A potential increase in dicks joining the league. (I said it.)

Cheeky: I think people getting super political. I totally get wanting to voice your opinions on the current social and political environment, and I think if you can have an open dialogue and debate, that’s awesome, but when it turns to bashing people on the group facebook page, that’s not really in the spirit of the league.

Oh, and people being big bags of dick$.

Chadwick: Take Rich Glnzr to Work Day.

Probie: Games against teams that are there to win and win only.

Cat: Showing up to 12 pm games. I am just not a morning person guys.

Q: Reports are coming in that there is an Agave plant shortage through 2021, causing the price of tequila to spike.  What team does this impact the most?

Walker: Not nearly as much as The Great Lime Shortage of 2014 impacted the whole league. Lime toss was almost lost, forever.

Cheeky: Team Degenerate so pretty much the entire league.

Chadwick: Mexican Standoff, obviously.

Probie: Before the loss of Cathy, I would’ve said the Anklebiters. Now that award probably would go to Gut Rot.

Cat: Literally I vomit from just being asked a question about tequila.

Isaac: Gut Rot seems like the obvious choice, but they’ll easily find a replacement and could even stoop as low as Bud Light.  I’ve got a hunch it might impact the Denim Demons most. 

Q: ‘Player Swap Day’ is a neat idea being tossed around where teams would trade a player for a day (one game).  What are your Pros and Cons for this idea?

Walker: I like this idea a lot. As long as it doesn’t reduce my playing time.

Cheeky: I can dig it, but I feel like that would need to be a non-season game. Mix and match the teams, each team needs to coordinate a goofy uniform, should be mandatory drinking related activities for the game (like if you get a penalty you have to chug or something).

Chadwick: Pros: our player can uncover the secrets of some other team and surreptitiously foment revolt.  Cons: some other player can uncover the secrets of our team and surreptitiously foment revolt.

Probie: I guess the pro is that you meet new people? I don’t know, I feel like that can be accomplished by simply hanging out at the courts and bar after your game. Not the biggest fan of this.

Cat: Having just played in the Frey-W tournament, turns out it is fun to meet new people and also play together for the first time with people you only know socially.

Isaac: Cat’s onto something here…  How about a mid-season tournament thing near the end of June or early July each season?  Checks off a lot of boxes that the Player Swap Day idea is looking to accomplish.

Q: What advice do you have for a rookie?

Walker: Don’t be a dick. Also, get to know as many people as possible, across different teams. This league isn’t about hockey. It’s about community.

Cheeky: Get absolutely obliterated for games, have fun, mix & mingle, go to the social events, and remember that the league is for the fun of playing and how we reason away our drinking habits.

Chadwick: Two things: 1. You miss 100% of the shots that don’t go in.  2. Never use “Reply All.”

Probie: 1. Don’t be a dick. Adjust your style of play and err on the side of caution when it comes to making a play on the ball. You don’t want to be labeled as that guy/girl.  2. Hang out. At the beginning of my first season, I thought this was just another NYC Social league but the hockey community is incredible. 3. Don’t schedule meetings on Mondays. One second you’re telling yourself you’re going to have 1 beer at the courts after your game, the next you’re blacking in at Sing Sing halfway through the first chorus of Thunder Road.

Cat: I still feel like I am a rookie, so, I have none, and am open to hearing advice on how to battle imposter syndrome.

Isaac: Everything above and avoid Glanzer.

Q: With Gabe and Ariel clearly on the decline is this the year Soko finally puts them on waivers?  If so, where are each of them most likely to end up?

Walker: Ariel to Fuzz, with Rich.  And Gabe will play as the sole member of his new team, The Gabe C-P Experience, and still win 80% of his games.

Cheeky: No Comment. It’s rude to speculate on such things. THIS IS NOT A GOSSIP COLUMN!

Chadwick: I reject the premise of this question.

Probie: Rehabs.

Cat: I don’t know really understand this question, but, I resent the suggestion that my cecil(e) harambe teammate Ariel is on the decline.

Isaac: At this point it is just sad to watch.  Spending Sundays on their front porch is probably the best option, but there are still teams in the league willing to gamble on them.

Q: Who do you think will win the coveted PBR Cup? 

Walker: The Rehabs. As shitty as that is.

Cheeky: Math – they have come up short in the past, but they now have a leg up with Sarah H. being part robot.

Chadwick: I have no idea. But I’ve got my eyes on the Schlitz.

Probie: Anklebiters.

Cat: Fresh Kills. I’m in it for the Barch pile.

Isaac: According to Karsten’s 2017 Hall of Fame speech it is going to be LBS, Inc.