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Eli’s Take On the Finals

Jason & Josh

The Corlears Hookers are hoping that their fourth time in the championship game is the charm. To find out if this is finally the year that they break through, let’s ask a few questions.

1) Are they running into a hot goalie?
In 2007, the Corlears Hookers were the heavy favorite entering the championship game, but were shut out by the Dark Rainbows, 4-0. Leading the way for the Rainbows was goaltender Trevor Tyrrell, who allowed just one goal in four playoff games that season. While LBS, Inc. has yet to allow a goal in the playoffs, they have done so with three different goalies. Tim Brown (Poutine Machine, sort of) suited up against the Butchers in the quarterfinals and Dave Gil de Rubio (Tompkins Square Riots) was, after much deliberation, eventually called upon against the Denim Demons in the semifinals. Seth Wachtell, their actual starter, will be in net this Sunday, just as he was against Mega Touch in the round of 16, but that was three weeks ago.
2) Is Dustin getting married this weekend?
In 2008, the Corlears Hookers were once again the heavy favorite entering the championship game, but lost to Fresh Kills, 3-2. Another seminal event that weekend was Dustin’s wedding in Mexico, which was attended by several teammates, including Jason Eitel and Josh Sadlier-Brown. The Hookers sprinted out to an early 2-0 lead, but depth became an issue in the second half. A fresher, deeper Kills squad rallied to score the last three goals of the game and claim the championship. Our sources indicate that Dustin will not be getting married this weekend.
3) Are they running into a team that caught fire at the right time?
In 2010, the Corlears Hookers were yet again the heavy favorite (notice a trend?) entering the championship game, but were upset by the Happy Little Elves, 3-1. Despite winning just half of their regular season games, the Elves started playing better towards the end of the season, with three wins in their final four games. This turnaround coincided with the implementation of captain Rich Glanzer’s NEDI system, and continued through the playoffs, as the Elves stormed through La Famiglia, Fresh Kills, the Sky Fighters, and ultimately the Hookers to secure the championship.
This year, the Hookers do not enter the championship game as the prohibitive favorite. LBS, Inc. is the defending champion and the Corporation has won their past seven playoff games. Perhaps having the weight of expectations lifted of their shoulders, even just a little, will do the Hookers some good. We’re predicting a 3-2 Hookers win, in overtime. But don’t worry LBS, Inc…we picked Fresh Kills to beat you in last year’s championship game, and look how that turned out.
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