Written by the other Rachel. Rachel Klion. Watch out kids, Rachels are taking over.

I don’t always write for the BTSH website, but when I do it’s for something RIDICULOUSLY AWESOME.

Don’t call it a comeback. BTSH OLYMPICS ARE BACK.

If you haven’t already called in sick on Monday we’ll give you a pass, but you should probably at least schedule a 9am “doctor’s appointment” to avoid side eye from your boss when you slink in at 11am smelling like someone dumped Miller High Life on a bag of hot garbage.

I’ve only been in the league for 2-3 years, so I can’t comment on the Olympics historically, but luckily this article speaks for itself. Do you see the shoes we have to fill? Ok good, read on then.

Here’s an overview of what you can look forward to next Sunday:

At the courts – general merriment. Jello shots, booze berries, mild nudity, the usual.

Opening Ceremonies – Prepare for shenanigans. I’m not giving anything away here, so just BE THERE.

Arm Wrestling – We tried to cut this event, but Rich Glanzer insisted on keeping it. My money’s on nobody, because this event doesn’t involve booze, banana hammocks, or hockey, so it basically doesn’t exist in my mind.

Beer pong/flip cup – Boring, but we couldn’t not throw this in.

Hot Legs – GAMS ON GAMS. I originally thought this was “hot dog legs”, but alas I was wrong. This one is pretty self explanatory – who has the hottest legs. From what I’ve heard, prepare to see a lot of accidental underball (grundle?) and ass cheeks

Napkin Love Poem Contest – As the night goes on, the lights dwindle, and R Kelly’s Bump N Grind comes on, BTSHers everywhere get a little romantic. There are no rules for this besides “write a love poem on a napkin”, leaving the word ‘love’ open to interpretation…

Case Race – In my humble opinion, this is the main event. Four person teams, 2 guys and 2 girls have to kill 3 beers each as quickly as possible. You can drink them any way you wish – chug, sip, shotgun, funnel, Das Boot, Flabongo (you request it, I’ll bring it). This is where legends are made. If you’re not first, you’re last.

All of this will be taking place at Parkside Lounge, whose manager was kind enough to not only give us all day drink specials, but also agree to look the other way at the occasional boot and rally. He gets it. This isn’t HiFi, so I expect all of you degenerates to be there.

USA! USA! USA!

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