Massive shout out to all of the doctors, nurses, PAs, and other healthcare professionals among us who are literally on the front lines of this. Thank you!

All social distancing and no hockey making you go something?  Yeah, us too.  From shows to stream, video games to play, workouts to remain (relatively) in shape and virtual hangouts.  Here’s what some BTSHers are doing to pass the time by whilst inside.

Virtual Happy Hour

No bars or restaurants open? No problem said the Demons on St. Patty’s Day as they gathered around their laptops and tablets for a virtual toast. L’chayim!

BioShock: The Collection

No Gods or Kings.  Only Man.  Welcome to Rapture! 

BioShock is a first person shooter game unlike any you’ve ever played.  Gain new abilities through DNA modifications called Plasmids and enjoy an arsenal of weapons from a wrench to a chemical thrower.  It is my favorite game of all time.  The first installment takes you to Rapture, a failed utopia at the bottom of the sea that has become overrun with Splicers.  The protagonist of the game must navigate through the hell Rapture has become to help Atlas and his family escape to safety.  If you enjoy horror/thriller, science fiction, and mystery then this is for you! 

The second installment brings you back to Rapture as a Big Daddy.  And the third takes place in a floating city in the sky called Columbia.  Both are worth the purchase of the collection.  Enjoy!

End of the F***ing World is about an aspiring homicidal maniac who meets a foul mouthed potential victim/love interest that gives less shit of a shit than he does.  The two set off on a journey to find whatever and encounter some real drama along the way that leads to the end of their f***ing lives as they know it.

Each episode is kept around the attention span of your average gypsy moth or toddler at 30 mins and the witty banter will keep you engaged.  There are two seasons on Netflix.

VCTP

“IT’S ON, RECTUM! And with a comma where it belongs.”

Hey BTSHers, there’s something new that’s sweeping the nation! Well, umm, no, not THAT. Hmm, uhh, maybe I should start over…

What I am referring to is a brand new board game craze that’s sure to fulfill all your social distancing needs. Much like Meatcat took a hot dog, stuffed it with some jack cheese, and folded it in a pizza……we have combined a few things.

Do you like trivia and board games? Do you ALSO like video chatting with your friends? If you said yes to both (and if you’re even still reading at this point) then VCTP is for you!  Video Conference Trivial Pursuit has been receiving rave reviews thus far: The New York Times called it “better than sitting alone in my apartment watching dust collect,” Variety called it “like Trivial Pursuit, but more cumbersome, and also I think Chadwick cheats,” while Sam Norris of The New England Journal of Medicine said “wait, is there no porn involved?”

What a contestant sees..

What we lack in porn we make up for in colorful characters, great questions, and a chance at the true glory of victory. After all, don’t we all miss the spirit of competition? Don’t you want to stave off insanity? Don’t you know the Dewey Decimal System??

…and this is the studio in Culver City, CA. Mr. Clavicle’s wardrobe, food, and toilet paper are provided by Costco.

And, much like porn, all you really need is a webcam and a mic. We’re using Google Hangouts for now… we might try other video conference software but, eh, who cares. We might even set up a VCTP tournament for BTSH. So reach out to Chadwick or JW if you want to partake in this brand new viral craze! You could be the next King or Queen of Corona! After all, you can’t spell VIDEO CONFERENCE without C-O-V-I-D!

I Am Not Okay With This borrows from the same tool box as End of the F***ing World but with a Stranger Things vibe.  The show is centered on a high school girl that is coping with death of her father while discovering the supernatural changes her body is going through (not what you think). 

The first season is on Netflix and each episode has the runtime of half a BTSH game.

Muscles By Meatbox

Jesus once said that “Man does not live on bread alone” and he was right, because a life without gains is not one worth living. When it became apparent that gyms were going to shut down, I’ll totally admit that I had a mini panic attack, but luckily I’ve been able to scavenge some resources together to hopefully keep the muscle atrophy monster at bay.

Free Resources: A ton of fitness companies must have heard the fitness community’s collective shriek as gym after gym closed and have started putting out content for free.99 on Instagram. If you’re Walker, you’re SOL here, but otherwise here are some accounts I highly recommend following for the next few months.

@barrys : Barry’s bootcamp. 2-3 free live 20 minute workouts daily, they post the schedule the night before. Honestly it’s a great way to stretch your legs midday (just tell your boss you were taking a dump for 20 mins), but if you can’t make it at the time the workout goes live, the workout stays live on the account for 24 hours after so you can still get swole at night. Disclaimer: starting next week there will be bands used in one of the daily workouts, so you may want to look into acquiring some (other workouts will be bodyweight only).

@doyourumble : Rumble. Same thing as Barry’s, but I believe it’s a 45 minute workout once daily. Similar to Barry’s it can be viewed at any point 24 hours after it happens. 

@keonihudoba : Keoni is a Barry’s instructor who has started putting out daily 20 minute “COREintine” workouts at 9am. They’re brutally hard and you will absolutely feel it the next day.

Paid Resources: Mind Pump Media (https://www.mindpumpmedia.com/) has a fitness program called MAPS Anywhere that is currently on sale for $48.50. You can do this program completely without bands (although they will come in handy). I’ve been doing some of the workouts and they are a lot more challenging than you’d expect.

Finally, for those of you who are too lazy to visit links or download Instagram, give some of these workouts a try at home.

10/10/10 challenge:

Every minute you start the following:

10 air squats

10 pushups 

10 crunches

If you finish before the minute ends, the rest of the minute is your rest period. See how many rounds you can complete before you can’t finish in a minute.

6/6/6 challenge:

Same format as above, but more devilish.

6 air squats

6 pushups

6 burpees

Cardio/Bodyweight Strength (rest 1 min between exercises and 30 seconds between sets; all exercises are bodyweight, do to failure):

Close grip pushups – 4 sets 

Sissy squats – 4 sets

Mountain Climbers – 4 sets; 60 seconds each

Plank walks – 4 sets

situps or jack knifes – 4 sets

alternating lunges – 4 sets

Age of Empires

There is a time in every adolescent boy’s life when he must start the journey into becoming a man.  That transition is known as The Age of Empires Phase of adolescence by most psychologists.

So here’s the deal — if you ever played (or still do and moonlight as the Ottomans!), and want to get back into the action, please email or text Sam N, and I will add you to an AOE 3 Whatsapp thread.  Here’s the deal to be able to play, which we can text or email about, but I’m going to say the exact thing as here: you need a PC, the Steam app on your on your PC (we cannot play if you have a Mac, unfortunately), and you want to download “Age of Empires 3: Complete Collection” on Steam.  These last 3 steps are imperative for us to be able to play multi-player, but I don’t feel like explaining why.  So, let me know if you’re interested and meet the download conditions.  It costs anywhere between $10-40, FYI.

Also, just going to name off some people who I think are or were closet players of AOE: Adam R (Demons); David, Not Josh (Demons); Olivier & Pete (Cobra Kai), Pete D (Butchers); Half the Rainbows, and nobody on the Hookers or Fuzz; Rod & Ryan (Grems); Bryan (Rehabs); Meatbox (Rehabs) & Jerome (P Machine) always had interest, but never actually played; Any free agent male pre-2009; and, Mike D (WTP).

Batman: Arkham Collection

Become the Batman and drop the puck against the villainous scum of Gotham City. 

The first installment, Arkham Asylum, takes place on the secluded island that the asylum is housed on where the Joker and other inmates that Batman has incarcerated have taken over. You must take back control of the asylum while solving the Riddler’s challenges and uncovering the island’s unsettling past.

A year after the events from Asylum Gotham needs a new location for the criminally insane (and other convicts) and so Professor Hugo Strange creates the super-prison Arkham City.  Batman is incarcerated and must uncover the secret behind Strange’s sinister scheme while slowly dying from an illness inflicted by the Joker. 

In the third installment Gotham is enjoying a time a peace until the Scarecrow along with the mysterious Arkham Knight, and his militia, seize control of Gotham City with a plan to destroy the Batman. 

Each installment features superior game play and graphics along with a storyline that’ll have you forgetting all about these chaotic times.  You won’t be disappointed!

Porn

We’re all adults here.

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