Another massive shout out to all of the essential personnel that make deliveries, stock shelves, keep the water flowing (and flushing), haul our trash and guard us while we sleep. Thank you!
How to Improve Your Hockey Skills During COVID-19 Quarantine
Hey there faithful reader. Are you looking to improve your hockey skills during the current COVID-19 outbreak/quarantine/shutdown/apocalypse? Do you want speed like McDavid? Vision like Crosby? A shot like Ovie? Flow like Kaner? All from the confines of your over-priced apartment?
Well…you’re in luck. For two easy payments of $69.69 you can be the proud owner of “The Ultimate BTSH Quarantine VHS Deluxe Set”.
But for now, here’s a free sneak peek:
How to Improve Your Slapshot + Piss Off Your Neighbors
Step 1: Buy a buttload of tennis balls
Step 2: Go into your hallway and absolutely unwind on slapshots aimed at your neighbor’s door
Step 3: Run away or fight them
How to Improve Your Hockey Chirps
You’re gonna want to get creative with this one. To start, try to target another player’s deepest insecurities. For instance, if entirely hypothetically, someone with a nickname like Baby Frog is planning on growing their mullet out until Ocean City and it’s not looking so hot, pick on that.
“Hey bud, they wouldn’t even serve that lettuce at Chipotle.”
“Hey bud, did your barber get Corona or are you just afraid of a comb?”
“Hey bud, Annie wants you to cut your hair.”
How to Improve Your Stick Tape Game
I promised not to touch on the controversial hot topics, but I just had to dive in. A lot of you don’t use hockey tape on your blade, and that’s entirely your decision. But for those that do, or want to, but don’t like how the tape on the bottom of your blade messes with your feel for the ball, here’s what you do.
Take one strip of tape—about the length of your blade—and put it along the bottom part of the forehand part of the blade. Then walk away. It’s gonna take some practice before you get it right, but hey, we’ve all got loads of time right now.
I hope you enjoyed this sneak peek of “The Ultimate BTSH Quarantine VHS Deluxe Set” and I look forward to seeing how you’ve all improved in these areas of hockey once we’re allowed to play again.
Join Liam from Cobra Kai, Tim K from Filthier and others in this turn-based strategy game where you attempt to build an empire to stand the test of time. Engage with your world: cities physically expand across the map, your actions help boost technology and civics research, and competing leaders pursue their own agendas based on their historical traits as you race to achieve victory.
All in the Mind Baby: Board Games & Puzzles to Pass the Time
By Stoop Dogg
Tired of watching TV? Scrolled through every Buzzfeed article and Instagram cawntent? Have no fear, Stoop Dogg is here with lock on some of the fun and games you can have without technology!
Kick it old school, like me, and whip out a board game. Some great options for two people? Battle Ship. If you don’t know how to play this game, then you didn’t have a childhood, but I promise, nothing says a good time like blowing up your roommates aircraft carrier. Need another game for two? Sip some fine wine over a nice game of Stratego – a two player strategy game where each player controls 40 pieces representing individual officer and soldier ranks in an army with the intent to capture your opponents flag. Don’t forget your classics like Chess, Checkers, and Connect Four!
Have multiple roommates? Need some multi-player games? There are more games out there than Monopoly, Hungry Hippos, Boggle, and Clue! Try to conquer the world with Risk (don’t try to take Russia, that will be your downfall!). Find out how well you see colors with Azul (P.S. This can also be played with only 2 people!). Want to play a guessing game, try Codenames where you try to figure out what the codename is based on the related hint word you are given! Even though this game is not my vibe, if you really need another game, play Catan. And apparently there is a game called Coup, I know nothing about it, but it has a silly name.
All alone? I got you babyboo. Puzzles. Big puzzles, small puzzles, 3D puzzles. Want to make it harder for yourself? Complete the first puzzle, do the second puzzle on top of it. My favorite puzzle brand, White Mountain. They have a massive collection of 1000 piece jigsaw puzzles to choose from. Every decade, HollyWood, Music, Cereal Boxes, as well as fun pictures depicting Drive-in Movie. You do all of the White Mountain Puzzles, I suggest Ravensburger be your next puzzle brand to tackle! This puzzle brand presents slightly more challenging pictures to complete, however they come out beautiful in the end and are 100% worth the time!
Flat puzzles just aren’t hittin’ right? Step your game up with some 3D puzzles. Build yourself a city or two, maybe the enchanted world of Harry Potter, or Downton Abbey! Wrebbit has it all from cities to landmarks and I promise your itch to puzzle will be scratched! The even have Winterfell for you GOT nerds.
All of these games can be found on Amazon, Wal Mart, and Target and are just one point, click, and ship away. So don’t go Coronacrazy Baby have a quarantini and chill.
Settlers of Catan
Trade, build, and settle! The go-to mobile app game for Gut Rot’s assistant captain Morgen (find her at schmorgg). You can trade with your opponents and take possession of the precious land and its resources.