by Arya Stark and The Meatbox

Arya: Ok, so it looks like we’ve been tasked with previewing the 2nd division and unlike last season when it was pretty obvious Fuzz was going to actually play hockey as opposed to whatever the hell they (you) were doing in 2017, there’s a bunch of teams that could conceivably win it  Cobra Kai is strong as ever for now but will obviously be facing a world of hurt come June – can they build enough of an edge before then to keep the 1 seed?  Has Probie recruited any more of his ice hockey friends to the Biters?  The Hookers are supposedly adding an elite girl and a solid enough guy player which is fitting as that seems to be their MO as a team.  And the Butchers and Math are always tough to count out with enough top talent to beat any team on any given week.  Fuzz, with their 2nd overall seed, has moved up to the top division while the Skyfighters have been ravaged for a 2nd consecutive offseason and will move down to D3.  This is a tough one to handicap but I’d probably have to go:

• Cobra Kai (+220)
• Gouging Anklebiters (+280)
• Corlears Hookers (+320)
• Butchers (+480)
• Math (+700)

The Meatbox: Yeah, this is one division where it’s hard to see a clear cut favorite. If I had to pick, I’d probably go with:

• Corlears Hookers (+220)
• Cobra Kai (+240)
• Anklebiters (+300)
• Math (+300)
• Butchers (+400)

I really think losing Campbell is gonna hurt CK which makes it tough for me to make them the favorite. That’s a huge hole to fill, it will be interesting to see how they go about doing that. The Hookers are always a good team, but they always seem to under perform record wise- is this the year they get over that hump? The biters are also a great team, Rich Glnzr has referred to them recently as a “Top 7” team. I know Math spent a good amount of time working on their roster this offseason, so it’s fairly safe to say we won’t be seeing last season’s Math results. Obviously, you’ll see all of the familiar faces, but they definitely added a good deal of skill to an already solid roster. Like you said, the Butchers can take out any of these teams as well, but after spending all of 2018 in division 1 as a reward for winning division 2 in 2017, do we really think they’re in a rush to go back there? One thing’s for sure, this is shaping up to be a division where all five teams are separated by 1-2 games come September.

Arya: You’d put the Hookers as the favorites a year after they crapped the bed, finished 10th and immediately got bounced in the 1st round of the playoffs (by you)?  Even Cro would admit that was a very low energy performance.  Sena speaks very highly of their new adds but I just don’t know what to make of this team.  They were garbage when I got in the league in 2016, finishing 5-12 and 18th overall.  They were so good in 2017, finishing 3rd overall and getting bounced in the elite 8 by a very sexy LBS team.  Then last year they finished a middling 10th.  Now Noelle’s retired, Cro’s been ousted as captain and Tiff/Danilo are going to have to put this team on their backs if they have any shot of winning this division.  And you’d make them the favorites?  Gimme all the money on them finishing behind the dojo.  To be sure, losing Campbell is a painful blow but as he’s currently projected to move in early June, that gives him at least 7 games in the beginning of the season, only two of which are against top division teams (LBS and Fuzz).  Let’s say they split those and play to expectations in their other contests, keeping in mind they’re returning most of last year’s team that finished first but adding Liam’s ice hockey buddy Connor.  That would put them at probably 5-2 and maybe 6-1 almost halfway through the season.  This conversation is also being held without knowing the identity of Campbell’s replacement; my sources tell me that while he’s never played street hockey, he’s a solid enough ice hockey goalie that the drop may not be as severe as everyone’s thinking.  No word on his propensity to “shower for success” before every game but one thing’s for sure: I’ve talked to Liam, and he is decidedly not down with playing in front of a shitty goalie.  He is not about that life.

I know you’re contractually obligated to put Math over, as the wrestling fans in the house would say, but I have a hard time seeing them winning the division, let alone keeping pace with the Biters.  Like you said, Glanzer ranked the Biters as a top 7 team and I might put them even higher than that depending on who shows up any given week.  They’ve also added Andy from the Rehabs who had sweet chemistry with Probie in Ocean City although he never sent me a Christmas card, which I’m still pretty salty about.  Meanwhile, while having Sarah back for a full season with a brand new hip is big, and I’m sure their offseason acquisitions are great, losing Sam will hurt the team in more ways than just their aggregate whiskey and tobacco consumption.  As for the Butchers – I played a few games for them as a sub in 2015.  Since I joined the LBS I’ve played them twice and lost both games by an aggregate score of 10-4.  One of those games was longtime captain Sascha P’s last BTSH game where she somehow suffered a broken nose AND a concussion.  Last year I missed two games all season, one because of my nieces 2nd birthday and one because of injury; somehow, both fell against the Butchers.  I will never be able to figure that team out for as long as I live but I know that my godmother Rachel (RG1) will always make sure they’re competitive, even if losing Tarzan for the beginning of the season really hurts.

The Meatbox: I absolutely would put the Hookers as the favorite. I think the third place finish is more representative of the talent on that team than last season’s finish. This is a team that has the talent to compete with anyone, we’ll see if they’re more consistent this year. Last time they shared a division with CK, they were the ones who got promoted.

Losing Campbell is huge. I don’t think that can be overstated. I don’t have the stats up like I’m sure you do, but I’m pretty sure Cobra Kai is a team that wins with defense. Losing arguably the best goalie in the league can only weaken that strength. Are they gonna score more this year to make up for it?

Math can hang with anyone and they added a handful of good scorers this offseason. If they get consistent attendance this year, they’ll be a threat. This team has almost knocked out the eventual champ in each of the past two seasons yet somehow they still fly under the radar. All aboard the #mathwagon.

As for the Biters, the question is consistency. If they consistently show up they should win most of their games and finish high in the standings, but it seems like that 8th-12th place finish is just where they always land.

It’s entirely possible that I’m too low on the butchers. I do think not having Tarzan right away could put them in a hole, but this is a team that took out both the Rehabs and LBS last year. They can play with anyone.

Also, we totally didn’t mention that this is the first season we’ll have what I’m referring to as “The Battle of the Cheekys” as both of the Herrs are now in the same division for the first time.

Arya: Can we set lines on the Cheeky Bowl and do some sort of rivalry week theme at the apartment?  Or are we playing with fire and someone’s destined to lose some limbs?

I still think that the Biters are being underrated here.  Attendance is key, of course, but this is a team that beat the LBS and Fresh Kills, put up six goals against Fuzz (somehow in a loss) and was eliminated in an playoff LOLshootout that featured zero goals scored during regulation and OT.  And that was with Probie scratched, out of town for Charlotte’s brother’s wedding, a transgression I’m sure he has still not forgiven the McAuley family for.

Why don’t we consolidate our lines and settle on something like this:

• Cobra Kai (+250)
• Corlears Hookers (+250)
• Gouging Anklebiters (+280)
• Math (+375)
• Butchers (+375)

And while we’re at it, I have a side question for you: does anyone have a shot to dethrone Probie as Division Scoring Champ?  In 2017 Will Green tied him; last season he was way ahead of everyone in D2.  Of course, Probie’s always at risk of being heckled by his own team if he scores too many goals but the guy’s game translates so well to BTSH.  Personally i’m going with:

• Probie (+110)
• Field (-150)

The Meatbox: *Rich Glnzr voice* these lines sounds faaaaaaiirr.

Institute rivalry week at your own risk. In fact, let me write up a waiver first.

No one is dethroning Probie. I’d personally flip the lines so he’s -150 and field is +110.  Otherwise he’s gonna bet on himself and we’re gonna go bankrupt.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to witness protection to prevent my bookie from finding me after today’s March madness ridiculousness.

Arya: I think after this weekend, we’re both going to need to hide from your bookie.  But let’s split the difference on both the division lines and the divisional scoring race lines and call it a day.  It seems kinda crazy that we’re saying Ben’s as likely to win the title as everyone else in the division combined but I guess this is a league where Mike T has won the scoring title three years in a row even though he spent the first month of last season playing defense.  And anyways, I doubt anyone’s read this far in the preview besides Glanzer, Probie, Will and the three other people who are probably going to email us within 15 minutes of this being published to place actual bets on these lines (max wager $10; betting closes Sunday at noon).

Odds To Win Division

• Cobra Kai (+250)
• Corlears Hookers (+250)
• Gouging Anklebiters (+280)
• Math (+375)
• Butchers (+375)

Odd To Win D2 Scoring Title

• Probie (-120)
• Field (-120)

And, just because I can’t resist…

Will The 2019 PBR Cup Champion Leave The Trophy In A Dank Pennsylvania Hotel Room?

• Yes (+10000)
• No (-15000)

Don’t worry Rich – we all know it was Miles’ fault.