BTSH WEEKLY RECAP – 19 JULY 2007
by Eli Kazin

Please pass anything noteworthy on to me at themajordeegan@yahoo.com or look for me at the games or the bars.
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The Games

WHAT THE PUCK’S WINNING STREAK HAS BEEN REPORTED LOST. The Corlears Hookers remained undefeated with a 4-2 victory against What The Puck that also ended the defending champion’s fifteen game winning streak. Gavin Kearney scored two goals, including the game winner midway through the second half on an angled shot to the top left corner of the goal, and the Corlears Hookers also received goals from Josh Sadlier-Brown and Kelly Buchanan. The goal scorers for What The Puck were Corey ‘Chongo’ Winters and Brian Vroom.

THIS GAME TURNED OUT TO BE A PRETTY GOOD ONE. The two teams that were mentioned, somewhat derisively, in last week’s Game of the Week description played a very exciting and close game, with Daniel Canarick scoring the only goal of the game midway through the second half to lead the Bad Touch past the Tuques, 1-0. Michael Tuckman registered his first shutout of the season for the Bad Touch, and this game also featured referees Eric ‘El Guapo’ DiPierri and Jeremy Schumacher, the Best Looking Ref Duo in BTSH (with apologies to Adam and Jim from the Denim Demons).

CRABCAKES AND FOOTBALL. THAT’S WHAT MARYLAND DOES. Maryland native Mike O’Connor recorded his first shutout of the season as the Gouging Anklebiters blanked Cobra Kai, 5-0. Eric ‘El Guapo’ DiPierri scored three goals, and Shannon Voto and Caroline Morrissey-Bickerton each added a goal for the Gouging Anklebiters, who won their second straight game with food or alcohol as a pre-game bet. Note to the Mathematics, who play the Gouging Anklebiters next week…if you want to win, DO NOT bet on the game.

AND ANOTHER UNDEFEATED TEAM FALLS. Suvin Malik scored the only goal of the shootout as Filthy Gorgeous defeated the Unicorns, 3-2. In regulation, Homin ‘Maverick’ Lee and Jeff Giberstein scored goals for Filthy Gorgeous, while Hector ‘$howtim3′ Melendez and Courtney Butler scored goals for the Unicorns. Alex Zabala appeared to score a goal for the Unicorns in the first half on a shot that might have hit the inside post or a water bottle, but neither referee saw the ball go in the net, so no goal was awarded.

SHOOTOUTS GALORE. Samuel Anthony and Ken ‘The Alpha Male’ Poulin each scored in the shootout as LBS rallied to defeat the Mathematics, 2-1. Alex Simon scored the tying goal for LBS midway through the second half, while Andy Pratt scored the lone goal for the Mathematics. Derek Tagliarino played his first ever game in goal for the Mathematics, and managed to give up eight fewer goals than Tim ‘Scrappy’ Gray of the Mighty Squirrels did against the same opponent.

IS PORK FRIED RICE STARTING TO HIT THEIR STRIDE? Ant ‘Father Time’ Ventolieri, Mike ‘Cupcake’ Bartlett, and Tim Hannon each scored goals as Pork Fried Rice defeated the Rehabs, 3-1. Bryan Welch scored the lone goal for the Rehabs, although he stated after the game that it’s not a good thing if he is the only goal scorer for his team.

HUNGRY LIKE THE WOLF. Miky Wolf scored two goals, including the game winner with approximately five minutes remaining in regulation, as the Mighty Squirrels upset Fresh Kills, 3-2. Gary Kowalski also scored a goal for the Mighty Squirrels, while Kevin ‘Tiny’ Foster and Patrick Moore scored goals for Fresh Kills.

MEXICAN STANDOFF IS BETTER AT FOUR ON FOUR THAN THE SKY FIGHTERS ARE. In a game where both teams had to play with only four players at a time due to low female turnout, Mexican Standoff pounded the Sky Fighters, 9-0. Tim Hartz recorded the shutout for Mexican Standoff, who received three goals from Ben Bloom, two goals apiece from Gary Cohen and Haanwa Chau, and one goal each from Jason Greenberg and Tim Olson.

THE POWER OF JESUS COMPELS YOU. Trevor ‘Jesus’ Tyrrell, according to his opposition, played a stellar game in net, as the Dark Rainbows defeated the Denim Demons, 5-3. Jennie Brown, Michel Steenport and Libby Hartle-Tyrrell played most of the game for the Dark Rainbows and were captain Sean Reynolds’ selections as the three stars of the game. Dave Shyu, Jeff Kamen, and Zack Tinkleman were the goal scorers for the Denim Demons.
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Nickname Nook With Derek Tagliarino

(please send all comments to derektag@gmail.com)
These people will now be known as the following:
Craig Lacombe of the Unicorns is now Ug (http://filebox.vt.edu/users/ironjev/ug.gif).

I’ll yield the second nickname to Peter Putka of Corlears Hookers:
‘Chris Beauvois is now ‘Flipper’ as the result of a save he made in our game that deflected off my foot towards the goal and he saved by jumping up with his head like a Marine animal. Craig Lacombe came up with the name at the Johnson’s while we were having a beer and chatting in the latter stages of the evening…’

Also, after careful consideration and serious deliberation, I have decided that Andrea’s nickname, Vegetable Lasagna, will stand.
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Unsung Hero of the Week

The unsung hero for this week is Kyle Fogden of the Mighty Squirrels, who usually plays on defense but played in goal for just the second time in his BTSH career, and allowed just two goals to help the Mighty Squirrels upset Fresh Kills.
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News and Notes

Ellery ‘The Nature Boy’ Gillette invented a new rule, calling traveling on Shannon Voto of the Gouging Anklebiters after she grabbed a ball out of the air and took a few steps while trying to find a good place to put it on the pavement….Kelly Buchanan’s goal was also her first BTSH goal….Corey ‘Chongo’ Winters, while trying to keep a ball from rolling out of bounds, dove into the spectator area and knocked over some of Fresh Kills’ beer. Fresh Kills is not completely without blame, as they should know better than to sit within a few feet of the out-of-bounds line.
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Upcoming Schedule

July 22nd, 2007
4pm Moffo GAME OF THE WEEK Corlears Hookers (11-0) vs. Unicorns (8-1-2)
– The Unicorns are ready to face the Corlears Hookers, with both Craig ‘Ug’ Lacombe and Hector ‘$howtim3′ Melendez providing some pre-game comments. Lacombe states ‘I have love for the Hookers, I have love for Peter Putka and Chris Beauvois, but I want to say Fuck You to Pal.’ Not to be outdone, ‘$howtim3′ offered the following words: ‘There’s no way in hell that the Corlears Hookers are going to step on the court undefeated and walk off still undefeated. I vow that I will play until I run myself into the hospital that the Unicorns and I will beat the Hookers this Sunday!’ How much would it cost for the Hookers to fly in Brendan ‘Dutch’ Kearney from Guatemala just to play in this game?

3pm Corlears 1 Bad Touch (4-7) vs. Filthy Gorgeous (6-5)
3pm Corlears 2 Gouging Anklebiters (3-8) vs. Mathematics (4-7)
3pm Moffo Pork Fried Rice (7-4) vs. Fresh Kills (7-4)
4pm Corlears 1 Dark Rainbows (8-3) vs. Tuques (3-8)
4pm Moffo Corlears Hookers (11-0) vs. Unicorns (8-1-2)
4pm Corlears 2 Denim Demons (7-3-1) vs. Sky Fighters (1-10)
5pm Corlears 1 Rehabs (6-4-1) vs. Mexican Standoff (2-9)
5pm Corlears 2 Cobra Kai (4-7) vs. Mighty Squirrels (2-9)
5pm Moffo What The Puck (10-1) vs. LBS (4-7)