The 2016-2017 NHL Season is kicking off today!  And to get everyone fired up about it, we’ve assemble a vast panel of the most respected Hockey minds in our community to predict how the season will play out.  They’ve analyzed all of the off-season moves, team’s training programs, player’s vacations and current relationship status to give a definitive answer.  Here are their findings:

(Note: Byron Clavvicle sustained an injury prior to submitting his predictions.  It is unclear at the moment if the unfortunate incident will impact his decision making on selecting the winner of the 2016 Clavvy Award.)

What team will win each division?

Clavvicle: 8

What team will be the surprise sleeper from each division?

Clavvicle: Bridgeport Sound Tigers

Which teams will make the playoffs from each division?

EASTERN CONFERENCE

Clavvicle: Gilgamesh

Clavvicle: Washington!

WESTERN CONFERENCE

Clavvicle: there is no western conference

Clavvicle:

Which teams will represent their conference in the finals and which one will win the Cup?

Clavvicle: Ak Bars Kazan

Which team will win the President’s Trophy for most points?

Clavvicle: Metallurg Magnetogorsk

Who will be MVP?

Hopper: Sidney Crosby, Pittsburgh Penguins
Eli: Jamie Benn, Dallas Stars
Sif: Alexander Ovechkin, Washington Capitals
Isaac: Carey Price, Montreal Canadiens
Clavvicle: Bob Boughner

Who will be ROY?

Hopper: Auston Matthews, Toronto Maple Leafs
Eli: Patrik Laine, Winnipeg Jets
Sif: Patrik Laine, Winnipeg Jets
Isaac: Auston Matthews, Toronto Maple Leafs
Clavvicle: ROY WILL BE ROY

Who will win the Selke Trophy?

Hopper: Who cares. Probably Toews or some shit.
Eli: Anze Kopitar, Los Angeles Kings
Sif: Anze Kopitar, Los Angeles Kings
Isaac: Nicklas Backstrom, Washington Capitals
Clavvicle: John Walker, obviously

Who will win the Norris Trophy?

Hopper: Erik Karlsson, Ottawa Senators
Eli: Erik Karlsson, Ottawa Senators
Sif: Shea Weber, Montreal Canadiens
Isaac: Brent Burns, San Jose Sharks
Clavvicle: Zach Norris

Who will be Coach of the Year?

Hopper: Guy Boucher, Ottawa Senators
Eli: Peter Laviolette, Nashville Predators
Sif: Barry Trotz, Washington Capitals
Isaac: Bruce Broudreau, Minnesota Wild
Clavvicle: Zoltan Istvan

Who will lead the league in points?

Hopper: Connor McDavid, Edmonton Oilers
Eli: Connor McDavid, Edmonton Oilers
Sif: Evgeny Kuznetsov, Washington Capitals
Isaac: Jamie Benn, Dallas Stars
Clavvicle: Eli Kazin

Who is most likely to be traded?

Hopper: Martin Hanzal, Arizona Coyotes (LOCK)
Eli: Ben Bishop, Tampa Bay Lightning
Sif: Marc-Andre Fleury, Pittsburgh Penguins
Isaac: Henrik Lunquist, New York Rangers
Clavvicle: 1. Eli Kazin. 2. Penguins to KHL.

Who will be involved in an off-ice scandal? And what will it be?

Hopper: 1. Patrick Kane and Evander Kane will literally blow up a hospital, Joker from Dark Knight style, and face zero consequences. 2. Montreal fires Michel Therrien then makes the playoffs with a different coach. 3. The first team to fire it’s coach will hire Ralph Krueger, the Team Europe guy (unless it’s Montreal. Maybe Islanders or Detroit?).
Sif: One of the lesser known Kardashians will start dating an NHL player on a team in the Western Conference. Leading to front office groans, fan disgust and protest, and an almost trade.
Isaac: During the All-Star break Phil Kessel will visit Hershey Park, PA for the first time, never to be heard from again…
Clavvicle: Donald Trump