by Eli Kazin

Are you going to be an All-Star? Find out next week. Catch me at the courts, the bars, or email me at themajordeegan [at] yahoo [dot] com with anything noteworthy. Onto the results…
The Games

NOAM DOLGIN SCORES A GOAL FOR EACH DAY OF ROSH HASHANAH. Noam Dolgin scored his second goal of the game in overtime as Mathematics rallied to defeat Volanto’s Heroes – I mean, Cobra Kai, 3-2. Sharif ‘The Chocolate Buzzsaw’ Corinaldi of the Mathematics tied the game at one with five minutes remaining in regulation, and Jerome Ramos gave Cobra Kai the lead shortly thereafter, but Dolgin tied the game again with the goalie pulled and less than two minutes remaining. Peter Oblamski also scored a goal for Cobra Kai.

PRINT ACCOLADES WILL HAVE TO SUFFICE. Brendan ‘Dutch’ Kearney and Elizabeth Lewis each scored second half goals to lead the Corlears Hookers past the Dark Rainbows, 2-1. With the win, the Corlears Hookers clinched the top seed for the playoffs and won the BTSH equivalent of the President’s Trophy, which turns out to be nothing. P.T. Walkley scored the lone goal for the Dark Rainbows.

NO, NOT DUTCH. Brendan Grainger’s overtime goal completed the comeback from a two-goal second half deficit as the Unicorns stunned What The Puck, 4-3. Lindsay Turley tied the game on a deflected inbounds pass with less than one minute remaining in regulation. Chris Eng and Courtney Butler also scored goals for the Unicorns, while Brian Vroom scored two goals and Corey ‘Chongo’ Winters scored one for What The Puck.

TIM HANNON MANAGES TO TIE LBS. Tim Hannon scored three goals, and also added a shootout goal, as Pork Fried Rice and LBS fought to a 3-3 tie. Sam Anthony, Karsten Pitchon, and Ken ‘The Alpha Male’ Poulin each scored goals for LBS. Anthony added a shootout goal for LBS, and Pitchon hit the crossbar on the final attempt of the shootout.

HE MAY BE OUT OF BOUNDS, BUT HE IS STILL DANGEROUS. Zack Tinkelman scored the game winning goal on an out of bounds restart, as the Denim Demons beat Filthy Gorgeous, 4-1. The Denim Demons also received goals from Micael Holmström, Jeff Kamen, and Mike Pereira. James Pereira (no relation) scored the lone goal for Filthy Gorgeous. Ellery ‘The Nature Boy’ Gillette contributed nothing to this victory.

PLEXIGLASS WAS NOT NECESSARY TODAY. Gabe Wilson scored the only goal of the shootout, and added a regulation goal, as the Tuques defeated Fresh Kills, 3-2, for their third consecutive victory. Kevin ‘Tiny’ Foster and Dave Sokolyansky, who tied the game with less than two minutes remaining in regulation, were the goal scorers for Fresh Kills. Sarah Moore also scored a goal for the Tuques.

THE FLAG IS GOOD LUCK. Mexican Standoff, with a team flag hung along the fence, rallied for a 3-1 victory against the Bad Touch. Jason Greenberg, Gary Cohen, and Adam Shaw each scored a goal for Mexican Standoff, who (surprise!) used yet another goalie, Randy Locklair, making his first start in net of the season. Eric Devlin scored the lone goal for the Bad Touch. This game also featured referees Eric ‘El Guapo’ DiPierri and Jeremy Schumacher, the Best Looking Ref Duo in BTSH (with apologies to Adam and Jim from the Denim Demons).

TWO SCHUMACHER MENTIONS IN ONE REPORT. J.P. Chaput and Debbie Tomlinson each scored first half goals as the Rehabs squeezed past the Gouging Anklebiters, 2-1. Anthony Romeo, who dedicated his win to Britney Spears, registered 16 saves. Jeremy Schumacher scored the lone goal for the Gouging Anklebiters.

MIKY WOLF MUST BE GOOD AT BASEBALL. Miky Wolf scored the game winning goal with three minutes remaining in regulation on a waist-level swing at a crossing pass near the crease, as the Mighty Squirrels defeated the Sky Fighters, 4-2. Arthur ‘Lil’ Weezy’ Revechkis, Scott Brower, and Jesse Kalb also scored goals for the Mighty Squirrels, while Martin Cejka scored both goals for the Sky Fighters.
Nickname Nook With Derek Tagliarino
(please send all comments to derektag [at] gmail [dot] com)

Brian Barrett of Pork Fried Rice is now Grandmaster B.

Peter Putka of Corlears Hookers is now Purple Rain.
Unsung Hero of the Week

The unsung hero for this week is Derek Tagliarino of the Mathematics, who notched his first win as a goalie, and also beat his former team in the process.
News and Notes

Filthy Gorgeous and the Rehabs are playing their rescheduled game at noon this Sunday. This affects the noon and 1 PM games, so please read the upcoming schedule, listed below, very carefully…. With one weekend of regular season games remaining, sixteen of the eighteen playoff spots are still up in the air. Only the Corlears Hookers (#1 seed) and the Sky Fighters (#18 seed) are locked into their playoff seeds, so all of the games will have some impact on seeding…. As a result of his generous donation of sand, a local beach was recently named after Gouging Anklebiters captain Phil ‘The Jeweled Shillelagh’ Donohue… BTSH members B.R. Rolya (Fresh Kills), Greg Altman (Cobra Kai) and Josh Sadler-Brown (Corlears Hookers) spent last Saturday picking up trash at Ft. Tilden Park on Far Rockaway as part of Annual Coast Clean-Up Day.
Upcoming Schedule
September 23rd, 2007
2pm Corlears 1 GAME OF THE WEEK Denim Demons (11-4-1) vs. What The Puck (11-5)

– The only matchup of the week that features two teams with double digit wins is also critical for playoff seeding, as these two teams are separated by just one point in the standings.

12noon Corlears 1 Rehabs (8-6-1) vs. Filthy Gorgeous (8-7)
12noon Corlears 2 Mighty Squirrels (4-9-0-3) vs. Gouging Anklebiters (4-12)
1pm Corlears 1 Filthy Gorgeous (8-7) vs. Sky Fighters (1-15)
1pm Corlears 2 Tuques (7-9) vs. Rehabs (8-6-1)
2pm Corlears 1 Denim Demons (11-4-1) vs. What The Puck (11-5)
2pm Corlears 2 Mexican Standoff (5-10-0-1) vs. Pork Fried Rice (9-6-1)
3pm Corlears 1 Unicorns (11-2-2-1) vs. Mathematics (7-7-0-1)
3pm Corlears 2 Bad Touch (7-9) vs. Corlears Hookers (14-1)
4pm Corlears 1 Dark Rainbows (11-4-0-1) vs. Cobra Kai (5-11)
4pm Corlears 2 Fresh Kills (8-5-0-3) vs. LBS (8-7-1)
5pm Corlears 1 ALL-STAR GAME

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