First of all this is Rich. I don’t have access to post on this site so I had to hack Tim Brown’s email and find his password. But that’s off the record.

Instead of doing lengthy team previews we are going to do shorter division previews. We probably will have new content Tues-Fri of this week, and M-F next week. 
We’ll start with the top. The Brown Division. 

Fresh Kills:

Strengths: If Ivan Drago were a hockey team he would be called Fresh Kills.

They have the best player in the league with that guy with the Expos hat, their girls are better than your girls (They aren’t as good as the Hookers but the Hookers never read this website), their goalie is clutch and Dave is the best captain in BTSH. This is a complete team.

Weaknesses: If I train the refs better, they will start calling high sticks on Kevin Foster, and he will get at least 4 penalties a game. But I’m not that great a trainer so The Planet should be ok for now.

Fun fact: Since the Modern Era (2008-Current) only Alice has won two BTSH titles with two different teams. The 2009 Sky Fighters and Fresh Kills in 2011.

Lbs:

Strengths: (Sven stop reading) Tim Brown is like the Warriors. He’s good. Real good. The best. Karsten is ageless, and Sam is probably the best player next to that Fresh Kills dude who nobody knows. I can’t leave out Anne Grady and most importantly Ali Chenitz, because if I do Anne Grady and especially Ali Chenitz will yell at me at Ace that I didn’t mention the girls. Sasha and Erica Lee will typically let it slide which is appreciated more than you know. 

Weaknesses: Their relationship with Adam Rubens.

Fun fact: Though Ken Poulin is no longer on the team, he was one of the first three people inducted into the BTSH Hall of Fame, along with Kehoe and someone else who I forgot.

Corlears Hookers:

Strengths: Uh-oh…the Hookers winning a championship may be an annual thing now. Outside of Fresh Kills and maybe the Tuques, I don’t see a team that can currently beat them come playoff time. (Just so I don’t get killed by my Elves teammates I pretend like the Elves don’t exist when I write previews) Though I loathe Dustin’s fashion sense (Rebecca Norris and Amy please let that be your #1 project) he doesn’t suck as a goalie.

Weaknesses: We promise to keep wrestling references to a minimum, but they won’t be extinct. The Hookers are like Big Show when he’s a face…a gentle giant if you will. While Fresh Kills are jerks and will never let you beat them, every once in a while the Hookers throw a bone to the league and let you beat them in the regular season. Hell in 2009 they even went to a shootout with the Mighty Squirrels! 

Fun fact: The Hookers fucking killed it with the PBR Cup. Even Putka…hell especially Putka was awesome with it. On Christmas, he had a picture of his kid holding the PBR Cup and it said, “All I really wanted for Christmas!” You know he was talking about the Cup, not his kid.

What the Puck:

Strengths: Salary Cap. From what I was told the team lost around half its players. Knowing Larry Zimmer…actually, I really don’t know Larry, but I’m pretty sure if you suck he won’t take you. So you can expect WTP to be dangerous come October.

Weaknesses: Now that Romeo is retired, who is going to count how many saves their goalie made and then add 10 and post it to Facebook? Fiiiiine, I’ll do it.

Fun Fact: When I drove Canadians Corey Winters and Stephanie Cooper to Boston, I made them listen to the National Anthem when they first got in my car. True story…seriously true story, they both said at first they didn’t recognize the song. I was not surprised.

Denim Demons:

Strengths: The Demons love to win and as soon as the game starts, Adam Rubens has his team united. They also have team speed and two players who can put the puck in the net at will, or if Will was a goalie behind Will. Last year I thought they would make it to the finals but fell a game short. They aren’t on FK or the Hookers level, but they are right there in the next tier with the Tuques, the Lbs. and possibly WTP. 

Weaknesses: They’re not Beth Cooper. (Meaning they’re not FK or the Hookers. Sucks when you have to explain your own joke but you dullards were never gonna get it and probably still don’t since no one besides me has seen I love You Beth Cooper. Not to take away from Bill Tucker’s movie review thing, but it was a pretty solid yet obscure romantic comedy that is certainly worth 1 hour and 42 minutes of your life.)

Fun fact: Before joining the Demons, Tracy Miller was the nicest person on the planet. But now she regularly yells at interns, spills water on the floor after her janitor leaves so she can get him in trouble for not cleaning it up and laughs when little kids fall and start crying.