Third Star
Sam from Mathematics
by Probie

If you’re a younger sibling in a hockey family, chances are that you’ve had to strap on goalie pads and hop between the pipes at some point in your life. That experience came in handy for Sam Norris and the rest of Math this Sunday as they survived by a score of 6-5.

A mid water break cigarette break to try and shake the painful memories of taking hundreds of clappers from the Norris clan in the driveway.

Top scorer, winning goalie, ref manager and ref, league event planner and socialite, is there anything this guy can’t do? Sam Norris continues to embody the true spirit of BTSH, always having fun and never taking this league too seriously. I think we all can learn something from this future BTSH Hall of Famer

Second Star
RJ from Poutine Machine
by Isaac

Through the thick air and oppressive humidity RJ of Poutine withstood the barrage of shots from the juggernaut that Fresh Kills are.  Lasting regulation, overtime and then the shootout, he took FK to the brink of their first regular season loss by stopping 2 out of 3 shooters.  (Guess who scored to shootout winner, Ariel, who else?)  He’s new to the league, so perhaps no one told him a Division 4 team isn’t supposed to that to a Division 1 undefeated team.

Welcome to the league, RJ.

Afterwards, with only 15 seconds to hydrate and mentally shake off that game, he hoped in net for the desperate Butchers.  (I say desperate, because their goalie has been out with an injury and finding an available goalie each week has been a daunting task.  Get off their back!)  Standing tall and playing just as solid for 50+ minutes against the Gremlins the heat and humidity finally won the real battle (health) and he refunded some of the delicious goalie union approved water.

First Star
Suvin from Filthier / Filthy Gorgeous / BTSH

Best of luck out west.

by Adam R. ‘I hated playing against Suvin because he always made me look slow and bad at hockey. More than usual I mean…’

by Rich G. ‘The award for Best Duo was never based on hockey. If it was, Suvin and James would win it every year. They knew where each other were, better than a husband who paid a private investigator to follow his cheating wife around. Classy guy and please come back to knock off FK, the Rehabs, and Gut Rot in the Playoffs.’

by Dana K. ‘Here are my 4 favorite Suvin memories:’

  1. I will miss him yelling, “James, James, James!” through a mouthguard anytime James has the ball and Suvin DOES NOT HAVE THE BALL. James, he needs the ball RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.
  2. I once went to Suvin’s Halloween party and he was dressed up as Maverick from Top Gun and James was Goose and I asked Monica, “Whose idea do you think it was for them to dress as Goose and Maverick?” and she said, “Suvin’s. Because no one has ever said, “Let’s dress as Goose and Maverick for Halloween and I’ll be Goose.”
  3. When Suvin was on the Squirrels Monica Liza and I all used to call him Suvin the Magic Squirrel. Not because he was so good at hockey, but because he once ordered tatter tots at Iggy’s and they came to the table within 5 seconds. It was truly magic.
  4. Suvin once showed up to the first game of the season years ago with neon green shoe laces and pants with neon green piping to match our shirts, only to find that we had changed the color of the shirts. He looked sad and dejected, like a little kid who was told there was no more cake.

by Sunny ‘I’m losing my brown brother in crime (and shots on goal!).  Will definitely miss his patented backhand shot from the slot.  The San Fran league will be in for a nice surprise when he shows up!’

by Ann M. ‘Suvin, sad to see you go but I’m happy the day has finally come when I’m #1 in James’ eyes…oh wait, Sunny is still around right? All jokes aside, thank you for being an awesome friend and teammate these past few years. No one could ever fill your shoes.’

by James P. ’10 years ago I lost my brother Joseph (ex-Filthy Gorgeous) to the west coast.  Today I’m losing another.  Suv has been the greatest wingman of all time, as well as the best captain, teammate, and brother. When he shows up to games, everyone on the team gets better.  I have always fed off his determination, relentlessness to better himself, and his sense of the game.  While he goes on to represent BTSH/Mofo on the west coast and continues burying it top shelf, he will always be on the rink with us in spirit.  Toast to shots at Seacrets.’

from Suvin: ‘After 13 amazing seasons and one hard-earned (ok bought) championship my days as a regular BTSH’er have come to an end.  Hands down playing in this league has been the best experience of my time in NYC.   Growing up as a kid in Toronto, playing street hockey was a great equalizer – it didn’t matter where you were from, if you played hard and clean you could always join a game, have some fun and make new friends.  BTSH has been no different (well except the beers) where thanks to all of you for a couple of hours every Sunday I’ve gotten to be that same kid meeting some truly amazing people along the way, including of course my wingman (on and off the court) James the “Gentleman” Pereira.  Hopefully I’ll be back once in a while to join in for a (playoff) game – until then I’ll sorely miss the competition and camaraderie on Sundays at Tompkins but thanks for the great memories (and a capped front tooth) I’ll be fondly taking with me.’

Honorable mention:

Alex aka AFD aka Tarzan from Butchers
by Rachel G

Sometimes your little sister does awesome things, like introduce you to this amazing ball hockey league to help you waste your Sundays. Sometimes she does less awesome things, like let her pup eat the family Butchers pinny. Result: You look like Tarzan playing ball hockey on slick pavement. BTSH thanks MDF for her hand in creating this spectacle, and the butchers thank you both for bringing Danberg-Ficarelli-Ficarelli Danberg magic to the courts. Let’s not forget the toothless mouthguard, it adds an extra-special touch. Also…RIP righty.

Tarzan.

Gouging Anklebiters 1-5 Corlears Hookers Final
Biters.: Nick Gardella (2)
Hookers: Bill Ling (9), Sam (1), Lee (2), Brian Cronauer (7)
Goalie Win: Campbell Weaver via Cobra Kai
Rehabs 5-2 Gut Rot Final
Rehabs : Joey Batista (9), Mark (1), Sena Bell (1), Cherie Stewart x 2 (8)
Gut Rot: Becca C. (1), Tommy Cho (2)
Goalie Win: Eric Ramirez (6)
Poutine Machine 2-3 Fresh Kills Final (SO)
Poutine Machine: Conor (1), A.J. (1)
Fresh Kills: Gabe (1?), Nick (5)
Goalie Win: Patrick Barch (9)
Gremlins 4-1 Butchers Final
Gremlins: Tim x 2 (2), Cody Capps x 2 (12)
Butchers: David St-Jules (5)
Goalie Win: Jamie B. (10)
LBS, Inc. 5-2 What The Puck Final
LBS, Inc. : Scott K (9), Avery x 2 (3), Michael Roberts (5), Jason Bogdaneris (2)
What The Puck: John Capalbo x 2 (3)
Goalie Win: ?
Filthier 7-0 Dark Rainbows Final
Filthier: Ann Matthews (5), Suvin M. x 2 (9), James P. x 2 (15), Sunny (9), Becky Novick (1)
Dark Rainbows
Goalie Win: Tim K. (9)
Instant Karma 5-6 Mathematics Final
Instant Karma: Matt Stabel (2), Brianna Vernoia (3), Cory Vernoia x 2 (5), Al Liu (3)
Mathematics: Will x 3 (3), Justin P. (4), Bradley (1), John (1)
Goalie Win: David Liang (5)
Game Notes: Instant Karma used Walker despite having 5 guys.
Cobra Kai 4-0 Denim Demons Final
Cobra Kai: Liam Martens (11), Will Green (10), Rachel L (2), Tom L. (6)
Demons:
Goalie Win: Campbell W. (10)
Tompkins Sq Riots 3-4 Fuzz Final(OT)
Riots: Suz P  x 2 (3), Evan S. (1)
Fuzz : Brian Hicks (6), Rob Walsh (2), Gil (5), Alexa Taubman (1)
Goalie Win: Aaron Pagdon (6)
OT Goal: Hicks 
Sky Fighters 4-3 Mega Touch Final
Sky Fighters: Mike T. x 2 (21), Roman T. x 2 (3)
Mega : Julie K. (5), Jeff B. (2), Joe L. (3)
Goalie Win: James Stein (5)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yep, you read the headline correctly.  The BTSH Olympics returns this Sunday, July 30th at the Parkside Lounge (E Houston and Attorney) starting around 7 pm.

The dirty, obscene and glorious evening comes back to you with all of your favorite competitions:

  • Hot Legs
  • Over the top Arm Wrestling
  • Flip Cup
  • Tecate Chug
  • Phallic Fluffer Eating Contest
  • Bar Napkin Love Poem
  • Two Girls, One Cup

Plus, there will be new devious challenges that have been hatched in the minds of BTSH’s brand-spanking new Social Committee.  Be prepared!

Phallic Fluffer Competition

What are they saying:

‘I went the the Olympics last year and ate hotdogs. The next year, I had a division named after me.’ – Justin M.

‘Last year, I ordered a pizza to Parkside during the BTSH Olympics. About a week later, I ordered from Seamless again, forgot to change the address and never got my food. I figured out later that it also went to Parkside,’ – Diana M.

‘Last year, I saw Craig’s junk. But I realize that doesn’t make this btsh social event different from any other.’ – Rachel K.

‘I made out with my wife for the first time after we both puked at the Olympics. Now we have a three year-old. Thanks Olympics!’ – Alex and Sascha

Not only is the evening filled with life-changing fun, it’s also dirt cheap.  How much will it all cost you?

  • Event beverages – FREE
  • Pizza – FREE
  • High Life bottles – $3
  • Tecate cans – $3
  • PBR draft – $3
  • Car bombs – $8

Coming soon is the event’s sexy new website with event signups.  (Not to worry Liz & Cheeky and Heather & Morgen, you’re already signed up for cup one.)

See you there!

by Arya Stark

Another week in the books for Survivor and no eliminations.  Is there no parity in the league or does this pool just suck?  Hopefully the answer is neither and we’re just dealing with small sample sizes and the fact that no one’s really had to resort to deep bench picks yet.

Last week saw five entrants pick What The Puck; those people were all quite pleased when WTP jumped out to an early lead and never looked back en route to an 8-0 win on the strength of hat tricks by both Zac and Paul.  Meanwhile, three people (including the Sultan) picked Cobra Kai who won 7-4 over Mega Touch.  Rumor has it Will Green put up a hat trick in that game, but he didn’t even pick his own team so who cares.  Welch and Showtime both picked the Hookers in a solid display of team unity; also somewhat ironic as I was under the impression that people in Rehab should avoid Hookers at all costs.   The final pick was Gilligan who committed the cardinal sin of survivor and chose his own team; unlike Brady, however, he did not pay the ultimate price as Gut Rot eked out a 2-1 win over the Riots.

This week’s picks below.  Feel free to heckle at your leisure.

Alex F. – Filthier
Ben P. – Filthier
Jen P. – Filthier
Ryann G. – Fuzz
Will G. – Filthier
Scott K. – Filthier
Gilligan – Fuzz
Isaac S. – Filthier
Rich G. – Filthier
Bryan W. – Rehabs
Showtime – Rehabs

 

LBS Inc. 3-2 Fuzz Final(SO)
LBS Inc.: Tommy Capotosta (3), Avery Englander (via Free Agent)
Fuzz: Jeff Laniado (10), Brian Hicks (5)
Shootout: Winner by Avery Englander
Goalie Win: Mike Zisser (4)
 

Game notes: Who is this dude Avery?

Cobra Kai 7-4 Mega Touch Final
Cobra Kai: Peter Gallina (6), Will Green x 3 (9), Tom Lambertsen (5), Liam Martens x 2 (10)
Mega Touch: Matt Jones x 2 (4), Max Temesca x 2 (3)
Goalie Win: Campbell Weaver (9)
 

Game notes: Are you happy now, Will?

Instant Karma 2-4 Corlears Hookers Final
Instant Karma: Unrostered Player (via Free Agent), Matt Stabel (via Free Agent)
Corlears Hookers: Bill Ling x 2 (8), Danilo Biagioni (7), Cj Anderson (7)
Goalie Win: Matt Newman (via Free Agent)
 

Game notes: “Watergate.” – Justin M. 

Gouging Anklebiters 0-4 Filthier Final
Gouging Anklebiters:
Filthier: Suvin Malik (7), Jj Anderson (2), James Pereira (13), Ryan (1)
Goalie Win: Tim Kayiatos (8)
 

Game notes: Ann did not score.

Dark Rainbows 0-8 What The Puck Final
Dark Rainbows:
What The Puck: Noah Carter (2), Mike Dudolevitch (3), Zac Hogg x 3 (14), Paul Picinich x 3 (7)
Goalie Win: Scott Heese (via Free Agent)
Sky Fighters 6-2 Denim Demons Final
Sky Fighters: Roman Teytelbaum (1), Michael Teytelbaum x 5 (19)
Denim Demons: Zach Fein (4), Brian Kubovcik (1)
Goalie Win: James Stein (5)
Tompkins Square Riots 1-2 Gut Rot Final
Tompkins Square Riots: Drew Loken (1)
Gut Rot: Kellie Kovac (1), Akhil Mehta (7)
Goalie Win: Ed Podojil (5)
 

Game notes: Kellie’s first goal of the season was the game winner. 

Poutine Machine 1-2 Gremlins Final(SO)
Poutine Machine: Jerome Ramos (3)
Gremlins: Rod Sherwood (3)
Shootout: Winner by Erich Graham
Goalie Win: Jamie Batuwantudawe (9)
 

Game notes: JW was +1.

Butchers 2-1 Mathematics Final(SO)
Butchers: Shoni Mizutani (via Free Agent)
Mathematics: Justin Perras (2)
Shootout: Winner by Arthur Revechkis
Goalie Win: Ed Podojil (via Gut Rot)
Fresh Kills 2-1 Rehabs Final
Fresh Kills: Frank Salituro x 2 (8)
Rehabs: Alex May (6)
Goalie Win: Jordan Gerow (via What The Puck)