by Jerome Hornswoggle

The Heckle Wall™ has been a staple of Blacktop Street Hockey® even before its migration from Corlears Hook Park in 2009; back then it settled on the north side of the playground, facing FDR Drive and the East River, with the nearby net partially obscured by a birdbath (which has been the scourge of many a player). Nowadays in Tompkins, the so-called “birdbath” is somewhat manifested in that huge-ass tree on the West court, and it’s separated from the Heckle Wall™, which is established in the dugout area.

HEEEECCCKKKLLLEEE WAAAAALLLLL!!!!!

The purpose of the Heckle Wall™ is, obviously, to heckle. No one is an exception or gets a pass, especially when the ball arrives in the area. A few snide remarks, the never-ending boobirds, and some show-and-dance from costumed folk inhabit the Heckle Wall™ zone. Unfortunately, there weren’t many costumes in the final between #1 Fresh Kills and #2 Rehabs, but the atmosphere was jovial within the Heckle Wall™ and critical of all the players outside of said wall. That said, here are a couple of remarks and sequences that I remember that Sunday afternoon:

(to one of the Norri reffing the match)
“Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam,
Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam! SamSamSamSamSamSam…  Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam!”
(kudos to Worky for trying to sing the last part)

(towards Zac reffing the match)
“Who is timekeeping?”
“It’s that asshole from What the Puck!” (Anonymous)

(to the people in the other dugout “heckling”)
“No, be quiet, you shut up, shut your mouth!”

“If I wanted a 2-2 game, I woulda been a ballerina!” (Justin, WTP)

LET’S GOOO!

“Let’s gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!” (Scott, LBS, Inc.)

“Who’s the long haired goon in the hat playing for the Rehabs?”
“Dunno.  Never seen ‘em before.” (Entire league)

“BOOOOOOOOO!!!!!” (Lee, Hookers)

“We love Gabe! We love Gabe! We love Gabe!”
“I thought you said, ‘We love gays!’”
“We love gays, too!”

“KKYYYYYLLLLLLLLEEEEEE!!!” “KKYYYYYLLLLLLLLEEEEEE!!!” (Scott, LBS, Inc.)

“I can’t see what’s happening!”
“Get on Chadwick’s shoulders.”
“Wait, where is he?”
“I think he’s at home sipping whiskey on his terrace while reading about conflict in Syria.”

Well its Dr. Byron Clavicle of course.
Anyways, now that the charade is over, hopefully Walker can go back to being the Lonely Unicorn, and we will never see or hear from him again.
Happy Filler Friday on Wednesday peoples!

“Man, my ass just isn’t the same after last night.”
“Should be after what you put it through.”

“What’s the score?”
“Who cares.  Let’s look for stuff to throw out on the rink.”

(on missing the net, for any guy out on the court)
“Take him out! He sucks!”

“I’m getting a little hangry.  What time is the Social Committee ordering pizzas for Parkside?”

“Is it wrong to break up with someone in a text message? No, right?”

“Could we do something inappropriate in front of the players… on the court… with this stuffed dolphin?”

“Wow! Ramy had an opportunity to toss a tictac in a whale’s mouth on that one.  Newman could have made that shot.”

“Barch Pile! Barch Pile! Barch Pile!”

2017 PBR Cup Champs!

By Nancy Thompson and Arya Stark

I was going to write some long-winded and (possibly) funny intro to this, but…..ain’t nobody got time for that.

So, without further ado…..we bring you the 3 Stars of the 2017 season! Voted on by YOU – the BTSH public!

(Note: As tempting as it is, I will not call out the people who voted for themselves for the 3 stars. But…you know who you are.)

First, let’s start with some honourable mentions (I spelled honorable that way for all you Canadians out there). These people received many votes, but not quite enough to crack the top 3 spots.

Hono(u)rable mentions

 

Tia – Everybody’s favorite nondescript bird (Is it a seagull? An eagle?? What is it??!) got a lot of love from her fellow BTSHers in this voting process. Reasons given for selecting Tia were all over the map. This is unsurprising, because, Tia is awesome for many reasons. Some people mentioned her stellar photography, and how they look forward to it each week (eat your heart out, Jamie B.). Others mentioned her team spirit and everlasting commitment to her Rainbows. The women’s scrimmage came up several times, but the most prevalent theme was plain and simple: She embodies what BTSH is all about. Period.

Ed P. – Gut Rot’s new franchise goalie and winner of the 2017 nice guy award kept popping up in the votes. Reasons ranged from “He saved Gut Rot” to “He is the savior of Gut Rot” to “He carried our team” to “Ed, please never leave us” (I made that last one up). But, even aside from those, people also mentioned how nice and laid-back of a guy he is, and how great he is on and off the court. Welcome to BTSH, Ed.

Zac Hogg – Went from an unknown rookie to a very hairy and well-known rookie. Finished third in the league in goals as What The Puck more than doubled their point total, going from 10 points and a 19 seed to 21 points and a 9 seed. He almost led them to a first round upset, scoring on his first shift in the opening round against the LBS before dropping a hard fought 4-3 decision. More importantly, Zac has proved to be an indispensible part of the community in participating in the bylaws committee, helping organize the 1st Annual Walker (not Walkar) Tournament, reffing a ton of games (including the championship) and generally being an affable Canadian presence at the bar. He may not have won rookie of the year, but he’s the current frontrunner for sophomore of the year and definitely snores louder than anyone in the league. Pause.

The Herr Sisters – Cheeky and Sarah won best duo at the BTSH awards but deserve additional recognition for their many fine talents. Sarah helped her team pull a first round upset over Cobra Kai and almost shock the world by beating eventual champion Fresh Kills. She also won prom queen, convinced Hicks to shave his beard and is now well on her way to becoming the bionic woman. Meanwhile, Cheeky was instrumental in planning the BTSH prom and generally attending all league events, even coming to the Rain Day Tournament when she wasn’t playing to cheer on her friends, drink heavily and kind of die. She also engaged in the most incredible promposal perhaps ever, a display of 80s love not seen since the days of John Cusack.

They haven’t aged a day.

Danielle H. – The former Commish was given kudos by a handful of BTSHers who wanted to acknowledge that she did a good job under tough circumstances, and that was she was never really given credit for her efforts.

Charlotte – Charlotte got several votes. We cannot figure out why. That girl is the worst.

That isn’t even her fish. She stole it from a blind person.

Karsten Pichon – The ageless wonder of BTSH was finally inducted into the Hall of Fame this year. At 43 years old, he tied for fourth in goals with almost rookie of the year Zac Hogg and led his 8th seeded LBS to a final four run. He also played a part in one of the most incredible moments of the season when, less than 48 hours after his mothers passing, he showed up in the middle of the second half of game against Filthier and proceeded to pick up a hat trick in ten minutes, the final goal being scored as time expired. The LBS rushed the court to mob him, gave him the game ball and, this being the day of the Olympics, picked up over 100 beers (while Alex made a specialty cocktail that nearly killed multiple league members). Karsten’s the league’s all-time leading goal scorer and the heart and soul of a LBS team that will always be a contender as long as he’s on the roster.

Alex F – This guy is so hot.

Phil Donohue – The longtime captain of the Anklebiters was finally honored as Captain of the Year at the BTSH awards. Phil was instrumental, as always, in stepping up to work with the social committee in setting up the BTSH Olympics, which returned a year ago and are here to stay. In addition to being at the forefront of all the Anklebiters’ hijinks that we love so much, Phil has worked tirelessly for many years behind the scenes to keep the league fun, and social. He never expects any thanks or recognition, and he never got any……until this year.

The West Court Fence – In the words of alpha male Brian Hicks: “for standing strong and maintaining its integrity despite life & Glanzer trying to run through it.”

Jenn’s Left BreastNever forget.

Rich Glanzer – Nope.

Even Arya and I got a few votes each….aww, shucks. You guys.

The Winners Circle

3rd Star of 2017: Diana Marko – It’s been quite an eventful year for Diana. She was appointed to the social committee and headed up the organization in a banner year for league social events. Olympics, the All-Star Game, the weekly events – all of it came from the social committee and/or the Anklebiters, and Diana was a part of both. She was instrumental in finding new bars for us to try, some of which shockingly had this thing called “natural light.” Did we forget anything? Oh, yea – PROM! Marko finally made BTSH Prom happen, something which has been discussed for years. And now she’s engaged! Congrats on a truly incredible season.

2nd Star of 2017: Brian Cronauer – All you have to say is Cro and people will either smile or be ready to beat you with a beer bottle. Love him or hate him, he is for sure one of the most involved members in the league. He’s one of the captains of the Hookers who went from 18th to 3rd in the span of just one year. He refs games, attends almost every league event (as long as vape pens haven’t totally knocked him out of commission), sits on the bylaws committee (even if he’s skipped both meetings thus far) and is a genuinely good and likable guy so long as you’re not playing against or getting in a social media war with him. Oh, and he’s a decent hockey player too, hosting the BTSH Pond Hockey Classic at his lakehouse this offseason. Cro may do some things that rub people the wrong way like shit-talking playoff opponents on social media, but one thing’s for sure: the league is a far more interesting place with him in it.

 

1st Star of the 2017 season, drumroll please…….

photo credit: Tia!

Isaac – I don’t even know where to begin. This guy does so much for the league that it even rivals Newman (we miss you, Newman). Of course, I will start with the media. Poor Isaac. When all of us slacker website writers were off living it up – hanging out with friends, traveling around the world, rollerskating hand in hand, winning pizza eating contests, etc…….Isaac was working, to entertain and inform all of us. Whenever one of us slacked on a deadline…he wrote it himself. Whenever one of us promised him an article that never materialized…he wrote it himself. When one of us (who shall remain nameless) was violently ill from eating enough pizza to kill a horse…Isaac wrote it himself. His enduring commitment to the website is something that we all love, and we all truly appreciate…but we rarely acknowledge. Well BTSHers, you sure acknowledged this time. Isaac got votes from all across the league, every team felt that he deserved this honor. Some reasons given for voting Isaac were “He saved the media”, “He does a ton for the league, especially the media”, and “He is so handsome, I wanna have his baby”. In addition to the INSANE amount of time and effort this guy puts into the media, he also refs, co-captains Karma, is one of the nicest people in the league, is always willing to help out the social committee and any other league efforts, captained a tournament team AND bought them all brand new rad shirts, plus he cured cancer in his spare time. Dear editor-in-chief and huge asset to the league – we salute you.

Third Stars
Cherie and those Badass Ladies on the Rehabs

Not pictured: Monique.

With both teams having barely settled into OT,  Cherie snagged the ball near mid-court, raced down the right side and fired a laser over the goalie’s left shoulder for the OT GWG.  Arm raised while donning a stoic yet victorious expression, she strode into the celebratory embrace of her teammates…even though we’ve seen her pull off this feat before,  we never get tired of witnessing it. Play on, Playa.

Even having said that, a team is only as strong as the sum of its parts and DAMN, those ladies on the Rehabs are badass!  They’re totally Sisters before Misters.

P.S. Veel sucess, Amber!

Second Star
Brett from Dark Rainbows
by Cat

This guy killed it on Sunday.

Brett has put up with years of “I would love to but I can’t this time, definitely next time!” when he invites us to his stand-up. The solution: if you can’t bring BTSH to open mic night, bring open mic night to BTSH. Brett took the stage on Sunday night and killed it with new material just for the occasion, deftly handling hecklers and making mom proud (s/o to Mama Hiker, who flew in all the way from Colorado just to attend the season end party, spotted chugging a Guinness and swapping shirts with Longwell).

First Stars
Frank and the Fresh Kills

21-0-1 and a BTSH Championship. Not too shabby for a single season record.

2017 PBR Cup Champs!

When you think of Fresh Kills you immediately think of Gabe, Ariel, Sheena, Barch, Natasha or Soko. You also think of goals, seasoned veterans, empty barstools and class. Well, get ready to add a couple new names to that list – Frank, Nicole and T-Rush. While the seasoned vets we just mentioned were paralyzed with fear by the ghosts of their past those, three heroes stepped up and delivered championship performances. Frank and Nicole combined for 5 goals against LBS, Inc. and then went out scored a couple more against the defending champs. T-Rush was essential in both contests as he delivered sweet dimes.

Honorable mentions:

Diana and Sam for being excellent hosts of the Awards Show and putting up with our obnoxious arses.  They kept it fresh with witty banter, well-timed jokes, and surprise award categories. Great job!

Diana (yes, I know we just mentioned her, but shut-up) for doing most of the heavy lifting during the show.  All while sober.  You try it.

Liz for single handedly setting up the courts a full hour before the balls dropped for the Semis.

Rich for calmly reassuring a raucous crowd before the show that the back room would be available soon.  Thanks for having a firm handle on the situation. 

Thank you to everyone that came out Sunday evening to cheer on the award nominees and celebrate the end of the 2017 season.  Here are the winners:

The winners of the 2017 BTSH Awards!

BTSH Regular Season Scoring Champion (male)

Mike T., Sky Fighters

The game plan is simple: stop this guy.

BTSH Regular Season Scoring Champion (female)

Cherie S., Rehabs

Back-to-Back scoring champ!

Derek and Eli (Ambiguously Straight Duo) Award for Best Duo

Herr Sisters

League treasures.

Rookie of the Year (male)

Campbell from Cobra Kai

Rookie of the Year (female)

Carrie from Gouging Anklebiters

Bob W. Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence (Captain of The Year)

Phil from Gouging Anklebiters

The team that dranks together wins together.

Best Defense – male

Creamy from Butchers

Creamy and Dana.

Best Defense – female

Amber from Rehabs

Craig ‘Kentucky Wristwatch’ Lacombe Award – for flamboyance and extraordinary feats in goaltending

Dave from Mathematics

Sisters Before Misters Award for the team with the baddest females

ReeeeHaaaabbbssss!

Most Underrated (male)

Hugh from Instant Karma

From now on he will be rated.

Most Underrated (female)

Dana from Butchers

Upset of the Year

Gut Rot defeating Fuzz during the regular season

Gut Rot wins!

C Dubs Award for the player with the sweetest disposition

Ed P from Gut Rot

Rachel Greene Award for Snark, Style, and Finesse

Ali from LBS, Inc.

Snark, Style and Finesse.

Jamie Batu… Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Sneaker Hockey Photojournalism

Tia from Dark Rainbows

Clavvy Award for long form submission of an article

Alex F from LBS, Inc.

Sam N Award for Superior Ref Skillz

Adam from Denim Demons

Snubby Award 

Zac from What The Puck

3 Stars of the Season (as voted on by you, the BTSH voting public)

Third Star

Diana M from Gouging Anklebiters

Deserved.

Second Star

Brian from Corlears Hookers

Rigged.

First Star

Isaac from Instant Karma

#twinning

Congratulations to each of the winners!

by Arya Stark and JW

So at this point, unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’re probably aware that the semis and championship will be taking place on the same day.  Previews for the semifinals were posted before the rain fears but to get you through the championship without actually going through the effort of writing four potential previews (three of which would end up being completely superfluous), we took the easy way out and just had a gchat conversation about it instead of working.  Think of it as a written version of a podcast because clearly JW would never consent to doing anything as millennial as an actual podcast.

W: ok I forget our plan…what are we doing here again?

Arya: haha no plan really – just a free flowing convo which i am then going to try to somehow edit into a reasonably coherent piece.

JW: i can’t even remember what we are discussing…previews, right?

Arya: potential championship previews

JW: ah thats right.  there we go.  my idea was for them to be really short and stupid…ha.

Arya: short – unlikely.  stupid – guaranteed.

JW: i feel like you’re going to want to talk about actual hockey…you know i don’t know anything about sports though?

Arya: jw please, you are the quintessential jock…i saw you take charlotte’s lunch money and stuff her in a locker.  plus your prom attire speaks for itself.

JW: it’s funny you say that because Charlotte does call me a bully.

Arya: ok potential championship matchups – lets start with lbs / fresh kills

JW: i thought we were just doing the potential final matchups. that isn’t one. (the fools who pick 2 teams who play each other to advance are rubbing off on you)

Arya: oh yeah, youre actually correct

JW: i sure am

Arya: dick

ok rehabs/lbs then…championship rematch.  on paper it seems like a blowout…2 vs 8 seed, plus the fact that last year the rehabs won and cherie went from lbs to rehabs.  but lbs swept the season series, plus in the playoffs anything can happen

JW: i love that you answered your own question. see, you don’t need me!

The Rehabs will be fired up, both to erase the season series sweep by Lbs. and to move on to the final to defend their title.

Arya: i wonder if there might be a sense of overconfidence if they get there and realize they don’t have to face fresh kills, which i’m sure they’re expecting

JW: I agree that if the Habs arrive at the final and it isn’t against FK, they will be relieved….maybe too relieved. (insert joke about someone relieving themself on the rink).  Fresh Kills could be cocky too.

Arya: because of their record and 9-0 aggregate beating of the lbs in the regular season?

JW: 9-0??? Over Lbs.??  Is that true???  I am not sure how I missed that box score. (Jeff probably still hasn’t posted it.)

Arya: even #fuzznation appreciates a good fuzz burn

what do you see rehabs/lbs being like stylistically?

JW: it’s hard for me to predict a Lbs. win, but I honestly wouldn’t be surprised.

stylistically, it will be really good hockey. Both teams control and move the puck well….with the Rehabs always looking for the open player. Lbs can sometimes be a little more run and gun…but that will be tough against the Rehabs’ defense.  definitely do not think this game will be the blowout that a 2 v 8 seed normally could be.

Also, it will be difficult for Lbs. to score with both Ramirez and Showtime in net at the same time.

Arya: we’ll need to check the rulebook on that one.

Arya: lbs are a strange team – seeded 8th, but 6-2 against the first division with two losses to fresh kills and a sweep against all others.  also, if its rehabs/lbs and lbs find a way to win, is cherie the BTSH marian hossa?

JW: if that happens it will be a great matchup.  Hmm…..Rehabs/Lbs…..i’d say it goes to OT……Karsten gets the game winner.

Arya: lets move on to the next.  rehabs/fresh kills – its chalk, the matchup everyones expecting

JW: You mean the matchup no one wants…no underdog to root for…

Arya: ya i guess in this scenario lbs and filthy qualify as underdogs even though only four points separated the 2 seed (rehabs) from the 8 (lbs)

JW: it’s really true

it was so tight (insert sexual joke here)

Arya: ok so Habs/Kills….two teams with some of the best female players in the league.  you’ve got cherie/amber/sena/monique/lindsey vs roxy/nicole/sheena/can’t remember other names.  who has the edge?

JW: i think overall the Rehabs have the best women in the league

Arya: how do fresh kills have such a better record? it seems like having such an advantage in the female department would be massive in a co-ed league

JW: It really is shocking.  I don’t understand how they managed to avoid losing a single game in regulation…

Arya: the shift of gabe to defense has been inspired

JW: definitely

I also think the Rehabs had attendance issues, but having either Gabe or Ariel on D throughout the entire game is stiffling.  With Gabe and Ariel and Roxy…..the Kills may have the edge on defense, but the Rehabs have the edge in goaltending.

Arya: would you believe that ramirez has yet to give up a goal thus far in the playoffs?  twin shutouts.  his fantasy owners are no doubt ecstatic, led by none other than ramirez himself

JW: he also has great defense in front of him, but he’s a stellar goalie

one year he subbed in for another team on the final game of the regular season and his winning that game helped Gut Rot (who was his full-time team at the time) avoid the play-in game. If I recall….the Hookers were the team he beat. I can’t recall who he was playing for. But he also won his Gut Rot game that day. It was awesome.

SULTAN FACT CHECK: “Eric actually won 3 games that day. The first was FK beating the Hookers 1-0. The best part was he was the Gut Rot goalie and during a late timeout, he had all the FK players huddled around him as he gave a speech. But Walker was right, it was indeed awesome. (And I think he got at least 2 shutouts, if not three)”

Arya: what would your prediction be for that game?

JW: i feel like i should be working since i am off thurs, fri and mon. ha (editors note: WRONG)

I predict a Rehabs win. You heard it here first. Fresh Kills suffers their first regulation loss of the season.  3-2 Rehabs. Maybe even 4-2.

Arya: ok so we’ve done the two rehabs matchups but lets say filthy is super pumped after having half the team run the marathon last week and they make it to the finals against the fresh kills.  the big storyline there would be that filthy was the only team to beat fresh kills this season, albeit in a somewhat controversial shootout.  how do you see that going?

JW: The shootout was only controversial after it was over…..the ball was in first…..

Though I do think Barch personally will be hungry to avenge that loss.  However, Filthier will be hard-pressed to win that game while missing both Dennis and Suvin.  But I wouldnt be surprised if one or both of them makes it back on Sunday….

Arya: have they played five games?  if not, would be interesting whether they’re given an exemption

JW:they would have to had asked for the exemption already.  and while we’re at it let’s talk about how stupid the exemption vote is….I maintain that it should just be like the regular season, with someone borrowing a player from another team……the captain of the opposing team has to approve it, individually, game by game. Period.

It’s ridiculous that someone else is voting who can play against MY team.

(this should all be in the article too, by the way. ha)

Arya: oh by the way ill try to send you a proof of this before the ranger game

JW: ok cool, thanks

i have tricia tonight, but should be able to look at it later

*trivia

Arya: oh i assumed tricia was a ladyfriend of yours

“i have tricia tonight” YEAH JW

final four features four excellent goalies…three are undoubtedly among leagues best (barch, ramirez, tim k) and zisser is one of the top rookies, especially when it comes to alcoholism.  his unorthodox style works in the net and, from what I’ve been told, in the bedroom.

JW: absolutely

personally, I havent seen Zisser play much…

and weirdly I have never really seen Barch play much.  i guess I dont find myself watching Fresh Kills much.

Arya: you’re all underdog all the time.  most of the league is though.  i mean who wasn’t pulling for math in that crazy QF match?

JW: i dunno about that one, a lot of people wanted Kai to win too, especially because Kai could have given the 1st division teams a run for their money.

Arya: i meant the crazy math/fresh kills game where they were up, then down, then tied it late

but on that topic, i was surprised kai went down so early…having put together the playoff pool, they were an incredibly popular sleeper pick.

Arya: so heres the thing – as we alluded to earlier, this was really an interesting year for the league, with standings so packed (aside from FK) yet you look at the final four and its four first division teams.  do you think this indicates there is a lot of parity, or no parity at all?

JW: i think we THOUGHT there was more parity this year (and to an extent, there was)….but it ended up maybe being an illusion.  we just got more of the same, in the end. Four 1st division teams.

Arya: but how much of that is the first division teams being best, and how much is a coincidence?  i mean lbs almost lost to WTP in the first round, math almost took out fresh kills in the QF…both were lucky to survive.

JW: i do think there may have been some luck involved…..

Arya: do you think the parity in the league is an issue?

JW: Rich does.  (dammit, he came up!  I was hoping he wouldn’t.)

Arya: rich doesn’t care about parity!  he wants every game to be the hunger games

where he plays the part of katniss when in reality he’s almost literally president snow

JW: rich thinks there should be two championships….like in OC.  he’s been saying it for years. he feels no lower division team can win it all anymore. i disagree. and was hoping to prove him wrong with Cobra Kai this season

ok….i cant talk THAT much longer and we have only done 2 matchups….and barely done those.  haha

wow, look at me, actually be the one COMBATING the ADHD

Arya: late nomination for upset of the year: JW combating ADHD rather than contributing to it

ok so filthy/fresh kills…how do you see that going?

JW: i see Fresh Kills playing a possession game….it will be tough for Filthy to play a possession game being that they are missing 2 of their stars. 

And while they have added a couple good guys this season…..those guys arent Dennis and Suvin. 

But Tim will remain steadfast in net, and give them a chance. Ultimately, I’m sorry to say…..I see Fresh Kills taking this one.

Arya: if they win, is that the greatest season in btsh history?

JW: I believe it would be.

SULTAN FACT CHECK: “I don’t remember anyone having a better season besides the 2010 Elves.

JW: This article is going to be terrible. Why are you making me talk about sports??

Arya: YOU LOVE SPORTS

ok and finally, lbs vs filthy

shockingly, lbs swept season series

6-3 and then 5-1, the 5-1 game being karsten’s heroic martin st louis moment

JW: I seem to remember the 6-3 score, and being surprised Filthy gave up that many…

hmm, the 2 respective underdogs in the final four…..the matchup I want to see……

Arya: and yet, its last years runner up vs the 2015 champion…but its as close to underdogs as we’re getting 

JW: Both teams should just shake hands and congratulate each other one taking out the 1 and 2 seeds, and call it a draw. No final game gets played. (this goes in the article, haha)

Arya: glanzer would LOVE that.  a championship game decided by a handshake/hug like the ending of lisa on ice

JW: Classic Simpsons episode. I will let Chadwick know you referenced it, when I see him at trivia tonight

Definitely as close to underdogs as we’re getting. There really is no true underdog to root for of the 4 remaining teams. 

ok, so, for real….lbs/filthy…..Is luke playing?  And that guy avery i don’t know?

Arya: luke and ave will be ready to party.  also don’t sleep on roberts in this one – first off, only emily gets to do that.  also, while he’s not a flashy player, that’s the type of guy you need in the playoffs – simple, effective north/south game with strong two-way instincts.

JW: I forgot about Roberts.  yeah he isnt flashy, but he is solid and tenacious.  Lbs. do have some good young guys….

let’s see….Filthy has the goaltending edge…..both teams have a lot of firepower….

last one…and i cant even close it out…ha

Arya: doesn’t bode well for tricia

JW: i think it would be a run and gun game on both sides, with a lot of fast breaks

Arya: if thats the case, it will come down to whose defense will hold (both teams’ best players are on O so that will be interesting).  and if zisser can match up with tim k.

JW: the neutral zone could get clogged, being that both teams have good centers who want give up much defensively….

but if both teams can break through that, that’s when those fast breaks come

unfortunately, i fear for your sake that Zisser may not be able to match Tim K

Arya: so you think in a lbs/filthy matchup, filthy win on the back of tim k?

JW: not necessarily….I am just not sure if James will be as effective without Suvin. However, James can do A LOT himself

Also Sunny and Shaq should never be overlooked, of course.

Arya: might come down to the ladies.  ann, kate et al vs ali, klion, liz et al

JW: Tim K may have to shoulder a lot of the burden, BUT Filthy will get their scoring chances, too.

I believe Filthy only have 3 girls on their roster.  Hopefully all 3 show up Sunday.

Arya: hopefully theres no rain sunday or we’re all screwed

JW: Prediction: Filthy jump out to an early lead, but Lbs. ultimately crush their hopes…..3-2 Lbs. (unless Dennis and Suvin play. Ha.)

Arya: ok two more questions before we mercifully bring this to a close

1) would an 8 seed winning the championship be the lowest in league history?  and 2) has a championship game ended in sudden death before?

or do we need to call glanzer in for these

JW: Gotta call him in.

the 8 seed winning is prob true….though it’s crazy because Lbs. are SUCH a GOOD 8 seed

SULTAN FACT CHECK: “Not only are the Lbs.not good but…I kinda remember an 8th seed winning once before

JW: In my time I do not believe a championship has ended in OT. 

SULTAN FACT CHECK: “Wrong, you stupid idiot (dummy). FK beat the Hookers in OT in 2014. And you know this. (Ariel scored and a week later he also scored the OT goal for Dependable Scrap. Both wins pale in comparison to his Cecil & Harambe World Championship)”

Arya: well at least we can agree on one thing: no matter what happens this weekend, rich and hicks will insist that fuzz won the championship

SULTAN FACT CHECK: “I know we lost. Ellery and Fatou put a Washington Caps Curse on Fuzz and now we can never get past the 2nd round!”