Posts by: "Isaac"

by Arya Stark

Welcome to the 2018 Midseason Power Rankings.  If you can believe it, we’re already halfway through the season.  Goals, saves, sandwich debates, rain fears, video review controversy, boxed wine, unprotected sex – save for tasteful fence shoving, 2018’s really had it all.  And we still haven’t even gotten to the Olympics, although to be fair Becca may never make it there either way.

The methodology for this ranking was simple: nine people filled out a poll (10 if you count Chadwick’s ranking which was Karma #1 and a 19-way tie for 2nd), and the results were aggregated.  Some people chose not to rank their own teams which meant those teams received only eight votes to average; some people didn’t rank the bottom teams because they’re not as heartless as I am.  One person, who’s like-to-retweet ratio on Twitter has raised some suspicion that he’s actually a Russian bot, submitted a series of three way ties, essentially sorting the teams into tiers.  Some didn’t give feedback; others made comments on all teams.  Some were really nice and generous; others were named Rich Glnzr.  All in all, we were able to put this together and even got some bonus hot-takes thrown in for a future column.  Read, enjoy, bitch.  That last word was a verb, not a noun.  Let’s do this.

LBS makes a return to the top of the Power Rankings.

1) LBS Inc (8-1-0)

Besides an early season loss to Karma, the LBS have been firing on all cylinders. The past two games were tight, playoff-type wins; every other one has been by three or more goals. Scotty and Karsten are both top five in scoring, their ladies have already tripled last season’s female goal total, and Sizzler’s been far more protective of his net than he is of his bedroom. The only question that matters: can they keep it up in the playoffs?

Average Ranking: 1.11
Standings Position: 1st
Goal Differential: 1st
Highest Ranking: 1st
Lowest Ranking: 2nd
First Place Votes: 7

What They’re Saying:

“Karsten and Scotty are beasts, Ali’s smile could melt the coldest of hearts, and Mr PJs is good for a shootout tuck once in a while.  Sizzler makes saves he should not be able to make while Agassi is real strong on the blue line (but is vulnerable to chirps).” – Will

“Have been dominant with an incredibly difficult strength of schedule.” – Probie

“Their captain is so damn sexy.” – Commonly heard on Sundays [Continue Reading…]

In this BTSH Father’s Day segment, 23 and Mia
honors four fellas experiencing this Sunday as first time fathers.

Maybe it’s competition that turns them on. Or maybe it’s the lure of so much spandex. Whatever the reason, this squad got busy with their league partners and recently created tiny humans: Schuie from the Ankle Biters, Gut Rot’s Dave W, Creamy from the Butchers and Math’s James B.

What is the name of your baby and when were they born?

Baby girl Schuie aka Willa, May 15th, 2018
Baby girl Dave aka Evelyn, July 22, 2017
Baby boy Creamy aka Oscar, April 9th, 2018
Baby boy James aka Murray, January 16th, 2018 [Continue Reading…]

by Richiehero

What a week at BTSH. The All-Star Game was back and now we know why we stopped having one. God hates the Anklebiters and made it rain, ruining their Black Panther party. At least that was the vibe throughout the day…as team after team pulled a Rubens and either didn’t bother showing or just quit.

But much like Math’s defense, the waters receded (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AconZHeXeF8) and the following Heroes emerged.

Third Star
Tia Captain of Winning All Star Team

Sweet, young innocent Tia maybe isn’t so sweet and innocent after all. After each goal her team scored, she had them taunting the other team by taking pictures, rowing, doing the limbo etc. Now that the Rainbows are winners, it’s going to be a long season for the rest of you foos. [Continue Reading…]

Alex Ovechkin and the Washington Capitals are Stanley Cup Champions.  Pause. Let that sink in. And now read it again. Alex Ovechkin and the Washington Capitals are Stanley Cup Champions!

It was okay to believe.  Now it is okay to exhale.

Back in 2008 when the Caps went on an improbable run late in the season to win their division and then the President’s Trophy in 2010, it seemed inevitable that they would soon hoist the Cup.  Then the years following were a stretch of heart-shattering disappointment, pain, playoff misery, dumb trades and trade debates, a GM change and a couple different bench bosses. After another early playoff exit in 2017, the Caps winning the Cup had become a fantasy, a dream and an infuriating league joke. [Continue Reading…]

Jerk.

LBS beat up Filthier.

Jamie and the Gremlins blanked Instant Karma.

Butchers and Fresh Kills landed Puss List of fools that melt when sprinkled upon.

Cobra Kai found themselves in another LOL Shootout that went 11+ rounds with the Riots prevailing at the end. Boom.

Rehabs upended Biters.  [Continue Reading…]