Posts by: "Isaac"

Let’s get Schlitzy!!!

Gut Rot vs. What The Puck

written by JW

In this corner: Gut Rot

Dominant narrative: They don’t win a lot of games. Also, they’re the fun team. 

These things are both true. However, Captain Diane DID win at trivia the other night. Someone who shall remain nameless had a lot to do with this victory because there was a classic horror films round, but I digress. Nicely put, this game is a mismatch. (It’s the top seed vs. the bottom seed matchup.) This doesn’t mean Gut Rot cannot win. I suspect they are looking ahead to Halloween festivities more so than thinking about hockey, however I do know that they love The Schlitz. So, heck, let’s all get a good seat for this one. 

Player to watch: Whoever is between the pipes. Will it be Sam, their regular goalie? He didn’t make a lot of games this year. Will it be #GoalieBecca? Will they have no goalie and pull some rando off the street who was walking by eating a slice of pizza and looking wondrously at the courts? Man I hope so. 

Bandwagonability: You know the answer to this. As I’ve always said, Gut Rot are the team that everyone loves to love.

In this corner: What The Puck

Dominant narrative: “They’re probably going to beat Gut Rot”. 

Yeah, yeah, yeah – we know that this is the top vs. bottom seed. We also know that What The Puck finished #5 overall this season, including an impressive 10 or so game win streak (probably the longest win streak in 3rd division history?). However, the Pucks have lost their last 2 games coming into this one, and a source texted me that the Gut Rot/Pucks game this season was a close game. (Can someone check the score of that one for me? Feeling pretty lazy right now.) So, will it be upset city in this one? Political pundits are stating that the potential is there, though it is still unlikely. Why are political pundits commenting on street hockey games, you ask? This is BTSH, nothing surprises me anymore. 

Player to watch: Hogg. Always Hogg. 

No, silly, not THAT What The Puck.

Bandwagonability: They’re a nice team who had a very impressive season, seemingly out of nowhere. We like them a lot, however, let’s be honest – there are probably underdogs who you’d rather see win The Schlitz. 

Prediction: No prediction from me as I’ll be reffing this game. Wait, shit, Isaac, I don’t seriously have to ref, do I? I know I agreed to help you organize The Schlitz but I have never reffed a game in my life and I was hoping to keep that streak going throughout my entire career.

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By Cat

To celebrate having my Sundays back, I volunteered to do the stars. And by “volunteered” I mean I made the mistake of asking in the BTSH media thread, “who is writing the stars?” And by “having my Sundays back” I mean being completely devoted to winning the Schlitz.

It was a great week for the beef beat. People yelling at refs. Arguing about rules. Goal or hand pass. Is that win even an upset. Nothing like the playoffs to bring out the worst in everyone!

I really believe that this is one of the more evenly matched years. We have low division teams that completely hold their own against upper division teams – see: WTP’s applause-worthy win streak, Mega Touch holding it scoreless for more than half their game against Rehabs, the Rainbows pulling a repeat upset over the Butchers. We have historically meh teams at the top of their game (most notably Anklebiters) and historically impressive teams starting to sweat as they hold onto their crowns (Fresh Kills, Hookers, Filthier – I’ll add Cobra Kai and Fuzz to that list, as they both had A+ seasons in 2018). The median skill level of the league is soaring.

So I guess what I’m saying is… don’t we all deserve stars?


Ironwomen of BTSH

Fielding enough players for the playoffs is tough. October is wedding season, football season, holiday season. We’re working off of pre-approved rosters, limiting the use of subs.

A lot of teams as a result had girls playing the whole game: Sam for Karma defense, Ryann and Andrea on Fuzz both played the whole game, me!, Nico from Poutine played defense the whole game, a position she had never even played before… probably more that I don’t know about because I’m not omniscient…

My number one fan, Rich, likes to give shit for giving stars to girls just for playing but honestly boys are douchebaggy and girls make 78 cents on the dollar so I do what I want.

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Fresh Kills was up 3-0 at the half and then went soft as they allowed the Hookers to score 3 unanswered. This one needed a shootout with Fresh Kills moving on to the next round.

The Demons dream season came to a fitting end in a shootout loss to Cobra Kai.

Fuzz certainly has her groove back as they handed Filthier an early playoff exit.

Mega’s game strategy against the Rehabs nearly worked as they held the Habs scoreless for an entire half. In the other half the Habs scored two goals and Mega had none.

Big Mad Thor made an appearance during the Karma v Poutine game. He would like to take this opportunity to apologize to Scotty and Lee. Karma avenged last year’s playoff loss to Poutine.

The Biters tested out the Ewing theory against the Sky Fighters and proved it correct. Probie is expected back for the next game. We think.

Scotty v J-E-S-S (Jess! Jess! Jess!) was the game that was promised. LBS’s back-up goalie earned a clean sheet against the sharp-shooting Rainbows.

Defeating a team three times in a season is hard to do as the Pucks found out against a hungry Gremlins team.

Elite Eight Match-ups

Fresh Kills v LBS, Inc.

Gremlins v Biters.

Cobra Kai v Instant Karma

Fuzz v Rehabs (Round III).

Schlitz Cup is coming! – Stay tuned!

11. Fuzz at 6. Filthier

By Charlotte

Fuzz: 10W, 7L, 1OTL  // 21Points, 48GF, 42GA, 6diff

  • Losses: WTP, Rehabs, CKai, Lbs, Butchers, Filthy, Biters, Lbs

Filthy: 13W, 5L, 0 OTL // 26Points, 53GF, 31GA, 22diff

  • Losses: Fuzz, Lbs, Rehabs, Lbs, Rehabs

In this corner:

Fuzz – defending champions, sitting in seat #11 this year. They have scored a lot but have also let in near as many goals.

Filthy – their goals for and goals against differential evidences why they’re sitting where they are in the rankings.

Fuzz and Filthy have faced off twice these year and each took away a win making this a very exciting match up. Filthy has put up an impressive number of goals and their defense, and most notably, Tim K have done their job to keep their goals against and number of losses low. Fuzz, despite being in seat #11 has put up a total number of goals consistent with the teams who finished in the top half (which Fuzz almost made, but got seated at #11 just behind Cobra-Kai due to a head-to-head tiebreaker rule). Fuzz’s scoring power will keep them in this game.

Players to watch:

Fuzz: Ryan – strong defensive player.

Filthy: Tim K – arguable one of the top goalies in the league. He will be difficult to score against!


Fuzz – nobody wants to see that championship celebration again.

Filthy – 100%.

Prediction: Fuzz: 1, Filthy: 2

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12. Gremlins at 5. What The Puck

by Isaac

In this corner: What The Puck

Dominant narrative: the obvious choice is the winning streak the Pucks went on over the course of three months. However, the correct one is the Pucks dominance over the Gremlins.  This season the Pucks were the only division team to sweep the Gremlins and historically Justin has owned Jamie (you might want to accept that friend request before Sunday’s game). 

Player to watch: Annie, the human evolution of the force of field hockey.  The asphalt rink tilts in the Pucks’ favor when she’s out there doing work.

Bandwagonability: 7/10.  What’s not to like about a team ascending from division 4 to 3 one year and then 3 to 2 the following year? 

In this corner: Gremlins

Dominant narrative: After starting the season off at a promising 6-3-0 things quickly turned sour as they went into a tailspin.  While the Pucks were enjoying success for three months the Gremlins were absolutely frustrated and miserable.  The only win over that span came against 20th ranked Gut Rot.  However, the two wins they picked up on the last day of the season are encouraging.

Player to watch: Erich.  He’s the bingo this team rides to the bank. 

Bandwagonability: 1/10.  Beat the Pucks.  Then we’ll talk.

Prediction: If Erich shows up with a chip on his shoulder and something to prove then we’ll be treated to a hell of game.  Having said that, it takes a team effort against Emily, Mike Mc, and Susie.  I’m predicting a tight game with the Pucks pulling away near the end 4-2.

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