Posts by: "Isaac"

by Anonymous Lovely Lady 

Who run the world?
Girls
Who run this motha?

Who run the world? GIRLS!!!

Chief Design Officer Amy v Board Woman Georgine
Gouging Anklebiters at Butchers 

We haven’t seen much of Amy yet this season, but we know her heart and creative mind is with the ‘biters every week. Amy always creates fabulous costume designs for the ‘biters new recruits, which we sadly missed seeing due the opening party being hosted on Saturday. There’s always next year!

Georgine is a constant surprise as she is always willing to take on roles within BTSH to make it a better place. Her chill attitude and ‘Who Cares?’ motto should be adopted by more teams.

Prediction: The Butchers can’t catch a break, 6-2 Anklebiters, but these teams will be seen sharing beers after.  [Continue Reading…]

by Cat

Third Star
Ella from Royale

Probie made good on his campaign promises and delivered discounted drinks at Royale for the rum and vodka drinkers of the league, to the delight of many, but particularly Liz B. And who knows why but it seems that Royale might… actually like us? The patio may be covered in smelly equipment, any non-BTSH patrons are miserable, Chadwick plays a goddamn slide whistle they have to pretend to delight in, their limes are not safe from being tossed, and yet the manager insists he’s happy to have us.

So good once it hits your lips.

More likely, of course, is they are scared of us. How else do you explain this piece of worrisome video propaganda of smiling Royale staff Ella?

I’ll summarize the contents for those of you who aren’t video compatible:

JEN P yells at poor Ella:
Go!

ELLA laughs nervously, fearfully:
Hi BTSH it’s Ella from Royale. Um I just want to let you guys know that the Denim Demons are the league sweethearts, because they hang out.

ELLA strikes a pose with a hockey stick, JEN applauds:
Go Demons!

Tip the wait staff enough and they’ll say anything.

Someone save Ella.

Second Star
Erich G from Gremlins

Gremlins and Mega Touch had a particularly tense match-up resulting in a 4-3 win for a team I now understand represents a car rather than a weird 1980’s movie I won’t watch. This is largely thanks to Erich, who sunk in two goals and had a sick assist on a third.

Didn’t even break a sweat.

Erich is low-key one of the best players in BTSH. Freal do you ever watch him play? He’s not even trying and then whoopsie scores three goals. Like honestly he’s good enough I should probs not be handing out stars to him but sometimes it’s just like, Damn gurl. You gotta stop and admire.

First Star
Co-Commissioners Brian Hicks and Sarah Herr

In spite of the wonky weather and being literally across the country at the time, Co-Commissioners Hicks and Herr managed to make the right call on Sunday. Games were a go, and everyone got to play.* It was very, very cold out.

Sarah Finbar and Dr Brian Bravestone, thank goodness you are here.

In addition to being basically professional meteorologists, they are humanitarians. Hicks collected money this week to donate to #SticksOutForHumboldt, to help the families affected by the accident, and that deserves a special mention as well.

*Or at least everyone got to start to play. That’s a MINUS STAR to the weather for keeping the Dark Rainbows half a game from their first victory in over a season. Both 5:30 matches are to be continued and will be livestreamed for Aaron F, with game commentary by Ella from Royale, league sweetheart and suspected victim of Stockholm syndrome.

Honorable Mentions:

FA Goalie Eitan subbed for Math and helped carry them to a win, only letting one goal from Sky Fighters sneak by.

Coach had one of his career best between the pipes for Fuzz.

Karma had an embarrassment of riches on their bench, so Isaac took one for the team and sat the game out to ensure his teammates got enough playing time and enough cheering from the sidelines.

I am not a slide whistle person but I received a lot of feedback that it should receive first star for some reason.

The Anklebiters got revenge against the Hookers for sending them to the golf course early last season and have established themselves as the team nobody wants to face.

Math narrowly beat the Sky Fighters by relying on pinching, prayers and Eitan.

Two of the league’s most BTSH-esque teams got very un-BTSH-like in the second half as the Gremmies slipped past Mega. Get it together, bozos.

Rehabs got back on track by defeating the Butchers on the court. Afterwards we heard the Butchers won at Royale. (Who, btw, has been an awesome host to our league.)

Rose Charities Tournament is this Saturday, April 21st. Have you heard? [Continue Reading…]

Filthier at Fuzz
By A Young Padawan and their Jedi Master

So, we got to thinking this week…what would happen to these two teams in a post-apocalyptic world? If civilization collapsed, modern technology ceased to exist, and food and water became extremely scarce, we ask you…WWFAFD? (What would Fuzz and Filthier do?)

We’d choose the apocalypse over having to spend more than 30 seconds in the Tompkins restrooms.

Well, we have some predictions, which (surprise!) have nothing to do with hockey…

  • In a pathetic grab at power, Glanzer would quickly attempt to crown himself King of this new society…but, the King and Queen would clearly be James and Ann. Let’s be real.
  • Sig, in pre-apocalyptic world is a teacher, so in a post-apocalyptic world, naturally he would set up a school and teach everyone the Earth’s tattered history.
  • Walsh would STILL be sitting at his desk, attempting to work. (Come out foraging with us Walshy, quarterly earnings aren’t a thing anymore.)
  • Sunny blankly stares at a non-functioning rusted out old TV, still waiting for a Leafs game that will never happen.
  • Kate would be the REAL leader. James and Ann are just figureheads.
  • Ryann would obviously be the most instrumental to the survival of the group. Spoiler alert: You all die of thirst, starvation, or worse, without Ryann. (We see you, girl.)
  • Alexa still keeps all the ref assignments in her Rainbow Brite Trapper Keeper, hoping to one day rebuild BTSH. (Do you get THIS reference, Alexa??)
  • Coach doesn’t see how this is any more dangerous than a Sunday matinee at CBGB in 1987.
  • Tim K doesn’t even realize the apocalypse has happened because he is still looking for parking at Moffo.
  • Amongst the rubble, Jeff comes upon the illustrious PBR Cup. But he won’t touch it…
  • JJ and Jean attempt to start a Lucy van Pelt-style “Psychiatric Help” roadside stand. Sarah T. shows them how it’s done, starting one of her own and putting them out of business in one week.
  • Where are Suvin and Dennis??

(Hockey) Prediction: James didn’t score last week, so he’ll be hungry. In the tightest contest of the week, this one goes to OT…with Danielle netting the game winner.  4-3, Filthier. [Continue Reading…]

#sticksoutforhumboldt

Sky Fighters at Mathematics

Apparently, what the Sky Fighters needed to figure things out was a brunch date with Gut Rot.  They got into a fine rhythm with crisp passing and peppering the net. Side note: to their new embarrassment of riches are the talents of Carlin’s hockey buddy, Sean.  (Actual tears were shed over Karma’s loss)

The last thing Math needs right now is to run into the goal scoring juggernaut of Mia and the Sky Fighters.  They finally found their footing last week, but now we hear that Sam has ventured out to the Northwest to work on his mustache game.  Shawn, Amy and Perras are going to have their hands full with this one.  Good luck Mets. 

Prediction: A competitive, low scoring affair with Dave stealing a W for Math, 3-1. [Continue Reading…]