Posts by: "Ball Hogg"

For Gil’s son’s dad’s day we offered up a little treat from the jersey shore tournament. Please find the lost box scores from Fuzz’s title win. Sorry Rich, for never getting you the actual gamesheet. Eli said it should go in the BTSH Hall of Fame someday. Not you, but the gamesheet from the finals. Now I’m going to blame 40 people for losing this inanimate object, when really, it was me who was responsible for it going missing. (Sound familiar? It should, it’s an over used – lost trophy – reference, like every other reference in these posts).

On to the final playoff box scores from 2018…(what a father’s day gift, sports scores….goooo sports!!!)

PBR Cup Semi Final 2 v 3 matchup

Pounds 0 @ Fuzz 3

Goalie Loss – Sizzled (2-1, GAA 1.68)

Fuzz – Ryann x2 (2), Teets McGee (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Goalie Coach (3-0, GAA 1.00)

Game Notes: After handing the choice of gametime/court to the 3 seed (the f*ck is the point of the seed anyways), Pounds completely blew it, falling victim to weak link sport theorem, in which a sexist Fuzz team only covered the males on the team.

More Game Notes: The “gamesheet” transmitted over email reads “Fuzz home team refs are Alex Zed and Alex Eben Meyer“. I’m so glad they didn’t cover up the fact that the ref scheduler picked the referees for their playoff game(s). Yes punctuation is important, but taking it away doesn’t lead to any inaccuracies in this case.

(Good thing we have a rule for that now)

PBR Cup Semi Finals 1v4 matchup

….wait the top 4 seeds ended up in the semis? How boring. Bring back completely wild and random playoff round winners like the 2019 stanley cup playoffs, please! Or like when the Elves won, or the year the Rehabs made the finals and then got slaughtered worse than SeaShell Harambae did by a Shorti in OC (2017 or 2018, take your pick, Rich) by Filthy/Filthy Gourgeous/Filthier (I’m not that much of a sicko, I can’t know which edition of your team won…wait it would have been Filthier in 2015…Rehabs ended up winning when they moved up to D2…. in 2016…….Fuzz obliterated everyone in their first division 2 appearance – relevant – which was in 2016 as in 2017 they got stymied by D1….Fuzz and therefore Karma were teams by then – 2015 – , I think. And Elves and La Familia were no longer. Sicko mantle reclaimed!)

(…But now I just read a write up that mentioned Karma beat Elves, so I really have no clue anymore.)

Yeah I should have just looked here instead, but I was right, like always. (this is my best walker impression/joke for this post….ha!)

Filthier 0 @ Cobra Kai 3

Goalie Loss – Tim K (2-1, GAA 1.68)

Cobra Kai – Olive (1), Liam (2), Eff Gill Ween (2)

Goalie Shutout Win – Campbell #NotMyROY2017 #NotYourTendy2019 (3-0, GAA 0.33)

Game Notes: Having the mule, suvin, denis, mclellan, delia, or literally ANYONE else for I don’t know, the semis and finals might have helped. Filthier were really short and it showed by the fact that OP James had fewer passes than faceoff wins in this game. The Evil Dojo didn’t even need to bring any playoff approved ringers for this one.

Ann, James and Sunny are one of the top lines in league…just I dunno, bring a supporting cast for playoff games?

More Game Notes: With CK up a couple goals in the second half, alumni association ambassador Altman showed up (to ref a schlitz cup game – whoah, who knew those things would play into the PBR cup storylines) and then CK had a goal waved off…was it a sign of things to come on this day?

More More More Game Notes: Olivier nearly matched his season scoring total in this game.

“Biggest BTSH FA bust ever” – Rich (yes, I caught that in one of your three star posts from 2018, you sicko)

PBR Cup Finals 1v2 matchup

…wow the top two seeds made it to the finals. see comments above.

Fuzz 3 @ Cobra Kai 1

Fuzz – Alyssa (1), Jeff x2 (4)

Goalie Win – Goalie Coach (4-0, GAA 1.00)

Evil Dojo – JJ Murph (1)

Goalie Loss – Campbell #NotMyROY2017 #NotYourTendy2019 (3-1, GAA 1.00)

Game Notes: When you are dubbed the EviL DoJo, eventually the protagonist will triumph. And for the first time in 2018, a regulation Loss Just happened; a season that will forever fall short of Ariel’s numerous shootout winners in an undefeated Fresh Kills season in 2017.

Wait, the “Final Girl” Goal(!!!) was actually Alyssa. Walker, you were wrong (someone else already blew the cover on your jedi master handle anyways, but I’m coming for your other ones, hockeyfannumbernumbernumbernumberinteger).

More More Game Notes: This is where we write something about a foot in the crease or a restart shot in from their own goal line (yes, everyone forgets the one where Olivier scored off a goalie ball) that had no effect on the outcome of this game. Damn those power hungry referees! Who assigns and/or manages these people!!!!!

You done f*cked up A-Aron, oh wow, look at that trap door, bottom crease, stage left. Still though, does no one remember how bad a goal it would have been? A backhand roller on the ground from Russ of all people. What a rotten, smelly goal by Jimmy Howard levels.

Happy father’s day to Gil, Gil’s son’s dad, Gil’s son, Gil’s nephew’s uncle, and all the other father’s out there in BTSH land, wherever you are this weekend. This post was for you and your apparent new found interest in the box score writeups.

BTSH Playoff Finals Scoring

T1 – Jeff x4

T1- Sean the Mule x4

T2 – Lots of way tie with a few who managed to grab a brace over the playoff weekends…Liam, Will, Ryann, Alex WM, Sam, Jake from (and banished back to) the Q/E/W, and Tom Rush (how nice of him to score a couple and eliminate my team before going back to retirement).

BTSH Playoff Goalie Leaders

1 – Craig LaC – 0.00 GAA and 1-0-0-1 record; 100% save percentage but for in shootouts

2 – Coach – 1.00 GAA and 4-0-0-0 record

3 – Campbell – 1.00 GAA and 3-1-0-0 record (loss in finals was the first game all season giving up a third goal in regulation)

Oh, and here are the Schlitz cup recaps to skim through too…

Schlitz Cup Round 3

Dank Bows 6 @ Rout Rot 5

Bows – Josh Wags (1), Dan C (3), Wes (1), Ryan (1), Yetter x2 (3)

Goalie Win – Greenwald (3-0, GAA 2.33)

“Gut Rot” – Schmorg (1), Al x2 via Karma, Danilo via Hookers, Jo-Ann via Machine

Goalie Loss – Peter “Not Ed” Parker

Lol: No wonder it was a close game. Look at who subbed!

Mega 4 @ Riots 1

Mega – Julie x2 (2), Joe (1), Alok (1)

Goalie Win – Jeff H (2-1, GAA 1.00)

Riots – Margot (1)

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR (1-2)

Schlitz Cup Final Worst 1 Seed vs Worst 2 Seed

Dank Bows 0 @ Mega Touch 2

Goalie Loss – Greenwald (1-3, GAA 2.25)

Mega – Julie (3), Eric D (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Jeff H (3-1, GAA 0.75)

Schlitz Cup Scoring Leaders

1 – Julie “MVG” x3

1 – Dan “not Creed” C x3

1 – Yetter x3

2 – Suz x2

2 – Wes x2

Schlitz Cup Goalie Leaders

1 – Jeff “MVP” H – 0.75 GAA and 3-1-0-0 record

2 – Greenwald – 2.25 GAA and 3-1-0-0 record

Week 8 brought us interdivisional play that featured multiple OT victories, shutouts, and blowouts (not including what they called game 6 of the Stanley cup finals)….on to the box scores.

GANK 5 @ Rainbows 2

GANK – Ben “not Bob” Probert (5), Jared P (6), Shannon S (1), Jeremy Shoey/Schuie/ShoeShoe (2), Jason Bourne (3)

Goalie Win – Craiggers (4-1, GAA 1.00)

Dank Bows – Bryan L (2), Tarnado (2)

Goalie Loss – Greenwald (2-5)

DenDems 2 @ Hookers 3 F/SO

Demons – Jake R (2), Brian M (1)

Goalie SOL – Zak C (1-0-1, GAA 1.90)

Hookers – CJ (3), Eleni T (2)

Goalie Win – Dustin O #notyourallstargoalie2019 (5-0, GAA 0.77)

Shootout Winner – Danilo (and Not the Running Back Anderson with the clincher)

Evil Dojo 0 @ Mega Clutch Touch 2

Goalie Loss – Ryan M (0-2, GAA 3.00)

Mega – Eric D (1), Devin via FA

Goalie Shutout Win – Jeff H (1-0, 1 Shutout, GAA 0.00)

Game Notes: In what will sure be a top nomination for moment of saddening for 2019, Jeff shuts out Cobra Kai in his BTSH send-off game.

Advncd Anlytcs: CK’s replacement goalie for Campbell has a GAA higher than the most goals CK let in last year, not including the finals (not because Sig was in the crease on the third Fuzz goal, this is just to illustrate the punch line), which was only a brace (2) on many weeks in 2018. Is it time to go back to the Brooklyn ice hockey drawing board? Instagram polls? The dog park? Do they have those in Brooklyn? It does seem like a cliquey activity…

Rut Rot 2 @ Math 4

Gut Rot – Mark C (1), Tommy C (1)

Goalie Loss – Sam (0-5)

Math – Jack McG (4), Jon M x2 (5), Jeff S (2)

Goalie Win – David L (3-3, GAA 2.62)

Game Notes: I’m waiting one more week before censoring that goalie record. Oof. #RoadToMinus70

Rehabs 4 @ Gremlins 1

Habs – Dave R x2 (2), Mo R (2), Bryan M (2)

Goalie Win – Eric R (1-1, GAA 2.50)

Gremlins – Carcella “I might have had one too many” Molson(s) (1)

Goalie Loss – Sam “first and last” Goalie Game (0-1)

Game Notes: Rehabs are now recruiting Br/i/y/ans ad nausea. Bryan M has been credited with the opening goal against Rainbows in Week 6.

Instant Karma 1 @ Filthier 5

IK – Derek Zed (6)

Goalie Loss – Steve F (but totally down to give it to Sizzler and ruin his goalie stats since he subbed in late in this game in relief)

Filthier – Sunny M (5), Thomas W (2), OP James x2 (5), Sean the Mule (1)

Goalie Win – Tim K (5-1, GAA 1.48)

Hope you are feeling better, Steve!

Fuzz 1 @ Poos 0 F/OT

Fuzz – Sig (4)

Goalie Shutout Win – Tim Bwn (3-2, GAA 1.37)

Goalie Loss – RJ F (2-2, GAA 1.95)

Game Notes: Nico did knock down Walsh. But I totally didn’t see it happen, while totally not reffing, and totally called it a penalty.

Advncd Anlytcs: Sig now has more goals than alleged knock downs. Goon!!!

DaPucks 3 @ Pounds 4

WTP – Paul P (2), Hanif P (1), Hoggystyle* (4)

Goalie Loss – Ed P (2-3-2, GAA 2.64)

Pounds – Jason B (3), B Wayne (3), Mike “obscure reference Allyn McCauley” McVillainy via WTP, Amitai via FA

Goalie Win – Sizzler (6-0, GAA 1.83)

Game Notes: *unassisted, kind of (McCauley will set me up in a future game I’m sure**)

Trade Block: **After only appearing for 1 game through Week 8, WTP are trying to ship off Capalbo to Poundtown, because ScottyKthe2nd likes saying [reverse] 69 more than the Hamilton/toe Provider. In return they’ll hopefully receive something more than TML box score references in Mike “spelt like Allyn” McCauley. Okay, this is now getting too long and I’m not putting together a yetter like presser article here.

Wait, that’s not how “reverse” works, is it???

Butchers 4 @ Riots 5 F/OT

Pig Knife O Fence – Jake T x2 (4), Cheeky (1), Super and Fast Dave (2)

Goalie OTLoss – Tim Brk (1-2, GAA 2.68)

Riots – Kevin Zed (1), Vanck (1), Margot (1), Dan G x2 (2)

Goalie Win – Dave GdR (2-3)

Game Notes: A lot of rioter red picked an ideal time to start scoring some goals – everyone who scored in this game had firsts on the season, with Dan’s second being the difference in OT. I totally told Jake they’d win a game this season. Oh no wait, that was me talking to Rob from Gut Rot….the box scores never lie.

FK 6 @ SKY 0

FK – Gabe x4 (5), Rachel (1), Sheena (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Barch Pile (2-3, GAA 1.76)

Goalie Loss – Peter “White, Black and Red All Over” Parker via Spiderman Newspaper Photos

Game Notes: With Gabe only at 1 goal heading into Week 8 and some sky fighting horseshoe/poo luck from week 7’s game, mean reversion is a b*tch, Pete.

Gabe on your average sub goalie Sunday.

Friendly reminder that we have the ASG coming up next Sunday. Stay for Four-Foot long sammies (no jumbo bagels) and the skills comp.

On the box scores…

Hookers 3 @ Rehabs 1

Hookers – Sarah N (1), CJ “not the running back” Anderson (2), Joe M (1, EN)

Goalie Win – Dustin O (4-0, GAA 0.49, 2 shutouts)

Rehabs – Hicks (5)

Goalie Loss – Max the FA

Game Notes: Whoah, Hookers beat Rehabs. Cool. Must be because of that all-star goalie. Look at those shiny numbers!

Advncd Anlytcs: Wait, since when did we have the ability to track empty net goals?

Gut Rot 3 @ Instant Karma 5

Rout Rot – Akhil (1), Jeff x2 (2)

Goalie Loss – Sam (0-4)

IK – Brianna V (1), Brett C x2 via FA, Sara via FA, Scory Cory V (2)

Goalie Win – Charlie O’D via Goals Allowed Anonymous

Game Notes: Apparently if Gut Rot continues playing after a ball hits someone in the face, it’s okay, and they can keep playing until they score? Can old school and new school figure out what to do here, notwithstanding any bullock’s sexual innuendos it raises, and whether or not it changes a certain sweetheart perception?  

Advncd Anlytcs: 6/7 karmas don’t care about advanced stats. Or is it 6 foot 7 karmas…

Dark Rainbows 2 @ Tompkins Square Riots 1

Dank Bows – Tarnado (1), Ryan M (1)

Goalie Win – David “he knows his stats aren’t good [but now they look better]” G (2-4)

Riots – David “Mike Danton’s v fave agent” Frost (2)

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR (1-3)

Game Notes: No baby powder was harmed in the production of these two points.

Pounds 3 @ Fuzz 2

Pounds – Macayla (1), Jake C (1), Denis via FA

Goalie Win – Mike Sizzler (5-0, GAA 1.60)

Fuzz – Gil’s nephew’s uncle (3), Miles (1)

Goalie Loss – Tim Bwn (2-2, GAA 1.75)

Game Notes: When does Teets McGee come back for his scoring title? Week 8? Pushing it a little bit man.

Sky Fighters 3 @ What the Puck 2 F/SO

SkyF – Matt (1), Wes (1)

Goalie Win – Peter Parker B via FA

Shootout Winner – Infanti

WTP – Annie A (1), Sam McI (4)

Goalie Loss – Ed P

Game Notes: After meeting WTP founder Larry Zed-mer earlier in the week, Annie scored her first goal for DaPucks to get her side back on the board, bringing the score back to 2-1 in the first period. After another girl goal, tying the game shortly thereafter, Annie almost had another but for a diving Peter Parker stifling a back door scoring chance to keep the game tied going into half time. After being lulled to sleep by their opponent’s lack of positive corsi for the duration of the game thereafter, WTP failed to score on any of their shootout attempts.

Advncd Anlytics: Poke check on every shootout attempt. Is foolproof.

Cobra Kai 5 @ Mathematics 2

CK – Liam (2), Big “Greedy Provider” Russ (2), Eff Gill Ween x2 (4), Rachel (1)

Goalie Win – Max via FA

Math – John M (1), Eli (1)

Goalie Loss – David L (2-3, GAA 2.75)

Game Notes: Forget about goalie, I think if Cobra Kai added a dog to the roster, the pupper might outscore some of the players on the rooster. Russ has only two so far, but the doggo likely could snip 3 on a Fourth Division beatdown day game.

Fresh Kills 1 @ Filthier 2

FK – Nate (6)

Goalie Loss – Barch Not Piled (1-3, GAA 2.20)

Filthier – Ann (1), Sunny (4)

Goalie Win – Tim K (4-1, GAA 1.57)

Game Notes: Obligatory “Filthier got the job done without making a barch pile” game note.

Advncd Anlytcs: After getting one called back last week, Ann made sure to get one that counted this time around, setting the tone for two filthy points.

Gouging Anklebiters 3 @ Butchers 0 PPD

GANK – Probert x2 (4), Sarah M (2)

Goalie of Record – Craig LaC (3-1, GAA 0.80)

Butchers – Nada de Pig Knife Ball in Net

Goalie of Record – Tim Burke (1-1, GAA 2.00)

Game Notes: After playing through the first monsoon, on the west court of all things, play was suspended after the secondary rainfall hit Tompkins Square Park with roughly 5 minutes left in the game. Jason Bourne couldn’t retrace his steps to the rink this week, but luckily Probert found his scoring touch, putting up a pair of his own for a change this year.

Mega Touch 2 @ Denim Demons 1 F/SO

Touch em Mega – Natasha (1)

Goalie Win – Mike “Waffelboard” T (2-3, GAA 2.69)

Shootout Winner – Joe

DenDems – Miles S (7)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Zach L (2-2-1, GAA 1.35)

Game Notes: A tight contest was decided in the 9th round of the shootout (the only successful shootout attempt to boot, and better yet, no full parabola rebound bounces were necessary to score this time).

Advncd Anlytcs: Louie/Louis/Lewiiiii held up his standard performance of 2019, only allowing a goal through 55 minutes and only on more in a 9-round shootout. Unfortunately for the first time all-star, his counterpart on this day –big waffleboard T-man – was just a little bit better, stopping every attempt in the shootout and leading Mega to the extra point.

Poutine Machine @ Gremlins PPD

Game Notes: Walker may lament about the lack of playing time but we all know he’ll forget about it the day they have their double header. Too bad that smart (ass*) guy James won’t still be around to ruin it though (*in accordance with old school methodology, he was good at something; therefore, he shall be sl00t shamed and declared a dick!).

Advncd Anlytcs: Still not sure why Walker never ended up being a goalie, especially an FA one…dat playing time arbitrage doe.

“Hope your birthday makes you feel as good as you felt when you made this sweet save on Crosby at the Hockey Hall of Fame” – Photo and Bday wish Cred: Tia
The actual box scores caption is “goalie gear circa 1905 and 2105”

What do you mean it’s supposed to be Week 5?

Hope everyone enjoys their Memorial Day long weekends! I know that I won’t, as instead of visiting the city that fun forgot, I’ll be in the state that boring built!

(Editors note: Oh great, the obscure references are starting strong this week….)

Demons 1 @ Pounds 3

Demons – Miles S (6)

Goalie Loss – Zach L (2-2, GAA of 1.46)

Pounds – Avery x2 (3), Roberts (2)

Goalie Win – Sizzler (4-0, GAA of 1.50)

Game Notes: Roberts had game winning goals regardless of which league and competition he faced this past weekend, I guess he is taking the demotion back to the third line (with Scottykthe2nd returning to the lineup) really well. Hopefully Rich didn’t see the high windup on the first Pounds goal, I haven’t seen any photos of it on fb yet, so I guess we’re okay for now.

Advnd Anlytcs: Is this a bad time to mention that you already thought Sammy and D.Ro were married?

Butchers 2 @ Sky Fighters 1

Butchers – Super/Fast Dave (1), Unpoachable Jake T (2)

Goalie Win – Tim Brk (1-1, GAA of 1.43)

SKY – Dana L (1)

Goalie Loss – Patty Lalime via goalieunionlockerbros

Game Notes: Sky Fighters struck early, including a couple posts, but could only sneak one past Timmy in the early going when Butchers had their hands full of…whatever a Sky Fighter is. Given the lack of goals in the second half, this game might have felt boring, but it was actually the closest of any of the games on our interdivisional day (final score wise).

Advncd Anlytics: Wait, Lalime wore Koho’s in 2001? Play that tape video again.

Poutine 0 @ Anklebiters 3

Goalie Loss – RJ (2-1, GAA of 2.33)

GANK – Sarah M (1), Jared (5), Jimmy (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Sizzler via outsourcedgoalieunionfillin

Game Notes: I picked the wrong game to sub in for. What else is there to say if I have absolutely no details on this game? Don’t get triggered just because I took the easy way out and opted for a self-deprecating one liner.

“Can sub shutouts count for goalie rankings now? Also, hit me with that sake, I’m done for the day now”

Hookers 3 @ Gremlins 1

Hookers – Clark H x3 (4)

Goalie Win – Dustin (3-0, GAA of 0.32)

Gremlins – Rockoff (2)

Goalie Loss – Jamie B (3-2, GAA of 2.12)

Game Notes: Seeing how upset Dustin got on the goal against this game was comical, I wanted to walk over and ask him if he really thought he’d go the entire year without a goal against.

Fresh Kills 10 @ Rut Rot 2

FK – Nate x5 (5), Ariel x2 (2), Soko (1), Nicole (1), Gabe (1)

Goalie Win – Hector viaMoreTime

Gut Rot – Len G (1), Rob S (2)

Goalie Loss – Sam (0-3, GAA slightly more publishable than Goalie Ed 2018)

Game Notes: Gabe waited until it was 9-something to score a goal? We’re supposed to believe that?

Advncd Anlytcs: The number of people who have gotten hat tricks and subsequently received stars is like 0-for during the past month. Good thing we’ve given them out for shootout winners/scorers though, otherwise, they’d never really get credit for a goal that doesn’t really count. I hear new schoolers love a good participation trophy, or is that old school? Can Russ and JW update their anonymous article and clarify this ambiguity?

Dank Bows 1 @ Rehabs 6

Rainbows – Yetter (5)

Goalie Loss – Greenwald’s Goalie Emporium (1-4, GAA of No Dave, you don’t want to see it on the site, we haven’t even been able to *momentarily* take away your annual shutout yet either)

Rehabs – Bryan M (1), Amitai (1), Cherie (5), Charlie (1), Brett (1), Bryan (1)

Goalie Win – Max Moscow Mule via does Eitan have to ask you to roster him yet?

Game Notes: Any additional ringers needed for your fourth division games?

Math 2 @ Instant Karma 7

Math – Eli the Goon (1), Jeff S (1)

Goalie Loss – Charlie O’D via Goals Allowed Anonymous

IK – Derek Zed x2 (5), Al x2 (2), Liz T (1), Big Ben C (1), Matt S (1)

Game Notes: No tadpole sightings in the east court puddles. Guess they are invisible in the presence of gods.

What, you thought this was another gimme Thor/Izzy reference?

Cobra Kai 3 @ WTP 1

CK – Pete Flamingo G x2 (3), Liam (1)

Goalie Win – Hector via wait he got to play two games?!

WTP – “Thierry the weekly goal scoring” Henry (4)

Goalie Loss – Ed P (2-3, GAA of 2.55)

Game Notes: It’s funny when rules are first broken by the people they were made solely because of. (What, you’d rather me run with the out of retirement *again* bit?)

Been awful quiet in the goalie subbing space lately.

Riots 0 @ Fuzz 4

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR (1-2)

Fuzz – Alexa (1), Teets McGee (1), Sig (3), GilF (2)

Goalie Shutout Win – Tim Bwn (2-1, GAA of 1.33)

Game Notes: In case you were looking for official btsh stats sign off on it, yes, Alexa’s goal is actually a game winner, and her first career GwG by the sounds of it! What kind of new school sicko keeps track of that (hint).

“Post the one with me in the right jersey” – Alexa always knew how to stand out

Filthier 6 @ Mega Touch 0

Filthier – OP James x2 (3), Danielle (1), Sunny x2 (3), Thomas W (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Tim K (3-1, GAA of 1.71)

Goalie Loss – Mike Waffleboard T-man (1-3)

Game Notes: Alex EM sure touched it Mega when his inbound towards the net (terrible shot) beelined right for the orchestra stalls of the goal line referee. That’s what you get for being (a) new school (ref) and listening to Glnzr’s weekly ref feedback emails.

Advncd Anlytcs: Danielle stole a hat trick from James when she declared that his dipping wrister (no just kidding, he never takes wristers) hit her leg. That was almost as bad as that goal Ann had called back for hitting the ball above her waist. What a terrible 6-0 win!

How can you steal the goals from these two?!

Thanks to the rain on Sunday, these are still on time! Woohoo!

Totally not a jerk. Wait, wrong Met…

Butchers 4 @ Rehabs 3

Pig Knifes – Mike M x2 (2), Brady C (1), Dana K (1)

Goalie Win – Peter Parker via Rose Charity underdog run

Rehabs – Alex M (2), Cherie x2 (4)

Goalie Loss – Eric R (0-1)

Game Notes: The Butchers were still in party mode from the Rose Charity tournament the night before and put in an effort that would have probably been best served in the prior season when Rehabs were a divisional foe.

Karma 4 @ Demons 3 F/SO

Karma – Bill K (1), Scory Cory V (1), Derek Zed (3)

Goalie Win – Steve F (2-2, GAA of 2.38)

Shootout Winner – Cory (again…of course)

Demons – Zach “Fine” (1), Neil Zedman x2 (9)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Zach L (2-1, GAA of 1.29)

Game Notes: Karma still doesn’t have any ROW and Neil keeps scoring. Boring. Next!

Those big arms can’t even ROW. What a waste.

Riots 2 @ What the Puck?! 8

Riots – Katie S (1), Nick (1)

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR (1-2)

DaPucks – Hoggystyle x2 (3), Sam McI x3 (3), Henry x2 (3), Dave Mac (1)

Goalie Win – Goalie Ed (2-1-1, GAA of 2.44)

Game Notes: This game had way too many assisted (not unassisted) goals for my liking.

Advncd Anlytcs: Through week 4, WTP is the second highest scoring team in the league and tied for the most goal scorers with 10. Their balanced attacked overwhelmed a revamped Riots roster coming off their first win of the season in week 3, outscoring les rouges 6-nil in the final 25 minutes of the contest. Since Ed helped put those stats together, his GAA is now (finally) publishable.

Poutine 3 @ Mega 1

Mega – Max T (1)

Goalie Loss – Mike T (1-2)

Poutine – Jo-Ann “the” Pro. (1), Christine L (1), Jonathan “not 69” C (1)

Goalie Win – RJ F (2-0, GAA of 2.00)

Game Notes: Someone not named after a whiskey called that Christina would score. Where was that honourable* mention in the three stars post?

Filthier 4 @ GANK 3 F/SO

Filthier – Jaime D x2 (5), Greg (1)

Goalie Win – Tim K (2-1, GAA of 2.26)

Shootout Winner – Unknown (you’re going to start sensing a theme here)

GANK – Jason Bourne x2 (2), Probert (2)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Craig LaC (3-1, GAA of 0.98)

Game Notes: Jason Bourne is still trying to figure out how he arrived at Tompkins Square Park for this game of “hockey” that we play.

Gremlins 4 @ Dank Bows 3 F/SO

Gremlins – Erich G (3), Tim Magic Man x2 (3)

Goalie Win – Jamie B (3-1)

Shootout Winner – Unknown

Rainbows – Karl S (1), Yetter x2 (4)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Greenwald

Game Notes: Someone not named after a whiskey took shifts against Yetter, taking those minuses for the team(mates who didn’t want them). Maybe they scored the shootout winner, but we will never know, because the ref never wrote it down on the gamesheet.

“They got lucky, but I was drunk so it was cool” – Mike Tarnow. Wait, that’s not Tarnow…

Evil Dojo 2 @ Fuzz! 0

CK – A Greedy Provider* (1), Eff Gill Ween (2)

Goalie Win – Campbell W-W (2-0, 2 shutouts)

Fuzz – just kidding, they got shutout

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR via Pucks Riots tire fire

Game Notes: Rich sent me an angry emoji this morning and it had nothing to do with defecting from his Ocean City team. Praise the GilF on his team always asking for the box score writeups!

*This article originally had Rachel L scoring the opening goal of this game (also known as game winners in shutout wins) due to her celebration after said goal. We apologize for an untimely CK beat reporter who finally corrected us after we went to print, and praise thee Provider with a spectacular goal, which, was presumably a “pass” provided to the top corns of the twine, done in selfless fashion.**

**Okay Russ, no more a$$ ki$$ing. You have your wtpucking goal now! Stop wearing 99 you pl*g.

When you realize your time is almost up…sorry that I’ll be missing the going away party!

Sky Fighters 3 @ Rut Rot 2 F/SO

SKY – Ariel via FB Humblebrags, Greg I (1)

Goalie Win – OG James (1-2, GAA of 2.26)

Shootout Winner – Dave

Gut Rot – Rob Shhleshzzzak (1), John S (1)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Sam (0-2)

Game Notes: Are Sky Fighters actually trying to keep their players around this year by hosting Cinco de Mayo team events?

‘Sky Fighters are No. 1!’ was exactly the response I expected to that Game Note!!

Pounds 2 @ Hookers 1

Pounds – Liz B (1), Luke (1)

Goalie Win – Sizzler (3-0, GAA of 1.67)

Hookers – Clark H (1)

Goalie Loss – Wald-Greens Goalie Emporium via Corlears Park kiddie sized gear

Game Notes: If you score the opening goal in a 2-1 win. It’s not the game winning goal. If you score the opening goal in a shutout win, then it IS a GwG. [eom]

Imagine this, but in the crease, I mean, not in the crease, and scoring a goal!!!

Math 1 @ FK 2

Math – Jon M (2)

Goalie Loss – David L (2-2)

Fresh Kills – Nick Scott (1), The Euge (1)

Goalie Win – Barch Pile (1-2, GAA of 2.26)

Game Notes: The FK sub carousel finally pans out and FK grab a badly needed two points. Math did not want the two points because they were winning too many games and getting concerningly close to the top of the second division standings, even if it was only week 3.

“Sorry I scored another game winner” Wow, who knew there were polite ball hockey players in Jersey City. (Good defense by “Tarnow” taking the minus for his teammates)