Posts by: "Ball Hogg"

Lots of sneaker hockey for lots of goalies this past week. Hopefully they were able to stay nice and cool during the very few times in the game they can take waterbreaks now! On to the scores and obscure references galore(s)…

Cobra Kai 0 @ Hookers 1

Goalie Loss – Vesa Toskala (2-1, GAA of .68 all time – not a joke, gotta account for that sub 22 second goalie pull from this past Sunday in the all-time numbers)

Hookers garbage goals – M.Piggozi (1)

Goalie shutout win – Dustin (2-0, 2 shutouts, GAA less than 0 this season, probably)

Game Notes: Hookers, even with a lot of subs, including CK voodoo doll and former Alternate captain, managed to hold down the fort and secure a third straight shutout in as many games. The new survivor pool is picking the player that will be the first to score against Dustin this year. Wait, this pool has *actually* not been started yet? I am shocked.

Advncd Anlytcs: The last time Cobra Kai was shutout, it was by Alex EM, no just kidding, it was a week 18 loss to Hookers back in 2017, by the same scoreline, which ultimately sealed the fate for the Katz division race (I just know this from memory, neither google, JW, nor Glnzr had to be asked). What will this early season matchup, goalie blunder, and result hold for 2019’s…wait, what is the name of the 2nd division again? With Hicks renaming everything Southeast for a beefy meaty minute last year, I forgot. At the time of posting we finally remembered. The CMB division… sorry Crazy Caroline!

Math 2 @ Butchers 1 (F/OT)

Math – Jon M (2), Jack McG (3)

Goalie Win – David L (2-1, GAA of sub 2.33)

Pig Knifes – Jake “the unpoachable sky figher” Tiner

Goalie Loss – Tim Burke playing in his own team’s game (0-0-1-0)

Game Notes: Can you really be called a Cobra if you don’t play on Cobra Kai? I get Jake the Snake, but why not Jack the Snack? Jack Attack? Action Jackson?

Rehabs 3 @ Fuzz 2 (F/SO)

Rehabs – Cherie x2 (2)

Goalie Win – Tim Burke via Pig Knifes

Fuzz – Sig (2), Ryann “sitting on the backdoor because you didn’t include me in the plan” (1)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Ryan M via CK farm system  

Game Notes: Why did Fuzz let the Cobra Kai backup goalie get in some btsh practice? They didn’t even win the game, and now he’ll be more prepared when playing for CK later this season. That’s like losing the PBR cup when you didn’t even win it (wait, that actually kind of makes sense).

Advncd Anlytcs: Ryann is not on vacation. When Fuzz goalies are sober, they lose.

Who won the Week 3 Battle of the Sexes? No gamesheet was submitted… (looks like Ryann is on vacation…out here on her own island… and that sounds like a win to me!!!)

Gremlins 2 @ Mega 3

Gremlins – Magic Man (1), Cody (1)

Goalie Loss – Jamie B (2-1, GAA of sub 2.00)

Mega – Ann Marie (1), J Hanson (1), “Inspector” Jones (1)

Goalie Win – Mike T (2-0, GAA of sub 2.00)

Game Notes: It’s okay Gemmies, don’t listen to Rich, you can lose as many games as you want to this season. And 2020. By 2021, your win total won’t be a me problem anymore.

Advncd Anlytcs: Tim scores his first of the season, rounding into form just in time for Rose Charity with the salt boyz team. The hope is that the goals per whiff are higher than .5 per game that day.

Not believable: It says Matt Jones scored a goal, but I’m not sure how you can score in BTSH by taking a slapshot. Even Glnzr can’t get away with that.

High wind ups leave everyone a little salty.

Karma 3 @ WTP 2 (F/SO)

Karma – Derek Zed x2 (2)

Goalie Win – Steve F (1-2, GAA of 2.33)

Shootout Winner – SCory Cory V

DaPucks – Justin M (1), John C #69 (1)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Ed P (1-1-1, GAA of 3.00-ish)

Game Notes: WTP managed to score 3 goals yet again for the third straight week, however one was disallowed prior to OT and thus totally not impactful on the final score. The first shooter in the SO failed to realize he had used all his “shut ups” on Rehabs players thanks to refereeing the Fuzz-Rehabs game prior to this third division tilt. Here’s til/to OC, Hicks. Wait, are people talking about OC (teams, poaching, tampering, etc) already? I am not shocked.

Advncd Anlytics: Insert obligatory stat of the number of headshots > number of successful shootout attempts

Fresh Kills 0 @ GANK 4

Goalie Loss – David Liang via Math class

Anklebiters – Joe P (1), Alex Derho (1), Jared (4), Courtney B (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – The Masked Rubber Ducky (3-0, GAA of 0.PatrickRoy)

Game Notes: Fresh Kills are still searching the right lineup for their 2020 pbr cup (the time is not yet nigh) and Anklebiters continue to dominate their early season matchups.

Poos 3 @ SKY 1

Poutine – Mike Marr x2 (3), Lauren (1)

Goalie Win – Chris (1-0)

Sky Fighters – Wes (1)

Goalie Loss – OG James (0-2, GAA of 2.50)

Game Notes: Based on the not three stars hon mentions, it appears the referees are ignoring my email(s) and not using hand signals to show who has possession for inbounds if/when they are inaudible and/or unclear vocally. Who ever said being ref manager was the “best job in the [btsh] biz”?

That is a weird looking Lumbus jersey…or maybe it’s a Tavares jersey? Hmm.

Pound Sterlings 5 @ Filthier 2

Pounds – Jason B x2 (2), Avery (1), Michael “when I Kuzy you, you’ll know” Roberts (1), Jessica H (1)

Goalie Win – Tim B via Butchers

Filthier – Jamie D x2 (3)

Goalie Loss – Jamie B via Gremlins

Game Notes: In an early goal of the year candidate, Jason perfected a perfect forehand scoop shot on a broken play turned half break away, flipping it far glove side past a surprised tendy. Take that, Magnus Arvedson (what Swede spells “sson”/”son” with only one “s”?).

Advncd Anlytcs: This is probably the first Pounds game in three years that neither Karsten nor ScottyKthe2nd inflated their goal totals by scoring in a blowout win, albeit against a Soko divisional opponent.

Riots 3 @ Rut Rot 1

Riots – Suz (1), Daniel (1), Margot (1)

Goalie Win – Dave GdR (1-0)

Gut Rot – Ramon “definitely not a high follow through” Ramon (1)

Goalie Loss – Goalie Becca (0-1)

Game Notes: Mike Danton’s favourite player agent was so speedy in this game, you could only see him with the naked eye by screenshotting game footage on a half-decade outdated mobile device.

Advncd Anlytics: Becca’s save percentage was presumably one standard deviation lower than her TSP courts clothes to skin coverage ratio. Both teams were coming into this having not yet scored this season – the sideline celebrations were accordingly very loud, especially for Margot’s clincher.

Dark Rainbows 1 @ Denim Demons 6

Rainbows – Bryan L (1)

Goalie Loss – Greenwald (1-2)

Demons – Neil x2 (7), Miles (5), Gene (2), Jake (1), Tracy (1)

Goalie Win – Zach L (2-0, GAA of 0.50)

Game Notes: Demons built and early lead in this game and in the division race with an emphatic sextet (not a boob reference) in this Michaliga divisional matchup.

The Michiliga division is coming up denim. #ALLCAPS

This week the box scores are provided to you by the shipment of fresh salt a certain meatbox has just received and already delivered to the btsh community. Other btsh articles aside, the Gremlins’ buffalo boys have already claimed the extra salt for their Week 3 warmup.

FA scrimmages will never again be snowed out.

I have to go back to writing lengthy ref manager emails so these will be brief (yet again) this week. Enjoy!

Dank Bows 2 @ Math 5

Rainbows – Yetter (2), Matty Freeze (2)

Goalie Loss – Greenwald (1-1, GAA of 3.50)

Math – Jack McG x2 (2), Todd M (1), Zach N (1), Jon M (1)

Goalie Win – David L-W (1-1, GAA of 3.00)

Game Notes: The media forgot to predict the rainbows were going to lose 6-2 and therefore didn’t have any bulletin board multiple to put up at their weekly roof practice.

Advncd Anlytcs: I’m not sure if it’s a typo but the rainbows had the two exact same scorers as last week.

Riots 0 @ Evil Dojo 3

Goalie Loss – Zak C via Demons (yes, another Za/ch/ck/cc/c on Demons)

CK – Top Shelf Tommy x2 (2), Alan H (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – G#1 Not Not Campbell (1-0, 1 Shutout)

Game Notes: After getting the shout out in the box scores last week, Tom found the right net (twice) in this contest, including the ice breaker and eventual GwG.

Demons 4 @ Butchers 2

Demons – Miles x2 (4), Neil (5), Gene (1)

Goalie Win – Zak C via ctrl+f Za/k/c/ch recruiting process (1-0)

Butchers – Rachel (1), Brendan (1)

Goalie Loss – Max the FA (0-1-0-1, GAA of 2.00)

Game Notes: If only Butchers could decline division 4 games like they were NFL flags.

Advncd Anlytcs: Rachel gifted one of the flukey Butcher goals to newcomer Brendan. Where’s a three stars of the week post and some positivity when you need it?!

Hookers 5 @ Gut Rot 0

Hookers – The Lone Wolff (1), CJ “not the running back” Anderson (1), Eleni T (1), Sean with one N (1), Jacques (1)  

Goalie Shutout Win – Greenwald via CrosFaveHotLegs2018

Goalie Loss – Not Eitan (a former league Sultan champ forgot to write this down)

Game Notes: The annual run to -70 has just begun!

Les Curdz 1 @ Filthier 3

Poos – Christian H (1)

Goalie Loss – DeLacy (0-1)

Filthier – James P (1), Ryan McL (1), Sunny M (1)

Goalie Win – Tim K (1-1, GAA of 2.00)

Game Notes: *Insert wide eyed emoji for my multiple inboxes blown up by this game – where is Inspector Clouseau when you need him*

DaPucks 3 @ Fuzz 2

WTP – Paul (1), Noah (1), Hog(g)*elin “the caps bandwagon hopper” (1)

Goalie Win – Ed P (1-1, GAA unknown – where is that data integrity when you need it?)

Fuzz – Jeff (2), Sig (1)

Goalie Loss – Tim Bwn (1-1, GAA of a deuce)

Game Notes: With WTP up 3-0 after the first 10-15 minutes of the game, they hung on to dear life, with Ed’s light blue chesty shining bright for the second half of this poaching-season-2019-article tilt #myPoachee2019.

Advncd Anlytcs: WTP averaged between 130 to 150 in PDO on the day. Just to further demonstrate the shot advantage for Fuzz(!!!!): a crossbar hit with 4 minutes left by WTP would have further swung that metric as high as 167 (assuming it goes in if it was on net, of course).

*still useless to Rich, who he was unable to toey dans la deuxieme periode!!! (0/1)

Fresh Kills 2 @ Gremlins 3 (F/SO)

FK – Erica G via FA, Andrew “Jeans” M (1)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Patty B (0-0-0-1)

Gremlins – Erich G x2 (2)

Goalie Win – Jamie B (2-0, GAA of 1.50)

Shootout Winner – Also Erich (this qualifies as a “toque” for the viewers at home watching the NHL playoffs on TSN)

Game Notes: Everyone is reminded that there is no video (or photo flipbook) review in BTSH, except when it comes to Walker emailing you highlights of his minuses (this is *actually* not a joke).

It’s a good thing I’m not the “Tronna” of any reviews either. I can’t even see a stick anywhere inside of either red circle. Call on the black top clearly has to stand.

Rehabs 4 @ Karma 0

Rehabs – Hicks x3 (3), Mo R (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Max the FA (1-0, 1 shutout)

Goalie Loss – Steve F (0-2, GAA of 2.50)

Game Notes: The below graphic is not a spoiler…this is technically the week 2 game after all!!

For those trying to keep track of the Rehabs scoring at home.

Anklebiters 3 @ Mega Touch 0

GANK – Jared x2 (3), Shooey (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Craig LaC (2-0, 1 shutout, GAA of 0.50)

Goalie Loss – Eric D (0-1)

Game Notes: Ben does not lead his team in goals, start chirping up Jared, yah boo-birds!

SkyFighters 0 @ Pound Sterlings 2

Goalie Loss – OG James (0-1)

POUNDS – Alex F (2), Karsten P (3)

Goalie Shutout Win – Sizzler (2-0, 1 shutout, GAA of 1.00, and zero requests to recast the goalie standings)

Rehabs 4 @ Fresh Kills 0 (Week 1 #SunFears makeup)

Rehabs – Ramy (1), Hicks (4), Michelle (1), Alex M (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Max the FA (2-0, 2 shutouts)

Goalie Loss – Patty B (0-1-0-1)

Game Notes: Friendly reminder that our crease rule is not the equivalent of the 1999 Stanley Cup Finals in Triple OT. Cheers.**

But let our extra zoomed in CSI high resolution shot do the talking:

Doesn’t matter where that ball is, you still can’t step in there.

** (From one Canadian North American Champ to another, sorry, Gabe. Teets McGee is going to win the scoring title again anyways.)

Et le but!

No, that is not a reference to Sam “’ack a dart” Norris having made a return to the btsh sideline to referee – but in reference to having our first Sunday of sneaker hockey at Tompkins in, well like barely 3 months, okay maybe 4. With that, here were the goal (le but) scorers (and goalies of record) from this past Dimanche.

Poutine 5 @ WTP 3

Poutine – Mike Pags, K-Mac, James McQ, Mike Marr, Brian Sulli

Goalie Win – RJ F

DaPucks – The Butler, The Dude, The K-Man

Goalie Loss – Ed the P stands for #myPoachee2019 (No GAA, sad face)

Game Notes: Someone told me that Henry was expecting a Box Score shout out for scoring the league’s first goal of the season – luckily for him I’m in mid-season form and 5 other btsh posts already beat me to it, so no, I’m not saucing over that shout out. I will however say that the #notMyRoy2019 race is off to a hot start! You really expected me to say something different?

AdvncdAnlytcs: After his side drew level at halftime and midway through the 2nd half, Poutine’s Mikey-M huffed and puffed and blew the ball far side on a nice one timer to win the game late, and then, as a referee definitely not named Greenwald put it, Poutine “ran away with the game” by scoring an empty netter with half a minute left. Wait, the shot count didn’t suggest that at all….

Fuzz 3 @ Filthier 1

Fuzz – Gil’s Son’s Dad, Jeff x2, Alexa

Goalie Win – Tim Bwn

Filthier – Jaime D

Goalie Loss – Tim K

Game Notes: Fuzz used their championship banner to mend the north net on the east court before the game started, so (un)fortunately Sunday’s east court action could not be delayed by another trophy presentation, because that meant neither a trophy nor banner could be used for said spectacle. Thank god. If you are looking to point fingers, the netting “banner” you can blame on me, Rich.

Karma 0 @ Gremlins 1

Goalie Loss – Steve F

Gremlins – A Rockoff

Goalie Shutout Win – Jamie B

Game Notes: A battle of dependable predecessor and successor ends with the former prevailing in a low scoring goalie duel. Or it was just the conditions, who really knows, just look at the next game’s score.

Gut Rot 0 @ Demons 7

Goalie Loss – Charlie O’D via EitanNotGoalieing4u

Demons – Neil Zed x4, Miles S x2, Sara K,

Game Notes: I guess those people who stayed on Gut Rot are enjoying themselves thus far.

AdvncdAnlytcs: After starting last season 0-and-insert big number here, Zach Lewis gets 2019 started with a W and a shutout. Oh, and Neil had a natural hat-trick to pace Demons with a 3-0 lead, which included a late marker in the first half which wasn’t really a turning point in the game but still cool.

Pounds 4 @ Cobra Kai 2

Pounds – A Frey, Ajay, Karsten x2

Goalie Win – Mike Z

CK – Eff Gill Ween, Pete G

Goalie Loss – G#2 Not Campbell (we’re awaiting our beat reporter to confirm…er, wait, is it a beat report if they lose?)

Game Notes: Top Shelf Tommy broke his scoring drought by going top bunk on a deflection…into his own net. It was a goal which unfortunately turned the tide in the game as Cobra Kai’s 2 goal lead from early in the game evaporated quite quickly thereafter, unlike the water on the courts.

AdvncdAnlytcs: CK’s new goalie was quoted as being “too ice” like by the Pounds sideline. Logical statement. Real hockey don’t work here. That’s why Roberts never scores any goals, except when he plays against WTP.

Butchers 0 @ Hookers 1 (F/SO)

Goalie Shutout Shootout Loss – Max via FA

Goalie Shutout Shootout Win – Dustin

Shootout Winner – Danilo

Game Notes: Is this a sign of things to come for the 2nd division, close low scoring contests and a narrow division race through opening day to the final weeks of the season?

Biters 4 @ Math 1

GANK – Proboooort, Jared, Chris x2

Goalie Win – Craig La-“DJBB”

Math – Justin “Caps are still champs” P

Goalie Loss – David L

Game Notes: Alas, it was not to be for 2D; this game was not as close as the other divisional matchup on this day.

Mega 2 @ Rainbows 3 (F/SO)

Mega – Bill L, Joe L (I’m sensing a theme with all these L’s here)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Mike T-man

Dank Bows – Matt F, Yetter

Goalie Shootout Win – Greenwald

Shootout Winner – Rem

Game Notes: Clearly Rem’s Return wasn’t factored into that preview!

AdvncdAnlytcs: Greenwald has said that he will not be retiring, even though there is video evidence of a North American champion burning him in the shootout. Give that guy a participation trophy for toughing it out!

Wait, Shortis won the North American championships? Where are the banner and championship jackets at?

“I look forward to losing this trophy too” – Jeff and that smug look on his face

Rehabs @ FK – PPD #SunFears

Sky @ Riots – PPD #SunFears

This Sunday we find ourselves at the culmination of another BTSH season. Don’t expect me to insert anything sappy, as we all know salty is my media personality’s snack of choice (aside from a dairy intensive post-game chocolate milk). Here are the box scores and updated playoff leaders after the Round of 16 (when the playoffs really start) and the Quarterfinals (which was when I stopped caring) and then some Schlitz Cup action to boot (which my team was too good to qualify for? Ca C’est Encroyable!).

I look forward to (re)thinking up some new cheer signs for this year’s final four….Speaking of cheering on friends still in it; hopefully Roberts won’t get first line minutes anymore so he is more poach-able after the POUNDS win in the finals and bring on not just W, but O, and QMJ- HL’ers for 2019…

…on to the box scores!


Round of Sixteen


Mega 1 @ Filthier 2

Mega – PizzaLightning Best Referee Alex EM (1)

Goalie Loss – Mike T (1-1)

Filthier – The Mule x2 (2)

Game Notes: In the M-ilthier (there’s no “M” in that word as my btsh fb group trolling protégé of 2018 would say) matchup, Richard Picard was not to be found and neither was a chance of victory after Filthier came out with two quick goals in the second half to spoil Mega’s 1 goal lead which stood through half time.


GANK 2 @ Gremlins 0

GANK – Alex “Derho”, Jason “Bourne”

Goalie Shutout Win – Craig LaC (1-0, 1 shutout)

Goalie Loss – Jamie B (0-1)

Game Notes: Walker asked the clock to be counted down audibly from 10 seconds to close the first half, which allowed Jason “Bourne”– still recounting his steps of how he became assigned to play for the Gouging Anklebiters of BTSH after waking up dizzy in Ben Probert’s West Village apartment one Sunday morning (okay I know you don’t get it, it’s a Bourne movie reference, but I’m not finished yet) and how they made it through 5 of 18 regular season games with him on the roster and now on to the quarters against a dojo- to score with “TWOoooo” seconds left on the clock…. “soooorry aboot that” to Marcella and non-Walker Gremlin teammates who had to suffer through that painful, season ending ten second countdown.


Math 1 @ Fuzz 3

Math – Rich “Fuzz Killer” Glnzr not an arguable own goal**

Goalie Loss – David W-L (1-1)

Fuzz – Boy Ryan H (1), Miles (1), Alexa (1)

Goalie Win – A. Coach (1-0)

Game Notes: Where were all the NWHL’ers that Sam promised the Mathletes at season’s [Walker can you help identify the word which would be the opposite of “end”, which would fit here?]?

Quick Shifts: The game sheet had Miles’ name crossed out for Ryan’s goal so I therefore deduced it was Boy Ryan (but tyvm fearless ref scheduler for clarifying in a separate email!) ….You (anyone) can claim the Math goal at first come first serve…sort of like how we schedule playoff games….wait so what the heck is home field advantage for higher seeds if they don’t get first choice?

**Edits before going to print: NYC Caps Crew vet Justin P has been currently allotted the Math goal (and Sam doesn’t exit the Round of 16 as the leading scorer in the playoffs, unable to add on from his deuce in the play in round).


WTP 1 @ FK 3

DaPucks – Z. Defector (1) (oh god that only makes sense saying “zed” the American way…)

Goalie Loss – Scott H (0-1)

FK – Ariel (1), Tom R x2 (2)

Goalie Win – Barch (1-0)

Game Notes: Like many games from his (award winning) rookie campaign, Hogg gets a late meaningful/less goal to spoil a shutout bid, this time at the hands of Seashell Haramb(a)e teammate Barch – who hasn’t even asked him to pay his share of the OC hotel room cost from #HockeyBeach2018 (free real estate memes, anyone?) …FK remained strategic and opportunistic for the entirety of the contest with a short bench and made sure once they got the ice breaker, to never relinquish the lead.

Quick Shifts: WTP played valiantly in what ends up being Emily’s final game as (co?) captain- who has given this one-of-the-few-very-original-btsh-franchises-remaining-in-existence some life as the old guard left over half a decade ago now- but it wasn’t to be as all 3 goals started off turnovers to Tom and most offensive rushes ended up being blocked by the likes of Roxy (who played the entire game) and Eugene and Pat (who shared some great relative fenwick to corsi differential over their half of the game each)….When looking over questioning the playoff rosters, we only knew Tom qualified for the playoffs because he scored a goal in all 5 games he played (sometimes it hurts to track stats sequentially…)


Demons 1 @ POUNDS 3

Demons – Mike Miles (2) (if they really had a Mike who scored as the game sheet says, why did he wait until the Round of 16 to score his first of the 2018 campaign, huh??)

Goalie Loss – Zach W-L (1-1)

Pounds – Karsten (1), Ajay “Kopitar” (1), Jake (1) (we’ll just assume it’s the guy from the dub)

Goalie Win – Zisser (1-0)

Game Notes: I heard this one was (un)surprisingly crispsy, I mean, chippy.


Hookers 1 @ Rehabs 4

Hookers – Josh (1) (interesting, another new player added to my scoring chart for the season, when did this bozo get “sworn” in to the Hookers lineup??!!)

Goalie Loss – Dustin (0-1)

Rehabs – Alex WM (1), Carlton Dance (1), Ramy Of the Blue Man group (1), Monique R (1)

Goalie Win – Eric R (1-0)

Game Notes: Cro learns the hard way that true reckless hockey is one in which you give up more goals than the other team by playing only efence (where is the D?! there isn’t one because there isn’t any!) and the Hookers fail to return to the Quarterfinals….Rehabs looked impressive and will definitely beat Fuzz next round and get back to the final; I’m sure of it with the short lineup Fuzz is expected to have.

Quick Shifts: Alex WM scored early with a shot heard around the world (not so much from the shot so much as the Hookers letting the Rehabs know that he was wide open at the point)….Carlton seemingly matched his goals scored in the regular season in one playoff game….maybe he matched the games played tally on this day too?!


IK 1 @ PM 2 (F/SO)

Karma – Derek ZED (1)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Charlie O’D via Rehab(s) Re-entry Draft

Poutine – Mikey M (1)

Shootout Winner – Hornswoggle CR7

Goalie Win – RJ (1-0)

Game Notes: Karma looked to hold the balance of power/play in this game but it was not to be as instant karnage was what became of a great bounce back top 12 campaign after another impressive shootout winner by BTSH vet JVR (I guess if you’re around for a few years you get some practice at these things!)


Dank Bows 1 @ CK 3

Bows – Cat (Beef, not Dragon) (1)

Goalie Loss – Greenwald (1-1)

CK – Siena “Foligno” (1), Liam (1), Will (1)

Goalie Win – Campbell W (1-0)

Game Notes: Rainbows combined margin of defeat against CK in their two matinee affairs this year (3!) is what I presume to be roughly a third of the one game against each other in 2017- highlighting the sense of optimism for Tia’s newly darkened (does everyone really want to wear black in 40 degree Celsius weather?), dark rainbows clan, going into 2019 (until Yetter and that dude in the black pinner gets poached).

Quick Shifts: Will scored the empty netter just to ensure he stay ahead of Liam by one goal (he does play defense, btw) in total on the year, season and playoffs combined.


Schlitz Cup


TSR 1 @ Gut Rot 0

TSR – David F (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Dave GdR (1-0, 1 shutout in the Schlitz)

Goalie Loss – Charlie O’D via PBR Punchout


Mega 0 @ Rainbows 1

Goalie Loss – Jeff H (0-1)

Rainbows – Dan C (1)

Goalie Win – Greenwald (1-0; 1 shutout in the Schlitz)



This was some good hackey eh! On to more box scores…


Rehabs 2 @ Fuzz 3 (F/OT)

Rehabs – Alex WM (2), Joey (1)

Goalie OTL – Eric R (1-0-1)

Fuzz – Gil (1), Jeff x2 (2)

Goalie Win – A. Coach (2-0)

Game Notes: I didn’t get to see Jeff’s goal real time in OT, but I got to recreate it with him later that night in our first of two MENS LEAGUE games. I think this calls for a pause…. Moving on! (For your own visual reenactment of the OT winner, I’d like to redirect you to the offices of “Robert” GLNZR of Crime Stoppers Long Island)


GANK 0 @ CK 1 (F/SO)

Goalie Shutout Shootout Loss – Craig LaC (1-0-1; 2 shutouts)

Goalie Shutout Shootout Win – Campbell W-W (2-0; 1 shutout)

Shootout Winner – Topshelf Tommy with help from Liam to seal the LoLShootoutWin

Game Notes: Campbell can be upbeat this week for his Black Squirrels friends who were in attendance- to see his best performance of the season- as CK finally shake off the cobwebs for a shootout win. Good thing no one is aware of the rule where if you throw your stick in a penalty shot situation, it’s an awarded goal (yayaya Derho moved backwards anyways, we know GLNZR, we know).

Quick Shifts: Losing Just isn’t a part of the CK playoff version of the btsh glossary heading into the final weekend as (wait is that a long lost week 18 box score reference? Good thing our media doesn’t mind re-posting the same bits, especially when people didn’t notice it the first time –I guess it’s a thing)….Craig gets another shutout, and somehow finds himself and GANK out of the playoffs….guess the saying “if you don’t let in a goal we can’t lose” isn’t entirely true L


Poutine 1 @ POUNDS 2

Poutine – Jonathan C (1)

Goalie Loss – RJ (1-1)

POUNDS – Jake from the dub (2), Roberts (1)

Goalie Win – Zisser (2-0)

Game Notes: Roberts capitalizes on first line minutes and doesn’t disappoint after returning from another work trip to NY for weekend hockey as he became the recipient of a wide open slightly less than a four-by-six after a coolly delivered set up from an always competitive Karsten forecheck which gave the Pounds the differential they needed to not have Roberts post aboot LOLshootouts all week and finish the game in regulation time!!!

Quick Shifts: For the first time in a few tries, POUNDS get out of a Katz Southeast Divisional three team matchup without any write-ups. We’ll call this one surprisingly clean!


FK 1 @ Filthier 3

FK – Nicole (1) (what’s this now, another brand new name for playoff scoring – who vets these rosters?)

Goalie Loss – Barch (1-1)

Filthier – James (1), The Mule x2 (4)

Goalie Win – Tim K (2-0)

Game Notes: The F teams which Hicks always gets confused with (make sure you have which team you’re jumping ship to next year straightened oot!) traded early goals and the addition of Gabe for the quarterfinals wasn’t enough to hold off Sean from picking up another playoff pair as Filthier show FK the door on the first of two back to back non PBR winning campaigns (assuming the usual once every three years is still the works)

Quick Shifts: Another two goals from Salt Boy Bills Mafia Buffalo Boy Sean “the Mule” Mullane….Why the heck did the Thints hide this kid back on defense in OC? ….I guess the ideal replacement for Suvin didn’t necessarily have to be a true Canadian…the buffalo winters are basically the same as in Regina, Saskatchewan.


Schlitz Cup Scores


TSR 2 @ Dank Bows 5

TSR – Suz x2 (2)

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR (1-1 in the Schlitz)

Bows – Karl (1), Matt F (1), Yetter (1), Wes (1), Dan C (1)

Goalie Win – Greenwald (2-0 in the Schlitz)

Game Notes: Rainbows have clinched a Schlitz-ship game on Sunday regardless of how they fair in their final game. TSR looks to improve to 2-1 against Mega to get the same opportunity and a rematch of this one.


Rut Rot 1 @ Mega 3

Rut Rot – Ellery is this a troll? (1)

Goalie Loss – EitanTheGoalie viaLemmeSchlitzWitYou

Mega – Caitlin via AF, Jeff B (1), Jonathan H (1)

Goalie Win – Jeff H (1-1 in the Schlitz)

Game Notes: Julie feel free to send me your weekly roundup of the stats we got wrong to all 5 of my personal/btsh inboxes. Thanks in advance! Signed, Zac Ball Hogg (insert signature here)

Update: We get our Jeff’s sorted out now!


Playoff Leaders


Suz TSR – 2 Goals in Schlitz

Sean “the Mule” Filthier – 4 Goals in PBR

Some others have 2 goals in PBR action including Jeff (1 was a OT GWG) of Fuzz, Alex WM of the recently eliminated REEEEhabs, Sam (both from the Play in Round so Meh) of Math, Tom (both on my team so another mEH) of Fresh Kills, and Jake (but he played professionally so one final MEH) of POUNDS.


Geenwald carries a 2-0 record, with a GAA of 1 and 1 shutout to match in the Schlitz

Craig LaC GANK – 2 shutouts; 1-0-1 record and ends the PBR playoffs with a GAA of zero 🙁

Some other goalies are 2-0 and Campbell is the only one of those with a shutout to my knowledge so I’m going to stop pumping his tires right here: /tirepumping





These will be the easiest box scores since week 1 because it’s that time of the year where we will re-set the scoring to count “playoff” goals rather than combine regular season and playoffs. Otherwise, Teets McGee would win by 10+ goals again like in past years if Fuzz! goes far(ther than last year).

On to the box scores…


Gut Rot 1 @ Demons 4

Gut Rot – Scott K (1)

Goalie Loss – Goalie Ed (0-1)

Demons – Bar Down Brad (1), Rubens (1), Zach T (1), Miles (1)

Goalie Win – Zach L (1-0)

Game Notes: Gut Rot didn’t have to worry about any phantom goals or any goals at all from Zach with an F but the rest of the Demons showed up and gave them too much to handle.

Quick Shifts: After an early marker by Gut Rot, the tide of the game was turning. With just a minute to go in the first half, Bar Down Brad (no Boatsexing, please) tied the game…Demons got a marker shortly thereafter in the second period, when after “W”ideo review (a short stoppage of play to conference), the referees determined that Demons had legally scored prior to a player entering the crease….from there that was all she wrote as the Demons piled on with two more goals to close out this play in game, 4-1.


‘Bows 4 @ Butchers 1

Rainbows – JessicaD (1), Brett H (1), Karl “Good’ay Mate” S (1), Dan (1)

Goalie Win – Greenwald (1-0)

Butchers – Dana (1)

Goalie Loss – Tim Brk (0-1)

Game Notes: Hearing all the cheering on the East court I wanted to stop refereeing the game on the West court. But from what I gather, some weird things happened and Rainbows got oot to an early lead. Some former field hockey players scored…and the Butchers couldn’t mount a comeback without Super Dave…the end.

Quick Shifts: Butchers lose their opening round playoff game to a division 4 team for the second time in two consecutive years….Yetter decided he didn’t have enough time to score (his btsh usual) two goals so he sat the second half off.


TSR 0 @ Mega 3

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR (0-1)

Mega – Michelle “kind of rhymes with Richard” Picard (1), Jeff B (1), Max T (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Mike T (1-0; 1 shutout)

Game Notes: Everyone’s playoff bracket is yet to implode (what do you mean you picked Butchers?) as Shelly was able to skip oot early from her NWHL morning skate and make the Mega game on time.


Math 5 @ SKY 3

Math – Zach N (1), Jon M (1), Sam N x2 (2), James “Bobblehead” Bobby W (1)

Goalie Win – David L (1-0)

SKY – Christian H (1), Jake T (1), James McQ (1)

Goalie Loss – OG James (0-1)

Game Notes: Zach made sure that Sam reffed at 1pm so that he would be at their game on time (which is funny because they both literally showed up to the courts at 1:05pm….)

Quick Shifts: With Math and Demons locking up playoff round wins, both goalies with the “L” initial actually had “W’s”, a far cry from both going L-L-L-L….to start the year…..Sam takes an early lead in playoff scoring with the only multi goal game on the day with his brace which helped pace Math to a win.


This Playoff Round in Tweets

Keeping it light this week. See everyone Sunday.

I need the real answer. NOW.


Playoff Leaders


1) Sam of the Norrii Clan – Math (2)



1) Mike T – Mega (1 Win, 1 Shutout)


Once more goalies get more shutouts (or multiple wins) and other players score more than 1 goal, we will continue to add to the above list on a weekly basis!