Posts by: "Ball Hogg"

No rain and no heat fears! We’re back for Week 12 Week 11 (I’m going off what we have on the website’s schedule page, so bear with me on the chronology of the weeks)! Lots of competitive action as we have way (way, way) too many LOL shootout references and some other close contests.

After getting a paper cut opening the three stars post due to all the edge on it, we’ve removed the salt from these this week to not offend anyone (other than myself, as that’s always required). On to the box scores!


Fresh Kills 2 @ Filthier 3 (OT/LOL Shootouts)

Fresh Kills – Frank (1), Tom (4)

Goalie Shootout LOLoss – Patty B (4-2-1, GAA of 2.57ish)

Filthier – OP James (8), Sunny (10)

Goalie Win – Tim K (8-3, GAA of 1.91ish)

Shootout Winner – OP James

Game Notes: OP James put the ball over the Barch pile, rather than running through it this time to earn the extra point in the shootout, just like last season.

Quick Shifts: Video shootout footage was captured but not required to determine that the above shootout winner was scored in a legal fashion. (thank you tho, Jerome/JVR/Hornswoggle/Hornystyle for taking video, which you can find on our BTSH facebook page in very high quality! unlike another SO..)


Demons 0 @ Gremlins 3

Goalie Loss – Zach “Demons Regular Goalie” L (1-7-1)

Gremlins – Rod “I’m sponsored by” Sherwood (1), Courtney via FA, Yetter via FA

Goalie Shutout Win –   Jamie B (8-2-1, GAA of 1.82, 3 Shutouts)

Game Notes: After starting 2-2-1 through five weeks, Jamie B and the Gremlins have won 6 straight and not even taking a LOL in the shootouts can stop them from climbing back into the Katz Divisional race. Maybe they upgraded their lime toss to a game of pickle ball across the street at TSP (yes, it’s a thing and it’s pretty cool) to add that needed oomph in their game.

Quick Shifts: Your team can pick up Yetter as an FA wherever crop tops are sold.


Cobra Kai 2 @ Poutine 0

CK – Will (6), Liam (7)

Goalie Shutout Win – Campbell (8-0-2, GAA of 1.10, 3 shutouts)

Goalie Loss – RJ “you better not add that EN goal to my GAA (we did)” F (3-2, GAA of 1.20)

Game Notes: A report coming from our CK beat writer noted that CK finally got some referees they like* but as we all know, the refereeing appears to be better when you don’t take a “L”oL in the shootouts.

Quick Long Shifts Run on Sentence: This game played fast with a lot of back and forth transition catered by the help of strong team defense as limited scoring chances were traded between each side but-for a couple of breakaways for each team leading to the low scoring Katz division title fight, which we certainly don’t mind as it’s certainly easier to not mess up the Poutine goal scorers when they get blanked.

*can deal with once on a weekly basis without emailing Sam Norris

It was a battle of possession in Cat’s fave BTSH rivalry on Sunday. No wonder CK came out on top (look at those guns on that possession player). Now that is double click worthy.


Fuzz 4 @ POUNDS 3 (OT/LOL Shootouts)

Fuzz! – Miles (11), Jeff x2 (10)

Goalie Win – Coach (8-1, GAA of 2.56)

Shootout Winner – Alexa (with help from Mike Teyt to ice it)

Pounds – Jason (2), aFrey (1), Avery (3)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Fizzler (7-2-1, GAA of 1.70)

Game Notes:  All 3 Fuzz! shooters scored in the shootout (Gil got the first one to match Avery’s first round marker). For more on the game, check out our Third Star of Week 12*.



Dark Rainbows 3 @ DaPucks 6

Rainbows – Yetter via FA x2, Ryan M (1)

Goalie Loss – Eitan via #RosterHim

Pucks – Ball Hogg (3), John C “Number 69” (2), Zach “Mike Gartner” G x3 (5), Mike Dude (1)

Goalie Win – Scott H (3-6)

Game Notes: After back to back multi goal games for DaPucks, this is becoming Buffalo Zach’s team now. Step aside Ball Hogg, you’re the “other” Zac now (or “stop passing and shoot more” – Eric, probably).

Quick Shifts: I always thought blowing 2-0 leads was more of a CaNucks type of thing, but this game marked the second time this season WTP came back from an early 2-nothing deficit against a divisional opponent. Justin might ask the ladies to (not) sleep on us, but maybe the Pucks should remember to not sleep on their Michaliga-name-sake divisional race foes.


LAX Hookers 2 @ Math 3 (OT/LOL Shootouts)

Hookers – CJ “not the running back” Anderson (5), Noelle (3)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Dustin “Tokarski” O (2-3-2, GAA of 2.29)

Math – Liz H (1), Bradley S (1)

Goalie Win – David L (2-5)

Shootout Winner – Justin “I’m a Caps fan too” P

Game Notes: Hookers finally found a game they thought was winnable and literally showed up. Figuratively, they did not.

Quick Shifts: Dustin continues to show that he’s not a shadow of his former Hookers championship self (except in the case of pad sizing), sporting a competitive GAA for a team that has lost more than it has won.

Trending: Math keep doing the most Math thing ever of standing pat, right in the middle of Division 2. Don’t expect them to be in a position to move up or down a division at the end of this year.


Riots 0 @ Gut Rot 4

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR (2-7-1)

Gut Rot – Scott_K (7), Ramon x2 (6), Akhil Nation (5)

Goalie Shutout Win – Ed P (3-4, GAA of nicer but still needs more mean reversion before we post it)

Quick Shifts: Since going 0-4 to start the season, Ed has had back to back shutouts, and only let in 1 goal in his last 3 starts (all of which are wins). Will his play start a Gut Rot run for the Division 4 crown? Unlikely, they don’t have any freebie out of division games like Fuzz Elves this year.


Mega Touch 3 @ Instant Karma 4

Mega – Joe L (3), Jeff B x2 (7)

Goalie Shootout LOLoss – Mike T (2-6-1)

Karma – Cory V (4), Paul O via FA, Briana V (4)

Goalie Win – Steve F (3-5)

Shootout Winner – Cory V!

Game Notes: Paul Olsen is his name and subbing is his game – Chadwick

Quick Shifts: After 5 weeks of ball hockey with only 2 goals to their name, Karma strike thrice and once more in the shootout to finally achieve double digits in points.

You did it! You beat pre season expectations and all you needed was a shootout against a 4th division team to do it!!


Sky Fighters 2 @ Anklebiters 3

SKY – Sean N (3), Katie S (3)

Goalie Loss – OG James (2-7-1)

GANK – Probert (14), Sarah M (3), Joe P (5)

Goalie Win – Tim Bwn (2-1, GAA of 2.00)

Game Notes: Tim returned to action for the first time since Week 4 and provided the GANKshow just what they needed, edging SKY in another close loss for them on what has been a long 11 * weeks.

Quick Shifts: SKY find themselves in a similar spot as they did this time last year. Does their “new look” crew make the same run late in the season and make some noise heading into the playoffs? Tune in to next week’s episode of 23 and Mia to find out.


Rehabs 0 @ Butchers 2

Goalie Loss – Will Ho “Sang” Sung via Mid-season retirement replacement waiver wire

Butchers – Super Dave (2), John N (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Tim Brk (3-5, 1st Shutout)

Game Notes in one Run on Sentence: Unfortunately Hicks spent too much time thinking up chirps regarding A6 series TRUE pavel barber tutorial videos for lefties and forgot to watch them himself, not being able to pot a difference maker against Super Dave and his surely now flying Butchers squad, who have now won 4 of their last 5 dry (non rain-feared) contests.


Week 11 in Very Real Tweets 

Apparently people feel the need to call these fake and don’t want to #DoubleClick??? How absurd!



On Sunday we kicked off 9 weeks of continuous Sunday hawkey, not with some underwhelming draft day trades, but with some great (albeit a little humid) weather at Tompkins Square Park. Zach of the Norris clan had an excellent game notes quip for one of the games, but after some loser shots amongst the teams who hung out around Doc’s post the 2 barn burner BTSH night cap affairs, (those rep’d being the Mathletes, Gut Rot Bitzez, What the CaNucks, REEhabs and POUNDS), I forgot what was mentioned. Hopefully we can make up for that…on to the box scores.

(Yes Walker you may** have a positive plus-minus now – on behalf of our WTP 1994 styled CaNucks themed blunder, you’re welcome – but “an excellent game notes quip” is singular because they are called “game notes” but there is only 1 per game and it was specifically only 1 excellent comment/quip – but then again my posts get corrections for Poutine stats, not my run on terrible prose!)

(** but you don’t because it’s not officially tracked)


Mega Touch 4 @ Gut Rot 1

Mega – Jeff B x2 (5), Joe L (2), Eric D (1)

Goalie Win – Jeff H (2-0, GAA of Michaliga Southeast Division best of a Rouge)

Gut Rot – Scott K (6)

Goalie Loss – Charlie O’D via Free Agents

Game Notes: The Jeff’s of Mega Touch pace the pointy fingered shirts to an easy divisional matchup W against Gut Rot.

How many Jeff’s do you have? Is this like a Zach thing with the Demons?



Cobra Kai 5 @ Demons 2

Cobra Kai – Pete (2), Will x2 (5), Paul “my hand is only broken on Tuesdays” Brown (5), Liam (6)

Goalie Win – Campbell (7-0-2, GAA of 1.22)

Demons – Zach T (3), Zach F (4)

Goalie Loss – Zach L (1-6-1)

Game Notes: Rubens determined that the game was over by half time and CK obliged, getting an early start on their vodka spiked watermelon on the sidelines. Just kidding, this one went the distance with Liam scoring an empty netter from behind his own goal line late to seal it. That was unassisted of course, because we don’t track that, and because a goalie ball is the re-start after a play that has been called by virtue of a whistle.

Quick Shifts: AIUI, possession is measured – via advanced stats – through shots for and against in the form of proxies such as corsi and fenwick. As (ball) hockey is a game of randomness, this may not be 100% precise, but it is generally noted that teams which carry higher corsi/fenwick have higher possession or, higher quality possession which affords them a higher share of “game events” (that being shots on goal) which is correlated to higher goal totals (and higher winning percentages). And by that logic, if you are a (higher) possession player, you score more goals, not less/zero. Especially if you are a high event/high shooting percentage hockey god like Laine.

Trending: Will the Demons make good on their Denim alter ego heading into Canada Day next Sunday? Unlikely, there are clouds in the forecast.



Instant Karma 1 @ Poutine 4

IK – Derek ZED (4)

Goalie Loss – Steve F (2-5, GAA of we don’t talk about it after Week 5/6)

Poutine – Mike P (2), Hornswoggle JVR (2), Nicky (1), Nicolette (1)

Goalie Win – AJ F (3-0, GAA of 1.25ish when rounding the no decision from Week 3)

Game Notes: Derek ZED’s shirt was soaked with sweat from carrying his team on his back again, albeit it in another losing effort. Karma still look to eclipse their expected pythagorean points from season previews.

Trending: Karma has only scored two goals since Week 5. (I know what you’re going to ask, and yes, that’s less than the Dank Rainbows)

Quick Shifts: If Jerome refers to me as Hoggswoggle can I refer to him as Hornystyle? Pause.



Math 3 @ Filthier 7

Math – Amy (4), Zach (2), Ellyyy (3)

Goalie Loss – David L (1-6)

Filthier – Shafiq (3), JJ (3), Jaime D x2 (5), James (7), Sunny x2 (9)

Goalie Win – Tim “my workload is worse than Cam Talbot’s back when the Oilers were good for one year” K (7-3, GAA of 1.90)

Game Notes: Filthier reminded our power rankings folks that they are not so far away from being a serious contender, with a dominating performance, albeit against the consensus “could win or lose against any BTSH team” team in Math.



New Look Sky Fighters 2 @ Old Look Sky Fighters 3

New Look – Sean N (2), Greg I (2)

Goalie Loss – James S (2-6-1)

Old Look – Miles H (10), Jeff (8), Sig (3 knockdowns – allegedly)

Goalie Win – Coach (7-1, GAA of 2.50, stuff of living Legends, or should I say, active hall of fame inductees)

Game Notes: I’m going to post on the BTSH facebook page to ask Infanti if we can wear white (and red) for Canada Day next Sunday. I don’t have his number.

Speaking of how to use that BTSH fb group thing…


Riots 6 @ Rainbows 1

Riots – Margot x2 (3), Alex L x2 (3), Kevin Z (2), Dave F (2)

Goalie Win – Dave GdR (2-6-1)

Rainbows – Eric T (1)

Goalie Loss – Greenwald (1-7)

Game Notes: Apparently Jess doesn’t intentionally miss handshakes after shut out losses, but Greenwald might still see it my way on that. However, she does intentionally hand out post-game beers if you are refereeing. Definitely didn’t miss any calls in the FK-Habs game because of that.

Quick Shifts: Margot made sure to get the winner by scoring not only the ice breaker, but the second goal in this contest. Only leaving Dave to think about what could have been this past weekend.

Trending: Jess also asked for more zingers in the box scores. No offense. So I had to politely remind her of this hockey geek one from Week 7.




GANK – Jared “Benoit Pouliot” (8), Chris B (3), Jason B (2)

Goalie Loss – Craig “Mad Goalie” LaC (4-3)

Hookers – Justin x2 (3), Tiff (3), TJ x2 (3), Garbage Time Goal Cro (5)

Goalie Win – Dustin “TOKARSKI” (2-3-1, GAA of 2.33)

Game Notes: If Tiff and Newnam hadn’t kicked Bill off the team, this would have been a great box score for their new uni’s…Too bad they couldn’t come with some matching kicks as well!

Quick Shifts: As a Left-Shooting Hawkeytarian, What about when GANK spanked Hookers earlier in the season? This win means nothing either I guess.



Gremlins 4 @ DaPucks 3

Gremlins – Alex Salt Bro x3 (4), Ryan M (1)

Goalie Win – Jamie B (7-2-1)

WTP – Hanif (1), Zach “Mike Gartner” x2 (3)

Goalie Loss – Scott H (2-6)

Game Notes: Pucks live up to their playoff run of 2017 and find a way to lose a 3-2 lead midway through the final frame to a higher division foe with Rockoff riding off to Australia with his first career BTSH hat-trick.

Quick Shifts: I still don’t have a photo of my team in our newest alternate threads to share…wth!?



Fresh Kills 4 @ Rehabs 2

Fresh Kills – Ariel “didn’t even need to use my move” (6), Tom “he literally did come out of retirement just to beat the Rehabs again” Rush x3 (3)

Goalie Win – Barch Pile (4-2, GAA of 2.67)

Rehabs – Monique R (2), Alex WM (5)

Goalie Loss – Eric “don’t you dare add that EN-goal to my GAA” Ramirez (4-2, GAA of 1.83 but we all know it should be 1.67)

Game Notes: Rehabs dominated stretches (or all but the first 17 seconds when Ariel scored and the last 2:30 when Tom scored 3) of this game but could not put away FK and it cost them dearly.

Gabe Watch: No Gabe. Was away for that St Jean Baptiste Day (aka Separatist Day) thing, but as a Quebecor, he doesn’t celebrate Canada Day, so he’s likely back next Sunday.

Trending: Ryann making notes on the game sheets to explain to me how a goal was scored, albeit while I’m the other ref in that game….prove me wrong but here’s how this game went;

Ariel – opens scoring 17 seconds in after losing the faceoff, stealing on the half wall, and walking around Senna to Sedin shootout style snipe on the off wing at the high hash marks low block above the pad. FK 1-0

Monique – Hicks manages to find himself on a 2-on-1 and Eugene leaves her wide open on the door step and oh so close to stepping in the crease. Guess my Pavel Barber video paid off, but I don’t remember it discussing how to make passes with the True 6 series stick. 1-1

Alex WM – Alex clangs one off the post and while the ball sits between Barch’s legs, he turns and kicks the loose ball into the net. Good goal. Rehabs lead 2-1

A calamity of missed opportunities and apparent stick checks, as Rehabs dominate this portion of the game.

Tom – Steals off an inbound pass to the last defender in the Rehabs zone. Hicks maybe is aware it’s R3T!R3D T!M3 taking his last shift, or maybe I was. Tom waltzes around the defender still looking for their jock strap and coolly walks around Ramirez to tie the game. 2-2 with 2:23 remaining in the game.

Tom – Off a turnover near half Tom has the ball once again out against the Rehabs’ third line and takes a shot that hits Ramirez high in the shoulder, but has enough pace on it to end up going into the net. FK 3-2

Tom – Fires a shot on net from his own zone in the dying seconds to grab the natural hat-trick and a 4-2 FK win.



POUNDS 1 @ Butchers 2

POUNDS – ScottyK (12)

Goalie Loss – Fizzler (7-2, GAA of 1.56)

Butchers – Mike (3), Brady (4)

Goalie Win – Kevin “All Star Game 2018 Snubby” Longwell via Ligue 1 Free Transfer Market

Game Notes: The BTSH Power Rankings (and goalie sub) curse lives on as POUNDS find a way to not win this one.

Quick Shifts: In the most Kevin Longwell thing ever, he tells me he is not hung over (for the first time all week), but then proceeds to tell me he is playing for a different team than which he actually was supposed to be there playing for (FK instead of Butchers). Good thing you showed up at the right time man!


Week 10 in Tweets

Keeping it light, like my hockey attendance over the past couple weeks. #DoubleClick

I was not at the courts on Sunday, but lucky for you, we had fresh game sheets (as of Week Ocho!) to codify the All Star Sunday that was. I also figured out the trick to the strikethrough font on WordPress. Should there be any inconsistencies, Team Stats pages will be reconciled by end of the week, we hope.


Filthier 3 @ 1 and 34 cents USD’s 4 Bucks

Filther – James P (6), JJ (2), Sunny (7)

Goalie Loss – Tim K (6-3, 1 Shutout, GAA of 1.78)

Brexit Currency – Nick R (2), Jason (1), ScottyK (11), Avery (2)

Goalie Win – Sizzler (7-1, 2 Shutouts, GAA of 1.50)

Game Notes: Avery probably stole the ball from Sasha (probably) on the GwG

Scratch that, he stole it from Heather taking a conference call at mid-court. Yeah that stick is a little high, it’s above the equator of AlokNation


Gremlins 2 @ Continued Karnage 0

Gremlins – Erich (13), Alexandra “Salt Bro #2” Rockoff (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Jamie B (6-2-1, 2 Shutouts, GAA of 1.89)

Goalie Loss – Steve F (2-4, 1 Shutout)

Game Notes: Karma continues down a path of no return to battle for a Michaliga Southeast division spot in 2019 with the Demons, should the latter team ever decide to play any of their future or currently rained out contests


Cobra Kai 2 @ Riots 3 (OT/LOL SHOOTOUTS)

Cobra Kai – Paul “Dustin” Brown (4), Liam (5)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Campbell (6-0-2, 2 Shutouts, GAA of I’m no longer keeping track of the true extra time in OT for GAA, 1.13)

Riots – Margot ? (1), David Frost (1)

Shootout Winner – Mike Danton’s favourite** player agent (“not”)

Goalie Shootout Win – Dave GdR (1-6-1)

Game Notes: I was told Russ was saving his goal for 2018 for the Riots but he only channeled the pre 2018 capitals in the shootout (not that that would have counted as a goal, unless it was the winner, kind of) and miraculously choked

Quick Shifts: Paul Brown recorded the first Gordie Howe hat-trick of the season; because Sam Norris doesn’t track assists, it’s neither official nor confirmed (1 goal, 1 five minute penalty – close enough to a fighting major). Bring forth your angry emoji, GLNZR.

LeL shootouts again sir.


Butchers @ Fresh Kills – Rain out

Game Notes: Fresh Kills just wanted to make the power rankings more ambiguous by deciding to not make the trip down to TSP on Sunday.


Demons @ Poutine – Rain out

Game Notes: Something on the game sheet probably needs to be corrected, regardless of the game being rained out.


Rehabs 4 @ Anklebiters 1

REEEhabs – (B)Ryan McC(abe) x3 (3), Cherie (6)

Goalie Win – Eric “Did not have to sit him for 2 minutes” Ramirez (4-1, 2 Shutouts, GAA of 1.40)

‘Biters – Ben P (13)

Goalie Loss – Craig LaC (4-2, 1 Shutout, GAA of 2.50)

Game Notes: Hicks, even though he loves everyone in the league, still clearly needs a demo on using his True A6 series. But since I shoot left, please take in the following Pavel Barber tutorial for all you backwards shooting-right handed american folk.


Dark Rainbows 0 @ Gut Rot 3

Goalie Loss – Greenwald (1-6)

Gut Rot – Ramon x2 (4), Becca (1)

Goalie Win – Ed P (2-4, 1st Shutout, GAA of further mean reversion, slowly but surely, it will be explicitly reported in a writeup, we he hopes)

Game Notes: I wonder who Jess D decided to not shake hands with after this shutout loss. Not to say she isn’t a good sport, relatively speaking. No offense! It’s also nice to see some Rainbows come to the bar now that they’ve won a game (they no longer feel the need to hang out practice on random rooftops somewhere in the NYC burroughs)

Quick Shifts: Becca truly earned her all star game nomination by finally scoring a goal this season, albeit, an empty netter, however I guess it counts for more than Liz’s does when she subbed in against the Riots.

“What do we do with our hands when we aren’t losing a game?”


CaNucks 3 @ Mega Deuce

Pucks – Susie (3), Paul P (6), Noah C (1)

Goalie Win – Scott H (2-5)

Mega – Alex EMey (3), Julie (3)

Goalie Loss – Mike T (2-6)

Game Notes: I was told that Susie’s goal was allowed because Julie scored. This was a Sam Norris email chain I was in on, but still don’t fully understand the inside joke. Bring some more angry emoji, GLNZR.

NJ/Vegas Betting Lines: Both states asked that BTSH betting lines to be momentarily banned after noting that the “best player in this matchup” was never appropriately listed as “resting at home for a meaningless out of town tournament with a team of ringers the following weekend” aka OUT of the lineup. Game previews will have to be revisited going forward…

WTP IR Report

“Dude” – no longer drowning in pitcher dousage

Justin SM-Liga – no longer pinot poisoned

Eric – day to day with crypto bear market tendonitis

Zac – out indefinitely with post traumatic sprain disorder / swollen ankle recovery soreness

Susie – concussion like symptons from the light headedness caused from the europhoria of leading the team in goals (after Paul “John Scott All Star Nominee of 2018” P)

Banner Year for Susie – can’t stop scoring


Hookers @ BLUE SKIES – Rain out

Rain out Notes: I always thought that Cro was a Genwunner but he’s clearly living in the third gen of Pokemon where the effect Drizzle lasts for the entirety of the battle game day.

No Quick Shifts: The US labour** participation rate lags 4 percent behind the OECD member nations’ but at least it’s higher than the Hookers’ participation attendance record thus far in 2018. Their unemployment free agency/waiver wire rate is clearly deflated.


Fuzz 7 @ Lil’Maths 2

Fuzz – RNV (8), Mike “Why are you asking in a power ranking poll if someone else will win the goal scoring title?” Teyt x2 (11), Miles H (9), Who’s your [Vlad]dy (1), Gil (4), Alyssa (1)

Goalie Win – Eitan via #RosterHimAfterCoachRetires

Math – James Bobblehead (2), Sam “We’re [not] getting hot at the right time” Norris (2)

Goalie Loss – David L (1-5)

Game Notes: Math are really showing their “we don’t care about the regular season” attitude lately and Ryann picks up a respectible BTSH hat-trick with a goal, disallowed goal, and a beer at the bar after the game (presumably), or at least while watching the All Star game.

Quick Shifts: RIP to Liang’s GAA.


All-Star Game Notes (OT/DizzyBats)

Game Notes: The ending of the game was uninterrupted by an early sunset or some TV show that I don’t watch and cannot remember if it was some finale or season premier, like in 2017. Meh.

Team D’Arcy Tucker (that little Mofo’er) Divisions Southeast 1 and Southeast 4 8

Avery scored, probably, and is now annoyed Alex made him stay the extra 6 hours to play in what he thought would be a serious all-star game

Paul made sure to hang out with his bff, the crease, some more


Team Fairy Tale Cup Divisions Southeast 2 and Southeast 3 8

With his/herr new look, Rockoff secured some digits on Sunday evening (for his client’s 2019 contract)

GLNZR was burned on a Cherie breakaway effort


Overheard from TSP:

“Caaaaaaaaawwwwww. Mine. Mine. Mine.” – Tia

“Dizzy Bats was the bees knees” – Julie

“The All Star Fuzz 5:30 game sucks” – Jeff, somewhere in NJ, playing real playoff ball hockey



Lee’s asking the crowd to sit if you think a hotdog is a sandwich.


Sharif after throwing someone into the corner plank/boards, All Star game edition



Week 9 in Tweets

Made a few up on the spot. Enjoy your weekend away from the courts! #DoubleClick

Last week (but not really last week), I asked for another ref email from our fearless ref manager regarding penalties for infractions on goal scoring opportunities, and of course, in response, got a reminder that openers need to put up the caution tape on the benches….can’t wait to be told that I did the lost and found for sticks wrong this past Sunday too!

On to the scoring highlights;


But first, the out of town scoreboard….

Dark Rainbows 3 @ Tompkins Square Riots 0

Rainbows – Juan-[Karl]-o Stanton (1), Bryan L (2), Matt F (2)

Goalie Shutout Win – Greenwald (1-4, 1st Shutout)

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR (0-5-1)

Game Notes: Dark Rainbows broke a month long scoring drought and a yearlong winning drought in poetic fashion by shutting out their Michaliga, I mean, Southeast, division rivals.

They found the dimension they were looking for!


And Now…Back to Week 8!


Hott Fuzz 7 @ Rainbows 1

Fuzz – Ryann Nugent Vokpkins (7), Mike “I banished my bro from BTSH” Teyt x3 (9), Gil (3), Anthony Siggy Freud (2), Jeff L (7)

Goalie Win – Alexa “Poor Performance Scrutinizer” (1-0, GAA of 1)

Rainbows – Bryan L (3)

Goalie Loss – Greenwald (1-5)

1pm Delivered a flashback like no other, and then 2pm delivered a very 2018 clapback you’d usually find on a Wendy’s twitter account


TSR 0 @ Halfway thru 2018 but still the “New Look” Sky Fighters 4

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR (0-6-1)

SKY – David C (1), Greg I (1), Sean N (1), Joe W (5)

Goalie Shutout Win – THE OG JAMES (2-5-1, 1st Shutout)

Game Notes: Don’t look now, but I think the Dark Rainbows just passed on their winless season of 2017 to TSR for 2018.


Math 4 @ Mega 2

Math – Sam N (1), Amy A (3), Jon M x2 (5)

Goalie Win – Dave L (1-4)

Mega – Jeff H (3), Jeff B (3)

Goalie Loss – Mike T (2-5)

Mega: Alok left town over the long weekend to place an early vote in the Worst Case Ontario election, and seeing the candidates, came straight back to New York in time for this game, but it was not enough, as Sam finally broke his 2018 scoring drought, and Jon showed him up with two of his own to get Dave L-L-L-L back in the win column.

Quick Shifts: On a more serious note, congrats on enjoying a special day at the HHOF, Alok and Stephanie!


Gut Rot 2 @ Hookers 1

Gut Rot – AkhilNation (4), Mark C (1)

Goalie Win – Ed P (1-4, GAA finally seeing some mean reversion, dropping by over 15% after this game)

Hookers – Sam M (1)

Goalie Loss – Dustin (1-3-1, GAA of not too shabby for an 18th ranked Hookers of 2016: 2.20)

Game Notes: Texts receievd from Cro went from a fkboi-eque “Oh I haven’t been checking my phone lately” after their game against Math to consistently texting me daily again. #BTSH5GamePoachingDeadline2018

Quick Shifts: With Gut Rot rallying behind a stellar performance from Ed, who was on the mark all weekend (but we don’t really talk about Mofo here, so I won’t mention his shutout on Saturday) refer to the Week 8 in Tweets section for more on the upset


Butchers 0 @ Gremlins 6

Goalie Loss – Tim Brk (2-4)

Gremlins – Marcella too “Couls” for skool x2 (2), Erich G x2 (12), Tim F x2 (3)

Goalie Win – Jamie B (4-2-1, GAA of 2.13)

Game Notes: Walker’s plus minus was no better than a(n incorrectly classified) sandwich. Happy (belated) birthday kiddo! I look forward to crashing the party again, without an invite, and (re)introducing myself. #OnceARookieAlwaysARookie


Rehabs 1 @ Demons 0 (F/OT)

Rehabs – Sarah V via Free Agents

Goalie Shutout Win – Eric “Please sit me for two minutes” Ramirez (3-1, GAA of 1.50, 2 Goose-eggs)

Goalies Loss – Zach OT-L (1-4-1)

Game Notes: Demons played one of their staple low scoring, competitive match ups in a game that saw chances traded back and forth all afternoon. Unfortunately for them, no phantom goals were called and Rehabs were first to break the ice, but probably deserved a better fate on this day.


Poutine 1 @ Fresh Kills 2

French Machine Always Breaks – Connor M (1)

Goalie Loss – Kevin Longwell via Ligue 1 free transfer market

FK – Gabe the Babe (5), Ariel (5)

Goalie Win – David L via Barch Pile 2.0

Game Notes: I totally almost credited the Poutine goal to “Conor L” for old times’ sake, just to be corrected again


Cobra Kai 2 @ Los Blancos 3 (OT/SO)

Cobra Kai – Will Green (3), Rachel Na(ba)tty Light (1)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Campbell W. (6-0-1, GAA of .99 when factoring in the extra 1/10th of a game and not 1.00, in case anyone wants to email BBCpluto later)

Los Blancos – ScottyK (10), Tommy (1)

Shootout Winner – Red Shorts, not ‘Jama Pants Alex F

Goalie Shootout Win – Mike Sizzler Z (6-1-0, GAA of 1.285714286 or 1.29)

Game Notes: The only Cobra Kai fanny knocked over was Campbell’s trying to “dominate” in the shootout.

Quick Shifts: Alex still (went left then) shot glove side from my vantage point on the shootout winner, so that’s still not a new move. I guess Bill Clinton is the only old dog that can be taught new tricks, as he self-described during the release of his newly co-authored “thriller” cyber security threat novel. (No, I’m not that cultured, I just heard about it on the radio on my commute to Morristown on Monday morning.)

When the Lb- I mean, Los Blancos- erase a two goal deficit in the final frame… Personally, I only know the feeling of the one goal variety, so I trust it stings just that much more.


Anklebiters 5 @ DaPucks 0

Biters – Jamie [Ben]n [P] x3 (12), Jared “Benoit Pouliot” (7), Sarah M (2)

Goalie Win – “Eddy” [Craig] LaC (4-1, 1st Shutout, GAA of 2.20)

Goalie Loss – Scott H (2-5)

Game Notes: Being shut out still sucks, but losing by 5 wasn’t so bad on this day. From the eye test, both teams traded chances back and forth all game, however the ‘biters managed to strike twine early and often.


Filthier 6 @ Karma 1

Filthier – Sunny (6), Slim Shaffty Shafiq x2 (2), Ann (2), The OP James (5), Sebastien via Free Agents (1)

Goalie Win – Tim K (6-2, GAA of 1.50)

Karma – Dan the Man “Creed”-en (1)

Goalie Loss – Steve F (2-3)

When Creed-n and Steve are asked about the double digit point mark on the season.


Week 8 in Tweets

We make game notes, all time, 60% of the time. But we’ll always have a few of these. #DoubleClick

On Sunday I learned how to open the courts. Anyone ever done that real time before? Need a manual for all those different board(er)s in and around the courts.

Spoiler: Hopefully everyone had the over in every game but Filthier-FK.


Sky Fighters 1 @ Butchers 3

Sky Fighters – Jake T (1)

Goalie Loss – James S (1-5-1)

Butchers – SUPER Dave (1), Arthur R (3), Brady C (3)

Goalie Win – Tim Brk (2-4)

Game Notes: This game was closer than the score suggested as both teams traded coolly placed snips in the first period, with Sky not being able to make the most of a few grade A chances in the late stages of a 1 goal game and the crease was victim to another disallowed goal.

Quick Shifts: Butchers definitely David Leggio’d on two different occasions. Watch out for that, stripes.



Gut Rot 1 @ Poutine 5

TheBitzez – Akhil Nation (3)

Goalie Loss – Eitan via #RosterHim

Poutine – Andy P (1), Brian S (2), Jo-Ann “The” Pro x2 (2), Mike “Pelt Board” (1)

Goalie Win – RJ F (3-1, GAA of a Rouge)

Game Notes: Jo-Ann scored a BTSH hat trick; a goal (or two), a disallowed goal, and a (few dozen) beer(s) at the bar. That’s probably much sleeker than the would-have-been hat trick.

Quick Shifts: T-minus 5 minutes after going live until I get corrections on the above. Can’t beat the consistency!




Rainbows 0 @ Pucks 4

Goalie Loss – Greenwald (0-4)

WTP – Bardown Bandit (2), Paully P (5), Captain Emily! M (1), Justin M (1)

Goalie Win – Eitan via #DidntPlayAgainstHimThisTime

Game Notes: Eitan enjoyed playing for WTP for a change in the first half. Not sure if the second half counted though, he said he didn’t get a shot on goal for that part of the game.

Quick Shifts: When going from Corsi to Fenwick, Rainbows’ relative scoring chances got a bump up from 5 to 25 percent. Arguably the most underrated team in blocking shots. I guess they get a lot of practice at it though.

Greenwald’s new mask screams Dark Rainbows of BTSH – nice upgrade from the not regulation baseball cat eye mask and that human grease fire smelling USA decal scrub mask he sported for a week or two



Pounds 4 @ Rehabs 1

Pounds – Karsten (9), ScottyK x3 (9)

Goalie Win – Longwell via Ligue 1 free transfer market

Rehabs – HICKSY (1)

Goalie Loss – Eric R (2-1, GAA of a Deuce)

Game Notes: Los Blancos brought a goalie without a real mask to a two-piece stick fight and it caught Rehabs by surprise coming off two straight bye weeks.

Quick Shifts: Era adjusted, Karsten’s 9 would count for 29 back in the pre BTSH, I mean, NHL, lockout era of 2004-05, or whenever he started in the league. They still aren’t very pretty, and low on style points, though.




Instant Karnage 0 @ Cobra Kai 7

Goalie Loss – Steve F (2-2)

Cobra Kai – Not top shelf Tommy L x 2 (6), Liam M x2 (4), Pete G (1), JJ (2), Siena “Foligno” (2)

Goalie Shutout Win – Campbell W-W-W-W-W-W (6-0, 2 shutouts, but not 3, .83 GAA)

Game Notes: Taking one on the chin for him in one of the several of skirmishes in this heated blowout, Will lets the girls of CK fight his battles for him, and the Dojo win 7-0 to go 7-0 on the season. Needless to say, this game was not as clean as Campbell’s save percentage on the day. Lol. Will, do I have your [team’s] goals right today?

Quick Shifts: The God of Thunder is still without his hammer and I’ll wait a week or two to update you all on the Bezos/Musk memes.

But who is the Loki of BTSH?



Quick Maths (0 plus 1 is…) 1 @ Fish Market’s Bait and Hook 7

Math – James “Bobberhead” W (1)

Goalie Loss – David L-L-L-L (0-4, GAA of ouch!)

Hookers – Noelle “13 clicks (km’s) is a light stroll” x2 (2), TJ (1), CJ “I won Peyton his second super bowl” Anderson x2 (4), Justin #NotMyPrime Minister Trudeaun’t (1), Tiff H (2)

Goalie Win – Tim B via there’s like 5 Tim B’s in this league who did this game sheet and thought this was okay?

Game Notes: Very competitive game. I mean, the game started zero-zero, am I right?

Quick Shifts: Tiff has gone back to GM duties for the Hookers and made the smart move of rather than poaching division 4 players (my texts from Cro have fallen significantly in the past week…) she brought in a new class of Dartmouth talent.



Filthier 2 @ Fresh Kills 1

Filthier – James (4), Sunny (5)

Goalie Win – Tim “Just another Sunday” K (5-2, GAA of 1.57 and change)

Fresh Kills – Ariel (4)

Goalie Loss – Barch Pile (3-2)

Game Notes: First star (or at least a participation medal Glnzr HM) goes out to Tim K for pulling out a more impressive win than against Pounds in Week 2. He was stellar early in this one to give his team a chance to pull out a big dub (in what I presume was) late in this contest.



Fuzz 7 @ Anklebiters 6

Fuzz – Jeff x2 (6), Ryan H (2), Mike Teyt (6), Ryann “RNV” G (6), Rob W (1), “Hall” Gil (2)

Goalie Win – Coach (6-1, 2.57 GAA)

‘Biters – Jared P x3 (6), Alex D (4), Carrie R (3), Jason B (1)

Goalie Loss – “DJ” Bubble Baths (3-1, GAA of could have used a second rinse, lather, repeat with the rubber ducky on Sunday morning)

Game Notes: This game was back and forth. There was so many goals being scored I just picked up my stuff and left so I could get a head start on recording box scores knowing it was going to be a long Monday (….aaand Tuesday).

Quick Shifts: Coach’s SV+% is probably now halved after Sunday’s game. In the fleeting moments of the game’s final seconds, video review would have shown the ball being struck at waist height, but with no time remaining on the clock. NO GOAL!

After review, the puck (ball?) was struck in under the cross bar, kind of around the waist….but when we finally looked at my wrist watch…there was…some…no…NO TIME ON THE CLOCK. NO GOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!



Mega Touch 2 @ Riots 1

Mega – Liz Boylan (???) via Riots clearly know no one in the league, Michelle P (1)

Goalie Win – Jeff H (not sure if he’s an FA, but he’s got a solid GAA!)

Riots – Kevin “Zed” (1)

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR (0-4-1)

Game Notes: This was such a great matchup on paper, that the referee assigned to the card had to be replaced by R3T!R3DT!M3

Quick Shifts: This was Liz’s first goal since being moved back to defense for Los Blancos, except it won’t show up on the stats sheet, so it’s really not. Sorry Liz!



Gremlins 3 @ Demons 2

Gremmies – Erich “just another day at the office” G x2 (10), Cody “Don’t forget about me” C (3)

Goalie Win – Jamie “Comments are the best comments” B (4-2-1, GAA of Two point Blue-Forty-Two).

Demons – Brian M (3), Zach “Lawrence Taylor” (2)

Goalie Loss – Charlie O’D via Zog Rule 5 draft

Game Notes: With all these one goal games for the Gremlins, I feel like I know who Marcella recruited for the Women’s scrimmages drills…if Rockoff is going to want to get his client a max contract 2019, he might want to get him off a team running the 1-3-1 in the “land unmarked for hand passes” zone.

Don’t you dare score! Don’t make me remind you about our goal differential rule (just kidding, I already am!)



Week 7 in Tweets

Phew, gold star if you made it this far this week. I’m going to need another shot of P-I-N-O-T PINOT GRIGIO when I’m in Vegas watching game 7 (what do you mean VGK didn’t have home ice for the WCF and that that is the wrong series entirely?!) #Doubleclick