Posts by: "Ball Hogg"

The BTSH season is coming to a close and that means its playoff extra tournament time! Post HockeyBeach, and another anti-climactic Shortis win in Ocean City, there is a ladies tournament coming in hot on September 15th to our very own Rockaway Beach. It’s aptly named Hock-away, and that pun is probably the best gag in this entire article (not to mention the TVM – time value of media, not money – is so low given the timing of this post anyways), so you might as well just stop reading here, after signing up, of course: here ladies.

Speaking of September tournaments, Cuba Gooding Jr made an appearance at one of inaugural JW invitational committee members’ birthdays this long weekend!

Scrap the Panik at the Disco expansion franchise ideas…Cuba and Justin have a bid in for an Old Baes Sauce team for 2019.


On to the box scores…


Week 17

Week 9 

Demons 3 @ Poutine 2 (F/OT)

Demons – Miles S (5), Josh Bash Brosen x2 (5)

Goalie Win – Hector $h0wT!m3 Melendez via FA

Poos – Nic H (2), TJ via Half Price Hamilton Tix (1)

Goalie OT Loss – Peter Parker via Air Canada

Game Notes: Teams were finally able to finish their game from earlier in the season…but of course they found a way to rain out their later one.

Quick Shifts: If you accidentally cross the Ottawa river from the Quebec side (in the case you are older than 18 and don’t need need to hang in Dirty Hull), Zak’s Diner has a poutine with enough smoked meat on it to match Cat’s Beef Beat (goes well with a large glass of chocolate milk too).

Which seats are best for poaching “Hamilton” players?


Week 17

Riots 1 @ Pucks 3

Riots – David F (4)

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR (2-11-1, GAA of a fallen basic beach)

Pucks – Justin (5), Sam McI (2), Steve T (1)

Goalie Win – Zac “back in my country there is no 18 yard box at and below the faceoff dots to cover the” Ball Hogg (2-0-0, GAA of a rapper)

Game Notes: When Izzy predicts us to lose, we usually win. It’s the guy on the left (James Duthie) effect, just like when he picked the Sabres to beat the Sens in the 2007 East Finals just because of his prognostication tendency to pick the Sens in playoff series they’d end up losing (which is/was at a Capitals like rate back in that era….sigh)


Hookers 2 @ Fuzz 4

Hookers – Tiff (6), TJ via Full Price Hamilton Tix (4)

Goalie Loss – Eitan via LemmeGoalie5Eva

Fuzz – Mike Teyt (21), Paul x3 (4)

Goalie Win – Coach (13-1-1, GAA of 2.27)

Game Notes: If only it was the Richard era and Fuzz could have given all of Paul’s goals to Teets. Unlike Gordie, Teets has earned his previous scoring championships. (Hopefully that last line didn’t trigger HICKSY like all my unassisted tucks at #HockeyBeach2018)


Rut Rot 2 @ Cobra Kai 4

RR – Heather A (1), Tommy C (3)

Goalie Loss – Goalie Ed (4-9-0, GAA of yes since Ed is now a mofo teammate and took over my goalie spot on Thints for 2018 he’ll continue to be lightly roasted- I’m not going to sit here and pump his tires)

CK – Big Russ x2 (4), JJ (3), Will G (7)

Goalie Win – Campbell (11-0-2, GAA of 1.16)

Game Notes: Good thing we play sneaker hockey and not sneaker footy because there were two own goals shared between both teams…I could not imagine the travesty of two players not getting awarded the goals they (did not) rightfully score (as they get recorded as OG’s in futbol). #FirstWorldBallHockeyProblems

Quick Shifts: Ed was in form again after a Luongo-in-Florida-before-Vancouver-like-40-save-4+-Goals-Against effort against Fuzz in Week 16 and followed it up with another valiant effort which included a Nabby-before-choking-for-the-millionth-time-against-the-Avs-on-that-Dan-Boyle-own-goal-on-the-reverse-chunked-in-the-net-in-OT like save in this game.


Pounds 2 @ Filthier 1

Pounds – ScottyK (19), Jake C (5)

Goalie Win – a light sizzle (10-3-2, GAA of 1.80)

Filthier – OP James (14)

Goalie Loss – Tim K (12-5-0, GAA of 1.89)

Game Notes: Luke was denied a Cheechoo like effort to break the deadlock in the second half as he drove to the net a la Brendan Gallagher (you Americans think of….Chris Kreider) and the play was null on a crease violation. However on the subsequent inbound Los Blancos turned over the ball in from the side and Chapsy snipped top corns and that was all she wrote as Pounds iced it in another peculiarly highly physical defensive outing. But since it was a playoff like affair both refs swallowed their whistles (and then their pride after the game).


Karma 0 @ Gremlins 2

Goalie Loss – Steve F (5-7-1, GAA of 3.23)

Gremlins – Rod S (3), Iannis T (2)

Goalie Shutout Win: Jamie the Original Varsity Warrior B (9-5-2, GAA of 2.19)

Game Notes: Walker wasn’t texting me all week saying he played horribly so he must have been…at least even on the day plus-minus wise.

Quick Shifts: Prior to the Week 13 rain out, Gremlins had points in 7 straight games, which included a 6 game win streak, but recently had a 3 game skid before righting the ship with a big southeast 3 Katz division win. Will it be enough in time for the playoffs? Of course not, there will be one game in a month prior to the Round of 16, what team is going to be feeling it come that extra unnecessary week off, eh?


Poutine 0 @ Demons 0 – PPD slip’n’slide-oot

Game Notes: With 9 and a half minutes left in the first half, everyone but Rubens wanted the game stopped as the teams had played one full game on the day and thought it better than playing more JW would get to over the next few weeks while he was OOO (as the office is clearly anything comprising a black top rink).

That puddle…tis just another defender to shoot the ball in off of/screen the goalie for you.


Fresh 9 @ Butchers 3

FK – Gabe x3 (10), Roxy (1), Frank x2 (3), Tom x2 (6), Soko (7)

Goalie Win – Barch (8-3-1, GAA of an abnormally high subway fare)

Butchers – Dana (3), SUPER Dave (4), Pete D’A (4)

Goalie Loss – Tim Brk (3-6-1)

Game Notes: Has Frank played 5 games?


Sky Fighters 4 @ REEEEEEEhabs 7

SKY – Joseph not W x2 (2), Katie S (5), Joe W (8),

Goalie Loss – OG James (4-9-1, GAA of 3.28)

‘habs – Sena (2), Alex WM x2 (10), Hicksy (6), Mo (5), Cherie (9), Buffalo Zach G via WTP (2)

Goalie Win – Hector $h0wT!m3 Melendez (3-1, GAA of a normal subway fare)

Game Notes: Cherie was prepping for OC by getting her Cherie picking on.


Math 4 @ ‘biters 5

Math – Josh Wilson x2 via Left Wing Rainbow Poaching (FA), Bradley S (3), Jon M (9)

Goalie Loss – Liang (3-9)

GANK – Chris B (5), Caroline MB (2), Joe P (7), Probie (19), Nolan “Patrick” (1)

Goalie Win – Jamie B via Approved League Sub?

Game Notes: Does Probert care (about the scoring race)? I have screenshots which MAY or may not confirm in the affirmative.


Dank-bows 5 @ Mega 4 (F/SO)

‘bows – Josh W Not Wilson Wagner (1), Dan C via FA, Kat “Dragon” C (2), Yetter (7)

Goalie Win – David #MyHotLegs2018 G. (4-9-0, GAA of 3.29)

Shootout Winner – Yetter for almost another two goal effort

Mega – Jeff B (9), Alok G (7), Max T (2), Joe L (4)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Mike T (5-8-2, GAA of 2.93)

Game Notes: I wonder where Yetter picked up the lose-the-ball-and-score -in-the-shootout-for-the-winner move and the chirpy fourth division behaviour….couldn’t have been from any of his new mofo teammates I’m sure.

Quick Shifts: Don’t look now (actually, I had to look at my goalie tracking figures to realize….) the ‘bows have 3 straight wins and could make that streak as many as 5 depending on how the rest of their games on 9/9 go.

Peanuts: Yes, Julie; “What the Puck won anyways”. We can flip the division names around next year, post Week 18 goal differential pending….if you please.


Butchers 4 @ Kills 6

Butchers – Pete D’A x2 (6), SUPER Dave (5), Hey Arnold S (1)

Goalie Loss – Tim Brk (3-7-1)

FK – Tom x2 (8), Nick S (7), Ariel (9), Gabe (11)

Goalie Win – Barch (9-3-1, GAA of 2.62)

Game Notes: Has Tom played 5 games?


Week 17 (and #HB2018) in Tweets

These are totally not Week 17 related #DoubleClick

To start us off this week we had Karma @ Demons Week….13?

(All I know is this is a replay of some game that Rubens wanted to play. Actually it’s Week 13 and the way I can tell is if both teams’ stats are blank for scoring in my tracker, which I then reconfirm if Cobra Kai also was rained out the same day- since they haven’t lost a game they always have a goal scorer to boot #analyticalprocedures #AuditorProudDay2018)…Week 13 it is. On to the box scores;

Karma 4 @ Demons 3 (F/OT) Week 13 Makeup

Karma – Derek “spell the letter phonetically” ZED (6), BBC Pluto (3), Liz T (1), Matt S (5)

Goalie Win – Steve F (4-6-1)

Demons – Zach T (6), Bash BROsen David (2), Bash BROsen Josh (3)

Goalie OTL – Charlie O’D via Zog Days of Summer

Game Notes: Is it too early to start asking who Derek ZED will be poached by for 2019?



Demons 1 @ POUNDS 3

Demons – Brian Bats (2)

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR via back in the T(S)SR

Pounds – Karsten (10), Jason x2 (4)

Goalie Win – Mike “they really better not rank goalies by GAA after Hogg’s 1 shutter” Zisser (9-3-1, GAA of 1.86)

Game Notes: Los Blancos almost had as many write-ups as they did goals. I guess technically the Demons did too, since zero is close to 1.

Quick Shifts: Eli will call for time and have Pounds players say “Fuzz!” three times fast next week to settle them down; verbal warnings clearly don’t work with those guys (and girls).

Crisis: Averted!



Cobra Kai 3 @ Filthier 2

CK – Top Shelf Tommy (7), A Provider (2), Rachel “back to back GwG” Longley (3)

Goalie Win – Showtime from the Free Agent List (I hear he’s rostered now)

Filthier – Sunny x2 (16)

Goalie Loss – Tim K (12-3, GAA of 1.88)

Game Notes: I refereed the first 10 minutes of this game and everyone on CK had a Corsi % of 90+%, which looks great when the shots are 11-1 in your favour, but they were down 1-0 when Sunny opened the scoring off a nice one timer fed over from one of the many sneaky Mark Stone esque takeaways by OP James on the day. Our CK Beat Reporter said most of the rest of the game went the same way (must have- even Rush was shooting evidently).

Quick Shifts: Tim K must have played really well to keep this one close! Unfortunately no photos so he doesn’t make an appearance in our new segment before the Tweets of the Week.



Dank Rainbows 3 @ Math 2 (F/OT)

Dank – Dan C (2), Yetter x2 (6)

Goalie Win – Greenwald (3-8)

Math – Showtime from the Free Agent List (No really, he’s going to be rostered), Jon M (8)

Goalie Loss – Eitan via LemmeGoalie4u

Game Notes: Hope these FA goalies didn’t get a heat stroke out there on Sunday, they seemed to have had a heavy workload. Maybe league subs should be more utilized in the (Fake) Zog Days of Summer?

Quick Shifts: Lol Yetter did score 2 again. That’s a late Week 15 box scores reference.



Karma 2 @ Butchers 1

Karma – SCory (6), Brianna (6)

Goalie Win – Steve F (now 5-6-1)

Butchers – Brady (6)

Goalie Loss – Peter Parker B via got lost on the way to Joe’s Pizza at West 4th street

Game Notes: Which BTSH vet historian should I hit up to ask when the last time Karma won 2 games…in the same day? Who should I ask for clarification on both game winning goal scorers?

Matt and Brianna…probably!

Quick Shifts: Lol Scory Cory and Brianna each scored a goal in the same game again. That’s another late Week 15 box scores reference.



Hookers 8 @ Riots 0

Hookers – Clark H x2 (4), Sarah (3), CJ x2 (7), Danilo (5), Tiff x2 (5)

Goalie Shutout Win – Dustin (6-5-2, 2nd Shutout, GAA of 2.00, 2nd shutout)

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR (2-10-1)

Game Notes: Unfortunately neither Sarah nor Danilo could pick up a brace like the rest of their teammates and finish this game early.

Quick Shifts: No garbage goals for Cro as he was too scared to get hit by the ball whilst in his Cro’s nest. Where would the tap-ins % stand on this list?



Gremlins 3 @ Fresh Kills 6

Gremlins – Magic Man the Mighty Tim x2 (6), Marcella (3)

Goalie Loss – Jamie (8-5-2, GAA of 2.33)

Fresh Kills – Eugene (4), Koho Soko x2 (6), Nick S (6), Nate x2 (3)

Goalie Win – Patty B (7-3-1, GAA of 2.45)

Game Notes: Add another disallowed goal via the crease to the tally.

Crisis: Partially Averted!



Mega 3 @ Biters 0

Mega – Max T (1), Alok G (6), Julie K (4)

Goalie Shutout Win – Tuckman (5-8-1, GAA of 2.86, 2nd Shutout in 2 weeks, 3rd on the year)

Goalie Loss – Dee J Bubble (4-4)

Game Notes: Julie either has a thing for Will Arnett or my box score write ups (probably the former), and continued to be a goal suck, potting an empty netter late to seal the victory.

Quick Shifts: The game scores were already posted this week, if you need assistance, you can use this link and press ctrl+f for “Week 16”! Cheers. I mean, “sooorry”…..Craig came back for his first start in months and kept his GAA standpat at 3. Now that is Carter Hutton kind of consistency. (Sooorry, no, I’m not getting you the link for that reference, be a resourceful reader!)



WTP 6 @ SkyF 0

DaPucks – Brennan (2), Dave MacC (2), Susie (4), Sam (1), Emily (3), Maurice the goal scorer via FA

Goalie Shutout Win – Hoggystyle (1-0-0, 1.000% Sieve %, 0.00 GAA, 1 Shutout, v sieve like .68 SV+%)

Goalie Loss – Eitan via iHatePlayingAgainstJustinEveryWeek

Game Notes: After a 5 save, 6-0 team win, the 2nd Star of the Week actually goes to~

Sam                                                 Michaliga                       Dave

Captain Emily!                           Steve                                Buffalo Zach “the” G.

BTSH Vet Susie                          David T.                          Maurice H.

              Claire                                             Brennan “The L stands for Low Event Hockey” Leong

              Aisling                                          Noah “the C stands for CPA” Carter

              Karon Michelle the FA            Sean F.

    (Not Ball Hogg/Hoggystyle)

Cat will likely keep my 2nd star though…it’s fine, I don’t hate you, you’re just not my buddy, guy girl – actually, I just don’t say hi because I’m socially awkward (can’t you tell from these write-ups?)

Quick Shifts: The WTP emergency third stringer “Scott Foster” might have forgotten to don a toque (do we need the Will Arnett clip again?) and doesn’t remember all the goal scorers from the game (for the first time ever), but he still managed to get a penalty the first time he touched the ball as a goalie in BTSH, much like his debut as an FA out player in 2016 (stick checking on a deke then, high ball on a pass to a d-person now)…..Speaking of keeping streaks alive….Captain Emily scored the fifth goal in a shutout win, so that’s another game winning goal per Izzy’s math….and Maurice comes as advertised, a sniping goal scorer….after committing to a half season with WTP, Fleming (with one “m”!) showed up for a few shifts, finally….Ryann the Ref was quick to point out all 6 of the Vandoos and their FA crease violations made it very tough to ref.

Quick Shifts Another Hasek Clip: Thanks Sky Fighters, for giving us a reason to pull this clip. (Okay I cannot find the video but his quote is in there somewhere)

Crisis: Averted!


Rehabs 4 @ P Machine 2

Les Habitants – JoeyBats (8), Monique R (4), Cherie x2 (9)

Goalie Win – Eric R (6-3, GAA of 2.22)

Les Separitists – Mike M (4), Brian S (6)

Goalie Loss – RJ Fuzz Co. (4-4, GAA of 1.50)

Game Notes: Brian Sulli has a 4 game goal scoring streak and decided to sit out from his team’s Fake Zog playoff game so he can snap it in OC, instead #We’reGoingBlackTopStreaking!!!

Quick Shifts: Did JoeyBats bring free food for half time??? I picked the wrong 6pm game to ref!

What’s for Dinner: The Montreal Pool Room doesn’t have pool tables anymore, but still serves poutine around Montreal’s Red Light District (that’s like a hockey red light reference, right?)


Fuzz 6 @ Rut Rot 2

Fuzz – Mike “told you he’d be in the lead” Teets x3 (20), RNV (9), Gil x2 (6)

Goalie Win – Coach (12-1-1, GAA of 2.29)

Gut Rot – Akhil x3 2 (8 maybe make it 9?)

Goalie Loss – Eddy the Eagle (4-7, GAA sure looks like the aftermath of a Pizza line drubbing against the Laughs too)

Game Notes: Chadwick found Rut Rot funny so we let that typo go through our peer editing review prior to “print”….and I wasn’t sure where to link these in my post, but since they was a no goal controversy (not really, it didn’t go in and the goal was immaterial given the 5 or 6 goal differential at the time, so any error was de minimis #AbovePerformanceMateriality #Immaterial #AuditorProudDay2018) I’ll ask it here;

Is this goal legal in BTSH?

Is this goal legal in BTSH?

How about 3 on 3 in BTSH?

Quick Shifts: I’ll start the GoFundMe to bring back Bob W for video review!

Crisis: Averted!



How to Goalie

I’ve seen a lot of goalies in and out of the lineup lately, so for those who need to fill in on Sunday, here’s some quick pointers…


1.  Hug your post

Now that is how to hug a post. No BS VH or Reverse VH method.


2. Keep your fivehole closed.

Those legs were more open than a 5 dollar Corlears Park Hooker. That is not star worthy.


3. Stay big in there and challenge the shooter.



Tweets of the Week

Someone asked that they be featured in the Tweets this week. And that we did (naturally, we roasted them). #DoubleClick

I’m preparing these in between chell games here at my friend’s place in the 6IX (see video linked below if you don’t know which city that is) before watching some tennis by York University. Hopefully we won’t get too close to Jane and Finch, but I did successfully make it through 4 months living in Weston so these box scores should hopefully be finalized before Sunday unless my work laptop is robbed by Roberts point (Suns out, guns out = snipe = gun = snipe = Roberts = NEWMAN).


Well, we made it (finally…!) On to the box scores…


FK 1 @ ‘biters 3

FK – Gabe (7)

Goalie Loss – Patty B (6-3-1, GAA of 2.40)

GANK – Probert x2 (18), Chris B (4)

Goalie Win – Timmy B (4-2 and shortly 4-3, GAA of 2.00 but rising)

Game Notes: Are Fresh Kills just lulling us all into a false sense of security? Yes, just remember that win against Rehabs just a few short weeks ago! (Oh look, such detailed box scores, much wow).



Gut Rot 2 @ Rainbows 5

Bitzez – #AkhilNation (6), Ramon S (7)

Goalie Loss – Ed “just post my GAA already” P (4-7, GAA of 3 point Johnny T)

Rainbows – Dan C via FA, Michael “I don’t always score – since I play for Rainbows – but when I do, I score in bunches” Yetter x2 (4), Juan-Karl-0 Stanton (2), Kat “Dragon” C (1)

Goalie Win – David “#myHotLegs2018” G (2-9, GAA of 3.33)

Game Notes: Greenwald emailed me the game sheet for his own game. Which I thought was odd, but then I presumed the inevitable, a defeat for the Gut Rot at the hands of some Dank Rainbows.

Quick Shifts: Did Rainbows just replace Gut Rot as league sweethearts? (I just threw up a little in my mouth typing that, but I’m sure that’s related to my travel and not typing out that preceding sentence)



‘biters 1 @ Fuzz 4 (game started Week 13, 17 minutes completed on Sunday from 2-1 Fuzz)

GANK – Probert (was his 15th, still at 17)

Goalie Loss – Timmy B (4-3, GAA of 2.29)

Fuzz! – Miles x3 (completed hat trick on Sunday for his 15th), Mike Teyt (16)

Goalie Win – Coach (10-1-1, GAA of 2.42)

Game Notes: There was little shade to be thrown around on Sunday, hopefully everyone had some sunscreen on.



Math 1 @ Fuzz 3

Math – Zach of the Norri Clan (3)

Goalie Loss – David L (3-8, GAA of whatever a gallon is, in litres)

Fuzz – Mike Teyt (17), Jeff x2 (16)

Goalie Win – Coach (11-1-1, GAA of 2.31)

Game Notes in a Meme:

The new dank meme in Mathland. Unfortunately last time I checked the standings, Fuzz wasn’t and isn’t straight trash (although they might have been alluded to as such, in reference to 2017 standings in a previous box score post, when Hicks played for them last year). They were straight dehydrated on Sunday, however.

Quick Shifts: Since Fuzz now have three players with more than 15 goals…is that the equivalent of having three 40 (or 50?!) goal scorers in the show?



Demons 3 @ Riots 1

Demons – Rubens (1), Zach “he be” Fein (5), Brian Bats (1)

Goalie Win – Zach L (3-7-1, GAA of 3.18)

Riots – David “Danton’s Favourite Agent” Frost (3)

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR (3-9-1)



Mega Clutch 2 @ DaPucks 0

Mega – Jeff “The B stands for Brains and Brawn” B (8), Jeff “The H doesn’t stand for Height” H (4)

Goalie Shutout Win: Tuckman (4-7-1, 2nd Shutout)

Goalie Loss – Scott H (5-8, GAA of 3 point Ovi)

Game Notes: Shelly, Alex EM and Tuckman (but mostly Shelly as she played the whole game) fended off DaPucks for what is probably a franchise record (low) 5th shutout this season (after not being shutout all of last year) in a high event hockey game that saw Jeff B and Eric D take it to WTP all game with their dump and chase gameplan. Jeff showed WTP what it looks like if you play big out there in Orange (and White and Black) a la Eric Lindros, being the clear difference maker with his GwG midway through the second frame. He also made sure to knock over Bagel Zac as he tried one of his not for the faint of the Brooklyn heart post-up power moves, making him look like a Beta Soy Boy in the process (this bit is just included so Hicks can get a laugh; the integrity of the statement is as accurate as saying Sig knocked down some ‘biters to get the shady side of the courts on Sunday). The B in Bagel stands for Beta.

Trending: Scott leaves for a couple weeks in August and left his best effort out there on court on Sunday, making numerous miraculous (how did that not go in?) saves in the first half to keep it scoreless at the break but the goose egg was not to be as Mega finally broke through in the second half and never looked back.

Northern Lingo: Will Arnett would say that Julie was totally being a goal suck. She could have at least tried some deking. (Again, this passage is just to post the link, and is as accurate as saying that the Shortis snubbed me off their OCMD roster…I would have defected anyways)



Rehabs 2 @ Pounds 6

Rehabs – Brian “I only screen for sunscreen” Hicks (5), Andy “Bathgate” M (2)

Goalie Loss – Eric R (5-3, GAA of 2.25)

Pounds – #NotTheOriginalScottyK x3 (18), Jake “Charlie” Chaplin (4), Ajay “Anze” G x2 (3)

Goalie Win – Sizzler (7-3-2, GAA of 1.92)

Game Notes: Why did the other Div 1 teams plan their weeks off against Los Blancos this year?



Gremlins 1 @ Poos 4

Gremlins – “Inanimate Carbon” Rod (2)

Goalie Loss – Jamie B (8-4-2, GAA of 2.07)

Poutine – John C x2 (4), Mike “I really hope we got the name right” Pelt (4), Brian “Recently got a haircut” Sulli (5)

Goalie Win – Teddy (2-0, GAA of 2)

Game Notes: If you’re a fan of the water (who isn’t if they live in the NY Metro?) and up for some seafood on your curds, Garde Manger in Old Montreal is known for its Lobster Poutine.

Quick Shifts: Casilli looked like Casillas out there as Jerome might say, looking to be in champions league like top drawer footy hockey form with two snipes early in this game….Sulli is now not only rocking a new do but a 3 game goal scoring streak….Walker was a minus 2 early, but good thing they play – oh nevermind, don’t look at next Sunday’s game, it might not get any better.



Kai 3 @ Karma 2 (F/OT)  

CK –Liam (8), Rachel “I’ll just tie it up late and then score a not quite controversial OT winner” Longley x2 (2)

Goalie Win – Campbell “the W stands for Win” Weaver (10-0-2, GAA of 1.08)

IK – “S”Cory V (5), Brianna V (5)

Goalie OT Loss – Steve F (3-6-1)

Game Notes: Looking ahead to 2019 after such a controversial goal to end this game, Friedman’s presser after the game went a little like this.

Quick Shifts: When told that CK won in OT, our CK beat reporter asked if the final score was 3-2, (since we know they haven’t let in more than that, sans shootouts, all season). Campbell was reportedly shocked (where is that Photo from the OCMD Crab Shack when you need it?) when we got it spot on, but what else is new?

Trending: Outside of Week 4 (Brianna) and Week 5 (Cory), Brianna and Cory have markers in the same games, respectively – weeks 2, 3, 11, and 15 are no anomaly!



Filthier 3 @ Butchers 1

Filthier – OP James x2 (13), Sunny (14)

Goalie Win – Tim K (12-3, GAA of 1.80)

Butchers – SUPER DAVE (3)

Goalie Loss – Ed P via Gut Rot BITZES an approved League Sub?

Game Notes: SUPER (fka Fast) Dave hit thirty speed on Sunday. (American English LINK)

Quick Shifts: If we had a segment going over the errors in our posts, we’d note that we had Tim for win 10 twice last week and that he was 11-3 and now 12-3, hence the inconsistency between write ups.



Sky Fighters 2 @ Corlears Hookers 0

Sky – James McQ (8), Amanda A via FA (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – OG James (3-8-1, 2nd Shutout)

Goalie Loss – Dustin (5-5-1, GAA of 2.17)

Game Notes: RNV noted that there was a foot in the crease calling back a goal for the Hookers, not that you wouldn’t have heard about that already! #FactualNews



Tweets of the Week

Bobby Luu gets a feature for Week 15, well not really a true feature as we could never do his great social media work any justice on this BTSH “segment”. #DoubleClick

On Sunday we learned that jumbo bagels have better defenses than that of the Demons (except for Bar Down Brad, probably the most underrated player in the league, until I noted him as underrated, per the Chadwick paradox) and that Rich won’t tell us what happened in the hot legs competition. On to the box scores.

(Some Context: WTP does gag gifts for birthdays and that photo is going to be signed and framed for Co Captain Eric in 2019. Maris [photo cred] said the goal was a “lucky freebee shoot” so we’ll scold her later with fourth line minutes against Mega) Now, on the box scores.


Week Something “Rain” Out Replay

Hookers 1 @ Les Curdz 0

Hookers – Brian “obviously a garbage time goal” Cro (6)

Goalie Shutout Win – Dustin “TOKARSKI” (5-3-2, GAA of 1.90)

Goalie Loss – RJ (3-3, GAA of 1.14)

Game Notes: I think Sunday was cloudier than the day this game was called off.


Week 13/14/15

Butchers 2 @ Fuzz 8

Butchers – Dana (2), Brady (5)

Goalie Loss – Charlies O’D via Zog Days of Summer

Fuzz – Mike “I MAY or may not have run up the score with three late” Teyt x4 (15), Miles (14), Jeff x2 (14), Sarah “Not C but Zee” ugh Zed (1)

Goalie Win – Lester Patrick (9-1-1, GAA of 2 point blue 42)

Game Notes: When the power rankings asked who the new league scoring champ would be since Mike Teyt was playing defense now, I shrugged (unslouched) my shoulders and furiously typed a snarky sentence or two regarding him winning again in spite of the question being posted, or in spite of the younger, better looking, new look Sky Fighters who filled the void on his old squad.


La Banquise 2 @ Mega 1

Poutine – Brian “not a Business Student Association” Sulli (4), Connor “hopefully M and not L” M (2)

Goalie Win – RJ (4-3, GAA of 1.14)

Mega – Erik with a K like EK(65) ? (1)

Game Notes: La Banquise is a great late night poutine spot to fall asleep post meal at 3am. Can confirm.

Quick Shifts: RJ continues to literally and figuratively have the lightest workload of any “starter” in the league with only 6 7 games played and a GAA of a miniscule 1.14. I can already see the texts from Sizzler now “oh, can we go back to wins to rank goalies, GAA is dumb”.

Trending: I expect corrections to the above not for the Poutine stats but for Mega because the gamesheet had RJ playing for Mega and then the same guy scoring for Mega and playing goalie for Poutine…oyvey!


Filthier 3 @ Rehabs 1

Filthier – OP James (9), Ryan McLe (1), Always Sunny (13)

Goalie Win – Tim “who needs a backup anyway” K (10-3, GAA of 1.84)

Rehabs – Zach “I like it better on WTP” Gardner via Hicks’ Cardio is 4 Chumps Emergency Taxi Squad

Goalie Loss – Will “Ho Sang” via FA

Game Notes: This second half was fun to watch for anyone out there other than Tim as Rehabs sent a barrage of shots his way trying to overcome the deficit built in last week’s first half but he was up to the task only letting one late garbage time goal spoil the shutout bid.


ReEEEEEhabs 5 @ H00kers 0

Rehabs – Showtime via FA?, Alex wM (8), Charlie D (1), Monique R (3), HICKSY (4)

Goalie Shutout Win – Will “Ho Sang” via FA

Goalie Loss – Dustin “TOKARSKI” (5-4-2, GAA of 2.18)

Game Notes: Hookers finally end a game in regulation for the first time in about a month (ignoring the “rain” makeup) but get overpowered by a short Rehabs bench in a game they hope to forget as they look ahead at division 4 poaching season playoffs. (I think they still have 2 1 rain makeups and 4 other games left)

Quick Shifts: Charlie avenges his performance against Fresh Kills Tom Rush’s retirement comeback game going +5 with a relative corsi for of 58% and 29 minutes in time on black top making life easy for “Ho Sang” in net (or at least, easier less stressful than that game against Rainbows later in the day).

What’s in a name: I put two zero’s in the H00kers’ name to represent Cro’s attendance at the Olympics.


WTP 4 @ Demons 2

DaPucks – Ball Hogg (4) (Michaliga only because I needed him to win the opening faceoff to score 2.68 seconds into the game), Ball Hogg (5) (Unassisted obviously), Buffalo Zach (7) (Bagel Zac by accidental clearing attempt/not a pass/200 foot lucky freebee shoot attempt), Michaliga (Jon C NUMBER SITXY-NINE, Sam McI from the Thirsty Preview)

Goalie Win – Scott H (5-7, GAA of 3.16)

Demons – Josh R (2), Bar Down Brad (4)

Goalie Loss – Eitan via LemmeGoalieNotAgainstDaPucks

Game Notes: Brad and Jenn were quick to note that if I want assists tracked, I could show up on Tuesday nights….Wrong again! Although, Demons outplayed and held the balance of scoring chances, it was not to be on this day as they came up unlucky and/or were robbed by either great goaltending, excellent highsticking, clearances, or quick whistles keeping the ball from entering the Pucks’ net on this day.

Trending: Since being moved back up to forward full time, the division 4 namesake himself has 3 goals in WTP’s last two contests… After missing the few easier D4 games in the WTP schedule earlier this year, Scott saved one of his best of the season to grab DaPucks their first out of division win since Week 15 of 2017.

Quick Shifts: Two Zac/h’s who can score are better than an infinite number who cannot. Note how I spelt that, Popack.

Goalie Union: Even I don’t know how many times Eitan played for/against WTP this year.

I can hear Herb Brooks yell “AGAIN”…see you Week 15 w Mega?


 Filthier 3 @ Sky Fighters 2

Filthier – Jamie D (6), OP James x2 (11)

Goalie Win – Glenn Hall (10-3, GAA of 1.86)

SKY – Katie S (4), Showtime via definitely FA

Goalie Loss – OG James (3-8-1, GAA of 3.25)

Game Notes: OP James > OG James

Quick Shifts: That James guy embodies, look good, feel good, play good, cleaning up pretty well off the court too. No pics on hand, so we can get hot and bothered by him in the playoffs when the games really matter.


Riots 1 @ Karma 4

Riots – Margot S (4)

Goalie Loss – Eitan viaLemmeGoalieNotAgainstDaPucks

Karma – Matt S x2 (4), BBC Pluto (2), Derek Zed (5)

Goalie Win – Charlie O’D via Zog Days of Summer

Game Notes: With two goalies who played earlier in the day, both defenses kept a tight checked game exciting, but for the fact that Karma had an early lead and never looked back thanks to mighty defence of Thor himself hammering all loose balls out of harms way on Sunday, providing ample opportunities for Chadwick to play dump and chase with his nine foot pole long stick that makes Pierre McGuire hot and bothered a la HICKSY.

Don’t even try getting by this guy, hammer or no hammer.


Gut Rot 2 @ Gremlins 1

The Bitzez – Tommy C x2 (2)

Goalie Win – Ed P (4-6, GAA of a Girl Scout Cookie, probably Mint)

Gremlins – The Mighty Tim (4)

Goalie Loss – Jamie B (8-3-2, GAA of a Bagel Breakfast Sandwich)

Game Notes: Mr Cho had a big return to the lineup scoring his first two of the season to give Ed enough breathing room to lower his GAA back to a respectable sub 4 level heading into the August stretch run.


Pounds 2 @ Biters 3

Pounds – Blink182 (15), Avery (4)

Goalie Loss – Sizzler (7-3-2, GAA of 1.92)

Biters – Probie (16), Sarah M (4), Joe “I don’t always score, but when I do, it’s with 2.68 second left” P (6)

Goalie Win – Tim Bwn (3-2-and an unfinished game against Fuzz!, GAA of 2.17)

Game Notes: Missing Bar Napkin Love Poems

Quick Shifts: At least this last second effort wasn’t denied by a phantom high stick this time around.


Cobra Kai 2 @ Dank Rainbows 1

CK – Some other Zack who doesn’t play on Demons via FA x2 (2)

Goalie Win – Will “that guy who replaced Showtime on Rehabs” via FA

Rainbows – Christina S (1)

Goalie Loss – Greenwald (1-9, GAA of 3.45)

Game Notes: Greenwald won the hot legs competition, at least, right? He may lament if his Riots shutout were to disappear (again) but he certainly earned one with his play in this game, keeping the game scoreless at half with a number of point blank ten-bell saves, similar to his performance earlier in the year against the Demons.

Quick Shifts: Even with a light lineup, CK came out with only 3 girls as Dani, Nabatty Light, and LJ shared Suter like minutes throughout the game (Who is the NWHL equivalent of Suter? Probably Shelly!). Two points is two points, and getting your “black top” time in is very valuable if you missed a Saturday scrimmage and a mofo game or two, so who can blame em?

Conceited or Confident: CK started Campbell at forward and Rainbows were up 1-0 in the second half, but CK were able to turn it around in the latter stages of the game to ensure they kept pace with the likes of…Fuzz! who blew out Butchers earlier in the day.


Fresh Kills 2 @ Math 3 (F/OT)

FK – French Babe (6), Eugene (3)

Goalie OT Loss – Jamie B via convenient last minute league sub

Math – Sam “I waited a week to ask Walker to post that photo of those green shoes” Norris (4), Jon M x2 (7)

Goalie Win – Liang (3-7)

Babe Watch: Gabe was there and tried Ariel’s move in OT. But that’s why he’s Gabe, and not Ariel. Score, he did not. You can’t do that. It’s Ariel’s move for a reason.

Quick Shifts: Jon snuck the winner off a bank shot from below/on the goal line to complete a great individual effort and finish this BTSH instant classic in style.

When you see Gabe deke out the whole team but not finish on a backhand, it reminded me of a coaching experience earlier at work this week


Week 14 in Tweets

Since all 8 of my non-bot followers did not appreciate social media free week (last week), I had Hootsuite post a few extra this week on my behalf. #DoubleClick

Last week someone mentioned that every EK65 highlight is a good highlight, and in honour of said player not getting in their game on Sunday, we’re literally littering the entire box scores with them. Unfortunately, there weren’t as many completed games as we’d like (or maybe it makes pasting in EK65 highlights easier with less official games/goals for Week 13…) so we’ll have some makeup games in the weeks to come!


(Okay these Karlsson highlights were actually more difficult to find than expected…thanks William for joining the VGK and making this tougher than a game of battleship where your friend moves the ships around after every guess…eggplant)


Fresh Kills 3 @ Pounds 2 (F/OT)

Fk’n eh – Jeff S (2), Ariel x2 (8)

Goalie Win – Patty B (6-2-1, GAA of Two Palffy’s)

Los BlancosCaitlin “Tyler” Kennedy via AF, Jake C (3)

Goalie OT Loss – Zisser (7-2-2, GAA of One HOOOSSSSAAAA)

Game Notes Meaningless Hockey Jargon included to sound s-m-r-t: We all know Ariel would have won the game in a shootout anyways. Hope that extra ROW doesn’t come back to bite someone in the nether regions come playoff ranking time (what do you mean we don’t use ROW?)

Gabe Watch: Gabe was there. Frank and Tom were not.


MATH 2 @ SKY 3 (Final)

Math – Sam Norris (3), Adam L (3)

Goalie Loss – Liang (2-7, GAA of Four Henrik’s)

SKY – Caroline W (1), Greg I (3), James “Adam” McQ (7)

Goalie Win – Eitan via LemmeGoalie4u

Game Notes – New and Old from the Vandoos chip in and shut Math out from a late comeback.


GANK 1 @ FUZZ 2 (17:15 2nd Half)

‘Biters – B Probert (15)

Goalie of Record – Tim Bwn

Fuzz – Miles H x2 (13)

Goalie of Record – Coach


Gut Rot 1 @ DaPucks 6 (Final)

Gut Rot – Schmorggg (1)

Goalie Loss – Eddddd (3-6, GAA of Four Alfie’s)

CaNucks – Justin Southeast Division 4 NameSake Himself x2 (3), Brennan L (1), Dave MacC (1), Buffalo Zach (6), Birthday Girl Em! (2)

Goalie Win – Scott H (4-7, GAA of Three Kovalev’s)

Game Notes: In true homage to EK65 box score day, Hogg[ran]Wild with his 65:55 TOI, 2 apples, (note my Oxford comma) and 4 possums (those are what kids are calling “pluses” these days, Walker, get with the times). I totally just made that last part up, and this entire passage for the sake of the 5 or 6 Devils players in BTSH. But the assists were real, and Chadwick can update my “unofficial” and sarcastically incorrect tally to 4; leading the league as everyone else is officially at zero (you can thank Sam Norris for that).

Quick Shifts: Ed’s GAA continues to suffer when Becca isn’t incenticized to outperform AkhilNation, in their Gut Rot Bitzez step sibling like rivalry. Luckily, she has signed up for, and plans to participate in, no, not the Olympics, but team defense if the court is dry during future weeks. Olympics is this Sunday and that would make that joke like a year old (like the age of a certain CommissionHerrs’ whatsapp display pic) and outdated.


And that they did, as Ed and his Gut Rot Bitzez didn’t know what hit them (other than rain…and hangovers) on Sunday.


Riots 0 @ Mega 3 (Final)

Goalie Loss – Ben F (0-1, GAA of a Chara)

Mega – Shelly (3), Alok x2 (5)

Goalie Shutout Win – Mike T (3-7-1, 1st Shutout, GAA of Three Asham’s)

Game Notes: GdR did not get a loss on his goalie record, but his team sure did, as Alok had an emphatic goal late in the contest to seal the win.


Butchers 0 @ Hookers 1 (F/SO)

Goalie Shutout Shootout Loss (yes, that’s a thing) – Tim Brk (3-5-1, 2nd Shutout, GAA of Two Mogliny’s)

Goalie Shutout Win – Dustin “TOKARSKI” (4-3-2, 1st Shutout, GAA of a Duncan Keith)

Shootout Winner – Clark H

Game Notes: Note (probably redundant to “note” something under “game notes”, I know) that I found a Newnam like shootout finish just on FB’s gifs (Datsyukian backhand) and then Clark’s winner was no different than any Sedin snip over the pad and under the blocker. Still looking for a righty forsberg at kaner speed though. (Luckily you can find a pretty nice one posted by Walker in the BTSH fb group!)

Quick Shifts: Butchers are having a similar season as Demons in that they’ve been involved in a number of competitive, low scoring contests, and they’ve now turned the corner of sorts, pre-dating this game with a 3 game win streak, and now have points in their last 4 contests– since a humbling 6-love drubbing from the Gremmies (did you know that Walker wanted to play in the rain on Sunday? Never would have guessed). Two of those wins were against teams who were voted as best in the league in our power rankings (with the Butchers holding these opponents to 1 goal combined over those two games). The gap in Southeast 1 Division teams is clearly closer than it was last year. What was the other Southeast 1 Division team last year again?

Trending: Hookers literally and figuratively show up this time!


Poutine 1 @ Rainbows 1 (18~ 2nd Half)

Poutine – Brian “They call me BSA even though I’m not a Business Student Association” Sulli (3)

Goalie of Record – AJ F

Rainbows – Bryan L (5)

Goalie of Record – Grizzwald

Game Notes: Charlotte is a terrible person (and scored on her own net)


Filthier 2 @ Rehabs 0 (25:00 2nd Half)

Filthier – OP James (9), Ryan McL (1)

Goalie of Record – I guess it was Tim

Rehabs – Nada (Emily taught me some spanish on her birthday)

Goalie of Record – That guy with the Ho “Sang” jersey, probably


Karma @ Demons (PPD – Rain)

Rubens wanted to play. He also wants a certain joke to die after 2.5 weeks….wait for it…

Some BTSH jokes that may just stand the test of time…or at least, the “Common Era”


Gremlins at Cobra Kai (PPD – Monsoon fears)

Cobra Kai was lucky that the rain fears were real fears as they for some reason called up some guy with the worst GAA in Mofo (“DIVISION ONE ONLY”) in place of Campbell. That game note was just for Hector. And Hicks. Unfortunately it was related to 5,000 social media posts for them ago, combined (which equates to roughly 37 days) and they probably forget that reference. (I know, another Mofo reference, please don’t relieve me of my duties, we’re almost at the end of the season, which is 3~ months away)


Week 13 in Tweets

In honour of the rain and enjoying the outdoors we stayed social media free this week. See you Sunday!