When the hell did hat tricks become so common in this league??  I didn’t know how to even begin to negotiate this, this week.  But let’s start here:

Dear Cherie and Denis,

Congratulations on your hat tricks.  You both had star-worthy performances for your teams. However, the BTSH media discussed it and voted to NOT give you stars this week.  This, of course, is because you both score so frequently. My suggestion is this: stop being so consistently good at hockey, and you might get a star.
My other suggestion is this: if you need someone to commiserate with you about this….please speak to Gabe. He knows all too well how this feels.

Now, for this week’s 3 stars…..

3rd star: Justin Michaliga’s dog Camden – WTP mascot (league mascot?)

Camden the dog

Talk to the hand? That’s a little dated, Camden.

First thing’s first – this dog is not named after Camden, NJ like I guessed (hoped).  However, that is the only disappointing thing about this dog. While Camden could earn a star every week, this week was really special.  If there was a debutante ball for dogs (ugh, wait, there probably is, isn’t there?) then this week was hers. More people got to know her this week, and of course more people grew to love her. This week I also happened to interview Camden’s most frequent caretaker whenever Justin is playing his games, Rachel Greene. The transcript of that interview is below:

JW – “hey Rach, how is it taking care of and being responsible for Camden while Justin is playing his game?”

Rachel – “Stop talking so much JW, leave me alone, can’t you see I’m trying to play with the dog.”

The interview went better than I expected.

Not long after this, something else happened.  Someone else was asked to watch Camden for a bit. I happened to walk by and see Rich holding the dog and licking her face (doesn’t this usually happen the other way around?). Apparently the dog then bit Rich several times, which I am sure is the reaction any of us would have if Rich grabbed us, picked us up, and licked our faces.
For this, and for everything else you do, I award you 3rd star of the week, Camden.

2nd star: Brian Hicks – Gremlins  and  Miles Hilder – Happy Little Elves

question mark face

Who ARE Brian Hicks and Miles Hilder?

These 2 rookies both scored their first career hat tricks this week.  So who are Brian Hicks and Miles Hilder? The answer: nobody knows.

Miles had his first career hat trick in the Elves 6-2 victory over the Hookers on Sunday. I don’t know what else to say about him because I literally know almost nothing about him. I know that his name is Miles.  I know that when we played the Elves a couple weeks ago he was really good. I know that his shirt is a darker green than the rest of the Elves’ shirts.  That is all I know. Congrats on the hatty, Miles. 

As for Brian Hicks, the ONLY reason I do know him is because he is on my team.  I didn’t want Brian to have to share this star, but whoever the hell Miles is went and screwed that up by being good at hockey.  The reasons I didnt want Brian to have to share this star:  this is his first career hat trick, this was the first hat trick EVER in Gremlins team history, AND he is tied for 2nd in the overall scoring race with 16 goals on the season, which is just 2 shy of the leader (nipping at your heels, Gabe).  Did someone say rookie of the year?  Oh, yeah, that was me…..I just said it. Yet, nobody knows who he is. Plainly, if you are not on the Gremlins, you don’t know Brian. This kid has been racking up goals left and right yet flying under the radar like…..umm…..something…..that flies under the radar a lot?  I don’t know.  You get the point.  I’m pretty sure he likes it that way – he kept a low profile for as long as he could.  But time’s up, Bri. I’m blowing up your spot. You scored a hat trick, are #2 in the scoring race, are the top rookie of the year candidate, and have scored more goals this season than other Gremlins score in 2-3 seasons, and we’ve only played 12 games thus far.  It’s time to come out into the limelight now.  So, fellow BTSHers, if you see Brian around this Sunday, feel free to congratulate him on his 2nd star.  That’s IF you can ever find him. (Spoiler alert: you’ll never find him.)

1st star of the week:  Jerome Ramos – Poutine Machine

Jerome hat trick

Jerome after finishing the hat trick.

I had decided that Jerome had 1st star before I even left the courts on Sunday.  No follow-up suggestions were needed on this one.  I had just arrived at Tompkins and was having a conversation with Jamie and Diane when someone who shall remain nameless (Showtime) tapped me on the shoulder and said “hey J Dubs, I’m nominating stars – Jerome just got a hat trick”.  My reaction was this: “Already??  Didn’t the 2nd half like JUST start, a minute ago??”  The answer was yes.  Jerome barely needed more than 1 half to score a NATURAL hat trick, notching the only 3 goals for his team that game, and cementing Poutine’s victory. After many, many years of being a consistently good player who is speedy and moves the puck well, as well as scoring goals for his team…..he finally got that elusive 3. When asked how he did it Jerome replied: “Stop talking so much JW, leave me alone, can’t you see I’m trying to play with the dog.”
Congrats on the 1st star Jerome, wear it like a badge of honor, you earned it. 

Share →

Leave a Reply