Written by JW

3rd star: The late scrimmage clean-up crew

Apparently Derek was on clean-up duty elsewhere.

(‘Future Derek’ photo credit: Alex Eben Meyer)

BTSH, we are perhaps the most disgusting people on the planet. I swear that at various points I saw someone in the clean-up crew carrying a dirty diaper, a hypodermic needle, and a plastic grocery bag full of vomit. I mean, who does that?  Who pukes in a bag and then leaves it there??  Everyone knows that behind the tree is the designated puking spot. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. Well, except those of you who helped clean up.
This crew of BTSHers, headed up by Timmy and Eli (big ups), accomplished what no one else wanted to do, without being asked. I decided as I was helping clean up to talk to some of the other peeps helping.  Responses ranged from “The more people who help the quicker we get done” to “yo J Dubs, toss me that empty can of Piels” to Diane Johnston’s “Oh gross, no no NO, please tell DO NOT me that is a dead rat. GAH-ross! Aaaaaaah!”. It was great to see everyone come together and pitch in to get the courts clean after the late scrims. Just another example of the sense of community which is engrained in BTSH. And, through it all……….I think I still have a bloody Band-Aid stuck to the bottom of my hockey sneakers.

2nd star: Scott Kaston – Lbs, Inc.

Yo assholes, I just got my first career hat trick, ya heard?? (mic drop)

Scott amassed an even BIGGER cheering section this week and they were even MORE loud and obnoxious.  And we all loved it, even MORE. I mean, these kids were OFF THE WALL this week.  I swear I saw them line up and do a spanking machine after the game.  But perhaps my eyes deceived me. Apparently this larger more raucous crowd propelled Scott to new heights as he scored his first career hat trick in the most important game of his rookie year. This was enough to take down the mighty Hookers (Scott 3, Hookers 2).  While the Lbs. were technically favored in this matchup, we all know how lethal the Hookers are. Attendance issues plagued them this year which caused them to be the 13 seed, yet those attendance issues rarely seem to plague the Hookers in the post-season. Rich tells me that this is only the 2nd time ever that the Hookers have been eliminated before the semi-finals, and this is the earliest they have EVER been eliminated. This of course is a huge feat, and due in large part to Scott’s play on Sunday.  I asked him how he did it, and he replied “You know, man, I just, well, it’s like….(chugs half a beer and then spikes the half-full can on the ground incredibly hard) Woooooo!!! Fuck yeah man!!!”  Wow, this kid is as amped up as the crew that comes to watch him play.

1st star of the week:  The Gremlins

(photo credit: Tia Lendo)

(written by league face, Zach Norris)

Narrator: “It was a beautiful Sunday.  A particularly beautiful day for an upset in playoff street hockey.  The Denim Demons were to face off against the Gremlins.  The odds were stacked against the Gremmies at a height much greater than the stacked pads of Aaron “Pipe Controller” Pagdon.”