From the daily archives: "Saturday, August 17, 2019"

At the 11th hour (literally, or 23rd on Jo-Ann’s 24 hour clock…whatever the heck that is), here are the Week 15 box scores. Hope everyone enjoyed their pizza (preview) Fridays! Very nostalgic. Were you a 1 cheese slice or 2 pepperoni slice kid? I think the best slices we ever got were from Mr Mozzarella in grade 6. What Pizza Friday slice do you remember the most?

What do you call a cheesy high stick? American.

Habs 0 @ GANK 1

Goalie Loss – Eric R (4-4, GAA 1.10)

Biters – Andy M (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Craig “used shoes salesman” LaC (10-1, 5 Shutouts, GAA 1.16)

Game Notes: HockeyBeach 2018 poaching comes full circle nearly 1 year to the date as Andy pots the difference between his new and former teammates.

Karma 4 @ Mega 0

Karma – Liz T (2), Sara L via FA, Derek Zed (12), SCory Cory (5)

Goalie Shutout Win – Steve F (4-4, 1 Shutout, GAA 2.68)

Goalie Loss – The Tuck Man (4-4, GAA 2.32)

Fuzz 4 @ Math 3

Fuzz – Miles (6), Gil (6), Jeff (7), Teets McGee (8)

Goalie Win – Tim Bwn (7-5, GAA 2.13)

Math – Jack McG x2 (8), Bradley S (1)

Goalie Loss – David L (5-5, GAA 2.57)

Riots 1 @ Poutine 2

Riots – Jake T (2)

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR (3-8)

Poutine – James McQ (5), Hornswoggle (2)

Goalie Win – Chris S via FA

FK 4 @ Hookers 1

FK – Andrew (2), Gabe x2 (7), Ariel (4)

Goalie Win – Barch (4-4, GAA 1.98)

Hookers – Sara L via FA

Goalie Loss – Dustin O (8-2, GAA 1.57)

Demons 2 @ Fighters 1

Demons – Bar Down Brad x2 (4)

Goalie Win – Zach L (6-4, GAA 1.92)

Sky – Dana L (3)

Goalie Loss – OG James (3-3, GAA 1.64)

Rut Rot 0 @ Gremlins 3

Goalie Loss – Goalie Becca (0-2, GAA 2.50)

Gremlins – Iannis x2 (3), Allison B (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Jamie B (7-5, 4 shutouts, GAA 1.46)

Game Notes: Becca’s goalie gear was off in 2.22 seconds after the final whistle. That’s faster than most goons lose their gloves for a fence pushing tilly.

Advncd Anlytcs: Whatever shutout, GA, and GAA is published for Jamie, there is a 100% chance that Walker will complain about it. He’s only even (a plus and a minus) on corrections mailed in by his non-millenial carrier pigeon to the commissionherr’s office thus far in 2019.

Pounds 2 @ Butchers 1

Los Blancos – Scotty K (3), Roberts (8)

Goalie Win – Zak C via Demons

Butchers – Jake T (7)

Goalie Loss – Tim Brk (2-7, GAA 2.83)

Game Notes: Butchers have another strong defensive effort but lose late to a heart-breaking goal by a team leading 8th goal from Roberts.

DaPucks 3 @ White Rainbows 2 F/SO

WTP – McCauley via weekly Pizza Preview Ringers (1), Annie via rostered ringers (3)

Goalie Shootout Win – Ed P via rostered Thints poachee ringers (6-5, GAA 2.21)

Dark Bows – Yetter totally not a ringer (7), Dan C totally not a ringer (1)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Greenwald #HotLegs2018Ringer (2-11)

Shootout Winner – Michaliga shootout winner ringer (with help from Patty Kane ringer and Kuzy ringer)

Game Notes: So many ringers! And we didn’t even mention Nate No Show Lerner yet.

Advncd Anlytcs: After two quick goals by the Rainbows Ringers early, WTP’s 2 scorers in regulation were the only 2 to whiff in the skills comp for the bonus point.

Filthier 2 @ CK 1 F/SO

Filthier – Sunny (6)

Goalie Shootout Win – Tim K (9-3, GAA 1.39)

Cobra Kai – Liam (3)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Ryan M (0-5, GAA 2.55)

In honour of none of us playing in that darn cool hockey OC tournament this weekend, a “Ned Flanders” quote to describe these belated box scores…

“A plain slice of bread with a glass of water for dipping on the side.” That gosh darn prediddlyictable.

They were rude, obnoxious, drunken and definitely disorderly. Everywhere you walked you would hear, “PULLLLLOUTTTTSSSS!!!!” Who woulda thought someone as classy as Anika could gather a group of such vulgar, unrefined, primitive, drunken hockey players? But despite not winning a game, they all channeled their inner-Ellery and outfunned us all. While the rest of us were driving home to New York, they were still partying in OC. PULLLLOUTTTTTSSS!!!!!

One week ’til (our) HockeyBeach! On to the box scores…

Filthier 1 @ Pounds 2

Filthier – OP James (9)

Goalie Loss – Tim K

Pounds – Roberts x2 (7)

Goalie Win – Mike Sizzler

When you find a world where Roberts is the leading scorer for Los Blancos

Evil Dojo 2 @ Evil Turfed Park Hookers 3

Cobra Kai – Russ Flow Provider Hammyman (3), Rachel L (2)

Goalie Loss – Ryan M

Hookers – Danilo (2), Cro (3), CJ (6)

Goalie Win – Dustin O

Pig Knifes 0 @ Biters 5

Goalie Loss – Tim Brk

Biters – Wurky McParty (2), Bob Probert x2 (11), Jason Bourne (4), Phil the Thrill (1)

Goalie Win – Craig “used shoe salesman” LaC

Game Notes: A box score where all the nicknames make sense? Is it possible?

Rotters 2 @ Rioters 8

Gut Rot – Becca (1), Akhil (4)

Goalie Win – Sam S

Riots – Dave F x3 (6), Kevin Zed (2), Dave Not the Goalie L (2), Mia via Sky Fighters, Katie S (also poached via Sky Fighters? :O) x2 (4)

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR

Game Notes: The Becca Mehta sibling rivalry is not enough to propel Gut Rot to victory (yet again).

Advncd Anlytcs: Also, why does Akhil have (THREE!!!) more goals than you Becca?!

Dendems 2 @ Touches 4

Demons – Rubens (2), Reznick (3)

Goalie Loss – Zach L

Mega – Julie (3), Yuriy (1), Jeff B x2 (4)

Goalie Win – Eric D

Game Notes: Eric tender helps get Mega back in the win column with a show stopping performance leaving a high scoring Demons team with only 2 goals on the day.

Habs 4 @ Maths 0

Rehabs – Michelle U x2 (3), Ben M x2 (2)

Goalie Shutout Win – Eric R

Goalie Loss – Max of Moscow

FK 2 @ FZ 5

Fresh Kills – Tom R (4), Meg F (1)

Goalie Pile – Barch

Fuzz – Miles x3 (7), Gil (5), Jeff (6)

Goalie Commish – Tim Bwn

Karma 5 @ Dark Powder ‘Bows 3

Karma – Derek Zed (11), Scory Cory (4), Shaina (1), Big Ben Clavicle (2)

Goalie Win – Max of Moscow

Rainbows – Bryan L x2 (8), Yetter (6)  

Goalie Loss – David G #MyHotLegs2018 #MyFSTOW15

Sky 0 @ Poutine 5

Goalie Loss – DeLacy via Poutine Anglophone waivers

Poutine – James McQ (4), Christina L (2), Mike Pags x2 (5), Hornswoggle (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – RJ F

Grems 1 @ Pucks 3

Gremlins – Iannis (1)

Goalie Loss – Jamie B

WTP?! – Annie A (2), The Dude (4), The Ball Hogg (8)

Goalie Win – Goalie Ed P

Game Notes: Annie’s goals in back to back games propel pucks to another 2 points. The man they call mccauley quietly had 3 (primary) apples.

Advncd Anlytcs: Walker -3. MINUS THREE. “Worst game ever” Too [much] (time put into finding) subs”.

No one likes our poo emoji shirt coloured win streak and we don’t care!