From the monthly archives: "July 2019"

By Richiehero

Third Star

Boatsex Brad from Denim Demons

Shotgunning diet coke on a warm summer day.

In the, “Stop Stop he’s already Dead” week there was a massive upset. The self proclaimed, “Back to Proudly Being League Dicks” Demons stunned the BTSH Universe by upsetting Fresh Kills. Brad got the Demons started early with a goal and an excessive fist pump for a 1-0 game. But as he usually does, he backed up his actions by netting another and scoring in the shootout.

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Fuzz finally defeated their nemesis the Habs.

Fuzz then powered their way over Mega Touch. 

Habs were pretty pissed about their loss and took it out on Gut Rot. 

Hookers got down to business against the Sky Fighters. 

Filthier, powered by Tim K, defeated Dark Rainbows. 

LBS were missing a couple players and narrowly escaped the Riots. 

Pucks played an inspiring game against the Butchers. 

Poutine got revenge on Cobra Kai. 

Demons defeated Fresh Kills in a seven round shootout. 

Mathematics overturned the Gremlins thanks to a vintage Norris performance.

Biters scored more goals than Karma. 

written by Cookie Puss and Fudgie The Whale

Rehabs vs Gut Rot

Oh shit, is this Division 1 vs Division 4 week? Aka “Bloody Sunday”. Looks like it is. 

I hate to say it, but,…..none are gonna be bloodier than this one. 

Prediction: If Ramirez is in net for the Habs, 8-0 Habs. If Ramirez is not in net, 8-1 Habs. 

Mega Touch vs Fuzz

The battle of Rich vs. Julie (*looks for that photo that Julie hates*), the two most competitive people in BTSH. (Unless you count JW, at board games.)

Fuzz has had ROUGH season this far, causing Rich to take out his aggression by posting WWF photos to the BTSH Facebook page. Meanwhile, Mega…….hmm, do Mega still do V-neck/jorts day? This game might be a good day for it. 

Prediction: Mega keep it close, but the end result is what you’d expect. 5-3, Fuzz.

I found it.
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Welcome to the 2019 Midseason Power Rankings.  If you can believe it, we’re already more than halfway through the season.  Compared to last year we’ve experienced a roughly 85% drop in sandwich debates, compared to about a 4000% increase in beer funnels.  I’d call that progress by just about any measure.

As was done last season, the methodology for this ranking was simple: six people responded to my invitation to rank the teams 1-20 and the results were aggregated (along with my own rankings) to come up with this list.  I also threw in a few additional survey questions about the season to get the drama score up so Yetter and Russ wouldn’t be the only people stirring the pot this season.  One thing just about everyone agreed on: with eight games left to go before the playoffs, the 2019 season is shaping up to be perhaps the most wide open title race in recent history.

1) LBS Inc (9-1-0)

Despite having more absences from regulars and thus using more free agents than any team in the league (an average of three per game so far), and having trailed in six of their nine victories, the LBS take pole position in these ranks for the third time in four years.  Both LBS rankers declined to put themselves in 1st; of the five rankers who are non-LBS, four had them at #1.  This team is obviously sexy as hell, but will face questions as to whether they can get their top players healthy in time for the playoffs and whether they can finally win the big one this season for the first time since 2012.

Average Ranking: 2.00

Standings Position: 1st

Goal Differential: 2nd

Highest Ranking: 1st

Lowest Ranking: 6th

First Place Votes: 4

What They’re Saying:“Dominating all season and now Scotty is back…have to be the favorites.”- Will

“When they actually have their roster show they have the most talented pool of guys in the league.”- Sena

“They have the best guys and I don’t think it’s that close.  Their girls are vastly improved and Boylan sometimes allows me privileges others don’t.  #atrocities”- Who do you think?

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