From the daily archives: "Tuesday, May 7, 2019"

Thanks to the rain on Sunday, these are still on time! Woohoo!

Totally not a jerk. Wait, wrong Met…

Butchers 4 @ Rehabs 3

Pig Knifes – Mike M x2 (2), Brady C (1), Dana K (1)

Goalie Win – Peter Parker via Rose Charity underdog run

Rehabs – Alex M (2), Cherie x2 (4)

Goalie Loss – Eric R (0-1)

Game Notes: The Butchers were still in party mode from the Rose Charity tournament the night before and put in an effort that would have probably been best served in the prior season when Rehabs were a divisional foe.

Karma 4 @ Demons 3 F/SO

Karma – Bill K (1), Scory Cory V (1), Derek Zed (3)

Goalie Win – Steve F (2-2, GAA of 2.38)

Shootout Winner – Cory (again…of course)

Demons – Zach “Fine” (1), Neil Zedman x2 (9)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Zach L (2-1, GAA of 1.29)

Game Notes: Karma still doesn’t have any ROW and Neil keeps scoring. Boring. Next!

Those big arms can’t even ROW. What a waste.

Riots 2 @ What the Puck?! 8

Riots – Katie S (1), Nick (1)

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR (1-2)

DaPucks – Hoggystyle x2 (3), Sam McI x3 (3), Henry x2 (3), Dave Mac (1)

Goalie Win – Goalie Ed (2-1-1, GAA of 2.44)

Game Notes: This game had way too many assisted (not unassisted) goals for my liking.

Advncd Anlytcs: Through week 4, WTP is the second highest scoring team in the league and tied for the most goal scorers with 10. Their balanced attacked overwhelmed a revamped Riots roster coming off their first win of the season in week 3, outscoring les rouges 6-nil in the final 25 minutes of the contest. Since Ed helped put those stats together, his GAA is now (finally) publishable.

Poutine 3 @ Mega 1

Mega – Max T (1)

Goalie Loss – Mike T (1-2)

Poutine – Jo-Ann “the” Pro. (1), Christine L (1), Jonathan “not 69” C (1)

Goalie Win – RJ F (2-0, GAA of 2.00)

Game Notes: Someone not named after a whiskey called that Christina would score. Where was that honourable* mention in the three stars post?

Filthier 4 @ GANK 3 F/SO

Filthier – Jaime D x2 (5), Greg (1)

Goalie Win – Tim K (2-1, GAA of 2.26)

Shootout Winner – Unknown (you’re going to start sensing a theme here)

GANK – Jason Bourne x2 (2), Probert (2)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Craig LaC (3-1, GAA of 0.98)

Game Notes: Jason Bourne is still trying to figure out how he arrived at Tompkins Square Park for this game of “hockey” that we play.

Gremlins 4 @ Dank Bows 3 F/SO

Gremlins – Erich G (3), Tim Magic Man x2 (3)

Goalie Win – Jamie B (3-1)

Shootout Winner – Unknown

Rainbows – Karl S (1), Yetter x2 (4)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Greenwald

Game Notes: Someone not named after a whiskey took shifts against Yetter, taking those minuses for the team(mates who didn’t want them). Maybe they scored the shootout winner, but we will never know, because the ref never wrote it down on the gamesheet.

“They got lucky, but I was drunk so it was cool” – Mike Tarnow. Wait, that’s not Tarnow…

Evil Dojo 2 @ Fuzz! 0

CK – A Greedy Provider* (1), Eff Gill Ween (2)

Goalie Win – Campbell W-W (2-0, 2 shutouts)

Fuzz – just kidding, they got shutout

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR via Pucks Riots tire fire

Game Notes: Rich sent me an angry emoji this morning and it had nothing to do with defecting from his Ocean City team. Praise the GilF on his team always asking for the box score writeups!

*This article originally had Rachel L scoring the opening goal of this game (also known as game winners in shutout wins) due to her celebration after said goal. We apologize for an untimely CK beat reporter who finally corrected us after we went to print, and praise thee Provider with a spectacular goal, which, was presumably a “pass” provided to the top corns of the twine, done in selfless fashion.**

**Okay Russ, no more a$$ ki$$ing. You have your wtpucking goal now! Stop wearing 99 you pl*g.

When you realize your time is almost up…sorry that I’ll be missing the going away party!

Sky Fighters 3 @ Rut Rot 2 F/SO

SKY – Ariel via FB Humblebrags, Greg I (1)

Goalie Win – OG James (1-2, GAA of 2.26)

Shootout Winner – Dave

Gut Rot – Rob Shhleshzzzak (1), John S (1)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Sam (0-2)

Game Notes: Are Sky Fighters actually trying to keep their players around this year by hosting Cinco de Mayo team events?

‘Sky Fighters are No. 1!’ was exactly the response I expected to that Game Note!!

Pounds 2 @ Hookers 1

Pounds – Liz B (1), Luke (1)

Goalie Win – Sizzler (3-0, GAA of 1.67)

Hookers – Clark H (1)

Goalie Loss – Wald-Greens Goalie Emporium via Corlears Park kiddie sized gear

Game Notes: If you score the opening goal in a 2-1 win. It’s not the game winning goal. If you score the opening goal in a shutout win, then it IS a GwG. [eom]

Imagine this, but in the crease, I mean, not in the crease, and scoring a goal!!!

Math 1 @ FK 2

Math – Jon M (2)

Goalie Loss – David L (2-2)

Fresh Kills – Nick Scott (1), The Euge (1)

Goalie Win – Barch Pile (1-2, GAA of 2.26)

Game Notes: The FK sub carousel finally pans out and FK grab a badly needed two points. Math did not want the two points because they were winning too many games and getting concerningly close to the top of the second division standings, even if it was only week 3.

“Sorry I scored another game winner” Wow, who knew there were polite ball hockey players in Jersey City. (Good defense by “Tarnow” taking the minus for his teammates)