Gouging Anklebiters at Butchers
By Wiliam Oliver Yetter
Oh baby the potential for drama at this game is SWEEEEEET! Because everyone knows Diana and Creamy got married two weeks ago (for “tax purposes” according to a source close with Creamy) but the fireworks will be this weekend when they have their first fight as a married couple. Marriage Fight! Marriage Fight! Marriage Fight! Yeah Diana loves her new husband and possibly baby Oscar (unconfirmed) but the game’s the game and shit will go down. STAB! KICK! PUNCH!
DRAMA Meter (1-10): 7. Let’s be real: worst case scenario at least Oscar starts to cry and they can’t agree on who has to take a shift off and take care of him.
So many sub plots:
- It will interesting to see if Probie plays with same passion and intensity after reading (lets be real… Writing!) the whole old school vs new school thing. THEORY- Probie wrote (or had Charlotte write) the article to stifle the play of his teammate Jason because people were starting to question who is the best player is. OMG what if the best Player is SUPER Dave?!
- DRAMA Meter: 6. Rumors and innuendo are the fucking lifeblood of this beautiful league.
- Will the commissioners deliberately sabotage Cheeky and bring her ice stick to the game, sending her into a rage and leading to a dominant performance?! I don’t know. All I know is that she will go off about something. I just fucking pray it’s a battle with Shuie because the blast radius on that would destroy everything. BURN IT ALL DOWN, BABY!!!!!!!
- DRAMA Meter: 10. OMG PLEASE! The Mere suggestion of Shuie and Cheeky drama is the crème de la crème of drama.
- Which virgin dork will have sex first – Derho or Brady? Neither. It won’t happen. They’re both unattractive and lack personality. They will die virgins.
- DRAMA Meter: 1. No real drama here, just two boring nerds. Best case scenario – both get hit in the nuts on the same shot.
- The other day I was reading an old People magazine and saw an article that said Rachel and Craig used to be an item… that shit is like the habanero hot sauce on top of this already spicy game! OMG what if one of them still has feelings? Can you imagine! Craig: “OMG I STILL LOVE YOU, Rachel!” Rachel: “OMG!I always did like when you wore your hockey mask to bed.”
- DRAMA Meter: 3. Nah….Craig is a boring old man who is all about his kids and shit now.
Prediction: FINAL SCORE 27 DRAMA POINTS! OHH BABY that’s a LOT OF DRAMA! Also, the Biter’s will win the game something like 5-2.[Continue Reading…]