From the daily archives: "Monday, April 8, 2019"

By Arya Stark

Cobra Kai avenged last season’s shocking shootout loss and last week’s shocking lack of cleaning with a 3-0 win over the Riots. Campbell returned from god knows what was going down in Puerto Rico to notch the shutout.

Math bounced back from a tough opening loss to take down the Rainbows 5-2. Two goals scored by the cobra although if he wants to keep that nickname I’m going to need a snake charmer celebration ASAP.

The Hookers won 5-0 over Gut Rot, with Greenwald notching the shutout and saving survivor pools everywhere.

The Demons pulled an impressive win in a minor upset over the Butchers. They won 4-2 and look to be a lock to finish the season over .500 for the first time since 2016.

Filthy held on to beat Poutine 3-1 in a tight checking affair that almost featured a goalie brawl which would have been amazing and to my knowledge would have been a BTSH first (Rich pls confirm).

What The Puck pulled out the upset of the week, devastating many survivor pools but also delighting many fans as they held on for a tight 3-2 win over defending champ Fuzz. In related news, Fuzz is considering investing in an Ed P voodoo doll.

The Rehabs beat Karma 4-0 on a goal from Monique and a hat trick from the Meatbox. Later in the afternoon they made up last week’s rained out game and beat Fresh Kills by the same 4-0 score. An anonymous source on the sideline was heard bragging that “we don’t like dick and we don’t let in goals” which would be a great team slogan…much catchier than their current one, “our girls will destroy yours.”

The Gremlins outlasted the Fresh Kills 3-2 in a shootout. Ariel scored for the Fresh Kills, as is tradition, but Allison and Erich scored for the Gremlins and Jamie delivered the victory by stoning Gabe. It was the first victory in franchise history for the Grems over the Fresh Kills. Gabe’s grief took on a strange form as sometime around 8:15 he sent me this and this video…can’t lie, they are oddly fascinating.

The Biters beat Mega without the services of Probie, which they might want to get used to because if UVA wins tonight I don’t think any of us will ever see him again.

Finally, the LBS bested the Sky Fighters 2-0 on a hard fought Zisser shutout. The Sky Fighters picked up some solid players in the offseason which is great news for teams like Poutine and Fuzz.

See ya next week.