From the monthly archives: "March 2019"

By Arya Stark

Fuzz held their banner raising (the rare banner raising that takes place with no trophy present), then proceeded to outlast Filthier 3-1 in a tight contest. Gil had the awesome no-look pass on the game winner while Jeff stole an empty netter from his wife and will probably be introduced to the business end of the sofa bed this week.

Poutine toughed out a surprisingly high scoring match against their new division rivals What The Puck and won 5-3, keeping numerous survivor pools afloat. James wins the award for most wipeouts on the day, playing as if it wasn’t constantly raining during his game.

The upset of the day was probably four teams cancelling but the Demons actually playing their game, which they took handily 7-0 over Gut Rot. Hey, dropping divisions three straight years certainly has its benefits.

The Gremlins outlasted Karma with a tight 1-0 victory. Walker celebrated the season opening victory by ordering 27 tacos and correcting the grammar on the menu.

After falling behind 2-0 early, the LBS rallied with four straight goals to beat Cobra Kai 4-2. I guess those Soko Division Preview writers knew what they were talking about.

The Hookers beat the Butchers 1-0 on a shootout goal from Danilo. Somewhere out there the lines for D2 props are shifting rapidly.

The Biters beat Math 4-1. Probie had at least one goal while Andy finally sent me a Christmas card last week.

The Rainbows outlasted Mega Touch in an 8 round shootout. Julie popped the water bottle with her backhander but it wasn’t enough as the Rainbows have already exceeded 2017’s win total. Afterwards Brett suggested that in the future shootouts where teams are about to repeat shooters, there should be one round of goalie-on-goalie attempts. BTSH, let’s make this happen.

While you may be expecting more game writeups here, all the 5:00 teams cancelled their games despite the fact that the weather was way better at 5 than any other point in the day. Sad times but Soko’s got kids and the Rehabs ladies were probably borderline dead today from a full weekend of celebrating Sena’s birthday. Special shoutout to the Riots who pulled the impressive move of cancelling a late game when they were the closing team and not sending a rep to help, you know, close. I guess that’s one way to maintain an undefeated record…

We’ll leave you with the full shootout from two teams who actually wanted to play hockey today. See ya next week.

Shameless plugging – tonight is the Season Opening Party at a rooftop lounge in Chinatown and there’s still time to get in on the 2019 Survivor Pool! Also, stay tuned for information on the 2019 Rose Charities Tournament (April 27th)…

And now, your 2019 Opening Day Previews!

Fuzz at Filthier

Prediction: the reigning champs enjoyed themselves a little too much this offseason as Glanzer’s new sleeveless shirt is a size muumuu.  Their new net minder is tested often by James and Sean, but it is Jeff and Alexa that lead Fuzz to an opening day W 4-3.

Fuzz is going to have a tough time repeating without these two.

Poutine Machine at What the Puck

Prediction: there’s something about this matchup that brings out the absolute best in both teams and this one doesn’t disappoint.  SBJ (sweet baby James) and Nicorette get the Poos out to an early lead, but General Hogg Solo leads the Plucky Pucks back in the second half and gets the win in OT 3-2.

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By Arya Stark

Calling all degenerates…

The 2019 BTSH Survivor Pool will commence on Sunday with the week one games.  Standard survivor pool rules apply – each week, participants are invited to select one winner for any game taking place that Sunday.  Any participant who chooses a team that loses their match (regulation, OT or shootout) will be eliminated from the pool.  All surviving members move on to the next round but are unable to reuse teams.  Each week, survivors will continue picking teams (each person using a different team each week) until only one person remains. That person will win the pool, all the prize money, and glory eternal. In additional, the social committee will throw in a bucket of beers at Royale (or Ace if that’s your jam) plus a shot of fireball for the winner of the pool. Strippers will require board approval and are not guaranteed to be included as part of any prize package.

Entry fee is $5 and can be paid via cold hard cash (or possibly Venmo if I know you). Anyone who is interested, email btsh.social@gmail.com with your picks for March or with any outstanding questions.

Fine Print & Contingencies: If all survivors are eliminated in one particular week, none will be eliminated and the following week will commence as if all teams won.  Any games that are postponed or called off by the league for any reason will result in both teams being credited with a “win” for that week.  These teams will be ineligible to be picked again.  If you do not submit a pick by 11 AM on any particular Sunday you will be automatically given the default pick, which may or may not be a terrible team. If multiple participants remain at the end of the regular season (highly unlikely), those people will split the prize pool, but they’ll each get their own bucket and fireball shot because we run a square game here at StreetHockeyGambling Inc. All disputes will be resolved by me. End of post.

Written by Tony Orlando and Dawn

So, is this still the Michaliga division even though Michaliga is no longer in this division?

I digress…..let’s get right into it.

Dark Rainbows

The big news here is that there has been a peaceful transfer of power from former captains Tia, Cat, and Greenwald to new captains Jess-with-an-ICA Deutsch and Mike “I’m still a free agent” Yetter. How will these two sophomores handle the responsibilities of captaining? Thus far it seems to me that they are dedicated to maintaining the Rainbows’ status (forged by the previous captains) as the team everybody loves to love. That said, no one loves the Rainbows more than they love each other. THEIR ALTERNATE JERSEYS HAVE THEIR TEAMMATE WES’ FACE ON THEM. If that’s not love, then I don’t know what is.
All the love is great to see, and we here at the Media look forward to seeing how these two shape the team in the months to come.

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by Arya Stark and The Meatbox

Arya: Ok, so it looks like we’ve been tasked with previewing the 2nd division and unlike last season when it was pretty obvious Fuzz was going to actually play hockey as opposed to whatever the hell they (you) were doing in 2017, there’s a bunch of teams that could conceivably win it  Cobra Kai is strong as ever for now but will obviously be facing a world of hurt come June – can they build enough of an edge before then to keep the 1 seed?  Has Probie recruited any more of his ice hockey friends to the Biters?  The Hookers are supposedly adding an elite girl and a solid enough guy player which is fitting as that seems to be their MO as a team.  And the Butchers and Math are always tough to count out with enough top talent to beat any team on any given week.  Fuzz, with their 2nd overall seed, has moved up to the top division while the Skyfighters have been ravaged for a 2nd consecutive offseason and will move down to D3.  This is a tough one to handicap but I’d probably have to go:

  • Cobra Kai (+220)
  • Gouging Anklebiters (+280)
  • Corlears Hookers (+320)
  • Butchers (+480)
  • Math (+700)
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