What do you mean it’s supposed to be Week 5?

Hope everyone enjoys their Memorial Day long weekends! I know that I won’t, as instead of visiting the city that fun forgot, I’ll be in the state that boring built!

(Editors note: Oh great, the obscure references are starting strong this week….)

Demons 1 @ Pounds 3

Demons – Miles S (6)

Goalie Loss – Zach L (2-2, GAA of 1.46)

Pounds – Avery x2 (3), Roberts (2)

Goalie Win – Sizzler (4-0, GAA of 1.50)

Game Notes: Roberts had game winning goals regardless of which league and competition he faced this past weekend, I guess he is taking the demotion back to the third line (with Scottykthe2nd returning to the lineup) really well. Hopefully Rich didn’t see the high windup on the first Pounds goal, I haven’t seen any photos of it on fb yet, so I guess we’re okay for now.

Advnd Anlytcs: Is this a bad time to mention that you already thought Sammy and D.Ro were married?

Butchers 2 @ Sky Fighters 1

Butchers – Super/Fast Dave (1), Unpoachable Jake T (2)

Goalie Win – Tim Brk (1-1, GAA of 1.43)

SKY – Dana L (1)

Goalie Loss – Patty Lalime via goalieunionlockerbros

Game Notes: Sky Fighters struck early, including a couple posts, but could only sneak one past Timmy in the early going when Butchers had their hands full of…whatever a Sky Fighter is. Given the lack of goals in the second half, this game might have felt boring, but it was actually the closest of any of the games on our interdivisional day (final score wise).

Advncd Anlytics: Wait, Lalime wore Koho’s in 2001? Play that tape video again.

Poutine 0 @ Anklebiters 3

Goalie Loss – RJ (2-1, GAA of 2.33)

GANK – Sarah M (1), Jared (5), Jimmy (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Sizzler via outsourcedgoalieunionfillin

Game Notes: I picked the wrong game to sub in for. What else is there to say if I have absolutely no details on this game? Don’t get triggered just because I took the easy way out and opted for a self-deprecating one liner.

Hookers 3 @ Gremlins 1

Hookers – Clark H x3 (4)

Goalie Win – Dustin (3-0, GAA of 0.32)

Gremlins – Rockoff (2)

Goalie Loss – Jamie B (3-2, GAA of 2.12)

Game Notes: Seeing how upset Dustin got on the goal against this game was comical, I wanted to walk over and ask him if he really thought he’d go the entire year without a goal against.

Fresh Kills 10 @ Rut Rot 2

FK – Nate x5 (5), Ariel x2 (2), Soko (1), Nicole (1), Gabe (1)

Goalie Win – Hector viaMoreTime

Gut Rot – Len G (1), Rob S (2)

Goalie Loss – Sam (0-3, GAA slightly more publishable than Goalie Ed 2018)

Game Notes: Gabe waited until it was 9-something to score a goal? We’re supposed to believe that?

Advncd Anlytcs: The number of people who have gotten hat tricks and subsequently received stars is like 0-for during the past month. Good thing we’ve given them out for shootout winners/scorers though, otherwise, they’d never really get credit for a goal that doesn’t really count. I hear new schoolers love a good participation trophy, or is that old school? Can Russ and JW update their anonymous article and clarify this ambiguity?

Dank Bows 1 @ Rehabs 6

Rainbows – Yetter (5)

Goalie Loss – Greenwald’s Goalie Emporium (1-4, GAA of No Dave, you don’t want to see it on the site, we haven’t even been able to *momentarily* take away your annual shutout yet either)

Rehabs – Bryan M (1), Amitai (1), Cherie (5), Charlie (1), Brett (1), Bryan (1)

Goalie Win – Max Moscow Mule via does Eitan have to ask you to roster him yet?

Game Notes: Any additional ringers needed for your fourth division games?

Math 2 @ Instant Karma 7

Math – Eli the Goon (1), Jeff S (1)

Goalie Loss – Charlie O’D via Goals Allowed Anonymous

IK – Derek Zed x2 (5), Al x2 (2), Liz T (1), Big Ben C (1), Matt S (1)

Game Notes: No tadpole sightings in the east court puddles. Guess they are invisible in the presence of gods.

Cobra Kai 3 @ WTP 1

CK – Pete Flamingo G x2 (3), Liam (1)

Goalie Win – Hector via wait he got to play two games?!

WTP – “Thierry the weekly goal scoring” Henry (4)

Goalie Loss – Ed P (2-3, GAA of 2.55)

Game Notes: It’s funny when rules are first broken by the people they were made solely because of. (What, you’d rather me run with the out of retirement *again* bit?)

Riots 0 @ Fuzz 4

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR (1-2)

Fuzz – Alexa (1), Teets McGee (1), Sig (3), GilF (2)

Goalie Shutout Win – Tim Bwn (2-1, GAA of 1.33)

Game Notes: In case you were looking for official btsh stats sign off on it, yes, Alexa’s goal is actually a game winner, and her first career GwG by the sounds of it! What kind of new school sicko keeps track of that (hint).

Filthier 6 @ Mega Touch 0

Filthier – OP James x2 (3), Danielle (1), Sunny x2 (3), Thomas W (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Tim K (3-1, GAA of 1.71)

Goalie Loss – Mike Waffleboard T-man (1-3)

Game Notes: Alex EM sure touched it Mega when his inbound towards the net (terrible shot) beelined right for the orchestra stalls of the goal line referee. That’s what you get for being (a) new school (ref) and listening to Glnzr’s weekly ref feedback emails.

Advncd Anlytcs: Danielle stole a hat trick from James when she declared that his dipping wrister (no just kidding, he never takes wristers) hit her leg. That was almost as bad as that goal Ann had called back for hitting the ball above her waist. What a terrible 6-0 win!