This week the box scores are provided to you by the shipment of fresh salt a certain meatbox has just received and already delivered to the btsh community. Other btsh articles aside, the Gremlins’ buffalo boys have already claimed the extra salt for their Week 3 warmup.

FA scrimmages will never again be snowed out.

I have to go back to writing lengthy ref manager emails so these will be brief (yet again) this week. Enjoy!

Dank Bows 2 @ Math 5

Rainbows – Yetter (2), Matty Freeze (2)

Goalie Loss – Greenwald (1-1, GAA of 3.50)

Math – Jack McG x2 (2), Todd M (1), Zach N (1), Jon M (1)

Goalie Win – David L-W (1-1, GAA of 3.00)

Game Notes: The media forgot to predict the rainbows were going to lose 6-2 and therefore didn’t have any bulletin board multiple to put up at their weekly roof practice.

Advncd Anlytcs: I’m not sure if it’s a typo but the rainbows had the two exact same scorers as last week.

Riots 0 @ Evil Dojo 3

Goalie Loss – Zak C via Demons (yes, another Za/ch/ck/cc/c on Demons)

CK – Top Shelf Tommy x2 (2), Alan H (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – G#1 Not Not Campbell (1-0, 1 Shutout)

Game Notes: After getting the shout out in the box scores last week, Tom found the right net (twice) in this contest, including the ice breaker and eventual GwG.

Demons 4 @ Butchers 2

Demons – Miles x2 (4), Neil (5), Gene (1)

Goalie Win – Zak C via ctrl+f Za/k/c/ch recruiting process (1-0)

Butchers – Rachel (1), Brendan (1)

Goalie Loss – Max the FA (0-1-0-1, GAA of 2.00)

Game Notes: If only Butchers could decline division 4 games like they were NFL flags.

Advncd Anlytcs: Rachel gifted one of the flukey Butcher goals to newcomer Brendan. Where’s a three stars of the week post and some positivity when you need it?!

Hookers 5 @ Gut Rot 0

Hookers – The Lone Wolff (1), CJ “not the running back” Anderson (1), Eleni T (1), Sean with one N (1), Jacques (1)  

Goalie Shutout Win – Greenwald via CrosFaveHotLegs2018

Goalie Loss – Not Eitan (a former league Sultan champ forgot to write this down)

Game Notes: The annual run to -70 has just begun!

Les Curdz 1 @ Filthier 3

Poos – Christian H (1)

Goalie Loss – DeLacy (0-1)

Filthier – James P (1), Ryan McL (1), Sunny M (1)

Goalie Win – Tim K (1-1, GAA of 2.00)

Game Notes: *Insert wide eyed emoji for my multiple inboxes blown up by this game – where is Inspector Clouseau when you need him*

DaPucks 3 @ Fuzz 2

WTP – Paul (1), Noah (1), Hog(g)*elin “the caps bandwagon hopper” (1)

Goalie Win – Ed P (1-1, GAA unknown – where is that data integrity when you need it?)

Fuzz – Jeff (2), Sig (1)

Goalie Loss – Tim Bwn (1-1, GAA of a deuce)

Game Notes: With WTP up 3-0 after the first 10-15 minutes of the game, they hung on to dear life, with Ed’s light blue chesty shining bright for the second half of this poaching-season-2019-article tilt #myPoachee2019.

Advncd Anlytcs: WTP averaged between 130 to 150 in PDO on the day. Just to further demonstrate the shot advantage for Fuzz(!!!!): a crossbar hit with 4 minutes left by WTP would have further swung that metric as high as 167 (assuming it goes in if it was on net, of course).

*still useless to Rich, who he was unable to toey dans la deuxieme periode!!! (0/1)

Fresh Kills 2 @ Gremlins 3 (F/SO)

FK – Erica G via FA, Andrew “Jeans” M (1)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Patty B (0-0-0-1)

Gremlins – Erich G x2 (2)

Goalie Win – Jamie B (2-0, GAA of 1.50)

Shootout Winner – Also Erich (this qualifies as a “toque” for the viewers at home watching the NHL playoffs on TSN)

Game Notes: Everyone is reminded that there is no video (or photo flipbook) review in BTSH, except when it comes to Walker emailing you highlights of his minuses (this is *actually* not a joke).

It’s a good thing I’m not the “Tronna” of any reviews either. I can’t even see a stick anywhere inside of either red circle. Call on the black top clearly has to stand.

Rehabs 4 @ Karma 0

Rehabs – Hicks x3 (3), Mo R (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Max the FA (1-0, 1 shutout)

Goalie Loss – Steve F (0-2, GAA of 2.50)

Game Notes: The below graphic is not a spoiler…this is technically the week 2 game after all!!

For those trying to keep track of the Rehabs scoring at home.

Anklebiters 3 @ Mega Touch 0

GANK – Jared x2 (3), Shooey (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Craig LaC (2-0, 1 shutout, GAA of 0.50)

Goalie Loss – Eric D (0-1)

Game Notes: Ben does not lead his team in goals, start chirping up Jared, yah boo-birds!

SkyFighters 0 @ Pound Sterlings 2

Goalie Loss – OG James (0-1)

POUNDS – Alex F (2), Karsten P (3)

Goalie Shutout Win – Sizzler (2-0, 1 shutout, GAA of 1.00, and zero requests to recast the goalie standings)

Rehabs 4 @ Fresh Kills 0 (Week 1 #SunFears makeup)

Rehabs – Ramy (1), Hicks (4), Michelle (1), Alex M (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Max the FA (2-0, 2 shutouts)

Goalie Loss – Patty B (0-1-0-1)

Game Notes: Friendly reminder that our crease rule is not the equivalent of the 1999 Stanley Cup Finals in Triple OT. Cheers.**

But let our extra zoomed in CSI high resolution shot do the talking:

Doesn’t matter where that ball is, you still can’t step in there.

** (From one Canadian North American Champ to another, sorry, Gabe. Teets McGee is going to win the scoring title again anyways.)

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