12. Gremlins at 5. What The Puck

by Isaac

In this corner: What The Puck

Dominant narrative: the obvious choice is the winning streak the Pucks went on over the course of three months. However, the correct one is the Pucks dominance over the Gremlins.  This season the Pucks were the only division team to sweep the Gremlins and historically Justin has owned Jamie (you might want to accept that friend request before Sunday’s game). 

Player to watch: Annie, the human evolution of the force of field hockey.  The asphalt rink tilts in the Pucks’ favor when she’s out there doing work.

Bandwagonability: 7/10.  What’s not to like about a team ascending from division 4 to 3 one year and then 3 to 2 the following year? 

In this corner: Gremlins

Dominant narrative: After starting the season off at a promising 6-3-0 things quickly turned sour as they went into a tailspin.  While the Pucks were enjoying success for three months the Gremlins were absolutely frustrated and miserable.  The only win over that span came against 20^th ranked Gut Rot.  However, the two wins they picked up on the last day of the season are encouraging.

Player to watch: Erich.  He’s the bingo this team rides to the bank. 

Bandwagonability: 1/10.  Beat the Pucks.  Then we’ll talk.

Prediction: If Erich shows up with a chip on his shoulder and something to prove then we’ll be treated to a hell of game.  Having said that, it takes a team effort against Emily, Mike Mc, and Susie.  I’m predicting a tight game with the Pucks pulling away near the end 4-2.

10. Cobra Kai at 7. Denim Demons

written by JW

So, Isaac suggested a certain format for these Round of 16 previews. I wanted to write a dissertation on why Salsa Rio Doritos were the best Doritos of all time, and how they should bring them back. Perhaps I would have compared and contrasted with the current purple bag Doritos. But, for today, I’ll fall in line. I’ll conform to your norms, BTSH Media. But I’m not going to like it. And, no matter what, I will never, ever accept the common assertion that Weezer’s blue album is superior to pinkerton. NEVER.

In this corner: Cobra Kai, seeded at #10. (I was going to find and include their record, but look up their record yourself if you’re interested, I ain’t got no time for that.)

Dominant narrative: Cobra Kai are not going to like this (Hi, Will) but this game is pretty close to a pick ‘em at this point. In recent years Kai would have been the clear favorite here, however as it stands now they are the underdog seed (the Demons’ higher ranking surely had a lot to do with the Demons schedule, admittedly), they have had difficulty scoring this season, and they are missing Campbell quite a bit. This is a very talented team with great defense and a lot of scoring prowess, but they just weren’t able to put all the pieces together this year like they have the past few years. In any case, I will await their angry texts. 

Player to watch: Pete G. I saw him walk in solo and score a beautiful goal against Math in the final day of the regular season. He is surely tired of losing, and hungry to help right the ship.

Bandwagonability:  High. They’re a friendly but competitive team who are capable of some damn good hockey.

In this corner: Denim Demons, seeded at #7.

Dominant narrative: Another team who are no stranger to angrily reacting to what the Media has said about them. But, you know what, I am not going to shit on the Demons. Let’s just get into the preview. Very few veteran Demons are still around, they now have a group of young, fast guys and gals with a good amount of hockey skill. They dropped to the 4th division, but then absolutely obliterated said division. Their run-and-gun offense has served them well this season, and they have no reason to change it up for the playoffs. Cobra Kai has some speed too, but look for the Demons to try to tire them out with their fast two-way play.

Player to watch: Brad. He is a nice guy and a clean player but underneath it all there are very few people in the league who can match his compete level.

Bandwagonability: I said I wasn’t going to shit on the Demons, but you’re really testing me with this. 

Prediction: Cobra Kai come in fired up to silence their Media critics, and they send the Demons packing. 3-2, Kai, in regulation.

14. Fresh Kills at 3. Corlears Hookers

By Richiehero

Dominant Narrative: Fresh Kills at the Hookers played in the Round of 16? BLASPHEMY! From 2008-2014 each team made the semis every year except one. Fresh Kills lost in the quarterfinals in 2010 in overtime, and the Hookers lost in the quarterfinals in OT in 2011. Quite simply that is insane and to whatever team(s) beat them those years the league owes a huge thank you. So thank you.

But old age from the Hookers combined with the rest of the league improving, gave these two former juggernauts company at the top. Now instead of playing in the finals like they did in 2014, when Ariel scored the GW goal, they play in the Round of 16. I mean c’mon guys, Mega plays in the Round of 16! What happened to you??!?!?

Men- Advantage Fresh Kills. Admittedly, part of this could be because I don’t know who they are, but I think I’d take the Fresh Kills top 4 guys over anyone from the Hookers. I can’t imagine they have anyone better than Gabe or Nate, and I strongly doubt they have anyone better than Tom R. or Ariel. But part of that skill advantage is probably negated by speed and enthusiasm, as every time I’ve watched the Hookers I can tell their guys are into it and solid players. Still, heavy advantage to the Kills.

Woman- Advantage Hookers. Great, more dirty looks from Meg. Meg it’s not you, it’s them. Everyone knows Tiffany and Sarah are great, but the other girls might be just as good. Hold on while I ask Cro their names. Jenna, Lizzie, Kat and Eleni. Jenna is like a mini-Ryann, great passer prob should shoot more. Eleni is probably the most underrated girl in the league, as she’s not well known, but maybe in the top 5. 

However like the Hooker men, the FK ladies are no slouch. They are led by veteran Roxy who prob won’t show to the game, but if she does, she’s a cardio beast who is always in the right place. Meg is young, impetuous, and sneaky/manipulative. She knows why. She’s also excellent at hockey and I’m very glad to have her on my Feasterville team. Nicole can outlift most guys (though not Hicks, Elly or myself) and Sheena’s a jerk, but also good at hockey.

Goalies- Advantage Hookers (but it’s not by much). Both Barch and Dustin have BTSH Championship rings under their pillows. I’m not sure if either goalie are where they were 5-years ago at their peak. I mean they’re prob not. But both are still real good. But Dustin gets the edge because he does crossfit, looks like the Gaslight Anthem’s leading singer Brian Fallon and is slightly better at hockey. 

Prediction: My gut says Hookers, but my writing says Fresh Kills. I mean if they have all their big guys how could they lose? I may regret this but I’m changing my pick. FK 3- Hookers 1. 

12. Mega Touch at 4. Rehabs

By Charlotte

Rehabs: 12W, 3L, 3OTL // 52GF, 22GA, 30Diff

Mega: 9W, 8L, 2OTL // 33GF, 42GA, -9Diff

Rehabs have the lowest number of goals against in the league and second highest goal differential – both extremely impressive and quite frightening for any team facing up against them in the playoffs.

Mega, has done pretty well this year and have proven they can show up to just about any game and give you a run for your money. They secured their shot at the playoff madness by knocking out Gut Rot (after losing to them in OT a few weeks earlier) and knowing these players, will work their butts off to get the W.

Both teams are smart and have players with the ability to put it in if you give them the chance. Rehabs are across the roster an extremely sound team and have all the reasons to head into playoffs confidently against any team they face. But they are also very aware, that any team in BTSH now poses a threat and they’ll have to keep that in mind when facing off against Mega. Mega is coming off scoring 5 goals in their most recent game and will have to bring this scoring prowess to the Rehabs if they want their chance at winning.

Prediction: Mega: 1, Rehabs: 3