2019 Sweet Sixteen Previews – Part 2

11. Fuzz at 6. Filthier

By Charlotte

Fuzz: 10W, 7L, 1OTL  // 21Points, 48GF, 42GA, 6diff

  • Losses: WTP, Rehabs, CKai, Lbs, Butchers, Filthy, Biters, Lbs

Filthy: 13W, 5L, 0 OTL // 26Points, 53GF, 31GA, 22diff

  • Losses: Fuzz, Lbs, Rehabs, Lbs, Rehabs

In this corner:

Fuzz – defending champions, sitting in seat #11 this year. They have scored a lot but have also let in near as many goals.

Filthy – their goals for and goals against differential evidences why they’re sitting where they are in the rankings.

Fuzz and Filthy have faced off twice these year and each took away a win making this a very exciting match up. Filthy has put up an impressive number of goals and their defense, and most notably, Tim K have done their job to keep their goals against and number of losses low. Fuzz, despite being in seat #11 has put up a total number of goals consistent with the teams who finished in the top half (which Fuzz almost made, but got seated at #11 just behind Cobra-Kai due to a head-to-head tiebreaker rule). Fuzz’s scoring power will keep them in this game.

Players to watch:

Fuzz: Ryan – strong defensive player.

Filthy: Tim K – arguable one of the top goalies in the league. He will be difficult to score against!


Fuzz – nobody wants to see that championship celebration again.

Filthy – 100%.

Prediction: Fuzz: 1, Filthy: 2

18. Dark Rainbows at 1. LBS, Inc.

By Richiehero

In this corner:

The Rainbows making it to the Round of 16 two improbable years in a row. 

The Lbs. The #1 seed. The franchise with 3 championships. Unquestionably, the most talented men in the league and it’s not that close. When you can make a case that Jake is your 3rd best player, holy fucking hell. 

Dominant narrative: If there was a betting line, the Lbs. would be giving 4, maybe 5, maybe 6. Simply put, the league thinks the Lbs. are going to levy more atrocities on the Rainbows, than the Patriarchy have done to Amy. 

Players to watch: The Demons goalie. Casca is in net for the Rainbows and if they are to have any chance, he’s going to have to have the game of his life.    

Boylan. No, I’m not one of these media types who picks a random girl and pretends like she’s better than Luke. You all make me sick. But Boylan is one of the top fore-checkers in league, which is a little tilting because she has no idea what a fore-check even is. No offense. 

Bandwagonability: What does this even mean? I don’t like this, I think it’s dumb. So I’m changing it.

Can the Rainbows actually win? Yes. Here’s how. Don’t try to score. Seriously. Get the ball, don’t play with it so their great D can pick it off. Just dump the fucking ball. Then chase, but when you see they have control, run back as fast as you can. Unless you have 10 feet of freedom, dump that ball. Keep the game 0-0 for as long as possible, and then with 3 minutes left, hopefully Cat scores her second biggest goal of her life. 

Rainbows, there is a path for you to win this game, but you got to believe in yourself, stay hyped and play harder than the Lbs, sans Boylan.

If the Rainbows actually win, will this be the biggest upset in BTSH history? 100 (Did I do that right, Jess?)

9. Poutine Machine at 8. Instant Karma

By The Meatbox

One year after meeting in the round of 16, we have Karma and Poutine meeting up again in the same exact round. You know what they say about death, taxes, and Karma vs Poutine playoff matches…

My sources tell me that there are no major injuries on either side so the rosters should be full. Well, with the exception of the Trembles, who were overheard saying “manf**kit we’re going to Nantucket.” #justwhitegirlthings

Dan “he can take you higher” Creeden and Isaac “stop calling me Hemsworth” Stewart will have their hands full in this one as Poutine looks to up the tempo and play at a breakneck pace. Expect to see a lot of SBJ sprinting up and down the courts, possibly with 0 regard for the safety of others or his own body whatsoever, in an effort to generate chances for the team many once thought would finish well above the 9 seed. Don’t sleep on former Ronkonkoma Condo 1 day contract signee Mike M either. If him and SBJ get into a groove, it’s going to be a long day for everyone’s favorite team in teal.

Meanwhile, Poutine may not have the defenders of Karma, but they do have “the dick.” No, that isn’t a new, super lame nickname for B Sullivan, but a reference to their all-world goaltender, who still somehow remains one of the bigger secrets in BTSH. I expect Derek to get no less than his usual 8-9 chances in this one with Dickie being up to the task. In order for Karma to win, they’re going to need Stabel, Scory or Sara L #slehgurlsleh to get involved early and often.

Prediction: These two teams are super evenly matched which led to them tying the season series 1-1. Last year, Jerome ruined Karma’s upset bid when he decided to play soccer during the shootout. This year, a rising Karma squad will avenge that loss, sending Poutine back to their offseason home, the 13 th Step. Karma 3, Poutine 1.

17. Sky Fighters at 2. Gouging Anklebiters

written by JW

In this corner: Gouging Anklebiters, sans Probert.

Dominant narrative: I considered not mentioning that Probert cannot make the game this week, but then look at how long it took me to mention it. Unfortunately, it was something that could not be ignored. That said, the Biters are still are a great team. They are a mix of young, fresh talent with wily veterans. They have managed to win a ton this year, even when a few key pieces were missing. When I joined the league this team consistently finished in 19th or 20th place. For me to see them as #2 is shocking, but welcome. I am just here as a fan, enjoying the ride. 

Player to watch: Craig. This run has been approximately 20 years in the making for him. 

Bandwagonability: Incredibly high. They’ve added some serious hockey firepower, but have always stayed true to their roots.


In this corner: Sky Fighters

Dominant narrative: “Their players always get poached”. Booooooring. We know this already. Let’s actually look at the team. Their new players are young and fast (I feel like I say that a lot), but at the beginning of the season they were not gelling together. However, the last few games of the regular season they exploded. I am not sure if they added a few new people midway through the season, or if they started to gel, but SOMETHING happened. We beat them 8-0 early in the season, only for them to come back and shock us 6-2 late in the season. In addition to some other late season wins, they knocked off Math in the opening round. They’ll be looking to prove they are the real deal in this one. 

Player to watch: The dude I don’t know who wears a maroon cap. 

Bandwagonability:  Pretty high. There is certainly no reason to dislike them, but also we don’t know a lot of their new players. However, with Stein, Infanti, Caroline, and Mia on the team, the answer will always be high. 

Prediction: If the Biters get bounced from the Round of 16 in his absence I fear Probert may do something to harm himself or others. So, hopefully that doesn’t happen. Biters 4, SF 2.

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