Let’s get Schlitzy!!!

Gut Rot vs. What The Puck

written by JW

In this corner: Gut Rot

Dominant narrative: They don’t win a lot of games. Also, they’re the fun team. 

These things are both true. However, Captain Diane DID win at trivia the other night. Someone who shall remain nameless had a lot to do with this victory because there was a classic horror films round, but I digress. Nicely put, this game is a mismatch. (It’s the top seed vs. the bottom seed matchup.) This doesn’t mean Gut Rot cannot win. I suspect they are looking ahead to Halloween festivities more so than thinking about hockey, however I do know that they love The Schlitz. So, heck, let’s all get a good seat for this one. 

Player to watch: Whoever is between the pipes. Will it be Sam, their regular goalie? He didn’t make a lot of games this year. Will it be #GoalieBecca? Will they have no goalie and pull some rando off the street who was walking by eating a slice of pizza and looking wondrously at the courts? Man I hope so. 

Bandwagonability: You know the answer to this. As I’ve always said, Gut Rot are the team that everyone loves to love.

In this corner: What The Puck

Dominant narrative: “They’re probably going to beat Gut Rot”. 

Yeah, yeah, yeah – we know that this is the top vs. bottom seed. We also know that What The Puck finished #5 overall this season, including an impressive 10 or so game win streak (probably the longest win streak in 3rd division history?). However, the Pucks have lost their last 2 games coming into this one, and a source texted me that the Gut Rot/Pucks game this season was a close game. (Can someone check the score of that one for me? Feeling pretty lazy right now.) So, will it be upset city in this one? Political pundits are stating that the potential is there, though it is still unlikely. Why are political pundits commenting on street hockey games, you ask? This is BTSH, nothing surprises me anymore. 

Player to watch: Hogg. Always Hogg. 

Bandwagonability: They’re a nice team who had a very impressive season, seemingly out of nowhere. We like them a lot, however, let’s be honest – there are probably underdogs who you’d rather see win The Schlitz. 

Prediction: No prediction from me as I’ll be reffing this game. Wait, shit, Isaac, I don’t seriously have to ref, do I? I know I agreed to help you organize The Schlitz but I have never reffed a game in my life and I was hoping to keep that streak going throughout my entire career.

Tompkins Square Riots v Mega Touch

By Isaac

In this corner: the tenacious Riots of Tompkins Square Park

Dominant narrative: will Dave GDR finally get the ring that he so deserves?  Dave has been a fixture in net for the Riots and BTSH for several years (perhaps even the life of the franchise).  He’s done it all from making big saves, earning shutouts, getting honored as a Star of the Week, and bankrupting Vegas sportsbooks.  Could this be his time?  We sure hope so.

Player to watch: Katie.  She possesses that rare ability to keep the ball invisibly tethered to her blade while keeping her head up.  Each Sunday she puts on a clinic about the fundamentals of ball hockey.  Watch her.

Bandwagonability: oh, it’s up there.  Higher than Chadwick is tall.

In this corner: the mighty Mega Touch of Prospect Heights

Dominant narrative: can this team that is comprised of loveable hooligans repeat as Schlitz Cup champs?  Last year they went on an improbable run in the tournament where they upset the favored Dark Rainbows in the Final.  If they want to relive the glory then they’ll need to get past a thirsty Riots team first.

Player to watch: I’ll give you two – Tasha and Nate.  Tasha has filled in seamlessly along the blueline this year making Shelly’s absence unnoticeable.  Nate’s skill set and versatility have been a pleasant addition to an already resilient squad. 

Bandwagonability: it’s about as high as one shoulder shrug.

Prediction: it is Dave’s time.  The Riots run rampant on Mega and move on the Semi-Final.

Sky Fighters vs. Dark Rainbows

written by JW

In this corner: Sky Fighters

Dominant narrative: “They are underrated.” 

I’ve been hearing this a lot lately. They did get some impressive wins at the end of the season, and then knocked out Math in the opening round. Unfortunately, this all culminated in them having a rough go against the #2 seed Biters in the Round of 16. They will be looking to avenge that loss and show that they are a contender in this tournament. Or maybe they’ll just be looking to drink beers and sift through old baseball cards after the game? (Remember that, Infanti?! And Mia!) 

Player to watch: Stein. He’s a hell of a competitor, and with a trophy on the line, look for him to shine in net. 

Bandwagonability:  Somewhere below Gut Rot but above Mega (because Mega won last year).

In this corner: Dark Rainbows

Dominant narrative: “They’re the League Sweethearts.” “They have some really good new players you might not know.” “Their roster is SO ridiculously huge, how does anybody even get any playing time on that team??” (Just me on this last one?)

This is the middle seed matchup of the Schlitz. This typically means it could go either way (if I understand sports?) and, in fact, this is the hardest game for me to call. My initial instinct was that the Rainbows will come in hungry and leave as winners, but, again….the Sky Fighters are underrated. Also, Tia is finally back from her book tour in Europe so this will be a big help to the Bows. The Rainbows played a very sound game against a very strong Lbs team, if they keep up that style of play they will move on to the next round. 

Player to watch: Yetter and Tarny. Their one-two punch may just be too much for the mighty Fighters.

Bandwagonability:  Incredibly high. The League Sweethearts are very excited about The Schlitz and their opportunity to hoist a trophy. We here at the Media love this team and can’t say it enough. Despite all her faults, even Jessica is not without her charms. 

Prediction: I really wanna say Rainbows, but since I correctly predicted every single game in the Round of 16 I have to go with my gut. The Rainbows are REALLY not going to like this, but…3-2, Sky Fighters. On second thought, no, I can’t blemish my perfect record. The Rainbows win this one. Something like 4-2.