12. Gremlins v 2. Gouging Anklebiters

By Jess

In the hand pass heard round the world*, the Gremlins blanked WTP and stonewalled their 10 game winning streak while simultaneously destroying their playoff dreams. While the reffing calls of a week ago are neither here nor there, the Gremlins won’t be so “lucky” this time and will have to bring it against the #2 team in the league. Speaking of luck, Walker is sidelined yet again due to injury in a game where his defensive skills are greatly needed. If Jamie can have another shutout it would be v much appreciated but like, no pressure at all Jamie!!!! It’s important to note that last game they were missing Walker and Rockoff. If the Salt Boyzzz return in full fighting form this game might be closer than I originally thought. 

*side note, does anyone else picture Walker as the evil emperor from Star Wars who says “good, let the hate flow through you” whilst everyone was getting pissed about the hand pass call?

The Biters decimated the Sky Fighters 7-1 last week and that was without Probie (who was busy getting inducted into his high school lacrosse hall of fame IT’S TRUE YOU CAN FACT CHECK ME ON IT). The narrative is always Biters + Probie but I think last week’s game showed just how much of a well oiled machine this team really is. They’ve all played together for quite some time and have a good mix of new blood, with a veteran goalie. I would say their “weakest” point is their defense, which will match up nicely against the feisty offense of the Gremlins. 

Key Matchup: Erich v Probie- this tough because Erich, as you all know, is my best friend but I’ll still stick with Probie on this one nabbing 2 goals to Erich’s 1.

Prediction: Biters 4, Gremlins 1.

#14 Fresh Kills at #1 LBS, Inc. (Tompkins West, 15:00/3pm)

By Jerome

As a player whose team had high expectations and sadly bowed out too early to fathom, I write this with a somewhat salty demeanor—but at least I’m not writing about Karma, otherwise I’d have had a go at ‘em. But fortunately, I’ve been bestowed the honor of writing a matchup between two storied franchises that have clawed tooth and nail to get to this point.

In this corner: Fresh Kills (Shirt color: Kabushiki-gaisha Sega-g?musu no korubaruto bur?)

Dominant narrative: Stickhandle, snipe, celly, repeat—this group of lads and lasses will show you the players of this game can be, in the words of A Tribe Called Quest, “smooth like butter”.

Player to watch: From their own adversary’s captain, Arya Stark: Nate—he’s younger than the wily veterans we’re used to seeing live and reading here, as well as a super nice fella (“El Sultan” adds that he’s quite good at face-offs as well). Rumor has it that he’s currently aspiring to clinch the double (the PBR Cup and perhaps a physically bigger trophy located in a NJ ball hockey league), and if so, he’ll be top contender for the 2019 Ballon d’Or(ange).

Bandwagon-ability: 5/10—this unit has been classified as elite during the Tompkins era and continues to do so despite what y’all have seen this year. A nail-biting R16 dance with the Hookers stirred up emotions on both sides for 50+ minutes, though we can say that it was Gabe’s “Eurostep” that saw them through (h/t to Filthier’s Tim K. for aptly describing the sequence). If you’re the type that likes the mind-boggling “tekkers” and highlight reel-type goals, root for Soko’s sentinels and their swagger.

In this corner: LBS, Inc. (Shirt color: Hewlett-Packard Multipurpose20 96 Bright White)

Dominant narrative: Smart, ruthless, and physical when necessary; the band flashing the Sterling makes no bones about playing the game, and the 2019 season record has thoroughly proven that.

Player to watch: Avery has been the reliable defenseman, so much so that the media outlets have taken certain actions to bring this man to the spotlight; offense isn’t the only reason why this first-place outfit boasted a +29 goal differential in the campaign.

Bandwagon-ability: 7/10—I would personally root for this team just to see the success and brightness of a certain individual who has endured through a lot in life but has still decided to give her time to this league: Hilary/Hil-dawg/Larry. The kind of quality she brings to LBS, Inc. as well as having witnessed her development as a teammate for Poutine—she’s been resilient. Mega Touch might have given Hilary and her mates a run for their money in the R16 bout last week, but just as go-getters in the city do, LBS seal the deal urgently and efficiently. Who doesn’t like efficiency?

Prediction: To my knowledge, there isn’t any bad blood in this clash, but both sides are hell-bent on advancing and will certainly exhibit it in their own ways. Fresh Kills will make the meeting full of emotion, whereas the leading figures in LBS will encourage the team to keep its composure given the stakes are a tad higher. Talented women, talented goaltenders, talented pacey forwards, and talented defenses will keep the match a low-scoring, back-and-forth one. But it just could be that the rally cries of Scotty K. actually propel Roberts to employ the fatal hit on Barch Pile amidst the helter-skelter in the waning minutes of regulation. Hockey can be such a cruel sport.

11. Fuzz at 3. Rehabs

By Arya Stark

As one brilliant soul wrote just weeks ago, this matchup is just what fans of street hockey have been clamoring for.  A true rivalry game, and what basically amount to a rubber match playoff game between these teams with the Rehabs eliminating Fuzz in 2017 before Fuzz got a measure of revenge with a knockout of their own last year.  With elite players all over the place and enough storylines to fill a low-grade romance novel, this is the must see game of the week, and I say that as someone playing in one of the later elite eight games.  So on Sunday morning, after you finish your morning cup of coffee, set your fantasy lineups and take your hype shits (if you’re Hicks), head on down to Tompkins at noon to see what should be an all out war with a final four berth on the line.

Forwards: The Rehabs will be missing arguably their best player in AMay, a massive blow to this forward group.  Hicks has been solid all season though and with Fuzz lobbying him all week about the schedule, look for him to come out angry the way he did that time he scored four goals against them.  The Habs have also got some quality players who don’t get as much hype: Hot Kyle, Dr Beta and new addition Matt who is coming to the game with a tuxedo in tow so he can change right after and go direct to a wedding (no word on how he’s planning on spending the day at a civilized wedding while reeking of hockey equipment but whatever).  Fuzz, meanwhile, will be missing Miles but they’ll still have Jeff, Mike T, Sig and Gil.  Ryann also looked great last week and always loves playing against Cherie; that matchup will be a fun one to watch as this game progresses.

EDGE: Fuzz

Defense: Sena and Carlin are one of the best 1-2 punches on D in the league but how healthy either of them are is up for debate.  Seb was also hurt for much of the season but is back from a hamstring injury and looking like his old self again.  Fuzz, meanwhile, is rarely mentioned as a defensive powerhouse in BTSH and will face extra adversity with Hughes presumed out for this one.  Without him, Walsh, Vlad and Rich will have to keep pace with a fast and talented Rehabs forward unit.  Andrea has been great all season but she’s probably not going to play the entire game.  She’s going to need to be superhuman to shut down all the high powered ladies in black, and when she’s on the sidelines the Habs should have the clear edge in possession.

EDGE: Rehabs

Goaltending: A classic battle between two of the top netminders in the league.  In one corner, Eric is the ultimate competitor in net and a seasoned tournament goalie.  In the other corner, Timmy doesn’t get nearly as much press but is just as capable of stealing a game.  Both will be tested early and often and in a game where one team has an edge up front and the other on D, goaltending could be the swing factor which decides the game.

EDGE: Even

Intangibles: There’s a sneaky good chance that the winner of this game will make it to the championship as these are undoubtedly two of the best teams left in the playoffs (sorry D3 teams, but it’s just not the same as playing a D1 schedule week in and week out).  I give the Rehabs the edge in intangibles because they’ve been playing at a much higher level for most of the season but particularly in the last month.  Also, as we wrote in the Dinner Check Week Previews, so much of games like this comes down to a simple question: who wants it more?  And while Fuzz is nothing if not super competitive, they just got their championship last season and (assuming the pregame injury report is accurate) will be missing two top players rather than just one.  Fuzz will play hard against their biggest rival, especially after all the controversy over scheduling this week, but I just don’t see the unit as a whole matching the intensity that Cherie and Hicks are sure to bring into this one.  I’ve spoken to both of them about this matchup.  They are ready.

EDGE: Rehabs

Prediction: Fuzz finally got over the hump and eliminated the Rehabs last season, but something’s been a bit off in Fuzz Nation all season long – call it malaise, call it a championship hangover, call it whatever you want but it’s not quite the same vibe around this team as last year when they were still pissing some people off but at least winning a ton of games in the process.  This season has been far more trying for the defending champs and considering no team has repeated in the modern era, I don’t see them bucking the trend this year.  Hicks has repeatedly told me that “kings do king shit,” and this is a good a stage as any for a hero to step up.  The question is, who will be that hero?  This game is sure to be fast paced, competitive and, knowing these teams, probably a bit chippy, but I see the Habs making just one or two more plays and translating it into a tight, skin-of-their-teeth victory.  Assuming the injury report I’ve received is accurate, I give the Rehabs about 60% to win this game – let’s say the score will be 3-2.  If Miles and Hughes show up last minute (and AMay remains out), however, this game becomes a true coin-flip with the most likely outcome probably being another OT.  Buckle up people.  Sunday will be here before you know it.

10. Cobra Kai v 8. Instant Karma

By Jess

The Dojo scraped by with a shootout win against the Demons last week thanks some serious goalie help from Max. CK has a slight edge in terms of talented males for this matchup and an even playing field for female talent with LJ, Dani and Sienna. TBD on who’s in net for them this week but as always it seems to be the difference maker for this team. While nothing has changed from last year’s team who made it to the finals (apart from the loss of Campbell), there’s a few things not fully clicking. If CK has their confidence back on track then we’re in for a game.

Karma has the opposite of a goalie issue as Steve has been incredibly solid in net and helped them clinch a tenacious battle against Poutine 3-1 (and that was without the Trembles). This was also the first time in my long and illustrious 2 year BTSH career I saw *the angry side of Isaac* appear. Did anyone mention that Derrick is handsome and good at hockey yet? No? Fired up Isaac on defense + handsome and good at hockey Derrick + also good at hockey Matt + also good at hockey Trembles & Sarah= a tough day for The Dojo.

Key Matchup: Will G vs Derrick- both are fast and hungry for goals, one has an incredibly cute dog, the other has a higher PPG according the ever-accurate BTSH 2018 stats page. I’ll take Will in this matchup to REALLY MIX THINGS UP.

Prediction: A scoreless first half but Karma is on a hot streak and will pull away in the second half with a 2-0 win.