From the daily archives: "Tuesday, September 4, 2018"

The BTSH season is coming to a close and that means its playoff extra tournament time! Post HockeyBeach, and another anti-climactic Shortis win in Ocean City, there is a ladies tournament coming in hot on September 15th to our very own Rockaway Beach. It’s aptly named Hock-away, and that pun is probably the best gag in this entire article (not to mention the TVM – time value of media, not money – is so low given the timing of this post anyways), so you might as well just stop reading here, after signing up, of course: here ladies.

Speaking of September tournaments, Cuba Gooding Jr made an appearance at one of inaugural JW invitational committee members’ birthdays this long weekend!

Scrap the Panik at the Disco expansion franchise ideas…Cuba and Justin have a bid in for an Old Baes Sauce team for 2019.


On to the box scores…


Week 17

Week 9 

Demons 3 @ Poutine 2 (F/OT)

Demons – Miles S (5), Josh Bash Brosen x2 (5)

Goalie Win – Hector $h0wT!m3 Melendez via FA

Poos – Nic H (2), TJ via Half Price Hamilton Tix (1)

Goalie OT Loss – Peter Parker via Air Canada

Game Notes: Teams were finally able to finish their game from earlier in the season…but of course they found a way to rain out their later one.

Quick Shifts: If you accidentally cross the Ottawa river from the Quebec side (in the case you are older than 18 and don’t need need to hang in Dirty Hull), Zak’s Diner has a poutine with enough smoked meat on it to match Cat’s Beef Beat (goes well with a large glass of chocolate milk too).

Which seats are best for poaching “Hamilton” players?


Week 17

Riots 1 @ Pucks 3

Riots – David F (4)

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR (2-11-1, GAA of a fallen basic beach)

Pucks – Justin (5), Sam McI (2), Steve T (1)

Goalie Win – Zac “back in my country there is no 18 yard box at and below the faceoff dots to cover the” Ball Hogg (2-0-0, GAA of a rapper)

Game Notes: When Izzy predicts us to lose, we usually win. It’s the guy on the left (James Duthie) effect, just like when he picked the Sabres to beat the Sens in the 2007 East Finals just because of his prognostication tendency to pick the Sens in playoff series they’d end up losing (which is/was at a Capitals like rate back in that era….sigh)


Hookers 2 @ Fuzz 4

Hookers – Tiff (6), TJ via Full Price Hamilton Tix (4)

Goalie Loss – Eitan via LemmeGoalie5Eva

Fuzz – Mike Teyt (21), Paul x3 (4)

Goalie Win – Coach (13-1-1, GAA of 2.27)

Game Notes: If only it was the Richard era and Fuzz could have given all of Paul’s goals to Teets. Unlike Gordie, Teets has earned his previous scoring championships. (Hopefully that last line didn’t trigger HICKSY like all my unassisted tucks at #HockeyBeach2018)


Rut Rot 2 @ Cobra Kai 4

RR – Heather A (1), Tommy C (3)

Goalie Loss – Goalie Ed (4-9-0, GAA of yes since Ed is now a mofo teammate and took over my goalie spot on Thints for 2018 he’ll continue to be lightly roasted- I’m not going to sit here and pump his tires)

CK – Big Russ x2 (4), JJ (3), Will G (7)

Goalie Win – Campbell (11-0-2, GAA of 1.16)

Game Notes: Good thing we play sneaker hockey and not sneaker footy because there were two own goals shared between both teams…I could not imagine the travesty of two players not getting awarded the goals they (did not) rightfully score (as they get recorded as OG’s in futbol). #FirstWorldBallHockeyProblems

Quick Shifts: Ed was in form again after a Luongo-in-Florida-before-Vancouver-like-40-save-4+-Goals-Against effort against Fuzz in Week 16 and followed it up with another valiant effort which included a Nabby-before-choking-for-the-millionth-time-against-the-Avs-on-that-Dan-Boyle-own-goal-on-the-reverse-chunked-in-the-net-in-OT like save in this game.


Pounds 2 @ Filthier 1

Pounds – ScottyK (19), Jake C (5)

Goalie Win – a light sizzle (10-3-2, GAA of 1.80)

Filthier – OP James (14)

Goalie Loss – Tim K (12-5-0, GAA of 1.89)

Game Notes: Luke was denied a Cheechoo like effort to break the deadlock in the second half as he drove to the net a la Brendan Gallagher (you Americans think of….Chris Kreider) and the play was null on a crease violation. However on the subsequent inbound Los Blancos turned over the ball in from the side and Chapsy snipped top corns and that was all she wrote as Pounds iced it in another peculiarly highly physical defensive outing. But since it was a playoff like affair both refs swallowed their whistles (and then their pride after the game).


Karma 0 @ Gremlins 2

Goalie Loss – Steve F (5-7-1, GAA of 3.23)

Gremlins – Rod S (3), Iannis T (2)

Goalie Shutout Win: Jamie the Original Varsity Warrior B (9-5-2, GAA of 2.19)

Game Notes: Walker wasn’t texting me all week saying he played horribly so he must have been…at least even on the day plus-minus wise.

Quick Shifts: Prior to the Week 13 rain out, Gremlins had points in 7 straight games, which included a 6 game win streak, but recently had a 3 game skid before righting the ship with a big southeast 3 Katz division win. Will it be enough in time for the playoffs? Of course not, there will be one game in a month prior to the Round of 16, what team is going to be feeling it come that extra unnecessary week off, eh?


Poutine 0 @ Demons 0 – PPD slip’n’slide-oot

Game Notes: With 9 and a half minutes left in the first half, everyone but Rubens wanted the game stopped as the teams had played one full game on the day and thought it better than playing more JW would get to over the next few weeks while he was OOO (as the office is clearly anything comprising a black top rink).

That puddle…tis just another defender to shoot the ball in off of/screen the goalie for you.


Fresh 9 @ Butchers 3

FK – Gabe x3 (10), Roxy (1), Frank x2 (3), Tom x2 (6), Soko (7)

Goalie Win – Barch (8-3-1, GAA of an abnormally high subway fare)

Butchers – Dana (3), SUPER Dave (4), Pete D’A (4)

Goalie Loss – Tim Brk (3-6-1)

Game Notes: Has Frank played 5 games?


Sky Fighters 4 @ REEEEEEEhabs 7

SKY – Joseph not W x2 (2), Katie S (5), Joe W (8),

Goalie Loss – OG James (4-9-1, GAA of 3.28)

‘habs – Sena (2), Alex WM x2 (10), Hicksy (6), Mo (5), Cherie (9), Buffalo Zach G via WTP (2)

Goalie Win – Hector $h0wT!m3 Melendez (3-1, GAA of a normal subway fare)

Game Notes: Cherie was prepping for OC by getting her Cherie picking on.


Math 4 @ ‘biters 5

Math – Josh Wilson x2 via Left Wing Rainbow Poaching (FA), Bradley S (3), Jon M (9)

Goalie Loss – Liang (3-9)

GANK – Chris B (5), Caroline MB (2), Joe P (7), Probie (19), Nolan “Patrick” (1)

Goalie Win – Jamie B via Approved League Sub?

Game Notes: Does Probert care (about the scoring race)? I have screenshots which MAY or may not confirm in the affirmative.


Dank-bows 5 @ Mega 4 (F/SO)

‘bows – Josh W Not Wilson Wagner (1), Dan C via FA, Kat “Dragon” C (2), Yetter (7)

Goalie Win – David #MyHotLegs2018 G. (4-9-0, GAA of 3.29)

Shootout Winner – Yetter for almost another two goal effort

Mega – Jeff B (9), Alok G (7), Max T (2), Joe L (4)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Mike T (5-8-2, GAA of 2.93)

Game Notes: I wonder where Yetter picked up the lose-the-ball-and-score -in-the-shootout-for-the-winner move and the chirpy fourth division behaviour….couldn’t have been from any of his new mofo teammates I’m sure.

Quick Shifts: Don’t look now (actually, I had to look at my goalie tracking figures to realize….) the ‘bows have 3 straight wins and could make that streak as many as 5 depending on how the rest of their games on 9/9 go.

Peanuts: Yes, Julie; “What the Puck won anyways”. We can flip the division names around next year, post Week 18 goal differential pending….if you please.


Butchers 4 @ Kills 6

Butchers – Pete D’A x2 (6), SUPER Dave (5), Hey Arnold S (1)

Goalie Loss – Tim Brk (3-7-1)

FK – Tom x2 (8), Nick S (7), Ariel (9), Gabe (11)

Goalie Win – Barch (9-3-1, GAA of 2.62)

Game Notes: Has Tom played 5 games?


Week 17 (and #HB2018) in Tweets

These are totally not Week 17 related #DoubleClick

If the 2018 BTSH playoffs were to start today (or this Sunday), here’s how the match-ups would look based on the current standings. And while we’re at it, let’s go ahead and predict the whole thang. And…we’re off!

Opening Round

20. Tompkins Square Riots at 13. Mega Touch
Prediction: Classic southeast division match-up that favors Alok and Mega as they swept Dave and the Riots this year.  Having said that, defeating a team three times in one season hasn’t been done since Karma crossed the Elves arms over their chest and put them to permanent rest in 2015.  Still, we like Mega 3-1.

19. Dark Rainbows at 14.  Butchers
Prediction: Well, it was a good run for Katherine C and the Rainbows during the second half of the season, but it ends here.  Creamy, MDF and the Butchers have so much pent up frustration that the Rainbows will be left walking funny for a week.  Butchers move on 9-0.

18. Gut Rot at 15. Denim Demons
Prediction: History suggests that Josh and the Demons should cake walk through this one (and they’ve been playing better lately too), but Peaches and Gut Rot are known to pull an upset out of their rear.  Even though GR has the edge in goaltending (no offense) the Demons will win 3-2.

17. Sky Fighters at 16. Mathematics
Prediction: What an unfortunate way for Math to end a miserable season, but perhaps it is for the best.  Despite the veteran savvy of Justin, Amy and Brad, the young guns on the Sky Fighters will be too much for them.  Carlin, James, and Matt move on to the Round of 16, 4-3. [Continue Reading…]